suzie sweet Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Briefly i was a friend for 3 yrs with this guy but i was married and having problems so yes i fell for the friend and my marrige broke up, my ex hubby and i get on so well and closer than ever b4, hes always round cos of the kids and takes them to his place for overnight etc,i was with my new guy for 9mths basically he is a loner,no friends didnt go out socialising wasnt even in work and had only ever slept with 3 girls.I thought we were so happy 2 gether talking bout the future getting engaged getting a house all the normal stuff,he truly adored me even got himself a job to prove it, we were always on the phone texting how much he loves me etc and then BANG,..2 days b4 new yrs eve i felt something wrong he kept deniying it but the next day wen i rang him i cud tell in his voice so wen i asked him he said he felt confused and didnt know why,When he turned up later that nite he walked in the house crying saying he didnt wana loose me (WHERE THIS IDEA CAME FROM I DONT KNOW)he then said the 1st part of the confusement was cos of my ex hubby always been around, the 2nd part he dosnt know what it is???(I had heared he suffers with deppresion but he denied it) so now im wondering is he unstable and thats why hes lived all this time on his own in a bedsit OR is it he wanted out and was not man enough to admit knowing i gave up my marrage for him,I Asked him does he wana end it he stated no and that he loves me but my gut instinct was telling me to get in there 1st and finish it for him so i did, he also let me down for our new yrs eve night out and i didnt even get a happy new yr from him.Is this what you men do? ill never trust another only a few days ago my life was complete now my world is upside down and i dont even know why thats the hardest part cos maybe if he told me the truth i cud move on,there isnt another woman hes too shy and dosnt go anywhere to meet em please advice any1 and happy new yr
Ezydriver Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Hi, my story is like yours, except I am where he is, I too was seeing a woman who is divorcing and her ex husband was still very much in her life. I too suffer with depression and I too had no friends of my own (because I moved 140 miles to Manchester to be with her) however I did find full time employment straight away. I didn't want it to end with her and 7 weeks after the split I'm still depressed and devestated, I'll tell you why I had to leave her though, (well I came back to her, but then a few days later she ended it) its to do with her baggage, believe it or not you're probably not over your husband, even though you might not know it. My insecurity was driving me crazy, it was the way she was making me feel, we were never going to be alone together, she had a son etc... depressives are often profoundly emotional people who find situations like that hard, I suspect he loved you dearly, as I did my ex, but her past life still haunted her and she had many issues to confront before moving on to another relationship. Look at yourself and ask, are you truly ready yet? If not, this vibe may have been picked up by him, much like me, and he would have been very anxious about it. You may be emotionally unavailable but not even realise it yourself. He sounds like he hasn't got much life experience and you sound like you do (again, like me and my ex) and he may even find you intimidating, or in deeper than he wants to be (like me) and wants out before he gets even deeper and gets even more hurt (like me) your story has striking parallels to my story, almost exactly. Regards, Steve.
Author suzie sweet Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Hi, steve in actuall fact i read your story b4 i written mine and i thought the same as you so "alike", when you said you didnt want the baggage de ye mean the kids and married life after been single and having ye own space, also getting in too deep? you said, do you mean by not making plans for the future,can i be rude and ask your age he was 36 so rather mature.Did u live 2gether by the way?? you are so unhappy arnt you? now if he feels the same with me and he came back id be waiting with open arms,if she really is wot u want then lifes too short, she cud be feeling exactly like me and having the same thoughts WHY WHY WHY wondering wot ive done wrong but if he came and talked it over and emptied his heart and TRUTH so we cud sort it out i know we cud be so happy, it cud be the same for you thanks for reading its nice to have something in common A
Ezydriver Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Hi Alh, I know she wouldn't be waiting with open arms, this is what hurts, I could tell by her voice on the phone when she rang me once, I know she didn't have to 'get over' me and while I was with her I knew she was detatching herself emotionally, rejecting me. Its too long a story but if you knew her you'd understand. By baggage I meant the emotional baggage she carries from being treated as a doormat in her marriage, shes got lots of unresolved issues, she needs to learn how to trust and share, also she was emotionally unstable, unpredictable, cold, etc... I really don't think shes feeling like you are, I wish she was, but I'm 99% sure shes not, I know how her mind works, I think it was a relief to get out. I was just there in her life to make her feel better really, although funnily enough she had my name tattooed on her, told me she was madly in love with me, only to change overnight. I think my insecurities were showing and she probably didn't want it to get serious. We were planning to move in together properly, I stayed at her house every night for the entire relationship, so I class that as living together. A lot of my stuff was there. I know deep down that she definitely wasn't what I wanted, she had me on the edge of my nerves all the time, I never knew where I stood. Nevertheless its still dreadfully hard getting over her, I think its the rejection and physical removal that really hurts, I miss her so much, even though she wasn't the most empathetic, warm person. I miss her quirks and ways and style. Her laugh, and her eyes were attractive, they lit up when I made her laugh, she had dancing eyes. I'm 26, nearly 27, she was 34 with an 11 year old son. I'm not sure what to make of your situation, it sounds that you're feeling like me. Have you tried ringing him? Steve.
Author suzie sweet Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 hi steve sounds to me that my x and yours were made for each other haha.i went round to his this morning i got me strong head on and thought ive done nothing wrong and av no guilt so i went round to get me couple of bits he has.i told him he didnt av to make excuses about my x if he wanted out id of understood,but again he still told me he had doubts it must be excuses still cant tell me the truth i let him know im fine with the situation and i still wana be friends like we used to, he shudnt be scared and im ere if he ever needs me, i feel so much better now ive got my feelings of me chest and im gona move on.he hurt me badly but i can forgive him cos lifes too short,you and i are going through the same thing and i feel for you but you must do what ye feelings tell ye, if u wana ring and ask how she is do it or wish her happy new year ye never know she might be wanting that but she cud be stubborn and tahts why shes not making the 1st move,whats meant to be is meant to be im here if you need me
Ezydriver Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Hi Alh, No I doubt it, shes not the most sentimental person, it won't matter to her if I ring or text a happy new year message, I'm sure that I'd either a) not get a response, not for a day or so anyway (if I text) or b) be analysing her voice for clues as to how shes feeling etc... if I ring, I think the potential for me to be hurt again is stronger than the possibility that she wants me to ring, her feelings are like that, one day she could be all over me and make me feel very special, the next it'd be like I didn't exist, it was horrible. I know what shes like and although she'd sound happy to hear from me, I think deep down it wouldn't matter to her if she did or not. This really really hurts, I do sort of hope that one day she may ring me, I know her feelings are up and down, she might get rejected and then ring me, I know I was what she was looking for intellectually and spiritually, even physically to a large degree, and I think she might one day mourn that lost connection, a connection she seemed to acknowledge quite a lot which she never got off her husband or the other boyfriend she had between her husband and me. She was a very complex person who had had episodes of psychosis and has suffered with depression for 20 years. It sounds a little like your ex has made his mind up, your ex and mine do sound alike, if he cant give you straight answers it sounds like hes not man enough, like your thread title suggests. I'd wait for him to contact you now. Regards, Steve.
Jadey Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 My ex is the same!! Not man enough to tell me exactly why we broke up. He just says he's weird. How pathetic.
Recommended Posts