confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Its been a year and a half with my b.f and he has recently brought up asking me to have a threesome and I just dont know what to do. I mean I told him at the beginning of our relationship that Id do anything for him but this i dont know. I think its degrating and ugh im so angry that he would ask me for it. Am i not enough for him? He says its a matter of keeping eachother pleased. But I just cant bring myself to even do it. I cant share and am wordering is my b.f worth loosing over this or am i just being stupid. Please help im so confused. Ive heard also that its such a bad idea and has broken alot of commited relationships up. Is my b.f not ready to commit to me if hes asking me for this, and why is he thinking of other women. Any mens opinions whether im obligated to do this or not. I just am so confused please help 1
JCA Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Honey, I don't know how old you are - you sound young - but YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO DO ANYTHING. Do you understand? You have to have your own standards of who you are. It a 3way is not your deal, then it's not your deal, plain and simple. Do not cheapen yourself or lower your standards. Your boyfriend wants to do something for himself, and that's fine but he has to consider you and your limits. If not, he is just being selfish and not caring about your feelings. If, on the other hand, you think it's something you are into and it's a part of you, then do it. But I think if you are in doubt - for whatever reason or even if you can't think of a reason, then you are better off waiting. You can't undo something once it's done.
Casch Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 confused_one, you are absolutly not obliged to have a threesome with your boyfriend if you aren't comfortable with it. If he is so upset over the fact that you don't want to share him, then he doesn't love you as much as you thought. Having a threesome can be a perfectly healthy activity, but only if everyone involved is comfortable with it. If you go through with it, with the reservations you have, you're going to have even more feelings of resentment toward your boyfriend than you do now. Now, wanting to have a threesome does not mean you aren't enough for him. Being with two women (or a man and a women) is a fantasy for a LOT of guys. It's a sensory delight, and really puts you in the center of attention. It makes you feel even more important...and honestly...it's bragging rights. It doesn't necessarily mean he is more interested in someone else. However, if he insists that you and he have a threesome, regardless of your feelings toward the matter, then I would seriously question his motives.
Moose Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 First off......if you're not married, you shouldn't be having sex to begin with......that's just my opinion..... Anyways...wanna put a quick end to this? Ask him how'd he feel if you wanted to be gang banged in front of him......... If he agrees.....run, run as fast as you can....... If not....he won't bring this 3sum thingy up again..... 2
Author confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 Thanks im 18 and no im not confortable with it but its the second time hes brought it up. I am gonna ask him that thanks heh. Hopefully itll be the last time hell bring this issue up. Its just making me seem like he just wants another woman ugh. Anyways Thanks for your advice
JCA Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Miss, you are way to young to have to be dealing with this sort of stuff. Relationships should be fun, not hurtful. If this dope doesn't respect your standards now, he never will. If he doesn't respect your needs, desires, and limits, drop him like a hot potato. You're better off taking a break than dealing with this sort of selfishness. Good luck!
Gold Pile Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Take the high road. Tell him he's been dating a LADY all this time and you'll do no such thing. Tell him if he ever insults you this way again...he's history. 2
Author confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 A threesome its so confusing hes naturally adventurous so that may be why he said because its a new experience for him. Arent fantasys supposed to stay where they are not come true as why its called a fantasy. I feel so degrated by the whole threesome thing and it really confuses me to if hes really even ready for a commited realtionship or just sex.
Moai Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. You shouldn't feel bad about it, either. Most men have the threesome fantasy, I don't think that it has anything to do with how attrtactive he thinks that you are or anything. If he tries to pressure you or use guilt to try to make you do it, tell him that he should have respect for your feelings and accept them. If he doesn't, dump him for someone who will. One thing a friend of mine did to get her BF to back off was to suggest a threesome with another man. See how he would feel about THAT!
Author confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 Thank You for all your advice
Craig Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 ... it really confuses me to if hes really even ready for a committed relationship or just sex.How could he be ready for the type of committed relationship that YOU are looking for if he is looking for a threesome. Is he serious or just talking fantasy? If he's serious then I think your decision is made regarding a future with him.
JCA Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Take the high road. Tell him he's been dating a LADY all this time and you'll do no such thing. Tell him if he ever insults you this way again...he's history. That's exactly right! I agree 100%
Author confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 Thanks Craig I dont know just makes me feel like my whole 2 year relationship has been a lie. That he had plans all along to get me to do this. The first time he asked for it I got so upset and nearly left him, he told me i dont care i changed my mind its not worth risking our relationship over. That he didnt want to push me into something im not uncofortable with, but then he goes and asks for it a second time. So I dont know if hes forgot about him not wanting to or what I dont know whats going on.
whyohwhy Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Confused one, maybe you aren't so confused after all. You know that the idea of a threesome sounds degrading and horrible. It also calls into serious question whether he is capable of the kind of committed, 1:1 r/s you want - and that's an understatement. 3-somes destroy relationships - and I tend to think that for many/most of them, it's probably a good thing. Not only do I think you should turn him down firmly, I would also strongly recommend that you consider leaving him altogether. WHY? you ask. Wel...because you're too young to put up with this kind of stuff, and he is NOT ready for the kind of r/s you want. Another thought...it's likely that a real life 3-some would open his fantasy door even wider. A one-time deal likely won't satisfy him...unless you're both absolutely sickened by the aftermath. Be strong, good luck, and please don't let him manipulate into doing something that sickens you. You will surely regret it.
reddog63 Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I do not think you should be angry at him for suggesting. I think two grown adults can suggest or discuss any fantasy. But you are not obligated to do it if you do not feel that comfortable. So, to me, your making a problem out of something you could just say.............no thanks.........not comfortable with that fantasy.......so move on to next one. Then its finished! Unless he keeps bringing up.......then you use stronger voice.........and say......which part of NO did you not understand.
Woggle Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Why oh why do men insist on this doing this type of thing with their wives and girlfriends. This is something that a man should do when he is single. Threesomes are overrated anyway. I was in one and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Men need to realize the proper place to fullfill their fantasies.
wanda1974 Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Confused one, Please take it from someone who's tried the threesome...DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!! I was married to my husband for 8 years, and to spice things up, he wanted to try a threesome. Myself, feeling the same way you do, would do anything to make him happy, we tried it. We brought my best friend into the bedroom with us. While the festivities were going on, I had to stop it everytime my husband was touching her.... . Needless to say, the threesome didn't last very long. It was very hurtful to have my husband touching another woman. I couldn't bear with it. Anyway, this threesome ended up not spicing anything up, but my best friends love life. She was married, her husband didn;t know anything of it. So, ends up that after this threesome, behing my back, my husband and her were still f**king. For a good year this was going on, until I caught them red handed. I beat her with a bat, and divorced his a**! I then told her husband, and 3 days later, she moved out of state.... . Talk about a Jerry Springer episode.......... My point is, if your boyfriend feels he needs a threesome, ask him how he would feel about you, him, and another man....he would not like that! Good luck!
Craig Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Confused_one I don't think that your whole 2 year relationship was a lie. You could have a frank and open discussion with him about your thoughts regarding a three-some. Just talk to him about it without any drama. Maybe it's just a fantasy for him and he talked about it. Talking about a fantasy and actually doing it, or taking steps to do it, are two entirely different things. Oh and in case you hadn't noticed yet, sometimes guys say stupid things without apparently thinking.
Author confused _one Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 He told me that he was just trying to get me out of my nut of shyness meh but still never gonna happen
Fun2BMe Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Both of you should be 100% ok with any fantacies you plan to act out on. Usually threesomes are a guy thing, it's not natural for a woman to share her man with another woman in her presence and he should respect how you feel, otherwise he cares more about himself than your feelings. There are woman who are ok with it, but there are others who simply are not and that's ok. I was once asked by a man to participate in a threesome with him and his girlfriend. I agreed, but it was heartbreaking for the girl. I could tell she felt pressured into it and I was trying to be nice to her, but as soon as I was with her boyfriend, she lost it and it turned ugly. So unless YOU also feel ok with it, don't do it. He told me that he was just trying to get me out of my nut of shyness meh but still never gonna happen I'm sure someone here can think of a few non-sexual ways he could get you out of your shyness! What's wrong with being shy anyways? Tell him you're going to see your doctor to offer a prescription to help with your shyness. I'm curious how he'll react to that.
nicki Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 once, i asked a boyfriend to tell me his most private sexual fantasy. I thought he would suggest something I could do for him. when he told me his fantasy was two women, i almost dropped dead. I suddenly felt less than enough. once i collected my wits, i asked him which friend of mine he wanted me to be with while he watched us. he was confused when he said he meant a threesome, i said "Really, two men for me? I don't think you could handle watching another man do that to me. It would kill you." He agreed, and never brought it up again. Really, what the heck are guys asking their girlfriends to do this for? I would never consider it. It made me think less of him, too, for considering it.
Author confused _one Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Trust me I did nearly drop dead just was shocked and like you felt less than enough. Just picturing him doing that to another girl just kills me and hurts me so badly. I dont think I could go through with it without bursting into tears and breaking up with him. I just think its some cheap way for a guy to have other experiences with women besides his gf just with your consent. Just find it totally degrating and I told him that he said it wasnt. He says im soo uptight. Naturally im with an adventurous type guy so im not so sure this will be the only thing that he wants but wont get. Dont get me wrong I love my bf and would do anything to please him and he kinda took advantage of me saying that by bringing up a threesome. Anyways any girls out there dating the adventurous type beware they will ask you for absurd things and when they ask you for a threesome Im very sure its just the beginning
Author confused _one Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 lol um and a prescription for shyness are you kidding me? Hell be like uhh babe I think you need your head examined. Hes trying to get me to not be shy but in the wrong way does anyone have a better idea how he can go about it but um not regarding the whole threesome idea id rather drop dead than do that it would totally break my heart in two.
Mike120170 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 As someone mentioned earlier, just about all men have this fantasy, myself included, BUT I would never ever think of asking wife/serious g/f to participate in a threesome. I think the harm far outways living out a fantasy. If you really care about someone and you know they are not into 3'somes, it should never come up again. It's a fantasy that should stay just that. I also agree with the advice that you are too young to have to worry about something like this. Find someone who won't pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable doing.
Author confused _one Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 Yeah I know I just hope telling him how he would like a threesome with 2 guyz will scare him and make him not even bring up this topic again.
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