apricotlizard Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 two nights ago i broke up with my boyfriend of two years. he hurt me by repeatedly trying to pressure me into an open relationship when i told him again and again that didn't want one and i wanted him to stop bringing it up. i also caught him in some pretty bad lies. there were a multitude of other reasons why he wasn't the one for me. but still, still - i feel so guilty for breaking up with him. i know he loved me and i must really be hurting him. it hurts so bad to imagine how he's coping right now. i'm stuck in a cloud of grief, guilt, and hopelessness. i feel like no one is going to be fully satisfied with me and i fear i'll be alone forever. i'm only 20 - i know i'm young, but i'm still worried i'll never love someone again. can someone share their experiences about loving again after a really difficult heartbreak? or just feeling better in general after a breakup? thank you.
Gebidozo Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 8 minutes ago, apricotlizard said: i know he loved me No, he didn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t lie to you and wouldn’t repeatedly try to coerce you into something you didn’t want to do. He didn’t love you not because you had a problem, not because you’re unlovable. He didn’t love you because he isn’t capable of loving yet. He is a selfish, immature kid. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. You will find someone whom you’ll love and who will love you. That’s a guarantee. Please let this truth sink in. 2
Author apricotlizard Posted August 12, 2024 Author Posted August 12, 2024 4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: He is a selfish, immature kid. you really hit the nail on the head here. he was very immature in pretty much every way. your words mean a lot, thank you - i'll be revisiting them a lot, haha.
Gebidozo Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 12 minutes ago, apricotlizard said: can someone share their experiences about loving again after a really difficult heartbreak? Sure. A few years ago, my then-girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me. I was devastated. I was 45 years old and I thought my love life was basically over. I said to myself, “Enough. I’ve been in many relationships and they all ended with separation and heartbreak. It’s time to say goodbye to love and romance. I guess I’ll just be single forever from now on”. A few months afterwards, I reconnected with a woman I’d had feelings for before, but for various reasons couldn’t be together with at that time. I only wanted to apologize to her and ask how she was doing, but then we set up a meeting. Long story short, she is now my fiancée. I love her more than I’ve ever loved any woman in my life. Remember, you never know what life has in store for you. Anything can happen at any time. If you can love, you’ll always have this capacity and you’ll always find someone who’ll love you back. Never lose hope. 1
Gebidozo Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 11 minutes ago, apricotlizard said: you really hit the nail on the head here. he was very immature in pretty much every way. your words mean a lot, thank you - i'll be revisiting them a lot, haha. In the future, please remember that if a guy (especially a young one) asks for an “open relationship”, in 99% cases it simply means that he wants to have sex with other women and needs a permission from you. Real open relationships don’t work that way. They are built on full mutual consent and a very strong mutual trust between two experienced partners that have been together for a while. I never had an open relationship and never wanted one. If you feel the same way this is your inalienable right. Never let anyone coerce you into something you don’t really want to do.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 7 hours ago, apricotlizard said: i know he loved me Uh, no. A man who loves you doesn't try to pressure you into something you have clearly stated you are not comfortable with. That isn't love, sis. 7 hours ago, apricotlizard said: it hurts so bad to imagine how he's coping right now. Girl, he's fine. Why? He's already got someone else in mind for this "open relationship" scenario. I guarantee it. He isn't hurting the way you are. 1
ShyViolet Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 Oh my goodness. You're only 20. Of course you will love again and you will get over this. Some years from now you will look back at this and say "I can't believe I was so lovesick over that guy". Take it from me, a woman in her 40s, who was just like you when I was 20. I thought my life was over when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend when I was around your age. Life changes so much as you go through your 20s, you have no idea. You will get over this. And stop feeling guilty for breaking up with him! It was clearly the right decision.
stillafool Posted August 12, 2024 Posted August 12, 2024 I agree he didn't love you at all. If he did he wouldn't want to share you by being in an open relationship. He loves himself and as much sex as he can get with as many different girls as possible. That is not love. Of course you will love again. Not just again, but again and again. You are only 20 and there are a lot of guys out here that you will meet and get to know. Dry your eyes, get a new haircut and outfit and get back out there.
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