I'm jealous of fiancés relationship with his female coworker friend

[Bluesky91]

I just need to get this off my chest.

My fiance is in the medical profession, still undertaking training. There’s a woman who he used to work with in the same place but no longer does. She is of the same background as him. He never used to mention her up until a certain point in our relationship, when he added her on social media. I once caught him looking at her photos on Instagram but thought best to look past it as it was a one time thing.

He has told me he finds her attractive before but has since backtracked and said ‘ I wouldn’t touch her if she was naked infront of me’.

Then I met her at a works event, and she was quiet around me. My fiance said that she is usually chatty to him, but when I was there she opened up very few conversations with him. I was uncomfortable with her however we both were reasonable and polite to each other. I don’t know why she acted this way, and I’ve met his other female coworkers who acted the same way they usually do, regardless of me being there.

Her and my fiance are taking the same exam. He told me in advance that he would be studying with her for this exam. Now he is studying with her everyday online for a few hours. Just recently another coworker asked to join, so these days it is the three of them. It’s quite typical for people to join groups to study for this particular exam(I've checked).

The other day, she was moving flats. My fiance told me that if she asked, he would go over to help her move, saying that she is a friend and he should help her. After he realised I was upset, he backtracked and said I hope she doesn’t ask so that I don’t go. In the end, she didn’t ask, but he seemed like he genuinely wanted to go.

These days she likes a fair few of his pictures on social media.

The other night, he waited for the other coworker to leave to talk to her about a different coworker that they both dislike. They both also have a mock exam coming up, it takes an hour or so to drive to the venue. She told him she saw his name on the list of attendees. She has her own car however she is a nervous driver. I am literally dreading if she asks him to take her in his car. After this chatting finished, my fiance told me that he likes her, thinks she’s nice and likes to talk to her in his home language that they both share.

Next week, the three of them have agreed to meet up to practice physical examinations that is required to do in the exam. The other coworker is female and I’ve met her and have no problem with her, but the thought of my fiance touching this other woman is plain up making me jealous. She suggested that they come to her flat to do these examinations, which made me pretty mad. My fiance instead asked that they do it in the library as he knew what my reaction would be to going to her apartment. Now he's telling me that he won't touch her, but how can you practice physical exams without touching, and if it's not needed why can't it be virtual? I suggested he invite them both to our flat , which I would feel comfortable with, but he refused.

Not to mention if he takes her to the mock exam, then the real exam. He’s going a day earlier to the real exam location and staying in a hotel but I can’t join due to work commitments, and he briefly mentioned meeting with her there as she is also going early( but staying in a different hotel), which I’m not sure if will happen or not. This is also making me anxious.

I don’t know if I’m being completely unreasonable but I’m upset, but I know for a fact he wouldn't like it if it was the other way around. Am I out of order here? Any advice would be appreciated

[smackie9]

We all get jealous, but from his responses to you, you are being overly jealous for no real reason. She's quiet around you because he told her how jealous you are of her and it makes her uneasy. I have been in her shoes so I know what she's going through. TBH I see nothing there to be worried about...a lot of it is your over reactive imagination that your BF is acquaintances with an attractive woman, so there must be something going on. If she wasn't attractive..how would their behaviour look to you then? He has other female friends and acquaintances so this sort of thing isn't out of the ordinary. Think about it...he has been upfront with you this whole time...people keep secrets because they know they shouldn't be doing it...he has shown none of that.

Edited August 16, 2024 by smackie9

[Gaeta]

What exactly is bothering you?

Because once he said that he thought she was attractive? You know men don't become blind to beauty because they're in a relationship. They can still have an opinion on who's attractive and who's not. If he's a faithful man he won't cheat just because someone he studies with is pretty. 

Maybe you have a distorted idea of that is that physical exam. I doubt they will check each other for breasts and testicles lumps. 

[introverted1]

On 8/16/2024 at 8:27 AM, Bluesky91 said:

I suggested he invite them both to our flat , which I would feel comfortable with, but he refused.

Why did he refuse?