stephan2222222223333 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 I have been reading these forums and the advice is amazing. I wanted to put as much of my situation down as i could. Im very miserable and am seeking therapy over it on wensday. Ok well me and my ex dated for about a year and 4 months. I always loved her so much and felt like she was a best friend. We could do almost anything together. I lived with the girl practically for 7 months. However, prior to my relationship with her, she had broken up with her previous boyfriend. Also her mother was very sick and passed away. We started dating about 2-3 months after both of these events. I had just gotten out of a relationship and so did she. We connected very well at first and i was there for her through it all. She cryed so many times. I always wanted her to get serious help, she never did. She began to feel like i was her crutch. 7 months into our relationship she broke up with me. She took me back but from that point on she would constantly tell me she felt like i was her emotional crutch. But she said she loved me but always questioned it. I was very much head over heals for her and always reasured her. However, I began to have doubts about the relationship. I had several tramatic things happen to me and began to do somthin i am still ashamed of to this day. I began taking pictures of women sunbathing and labling them very obscene things. My ex found them. She broke up with me saying she thought i was perfect and didnt think i was perfect anymore. So anyways we tryed to give it time, she kind of strung me along for like 4-5 months unsure of what to do. In august of this year i confront her about it all. She says she still loves me and wants to give it another try. We kissed that night. Next day she calls me and starts talking about me moving in with her. ANyways 2 weeks later for no reason at all she begins to get cold with me ( i think she met someone else). I confront her and she tells me she doesnt want to be with me. She leaves me a note saying Im sorry i couldnt give you what you wanted but ill always remember what you taught me. That was in october. Since then i have been in misery trying to talk to her. At first i was trying to be her friend but i couldnt handle it. I broke down and tryed spilling my heart to her. She said that i am harassing her. So i have decided to stop talking to her. She is now i think romatically conected to her first boyfriend who she said she always loved. She dated him when she was 14 and it lasted almost a year. They have been apart for about 10 years and are now romanticaly linked again. Ok first off.... Can i ever talk to this girl again. Next how can i get my mind off of her its been 8 months since we broke up. Ive been trying to meet new people and i still talk about this all the time but i dont want to . I still feel like i love her but she doesnt love me. Was what i did bad enough to cause someone to lose there emotions or was it perhaps an exscuse. Furthermore, is this relationship shes in healthy for her. I dont think it possibly could be. Anything anyone can say on this topic would be so helpful. Im a absolute mess because i blame myself for ending what i thought was the greatest relationship with the greatest girl i had ever met. Main problem is we have alot of joint friends and our social groups are very interconected is there anything i can do about that as well? I think perhaps everything was bad timing and maybe if i had waited longer backed off instead of prevoked it so many things i could have done might have ended it better. I miss her so much. I have been on this planet 23 years. Honestly i always hear the "theres so many fish in the sea bit" but you know what no one on this planet is the same. I feel like i might have lost the one. Even if she doesnt feel that way anymore.
Insearchofmyself Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Don't analyze the breakup to death. Let yourself heal and you will come to a point of acceptance. This is the only way.
itwontdawnsooner Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 insearchofmyself is right. when things are up in the air, pushing or being too aggressive in any way usually will push the other to a decision, and theres a chance you wont like it! at the same time, she has the right to be upset with you for what you did - but also its not all your fault she used you as an emotional crutch so heavily, and recognized it but didnt stop. if she used the word perfect on you, and how youre no longer perfect. thats just immature. since when are you supposed to be perfect? sounds like an excuse. but at this point, that doesnt matter. i personally would not contact her ever again. pine as you will, but contact is not one of the ways to help things. take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. its a slow journey but you have no choice. its not easy at all, but you can do it!
Author stephan2222222223333 Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Thank you guys so much. Your both very right. She left me and i should have been able to control my feelings enough to let her make the decision. I should have just let go a long time ago. I was afraid to lose her, but perhaps i already did. There was no point chasing after somthing that is gone. That much emotional conection is hard to let go of. Its a lesson if anything toward the rest of my life.
JayKay Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Stephan, Sorry to hear about your relationship ending. Heartache just sucks, there's no other way to say it. There is never just one person who brings a relationship to a close; both people play a part. Despite the fact that you did something you now feel ashamed for, don't take on 100% of the blame. You said you were feeling 'doubts' about the relationship and had something traumatic happen to you. Your actions were out of desperation and anxiety. While I understand her upset, I think it's very telling that your 'imperfection' is what caused her to lose interest. Seems like she was looking for a Prince Charming to ride up on a white horse and rescue her. Instead, she found a real, flawed human being. She will never have successful relationships if it is 'perfection' she is seeking. A soon as a human reveals their weaknesses, she'll probably ditch the next guy too. We ALL have flaws, character defects and weaknesses. We can work on them as we grow older, but none of us will ever be perfect. Sometimes in the early stages of a relationship our lover 'sees' us as perfect....and basking in the affection of someone who thinks you can do no wrong is a heady experience, to be sure. All relationships have to come to terms with reality sooner or later. THe relationships that can't handle reality will end. That's a fact. I hope you recover from this soon. Take good care of yourself and take it slow. You will heal and move on.
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