I have to heal from TWO heartbreaks. How do I cope?

[Teemacey]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What has helped me move on is the knowledge that it's a matter of time for my brain to create new pathways. Our brain gets used to people we have around and when someone isn't around anymore then the brain search for them, like a computer telling you it has a missing file. It does not last forever, studies shows the brain adapts at 11 weeks. You need to find something else to replace the texting. I don't know what type of work you do that allows you to text ALL DAY , I would not text my bf all day even if I could. Find other ways to keep your mind busy, discover the world of audio-books & podcast. You can listen to self-help podcasts or simply pick to listen to novels that will keep your mind away from the ex.

I’m a nurse practitioner so in between patients or when I am not in clinic and doing charting I text him. We text throughout the day, during my break, ect I always make sure to check in with him. But I like this idea!! I’m going back to school to get my doctorate so this will definitely keep me super busy and hopefully take my focus off of him. 

[Teemacey]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

What has helped me move on is the knowledge that it's a matter of time for my brain to create new pathways. Our brain gets used to people we have around and when someone isn't around anymore then the brain search for them, like a computer telling you it has a missing file. It does not last forever, studies shows the brain adapts at 11 weeks. You need to find something else to replace the texting. I don't know what type of work you do that allows you to text ALL DAY , I would not text my bf all day even if I could. Find other ways to keep your mind busy, discover the world of audio-books & podcast. You can listen to self-help podcasts or simply pick to listen to novels that will keep your mind away from the ex.

So, he reached out to me again. The conversation was just small talk but he asked if I missed him. I said yes, and then he just went on to talk about something unrelated, never addressed what I said. More small talk. I decided speaking with him just gives me more anxiety or confusion. If he doesn’t want me talking to him, why does he keep reaching out? I’m not forcing him to talk to me, I just don’t get it. 

[Teemacey]

12 hours ago, Teemacey said:

I’m a nurse practitioner so in between patients or when I am not in clinic and doing charting I text him. We text throughout the day, during my break, ect I always make sure to check in with him. But I like this idea!! I’m going back to school to get my doctorate so this will definitely keep me super busy and hopefully take my focus off of him. 

I have been responding to his texts because I know that if I don’t he won’t reach out again and we just won’t talk. I wasn’t ready for that but like I said, every time we speak I’m filled with anxiety and disappointment. So, I told him I love him without the intentions on texting back and his next question was “you love me still?” Idk why that crushed me. Idk how to interpret it. This was 3 hours ago and I haven’t responded. 

[Teemacey]

On 8/5/2024 at 8:06 PM, stillafool said:

This was the problem right here.  It's important to heal and close the door on your previous relationship before entering something new.

So, he reached out to me again. The conversation was just small talk but he asked if I missed him. I said yes, and then he just went on to talk about something unrelated, never addressed what I said. More small talk. I decided speaking with him just gives me more anxiety or confusion. If he doesn’t want me talking to him, why does he keep reaching out? I’m not forcing him to talk to me, I just don’t get it. I respond to his texts because I know that if I don’t he’s not going to text me anymore. He usually stop responding to me in the day and will text me the next day. Yesterday I decided I can’t keep doing this and told him I loved him and his response was “you love me still?” & idk why that hurt so bad but it did & I didn’t text back. I know now we won’t ever talk again. 

[Gaeta]

10 hours ago, Teemacey said:

I decided speaking with him just gives me more anxiety or confusion. If he doesn’t want me talking to him, why does he keep reaching out?

That's why you have to block him so you don't experience this anxiety over and over.

Why he does this? It does not matter. He's going through some weird power trip. What ever his reason, it hurts you, block him. 

[Teemacey]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

That's why you have to block him so you don't experience this anxiety over and over.

Why he does this? It does not matter. He's going through some weird power trip. What ever his reason, it hurts you, block him. 

Thanks for being so gentle with me! I never really dealt with heartbreak and went through a healing process because I jumped from one person to the other, so I don’t even know how to go about this.its hard accepting that things will never ever be the same. 

[Teemacey]

On 8/8/2024 at 7:45 AM, Gaeta said:

That's why you have to block him so you don't experience this anxiety over and over.

Why he does this? It does not matter. He's going through some weird power trip. What ever his reason, it hurts you, block him. 

Omg, so I did it. He kept texting me. So I told him pretty much everything we talked about here. And I told him I needed to hear it from him. I told him to tell me it’s all true and he said it’s all true. So I blocked him. I feel so hurt and lost and idk what to even do. Like I need to hear this gets better. 

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

Like I need to hear this gets better

Oh dear! For sure it will get better. Breakups are part of life. Couples breakup or divorce every day and they get over it. 

First step is to accept it's over and accept it will take a bit of time to feel better, but you will feel better.  You pamper yourself, spend time with friends & family, start a new project, watch sad love movies and cry. Don't underestimate the power if cookiedough flavor ice cream!  😊

[Teemacey]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Oh dear! For sure it will get better. Breakups are part of life. Couples breakup or divorce every day and they get over it. 

First step is to accept it's over and accept it will take a bit of time to feel better, but you will feel better.  You pamper yourself, spend time with friends & family, start a new project, watch sad love movies and cry. Don't underestimate the power if cookiedough flavor ice cream!  😊

Yes but I feel embarrassed. He got me to a point I never wanted to be with him.  He seen a side of me I never wanted him to see. It’s embarrassing. I feel hurt and rejected even though I feel like I tried to do the right thing in the beginning by telling him I wasn’t ready. Now he has ZERO feelings for me and that’s hard to accept from someone who constantly expressed how much they loved me. Over and over. I’m never going to find that again. I hate myself. The tables have turned. He was the one hurting in the beginning now he’s fine and it’s me who’s hurting. I can’t believe this

[stillafool]

58 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

And I told him I needed to hear it from him. I told him to tell me it’s all true and he said it’s all true.

I'm sorry but what did you tell him you need to hear and tell you the truth about?  Did you block him now?

Edited August 9, 2024 by stillafool

[Teemacey]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm sorry but what did you tell him you need to hear and tell you the truth about?

I basically said things like I was told that he has to move on, this became too much for him, I can’t fix it, and that I need to heal. That we both aren’t ready, and a whole bunch of other stuff. And I told him to tell me it’s all true and he said it was. I blocked him after but then spiraled and unblocked him and sent multiple texts. He hasn’t blocked me but he hasn’t responded either. I HATE getting like this. I knew this was going to happen that’s why I tried to keep him at a distance. I feel so stupid like it’s all my fault when I should have stood firm on my boundaries and now once again I’m heartbroken. I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have told me this when I asked multiple times and I don’t understand why if he felt like that he didn’t just leave me alone. Instead, he kept texting me confusing me more. Why do I feel betrayed? 

Edited August 9, 2024 by Teemacey

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

’m never going to find that again

Everybody going through a breakup feels that way. You will feel like that again and even better & deeper. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Teemacey said:

I blocked him after but then spiraled and unblocked him and sent multiple texts.

Why did you then unblock and what did your texts say?

[Teemacey]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Everybody going through a breakup feels that way. You will feel like that again and even better & deeper. 

But he was perfect. Now just wasn’t our time and I hate myself for not getting it together for him

[Teemacey]

Just now, stillafool said:

Why did you then unblock and what did your texts say?

I’m not even sure. It’s just hard for me to accept all of this. I asked which parts of what I said was true. I asked should I stop reaching out and when did he lose feelings.

[stillafool]

Did he tell you "yes" to stop reaching out?

[Teemacey]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Did he tell you "yes" to stop reaching out?

No he hasn’t. 

[Teemacey]

Just now, Teemacey said:

No he hasn’t. 

He just hasn’t responded so I take that as a yes. He has NEVER seen this side of me I know it definitely turned him off 

[stillafool]

Well now is the time to block him and move on.  He wants to also I see and that is why he ignored your texts.  He knows it's the right thing for you guys to cut the chord and move on so do it.  If not for yourself, do it for him if you care about him.

[Teemacey]

19 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well now is the time to block him and move on.  He wants to also I see and that is why he ignored your texts.  He knows it's the right thing for you guys to cut the chord and move on so do it.  If not for yourself, do it for him if you care about him.

This sucks. 

[Teemacey]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Well now is the time to block him and move on.  He wants to also I see and that is why he ignored your texts.  He knows it's the right thing for you guys to cut the chord and move on so do it.  If not for yourself, do it for him if you care about him.

He said that he tried and tried and tried and that he’s done trying to be in a relationship with me and if it happens it happens but he’s not forcing it 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Teemacey said:

I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have told me this when I asked multiple times and I don’t understand why if he felt like that he didn’t just leave me alone. Instead, he kept texting me confusing me more. Why do I feel betrayed? 

You’re hurting, so you’re trying to find fault with his actions so that your hurt will turn to anger and you’ll feel better. Don’t do that. The bottom line is that you don’t really want to be in a relationship with him. There is nothing you can do in such cases but break up. It’s not your fault, and it’s not his fault. 

 

Edited August 10, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Teemacey said:

But he was perfect. Now just wasn’t our time and I hate myself for not getting it together for him

No, he wasn’t perfect. Nobody is.

He was very pushy and he said some questionable things to you, as though he was preying on your insecurity, needing you to need him. That’s unhealthy and you probably felt that. 

You shouldn’t hate yourself for not getting it together for him. You tried, but you can’t force yourself to love a person or want to be in a relationship with him. 

[Teemacey]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I really don’t know why you feel betrayed. You were the one pushing him towards a breakup all the time. It’s a wonder he stayed for so long.

You’re hurting, so you’re trying to find fault with his actions so that your hurt will turn to anger and you’ll feel better. Don’t do that. The bottom line is that you don’t love this man enough to be together with him. There is nothing you can do in such cases but break up. It’s not your fault, and it’s not his fault. 

 

No, I get it now. I even told him he did nothing wrong. Like in the beginning I didn’t see what I was doing wrong because I expressed multiple times I don’t want to be in a relationship. Like I started trying to convince myself that it’s not what I wanted when really it was. What I wanted was unfair to him. What I wanted was for him to stick around and wait for me while I work on myself and heal. Seeing him change into the person I never wanted to see is hard. 

[Teemacey]

1 minute ago, Teemacey said:

No, I get it now. I even told him he did nothing wrong. Like in the beginning I didn’t see what I was doing wrong because I expressed multiple times I don’t want to be in a relationship. Like I started trying to convince myself that it’s not what I wanted when really it was. What I wanted was unfair to him. What I wanted was for him to stick around and wait for me while I work on myself and heal. Seeing him change into the person I never wanted to see is hard. 

I told him I had to work on myself before we be together and he would always say he would still be there and we still would be together. I told him I would make him change his feelings for me. He kept telling me he would be here and I started to EXPECT it. So when the opposite happened and everything I said would hsppen, did indeed happen it’s hard to accept.