francis Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 hello, i'm on day 10 of total NC...it honestly felt like the best thing to do for both of us now, since we have maintained contact since we broke up in May and as long as I am still emailing him, I cannot shake the cloud that hangs over my head. I made no attempt to contact him during Christmas, simply responded to an sms he sent on Christmas eve with 'Merry Christmas to you too'. I ignored his attempt at wishing me a happy new year via email and have not made any contact since. But today a parcel arrives from him, there is no note, just a few of my favourite things from his part of the world. It's nothing extravagant, and he's hardly been banging my door down in an attempt to contact me, but I am having trouble seeing this for what it is and don't know how to read it. I also don't know whether to respond and thank him. I have a feeling he's waiting for that.
In Sync Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 hello, i'm on day 10 of total NC...it honestly felt like the best thing to do for both of us now, since we have maintained contact since we broke up in May and as long as I am still emailing him, I cannot shake the cloud that hangs over my head. I made no attempt to contact him during Christmas, simply responded to an sms he sent on Christmas eve with 'Merry Christmas to you too'. I ignored his attempt at wishing me a happy new year via email and have not made any contact since. But today a parcel arrives from him, there is no note, just a few of my favourite things from his part of the world. It's nothing extravagant, and he's hardly been banging my door down in an attempt to contact me, but I am having trouble seeing this for what it is and don't know how to read it. I also don't know whether to respond and thank him. I have a feeling he's waiting for that. This is where you decide what you want out of life. NC = No New Pain. So you accepted his package and see you are back at square 1 feeling confused. Sorry to say, but the package is B.S. (he's getting that you chose to move on and feels compelled to act. That is meant to get you to react to him.) NC is not a ploy or method of who's going to blink first..it's about healing and reassessing who and what you are. What do you want out of life and loving relationship. It is not a manipulation tool. You want to "shake the cloud over your head" maintain NC. You did 10 days during the holidays and that's commendable, because holidays are rough. Who cares what he is waiting for...by replying you'll be caught up in more contact= guessing at what's in his head and then it starts all over again. Why invite more hurt?
slubberdegullion Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Is this stuff that used to be yours and he's returning it? Or is it a package of presents?
Author francis Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 its a package of presents, snacks that he knows are my favourite, that are not available in the UK. no note, he knows i would know that the package is from him. the assumption is there.
Jadey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Please, please DO NOT CONTACt HIM!!!!!! Take it from me. I was never a big believer of NC, but then i met somebody who i was interested in after the break up and i natrually didn't bother to contact the ex anymore, and it was easy because i was happy elsewhere. But then things went cloudy with me and this guy, and on xmas day my ex texts me a "Merry Xmas" And like a fool i text himback. He then kept texting me and i would reply. I done what you are doing and read way too much into i, i thought he still lovbed me and wanted me back. But just last night i plucked up the courage to ask him what he actually wanted and it got to me asking why he done waht he done to me and him saying he can't get attached to anyone "because he's weired" So basicaly again i'm left just as confused as before and nearly as hurt. I can't say i'm "back at day one" but i am back to constantly thinking about him, hurt, and i feel emotionally nackerd! It's really just NOT worth it francis.! I felt so much better when we were in NC. And now i have told him that i want NC again. I'm sure he will be back in afew weeks/months. But i will hopefuly be strong enough to not contact. YOU CAN be strong enough too Don't give hm the time of day. So what if he sent you gifts? Ignore him. Good Luck
In Sync Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 ...I can't say i'm "back at day one" but i am back to constantly thinking about him, hurt, and i feel emotionally nackerd! It's really just NOT worth it francis.! I felt so much better when we were in NC. And now i have told him that i want NC again. I'm sure he will be back in afew weeks/months. But i will hopefuly be strong enough to not contact. YOU CAN be strong enough too I'm sorry you can't see it but you went back to square 1. To Any and All, don't underestimate the benefits of NC. Truly it's not about getting your gf/bf to notice you've stopped talking or to manipulate the ex's to respond...IT'S FOR YOUR SAKE. It's to help you deal with the emotional heartbreak by helping you maintain some level of emotional grounding while healing. It really is about your inner strength!!!
slubberdegullion Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 its a package of presents, snacks that he knows are my favourite, that are not available in the UK. no note, he knows i would know that the package is from him. the assumption is there. OK, there's a fine line I think you may have to tread here. While I'm in agreement that NC is the way to go, by accepting the gift you may have put yourself in an uncomfortable spot. Have you considered returning the gift, with a short note to say "Thanks for thinking of me, but no gift is expected" or something like that?
Jadey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 I'm sorry you can't see it but you went back to square 1. To Any and All, don't underestimate the benefits of NC. Truly it's not about getting your gf/bf to notice you've stopped talking or to manipulate the ex's to respond...IT'S FOR YOUR SAKE. It's to help you deal with the emotional heartbreak by helping you maintain some level of emotional grounding while healing. It really is about your inner strength!!! Yeah i guess you're right, i did.
Author francis Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 i think if i wanted absolutely nothing to do with him ever again, i would return it. i think i will stay silent. if in doubt, do nothing philosophy. it seems to me that not even he is sure why he is sending this to me. there is no note, no merry christmas or new year wishes. i'm not going to read anything more into it. NC has worked for me so far. It is easier, not having to think about contacting him, what to say, what to tell him. we can't have the relationship that we wanted because he chose to move to HK and establish a business there. I want to focus on my life without him now. I have to, if I have any chance of making a life for myself. Some random gifts tossed in an envelope arent going to convince me otherwise. It is a test of wills now, and this is not enough for me to give in. If I don't respond, will I lose him forever? I don't know. But now, for my own sake, I must let go.
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