Doug4 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 This is my first post on this forum, and I'm glad that I found it. I'd hate to jump into a question on my first post but hopefully you guys can help me out. I'm 18 years old and a senior in high school. A girl who I am currently dating is a sophomore and is 2 years younger then me. I don't see a problem with that, and we have been dating for about two weeks now. Today I was going to take her out to dinner and a movie, when her dad just told her out of no where that she couldn't go with an older guy, so I guess he doesn't like the fact that I'm 18. I wouldn't have a problem with him not liking me, but the guy has yet to meet me and already has a grudge. I plan on meeting and talking with him later this week. I thought he would like me because my girl friends older brother use to play hockey, and so do I, but I guess that has no effect on the situation. Do you guys have any suggestions for the situation?
Lucasarts Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 well i dont think any dads like the guys that are banging their daughters (just an exaggeration, dont know if you guys are doing that just yet) but thats just the way they think. anywho i would simply just talk to the old man and reason out your intentions with this girl and what not. be respectful, obey his time constraints and always always always try to find things to compliment him about. basically be an a**kisser to him. pretty soon he wont be able to get enough of you and wont mind that your railing his daughter oh and be respectful of your girl too, the old man will kill you if you break her heart.
Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Trust me, I have an over protective Dad, I'm now 18 and not living with him so its cool now. This guy does not know you, but it is in any fathers blood to distrust any male, let alone an older one. He has not met you and so it is obvious that his dislike is based solely on protective father stuff, not anything to do with you at all. When you meet him, don't act nervous (he'll think you have something to hide). Be outgoing, but not too forward. Try to talk about generic things eg sport, current news etc. However, if you do want this to be a long-term thing, sit down and tell him exactly like it is, how you resepct his daughter, him; would never do anything to hurt her etc etc. If he thinks that you have the guts to look him in the eye, shake his hand and talk to him then he will appreciate you all the more for it. Confidance is the key, Good luck!
Author Doug4 Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I don't have any intentions of sex at this point. I met her at a CMU hockey game and it was love at first sight, sounds really corny but that is how it happened. You can ask any of my friends and they will tell you I'm a quiet and nice guy, so just telling the guy that I'm in love with his daughter when she is 16 will be a challenge. I mean I'd love to sit down and tell him how much I care for his daughter, but his chances of believing that I'm not just after her virginity is going to be really hard for him to believe. Talking to him about sports wont be a problem, as we are both hockey fans. Hopefully I can talk to him and Jenny(my girlfriend) will also talk to him a little as well. I've been dating for a few years and this is the first time I think I'm actually in love, and I'd hate to screw it up.
brashgal Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 ...protective mother wincing here.... Suggestion: don't tell her father that you love her or even that you think you love her - that will make it seem like you are moving too fast and will make him think you are interested in her sexually. Maybe he will allow you to come over and hang out at her house to study? Or maybe you can see her in group situations? Kind of ease into this, get them to like you and trust you - then maybe he'll allow you to date her.
dnm1010 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 trust is earned.. he distrusts you right now and he doesnt know you. i think you should put the time and effort to get to know her as well as her family- show them respect- be yourself. they will appreciate it and warm up to you over time... i had my first real relationship when i was 16 and my dad hated the guy for over a yr and eventually warmed up to him and he was a part of our house until i broke up with him 4 yrs later. if youre a shy person then dont try and change urself cos dads can tell and the last thing they want is someone fake for their daighter. my dad hates every single guy i dated exept my fiance who he loved from the begining because he alwasy showed my dad respect- calling him Mr. etc, and just recently even asking him for permission to get engaged.
Author Doug4 Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Thanks for the advice, agian. I just talked to her and she informed me that her dad was in a bad mood and in her words being "an a**h***." She also told me that he is like this with all guys, so I guess that is good news that is isnt really because of my age and that is just his excuse this time. I'm going to be myself and hopefully he will like me, I really want him to like me, but I'm not going to let his opinion effect our relationship. All of you guys/gals are great with all the helpful advice and hopefully everything works out and I'll be sure to keep you all updated.
Lifestream Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Yeah, I agree. You can't force this. If you are allowed over for dinner or something talk to him. Have excellent table ettiquette. Be civilized. But meeting the parents already? I was in the same situation as you last year and my gf told her mom we were "just friends" for 3 months! haha. Her mom liked me but her dad took another month or so. After telling him how well I was doing in school, having conversations with him, telling not so vulgar jokes etc, he thought I was a good guy. They didn't mind that I stayed in her room with the door closed for two hours with her! Crazy, huh?
Blackard Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Do you guys have any suggestions for the situation? Yes, man up. Meet the guy. Demonstrate the type of person you are and you will go from "shadowy figure with a dic", to "My daughters boyfriend". ...if, you are a decent man that is...
grace2005 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I believe that if the girlfriend's father does not approve of the relationship then it's best to not pursue the girl anymore. Respect his wishes. Afterall he will be the one to give away his daughter hand in marriage. Getting along with the girls father is the hardest part. If you get along well with the father that's a good sign. Before I met my last girlfriend I talked to her dad and asked his permission to meet her and later asked his permission to spend more time with her. I really think that alot of fathers appreciate their daughter's boyfriends asking for permission as well as permission to marry. If I did not get her father's blessing on the relationship then I would have walked away regardless of how she felt about me. I also believe in spending quality time with her father too one on one.
Author Doug4 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Hey Guys, I bet you all thought I just walked in here and posted one topic and you would never hear from me again? Well, shortly after all of the great help from you guys I met her dad and everything went great. Both of her parents like me and everything is fine. We have been dating for almost 3 months now and everything is amazing. We are both in love and spend alot of time together. If it wasn't for the help from you guys, I could have lost the love of my life. Thanks again! Doug
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