otherlover Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Ok i was wondering if any of you believed in bad karma because i am in a relationship with a married man...but ever since i started things with him...my parents marriage has started to fall apart. They have been married for almost 25 years and i always thought that they had the perfect marriage. Right before christmas my parents came home from a christmas party and my mother (a little drunk) told me that she was leaving and that my father asked her to leave. I started bawling my eyes out and asked her why. she said because she was inlove with another man. She told me this whole story about her reconnecting from an old boyfriend from high school and how he told her that after all these years, he is still in love with her. Now she feels that she is too and even tho she loves my father, she cant help but wonder how her life would be with this old bf. Im sorry, but if this man was really in love with her, he wouldnt have moved from ny to california and not come back for her. he went and got married but divorced and then finds my mother throught classmates.com and tells her that he loves her?? Im sorry but that sounds like bull to me. If he really loved her he would have found her years ago. Now he is trying to end my parents marriage so he can have her. My mother is seeing a therapist to get throught this but it kills me to see my father like this. He is completly heartbroken and when ever i think that they might be ok, i see her on her phone texting this man. how do i know she is texting him, because i was a little sneaky and looked through her messages, she had one from an unadded number that said good morning honey im sending you some love for the day. Just tonight i saw her in there. I dont know what to do?? And i want to get throught to her but i dont know how!! help!
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 My advice is ... Put yourself in the shoes of you MM's wife. Imagine her crying and being upset like your father. And ofcourse, the guilt and confusion your mom must be feeling right now. After SO many years of marriage, some feelings got stirred up in your mom. The other man got her attention. Lust, crush like feelings, not LOVE. Real love is what your parents have. A life, a family and a history together. I hope through therapy and marriage counselling your folks can make it work again. Though it sounds like your father may be old fashioned and not able to work things out. Be prepared for the worst outcome, hope for the best. I do hope that you think about your own situation right now. Consider ending it and being with a single man who will love JUST you and noone else will be hurt because of your love for eachother. Good luck.
newbby Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 i don't know about karma, but it is an opportunity to look again at your situation in a new light. if it is making you feel bad, then don't do it.
Author otherlover Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 The thing with ending it with my mm is that we work together and seeing him everyday after what we had would hurt too much. I go back and forth with ending things or just keeping them the way they are but i hate whats going on with my parents. everytime we talk about ending things, it always ends with us getting closer and it hurts even more. we even spent our first night together a couple of days ago.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Then maybe it's time to consider a new job. I know it's not fair to have to leave your job, but if you want a life and want to get married, have kids of your own one day it is something you have to consider. You will never be able to be with someone else as long as he is part of your life this way. I wish you hadn't been intimate with him, that really is going to make things harder for you.
THX2000 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I am truly amazed when someone gets involved with someone that is committed and tries to justify it. I know this will sound harsh but who are you to criticize this guy that is now involved with your mother? He is an idiot no doubt but you are doing the same thing to someone else's wife! The fact that you are even bringing up karma should tell you that what you are doing is wrong and completely unhealthy emotionally for you. After all, what kind of a jerk cheats in the first place? Is that something you will condone if he actually ever leaves the wife? Will he do the same to you? Don't you deserve someone better than that? Trust your conscience and you will do the right thing.
JayKay Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I don't believe in karma, per se.... But I do think life works in interesting ways. Here you are in a OW/MM relationship, which you obviously enjoyed enough to continue. I'm sure you had many thoughts about your actions, probably questioned yourself to a certain degree, but were always able to justify your actions. You may have even imagined a confrontation with the wife, where you calmly and rationally explained why your MM and you should be together and why the marriage was over between the two of them. Funny, isn't it, when life shows you the flip side of things. Now you are on the other end, where you witness the heartbreak, the devastation and wreakage that can occur. Trust me, you MM and his wife are somebody's parents, family members, parents. Somewhere, somebody will be watching just what you're watching now.....the emotional pain that others go through when infidelity is discovered. There's not much you can do about your parents except to be supportive. The only person you can change is yourself. And you can choose to live a more positive life, if you wish.
EMJ Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 That word is completely overused and most people don't really know what it means. It has more to do with reincarnation and the next life. I'm studying Buddhism so that concept is very well explained in the context of the religion in which it originated. What you are talking about is energy. The "your reap what you sow", "what goes around comes around" sort of thing that I believe is 100% true, but it's not Karma. Anyway, your actions have nothing to do with your parents results. They make their own decisions and there is really nothing you can do to change their situation. It should serve as a lesson to you about the destructive nature of extramariltal affairs. See what it's doing to your family? You may be playing a big role to doing that to someone else's family. That's your message and your lesson. The pain you feel, and that hatred & hostility you feel towards the man your mother was with, is something that will be directed to you if your affair is discovered. Do you really want to be part of that? Because you already are -Think about it.
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