The Prototype Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 A friend of my ex forwaded me an email she sent her and two other girls. The friend is sympathetic to me and how I got treated. My ex GF (she is 25, but VERY immature) was asking for advice about this new guy she had started dating. I broke up with her on October 7th, and she was crushed. We had broken up once before earlier this year, and she went to see a therapist to deal with things. We were pretty serious, and had talked of marriage, etc. I broke up with her over some things I found out she had hidden in oru past breakup (she started dating a guy from work the NEXT DAY after she dumped me.) This time 4 days after I broke up with her, she started dating this guy she ran into at school (old friend from high school). I, even though I was the dumper, felt like the last thing I wanted to do was rebound, and hurt myself or someone else. So the fact she'd jump in 4 days later was hurtful. I spoke to her in mid november, and all she would say was "I really burned her, I really burned her..." I BURNED HER? Please, all I wanted was honesty. Anyway, the gist of her email to her friends was this: "Hi girls, I wanted to get some advice from you guys, I know this is kind of crazy. I don't know what to say, but things are just going pretty fast with Jeff and I. Everything is great. I know Imentioned I have been looking at houses, and Jeff has been coming with me, and I can see him moving in. Is this crazy? Jeff and I knew each other in high school, so it is easy to be comfortable and begin fall into love. Yes, I said LOVE!!! What's going on??? Am I head over heals or rushing things? Could there be a wedding in 2006??? We'll see! Hahaha" Is this normal behavior? It seems ripe with disaster potential to me. Keep in mind I don't want her back at all, but it is still hurtful to have someone just move on completely and forget you. She seems like a test cases for a bad rebound, 2 months, and talk of marriage, a house etc? Thoughts?
Geoffrey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 ...my ex already had someone else staying at the house even before i moved out a month ago (I was staying with a friend during the move because things just got so awkward between us)... Damned inconsiderate, if you ask me. Normal? Sounds like normal for a rebound! Check out the other threads about rebounds, and you can pretty well predict where things may end up.... You certainly have my compassion!
Geoffrey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 .....I am now seeing one of my ex's best friends (casually)....so i guess revenge is a dish best served cold.....
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 I had rebound feelings for someone-after 5 months of my break up-- and its not real at all-- but i guess its a phase you go through-- did she just say wedding in 2006? um talk about crazzzzzzzzzzy girl yes defiently rebound ( i think)...but youd think since she is 25, she would know her feelings well enough! oh well
Geoffrey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 .....rebounds RARELY last. If she hasn't dealt with her issues from the previous relationship with you, or if she has other life issues looming large, then those are going to be dragged right into the next relationship and will greatly impede its progress, if not finish it. I mean, why take your mess to someone else.....?
Author The Prototype Posted January 4, 2006 Author Posted January 4, 2006 Regarding her age of 25, she has the maturity of a 16 year old (no offense to anyone!) She thinks love is all you need to make a marriage work. She thinks that if every minute of a relationship isn't fun and perfect bliss, there is something wrong (has anyone every experienced this "perfect" bliss?). She has failed the Praxis teaching certification in my state 9 times!! The previous record was 3, I checked with the board of education. She isn't dumb, she just doesn't like to do hard work like study, hence her dumping me initially. Sadly, she was pretty hurt over things ending, as was I. She blames me for it, and thinks I am uncaring and unloving (because I didn't gloss over everything and take her back unconditionally...) She dumped me because finals were taking too much of my time (I am in a PhD program at Hopkins, it wasn't like I was "faking" te amount of work) She is a fool. I don't want her back, so this isn't a "whoa is me" so much, but more like a WTF, is this normal??? It is still hurtful to be cast aside this quickly though, admittedly. Very typical of a rebound, but I don't like how some people can just repress their feelings and bury everything in favor of wanting to feel good again. It is superficial, and doesn't last. It is sad to see, because not only is she rebounding, but she is thinking of going forward even further. She has said before she is ready to be married, and I think she is trying to insert this new dork in my place, since she was so close before. When we were together, she had said she would never want to live with her BF (I agreed) for various reasons. it is sad to see someone completely compromise themselves because they want to grab happiness back. Why don't they realize it won't last? I do quite well for myself dating wise, so this isn't a bruised ego thing. But I am specifically trying to avoid anything serious to protect myself and the person from latent emotions. Often, they are there, and the person doesn't even realize it. Part of me does hope she does move in with him, and gets married by the end of the year. Their combined incomes being less than half what I earn, I am sure they'll do quite fine... Morons This has disaster written all over it, IMO... As the saying goes, many people are ready to get married, but few are ready for marriage...
ashley83 Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Don't lie. You want her back and are regretting your decision, lol.
ElizabethH Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 You my friend seem to have two things going on....1. you're on the success road in life...getting a PhD...Good univerisity...obviously you're smart and talented. 2. You hooked up with a gal who isn't so bright, is insecure in ways and is obviously not very deep or experienced in life. So, ask yourself, is part of the attraction that you have to her due to being able to protect her? help her? I think you need to find a gal more at your caliber. Aim higher. She is quite troubled. You will find someone better...and you won't be a rebounder b/c you are much wiser about life than that. GOOD LUCK :-)
Author The Prototype Posted January 4, 2006 Author Posted January 4, 2006 Thanks, I admit, I tend to like feeling like the "caretaker" in relationships, which CAN lead to dating "down" a bit. Please don't take that as bad as it sounds, but you know what I mean. I would much prefer an equal, but I enjoyed taking care of this girl who needed my protection. I did her taxes. I got her started on her masters. I got her to start investing in her 403B. I wonder how long she would have waited if I hadn't kicked her in the ass a few times. Maybe I like the feeling of taking care and being the "man", who knows. But that isn't healthy. You don't want to be a spouse and a parent at the same time. I guess I just wanted validation that her actions seem "illogical", and that she is being silly by doing this. It's amazing how doubt can creep in when feelings are involved. If this was someone else's story, I'd say "wow, what a silly, naive girl." But when it is yours, you begin to question. I just wish she'd wake up and see that you can't just interchange people to accomplish your own happiness. A new boyfriend isn't going to cure her unhappiness. Marriage isn't going to cure her unhappiness. Why do people think that things will suddenly be different, when the key ingredient in all this is THAT PERSON?? Sad...
ElizabethH Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Prototype-- I think your last paragraph is remarkable. You understand everything already...a spiritual truth really...we can't interchange people and depend on them for our happiness. I truly feel sorry for the girl. Being 45 years old, I'd like to sit her down and give her a "mother-lecture". Boy, when she's my age she'll really have a lot to reflect on, but you have to grant her the opportunity to learn her life lessons. You see...you make life easy for her...with you she wouldn't have to learn such elementary life lessons. She is truly beneath you in terms of life knowledge. You are in 11th grade. She is in 2nd grade in a lifewisdom sense. You are not matching in some ways. It's not a matter of not loving each other; it's a matter of level of inner growth and life understanding. I hope that that makes sense. Now there is nothing wrong with helping someone and you've been great for her with pushing her to understand $ and get into school. You've been just great. But at this point she has things to learn that she can best learn from others. You don't want to be her dad and teach her about dignity and hardwork. Really you don't. You can meet someone who is more mature with more lifewisdom and is at least in the 9th grade! With someone at your level you will be much more satisfied ultimately. You'll have more pain to experience b/c that process can't be avoided. Love this girl's soul/spirit whatever all you want....but get on with your life. I can sense that you'll find someone whom you can lead as a man and yet also be with at the same level of integrity. SMILE!
Jadey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 That is SO a rebound thing IMHO. She's probably lieing to herself like i did with somebody else, the feelings aren't real. I always think you should take alot off time of before going back into the dateing thing. Of course i didn't practice what i preech st first But now i know. There is a guy who really really really like me and he is brilliant, but i'm not going there yet because i still love my ex. My ex started dateing some girl 3 weeks after we split up and it lasted a week And oh how i laughed. Reboundness sucks.
Author The Prototype Posted January 4, 2006 Author Posted January 4, 2006 She actually had the gall to say she is " really suprised how quickly she has fallen for this guy." she said "she never thought this would happen." Ummm, go to google.com and search for "rebound" and "relationship" and see what you get... It just sucks feeling so easily replaced, as many of us can of course relate to, even if it may be superficial. She said the reason it seems so easy to fall is because they had a history. Sincw when does dating someone for 8 months when you are fifteen count as credit towards a relationship 10 years later. If I went out with any of the girls I dated when I was in high school, even my first girlfriend, I'd be starting over today. But perhaps since she hasn't grown up much apparently since high school, it does feel the same
Jadey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 She actually had the gall to say she is " really suprised how quickly she has fallen for this guy." she said "she never thought this would happen." Ummm, go to google.com and search for "rebound" and "relationship" and see what you get... It just sucks feeling so easily replaced, as many of us can of course relate to, even if it may be superficial. She said the reason it seems so easy to fall is because they had a history. Sincw when does dating someone for 8 months when you are fifteen count as credit towards a relationship 10 years later. If I went out with any of the girls I dated when I was in high school, even my first girlfriend, I'd be starting over today. But perhaps since she hasn't grown up much apparently since high school, it does feel the same Is she like a kid? lol. I'm 17 and i think i'm SO much more mature than her ffs lol. You do realise that email was all an act don't you?
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