ZurichisStained Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Well, sorry to post two breakup threads nearly right next to each other, but this time my question is nearly completely different than before (my other thread, love story or folly?, is probably right next to this one, in case anyone else is interested in knowing what happened). Anyway, my girlfriend and I just truly broke up today, and I really, really loved her. I feel like she's the most interesting and amazing person I have ever known (although I'm sure it's because she was my girlfriend). I feel as if I could never love someone as much as I loved her. I also fear that I will always feel this way, and will never get over this woman. I know these are lies, and that I will eventually change my feelings, but my question to you guys is, what is the best way to finally arrive at this point? I want to grieve over my girlfriend, and then get over her, as I realize there is a lot to experience (especially since I'm newly in college, and there are a barrage of experiences being thrown at me). How fast will this take? Should I date other people before I completely feel I am ready? Or should I attempt to focus my thoughts on something else, such as my schoolwork (not that it's lacking by any means currently)? The answer to these questions would be greatly appreciated. Also, in our final talk, she mentioned the fact that she wanted to be friends with me, and wanted me to call her the instant I was truly over her. What is the right time for this, and how will I know when I'm over her? Will I have to fall in love with someone else first? I really want to be friends with this girl, as we both really enjoy being around each other, but I do not want to ruin it by either staying in love with her and never getting over her, or outwardly showing my desire to get back together with her, and ruining our friendship in the process. -Thank you very much for any help you guys can give.
ElizabethH Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Hi Z-- Why did your GF break up with you? THinking about that might give you perspective on why things aren't working out between you now. Being young, she may want to explore more of life freely which means w/o a serious boyfriend. Boy/girlfriends can be stiffling when they are serious. She may have wanted to just have fun for awhile and not be ready for a serious relationship. She probably isn't ready. How long will it take to get over her? PRobably a couple months at least. And I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. IT hurts dang bad. We've all been there. It seems like it will never end...but it will. You go down into a valley and then capapult atop a mountain! How do you get over a person? First, don't contact her, don't see her. That will just keep things freshly open. Next, work out, go out with your friends, study. Write down a list of all of the things you like about yourself. Concentrate on liking yourself and feeling your own worth. Date other girls? I'd wait awhile. You will love another girl. I'm sure of that. Maybe this one will come back. But you must leave her alone. Let her miss you. You'll get through this. Hey, you have an online group of folks to support you! Go take a run! Cry! Run some more. And if you find yourself thinking too much about her shout "Delete" in your brain. The more you think about her the more synapses will be created in your brain. That will make it harder to get over her. Give yourself x amount of time per day to think about her and then try not to think about her. You'll be OK!
Ezydriver Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 You know when you're truly over her when you can picture her, or even know that she's sleeping with someone else and it doesn't bother you in the slightest. You know you're truly over her when you're suddenly not bothered if you ever see her again, also if you find yourself genuinely happy for her if she finds someone else that seems to be treating her well, then you know you're over her, that'll be a long time though. The initial, raw, craving and yearning and hurt should be starting to clear after about 6-8 weeks, after that it starts to get significantly easier, and all that is if you've had NO CONTACT. Hope it gets easier soon. Steve.
Author ZurichisStained Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Well, I've gotten over the initial pain, i think. However, currently it seems I am riding an emotional roller coaster, at one moment feeling as if i am completely over my ex, while the other feeling nearly the same i did the first few days after we broke up. Is this common? And, is there any way to combat this up and down emotional ride? -Thanks for the help.
Ezydriver Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Well, I've gotten over the initial pain, i think. However, currently it seems I am riding an emotional roller coaster, at one moment feeling as if i am completely over my ex, while the other feeling nearly the same i did the first few days after we broke up. Is this common? And, is there any way to combat this up and down emotional ride? -Thanks for the help. Yes, this is extremely common, this is what happened to me, its only been the last 3 days that I really feel that I'm making strides to get over my ex, everything is getting into perspective now and levelling out, its not much of a rollercoaster so much anymore, more of just a bumpy ride, I spent 7 weeks on that rollercoaster, sometimes I'd not be thinking of her (for about 5 minutes) and feel ok, may even be laughing a bit, the next moment I'd be on my bed in floods of tears, yearning for her wishing I could have her back, then just half hour later I'd feel that she was 'a bitch anyway' only to be crying over her again half hour later and in serious emotional turmoil, real pain and stuff. Unfortunately there is no way round it, however there are things I strongly recommend to speed your recovery dramatically, these are 1) Absolutely no contact, we've all seen films where a heroin addict might be doing really well beating their addiction, then they go for one more hit after so long doing so well, and we're thinking "NO DONT DO IT", well its the same principle for going 'no contact' the longer you go, the easier it gets. 2) No alcohol, not even one drink until you've fully recovered, drinking is mood altering and may make you contact them, something you may later regret. At first, 'no contact' is extremely difficult, but you'd probably only hear something you wont want to hear anyway, however, the plus side to this difficulty is a speedy recovery, when I say speedy I still mean at least 2 months perhaps, but I've known people to spend a year or more getting over someone because they clung on too long, the choice is yours, one short(ish) intense pain, or one long intense pain? Steve.
Author ZurichisStained Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Ah, thank you for the alcohol tip. Even though i'm not really all that inclined to alcohol in the first place, I still sorta wondered how it would serve in aiding the grieving process (a couple of times when I've been in a bad mood for other reasons and gotten under the influence, I turned into a sad drunk and had probably the worst nights of my life, and I don't want to repeat that). Thank you for the help very, very much. On a side note, yesterday I had a really great night, and hung out with a couple of girls that are great enough to possibly serve as replacements to my ex (I think it's easier to get over your ex if you start other crushes). Well it's the next morning, and I'm feeling 'on top of the world'. Not to be redundant, but I still miss my ex and still want to take up her offer to be friends, but I want to be completely sure that I am over her before doing this. So again, how do you know if you're ready to be friends? Is there any telltale signs? And, is it okay to try to contact her 'just to see' if I'm over her, and if I'm not, then to revert back to no contact for another couple of weeks? Again, thank you very much for the help.
Ezydriver Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Whoa whoa whoa, hold it, just because you feel 'on top of the world' today, you say you're on, or you've been on a rollercoaster, your first day of feeling better doesn't mean you're off the rollercoaster. I am speaking from experience. Just give yourself a few more days at least just to test yourself, you may be in tears again tomorrow. Secondly, I read a lot of things about people starting with new partners to get over an ex, these are always rebound relationships, although a good cure for you, its not fair to see someone new if you're still hung up over someone else, after all, you certainly wouldn't like it if that was done to you. If however you cant resist, then just be honest with them, I was a rebound thing for someone who was divorcing, I got in to deep and now I'm hurting like mad and very depressed, but who cares, she had her fun and her void filled! Think about it. Thirdly, I'll cut and paste my last reply to you underneath to remind you of how to tell if you're over your ex. You know when you're truly over her when you can picture her, or even know that she's sleeping with someone else and it doesn't bother you in the slightest. You know you're truly over her when you're suddenly not bothered if you ever see her again, also if you find yourself genuinely happy for her if she finds someone else that seems to be treating her well, then you know you're over her. Hope this helps, Steve.
Author ZurichisStained Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 First off, I would once again like to thank everyone taking their time to read my story and help me. Also, I would like to apologize for any redundant questions or thoughts. I think that in this state, it's hard to tell your brain what the right thing to do is, so you have to hear it multiple times before you can actually accept it. So, after your latest reply ezydriver, i have realized that it may be too soon to pursue a crush at this point, and that ultimately it's time that i must allow to pass before really doing anything relationshipwise. This time though, my question is about my girlfriend's coworker who initially told her he liked her, and which ended our relationship (even if our relationship would have had to end in a similar way eventually due to the fact that neither of us were truly ready to settle down, which is the only forseeable possibility we would have if we stayed together). Anyway, a week or so ago, when i talked to my girlfriend about our initial plan on waiting a year and then getting back together, and where we both decided that would be a bad choice, and that we should break up completely, i found out that she was still hanging out with that coworker. Now, she told me that she would not date him, especially because he had declared his love for her (he had even broken up with a girlfriend of 2 years about a week before this!), and decided to stay near her instead of going to the military, which is what his initial plans were. However, even though i am confident that she will not date him, i am still very angry about him hanging out with her. I think that if i saw him, it would stir a very akward moment, and i'm not sure if i will ever be able to be around him. My question is, can i be over my ex without forgiving this man? I mean, he took something very dear from me. I can imagine my ex with other men, dating, but not this one. -Thank you for the help.
Author ZurichisStained Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 Ah, sorry for bumping this thread, but this is on the second page, and i assume messages there don't get many replies. -Thank you for the help.
Recommended Posts