planoprez Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 So the girl I am dating has a crazy sex drive like non-stop. Now I know that most guys wouldn't have a problem with that but it gets old and I feel like I am not meeting her sexual needs. By non-stop I mean 4 to 5 times a day. I've told her that it's not her, and she can even ask my friends if she doesn't believe me. She has spoke to my friends and they all told her the same thing. I have a low sex drive for a 25 year old guy. Is there any advice you can give me here, is that not normal? She is attractive, as for medications i was on Concerta but I've been off that now for a week so I doubt thats it.
Lucasarts Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 watch porn find out what sick fantasies you have then have your girl act em out she probably wont mind since she wants you two to f*ck like rabbits so anythin that involves sex she will be a part of. but seriously, yeah i cant see why you have a low sex drive...is this like your first g/f or something? or is she just bad in bed or just boring?
Author planoprez Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Its not her, I've never been one for tons and tons of sex. I don't have problems getting aroused or anything but I just don't act on it. She seems to internalize it as being something with her but it isn't. No matter how many times I tell her thats its not her it doesn't seem to matter. I'm afraid this will always be a problem and will just grow and grow in magnitude to the point where we cannot be together. As for porn and such I don't see how that would get me in the mood. She gets me rock hard with no problem.
Lucasarts Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 no watch porn outside of having sex/being with her it might help to increase your sex drive, try going back to being that horny teen (which i am right now) but i dont really look at porn much anymore...i think the real thing is...100x better i would just say to bang her as many times as you can a die until she wears down, actually i would keep banging her even after shes had enough, maybe that will get her to eventually slow down other then that i am clueless...maybe go see a doctor or something about it?
Author planoprez Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 LOL, keep on banging her =) Well is there any one near my age (25) who seems to have a low sex drive and if so what did you do about it?
Lifestream Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Low sex drive doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with the guy. It's just biology. And by low sex drive how low is low?
Author planoprez Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Lifestream, One time a day to me is good. Also, maybe its just that I am not used to a woman always trying to grab me. She wakes me up trying to intiate sex but I always decline and go back to sleep which of course upsets her. I'm just fine with once a day usually in the evening. God how old I sound lol.
Lifestream Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Once a day is fine. You don't have to be an animal and still have normal sexual biology. I think that's perfectly normal, just hers is above average.
itwontdawnsooner Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 either she's willing to understand or she isnt. if 1 a day is enough for you, thats you. it's not right, its not wrong. its just how youre built. her drive is more. if talking doesnt help, theres nothing more you can do its a fundamental difference between you two
Walk Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Speaking from a slightly older view point. 1 time a day, isn't a low sex drive. If you were having sex once a month, or only wanted it once a month, I'd say that'd be low. Here's a couple of suggestions in order to keep your girl happy, and you from killing yourself. Buy her a sex toy. Use it with her. It could help take the pressure off of you to "perform", while keeping her satisfied. Oral sex. Satisfy her needs. Cuddle with her afterward. let her know you want her happy. Biggest thing you'll need to do. Sit her down and discuss this with her. Not just say it's not her. Explain to her how your body is. For me, I have about 24 hours before I'm interested in having an orgasm again. It's not that I can't have an orgasm sooner, or more often, it's just that my body works on a cyclical nature. Every 20 to 24 hours. If you need to, do some research on the net and see what you can find about the chemicals and bodies responses to stimuli regarding sex and refractory periods. It would help her to understand that it's not "her" or something she's doing which causes you not to desire her as much as she wants. A better defined reason will help her realize this. If these suggestions don't work, or not to the degree you'd like. You next step is to see if you can come to a comprimise with her. How many times a week would you prefer sex vs. how many times she does. What's her minimum and your maximum, and attempt to find a common ground that the two of you can both be happy with. say 5 times a week? Or 10? or 3? You could also give her your support on pleasuring herself, if you're not available, or not "in the mood". Let her know it makes you happy too. That you want her to do that, and attempt to help when you can.
Walk Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Not to be hurtful, but I've found in life that the people who say sex never gets a little dull, or "old" are the ones that never get any. Those of us who've had some experience, find that even the best thing in the world can get tarnished if it's had every single day in the same way. I would suggest trying to find some ways to spice your sex life up so that you'll also continue to enjoy it. Hell, get your girl to do her part in finding ways too. Not only would it help increase your desire to some extent, but may also help the both of you learn more about each other. It can be something relatively minor too. Change the room, change the clothes, change the time of day, tell her she can't make a sound, tell her she has to scream... It doesn't have to get kinky, just change something small. Don't let her take her pants all the way off, but only to her knee's... Whatever. If it'll spark your interest, then follow it. Oh, one last thing. Stop repressing your sexually urges! Try being a little wild, and following those urges instead of stomping them down. (Within the constraints of safety and the law)
clandestinidad Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Well, I'm a girl that wants sex just about as much as your girl. I think perhaps I can shed some light on her situation, by comparing it to mine (if, in fact, we are this similar). I think its a combination of enjoying the physical AND emotional parts of it....lemme explain. I thoroughly enjoy the physical part of it...and want more and more after every orgasm. Its addicting to me...kind of like I cant ever have enough. Similar to your girl, huh? The other part of it is emotional. I relate sex to feeling loved/cared for/close to someone. It briefly makes me feel 'connected' to someone. Maybe thats why I want it all the time.....to feel loved. Maybe thats why she wants it all the time too. What I've noticed over the last few years, is that I have to find another way to get that feeling. I dont think its healthy for someone to feel the way your girl and I do about sex. It can be dangerous....b/c if we're not getting enough (and who's to say what is enough since we always want more) we are very likely to find it from someone else. (I even went to a sex site when my boyfriend quit having sex w/ me) What I noticed is that I need a lot of affection/attention in other ways. Cuddling, hugging....but not carressing or making out, or else I'll get horny and pissed off it it doesnt go anywhere. My point is, maybe your girl and I have some similarities, and maybe she needs to find out what OTHER things make her feel good/loved. That could be lots of affection, to reassure her that she IS loved and doesnt need to have sex to feel it. Granted, mine was all subconsious until a few years ago...when I realized that the amount and frequency I was having sex was 'different' from most people. I had to look very deeply, and figure out what I was really looking for by having lots of sex. Since I've recognized it, I am better able to control myself. I hope that in some sensitive way, you can bring this up to her. She might be pretty defensive about it, but it will at least stick in her head and over time maybe she will look inside herself to find out what she is trying to get out of all the sex. For the time being, try to have sex w/ her as much as possible. If she's anything like me, the rejection really stings, b/c its interpreted as 'i dont love/want you right now'....or at least be very sensitive when you reject her. edit: I have some questions.... how old is she? how many ppl has she had sex or any type of sexual encounter with? was she ever molested? what was her life like growing up (mainly the relationship w/ parents, did she get love/affection/attention from them)?
Blackard Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Not to be hurtful, but I've found in life that the people who say sex never gets a little dull, or "old" are the ones that never get any. Those of us who've had some experience, find that even the best thing in the world can get tarnished if it's had every single day in the same way. Actually, as the saying goes, those who brag about it the most usually get it the least. There is a difference in bragging about it and enjoying it, no? It never gets old for my wife and I, and you yourself explained one of the reasons. Keeping it spiced up and fun is one way, but that alone will not work, and that is what so many younger people fail to realize. If the basis for the relationship is physical, or sexual, the great sex will fade. Always does because it is shallow, superficial, like a building built upon a foundation of mud. Build it on a solid foundation, a friendship, a genuine love (not some Disney fantasy romance), and the relationship, the sex will never get old. Trust me on that one. ;p
Author planoprez Posted January 4, 2006 Author Posted January 4, 2006 So after speaking to some of my friends they seem to think that it stems from her prior relationship. She was with someone for 3 years and has been single now for 6 months. The ex still contacts her all the time, she told me she never responds. A few of my friends aren't convinced about that but they think it may be somewhat responsible for her behavior. I don't see the correlation personally. kat23, Thanks for your reply, here are the answers to your questions: how old is she? - 27 Years old how many ppl has she had sex or any type of sexual encounter with? - 12 ish, I don't recall the exact number but around 12. was she ever molested? No what was her life like growing up (mainly the relationship w/ parents, did she get love/affection/attention from them)? I would assume so, I don't believe she is in contact with her dad any longer just her mom. blackard, That is good advice, thank you.
clandestinidad Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Like you, I dont see the correlation b/n her ex and lots of sex...but I'll think about the possibilities The relationship w/ her father is typically a BIG clue as to what goes on with the girl. If the father is distant, not showing any love or affection or affirmation, typically the girl will look for that in other men any way she can. More often than not, its through sex. (there's plenty research if you want to look it up online) "A child's father is typically the first male to write his thoughts and feelings on his child's heart. Fathers, therefore, need to be sensitive to the messages their every word and action inscribe on that tender surface. Their children enter the world like tiny sponges, ready to absorb every little impression about themselves and their identity. They are unsure of who they are: Am I special? they ask. Am I valuable? Am I good? Am I merely an annoyance? Their fathers play a primary role in answering those questions." "According to Frank B. McMahon (1974), "Daughters who are close to their fathers tend to become involved in long term romantic relationships with men, whereas those who are not close to their fathers frequently engage in antisocial acts and have excessive sexual interest" (p. 228). " "Most often, girls who engage in intercourse in their (early or mid) teens are those who have been raised in a home in which the father is either absent or inattentive to them, and in desperation for male attention they give themselves up to premature sexual intercourse." “daughters whose fathers gave them little time and attention were more likely to seek out early sexual attention from male peers.”[xvii] A much earlier study indicated that girls who experienced high levels of acceptance from their fathers “reported less sexual involvement, generally claiming holding hands or kissing as the greatest extent.”[xviii] A 1974 study indicated that disruption in the father-daughter relationships makes “sexual acting out” more likely" Anyway....I think you get my point. I dont know if this is true in HER case, but it certainly is a possibility and a possible explanation of why she wants so much sex....to feel loved. I'm obviously not a psychologist, but I have studied this type of situation quite a bit. I dont want to sound like I'm diagnosing your girlfriend, either!! I hope it doesnt come across like that. I'm just saying that in my situation, and in too many other females as well, this is a huge factor in our lives. Perhaps it is similar to what she has gone through. It could be something as simple as 'well, she just has a high sex drive and you should work together to find a solution', but I really dont think it is that simple. It is highly unlikely that a female would have a sex drive like that without some deeper issues going on.....especially b/c she gets so hurt when you 'reject' her. Thats a clear sign that she doesnt just want to get laid....she takes it very personally. If you can find a way to discuss this with her, it would help a lot. She might not even realize right now what she's doing. But if you can talk about her relationship w/ her father, and somehow proceed into talking about her relationships w/ other guys then it can help her see it and eventually realize that she can be loved in other ways. If this isnt what is going on with her, then theres really no harm done by talking about it anyway. Just see what she says about it
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 "According to Frank B. McMahon (1974), "Daughters who are close to their fathers tend to become involved in long term romantic relationships with men, whereas those who are not close to their fathers frequently engage in antisocial acts and have excessive sexual interest" (p. 228). " Well, this may or may not be the case -- at this point it's pure speculation. I have a fantabulous relationship with my Pops. He's one of my best friends. He was the better parent, and he was retired by the time I was born, while my Mom was doing shift work so she was always either sleeping or working, my Pops took care of me and my sisters. We are still close. Anyways, I have a very high sex drive, and IME it's important to find someone who has a similar sex drive to be involved with. I have dated men who liked to have sex once a day and it never works out. Having been in various modes of therapy throughout my young adulthood, and getting my veritably useless BS in psych, I understood that it wasn't a comment on my self-worth, but knowing this....I would be happy with the relationship, and irritably unsatisfied in the bedroom. Ultimately, FOR ME, I found that the solution was to find a partner with a similar sex drive, and make it a open subject for discussion, hell, at the dinner table, in the car, wherever - an open dialogue about your sex life is essential. So talk it out, and establish your boundaries and if it doesn't work out, don't be bitter.
Walk Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 There is a difference in bragging about it and enjoying it, no? It never gets old for my wife and I, and you yourself explained one of the reasons. Keeping it spiced up and fun is one way, but that alone will not work, and that is what so many younger people fail to realize. Good point Blackard. I was thinking a little too narrowly last night.
L8RKITTY Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Wow People, do you not think your reading too much into this. Stop the Psychological Analyzing. Ever heard of the term "Keep it Simple Stupid"? Passionate people display their affection in many ways by means of various outlets. These actions are usually not just for self-gratification, but also for their partners. Doing things for the person in whom their in a relationship with shows that they care and that the partners needs or wants come before their own. As far as the sexual aspects, could it not be as simple as pure attraction both physically and intellectually. Those two traits together make an awfully strong combination, especially to any Woman. These traits alone stimulate her and when engaged in intercourse make the experience all the better. If the physical act of sex is not at the right time for you use your other attributes that she finds attractive. Do not deny total stimulus, remember it is not just all physical. It may be the attention intellectually.
clandestinidad Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Indeed....thats why I said that it might not be true in this situation.....duh
Mary3 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I like sex 2 times a day . I don't know if thats too much but I need a partner who wants it everyday too . Its everything someone said too...the closeness., the physical ...the whole package. If the man has a low sex drive then its a problem for me. I agree you need someone who matches your drive. If having sex once a month is fine for both of you then good. But for me , more more ! hehe
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