rcharmed Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I am a married woman 45 years old.This past summer my husband was in a baseball torrament,he plays softball.Anyway a guy on his team did the across the room flirt and so did I we were in a bar at the ocean.A lot of other woman that are married to some of the other players think that he is hot.Belive it or not it was his eyes that I notice not his body besides the other woman said that the whole package is hot.My delema is that I would like to make the first move.He isn't married or in a relatioship he is a police officer I also have his phone number that a friend of my husband gave me.By the way some of the other people also notice the eye stare across the bar.Just to let you know my husband had a affair this May it lasted for one month before I found out so he dosen't have my trust back we whent to a counsler and whole thing was not to lie but he did it again (not with a other woman),any way I would like to get together with tis guy (he doesn't want a relationship or commitment) I don't either.What should I do.
goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Go for it. Never die wondering. Hope you have a good time and tells us what happens!!
damwinston Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 You can look in the mirror and realize "I am married." So he had an affair, he chose that. Maybe your relationship isn't that great - so end it and then find a guy to date. But not when you are married. Believe all of us, it is not worth it dammy
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 what are you looking for specifically and when you say your husband doesnt yet have your trust bak, are you saying that you are both working on building that trust back up. is that your common goal?
travellingman Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 He isn't married or in a relatioship he is a police officer. You've just described one of the Village People. You sure he wasn't checking out your husband?
BUTAFLY Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 You can look in the mirror and realize "I am married." So he had an affair, he chose that. Maybe your relationship isn't that great - so end it and then find a guy to date. But not when you are married. Believe all of us, it is not worth it dammy HEAD DAMMY'S WORDS!!! you saythat you know 'you don't want more' but, are you sure you can give your body to someone and not get feelings invovled? Because I'm sure he'll have no problem, he will be able to let you go. and when it all comes crashing down all your left with is a broken marriage and hurt feelings You need to think about yourself. Plus to do this out of revenge is not a good idea either end your marriage or try to rebuild it. ps just because i guy winks at you doenst mean you go throwing yourself at him. Its not like he approached you and gave you his number. 1
EMJ Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Sure you aren't just trying to get a little revenge? Your husband's affair does not give you a free pass to have your own. It's just a huge sign that your marriage is in big trouble. This is way too close to home. If you want out of the marriage do it in a classy way, not a "big messy, now all of our friends know how stupid we are way". This man is on your husband's softball team AND he's a police officer. You say "By the way some of the other people also notice the eye stare across the bar". Ok so why don't you make it official so you can be known the biggest slut in the bar? Women ALWAYS gets the worse end of it in these situations. You know you aren't getting any younger, if you are really that unhappy, then take the bold steps to change your situation before all men stop noticing you. If you still want to have an affair pick someone FAR away from your husband's world. It's cruel, hurtful, and just plain stupid to make a bad situation worse. Otherwise you are likely to need to find a whole new group of friends in addition to a new husband. Wives will never trust you again, just watch. They will turn on you if you are seen as a threat. Do what you must do, but always be discreet, it's for your protection, not his.
scarletletter Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I will tell you the same thing that I tell everyone in this situation. I am a MW in love with a MM and we have been in a descreet relationship for 5 months. I can tell you that, like you, my husband and I have not much of a marriage left and are just going through the motions. I went looking for something that was missing. I realize now that I should have gotten the divorce or separation first, but it is too late now. I will take care of that soon, it is my goal for this new year. I must warn you that being in a relationship with both people married to other people is very hard. You are the only one married in this situation and that will also be very hard. If you persue this, everything will change...EVERYTHING! You will not look at yourself or husband in the same way. Even in the other man doesn't want a relationship, it could be that he eventually might. If this happens, be ready for some disappointment on both sides. He has the freedom that you do not have and it will cause major problems. Just go in prepared!
Author rcharmed Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 He's not gay I know this because he was seening girl abouttwo years ago also he was married at one time.
Author rcharmed Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 We went to a counseler to try to work on the trust and everything was going good.Then he took me to work and went to the bar without me.He was going to pick me up from work so I called him to see what he wanted for dinner and he did not answer I tryed three times then I called the bar and they said he was not there.I found out that he did not tell me beacuse he thought that I would be mad and I would but he lied to again so the little bit of trust that he got back walk out the door.By the way we have been married for 28 years.
Author rcharmed Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 He said that it just happened but seeing someone for almost a month did not just happen.The other woman also came to my work to check me out at that time I did not know what she looked like but I do now.I have always had a low self esteem.That also went out the door with the trust.I'm five foot four inches wear a size 11 long reddish brown hair and hazel eyes.When I saw what she looked like I told my husband that he must have been realty drunk.
Author rcharmed Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 At this point of my life I could see him and not put my feeling into it and I not throwing myself at him if I was I would have by now.
Author rcharmed Posted January 3, 2006 Author Posted January 3, 2006 You are the only one to tell me to go for it.If I am going to go for it how do I make the first move this seems funny asking someone younger for help and someone said could I just put my feelings aside and just have a casual affair.I think I could.
EMJ Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Ok, 28 years a LONG, LONG time to be married to someone and not know every single thing about him. He MAY HAVE been drunk when he was with this other woman, but him being with her has little or nothing to with the way you look. Unless you weigh around 250 lbs, I doubt that your looks are the issue. That's frequently an excuse but rarely is it the truth. It's the consideration, respect, kindness, and other little things that mean a lot that drive someone into the arms of another. Also sex, If he isn't gettting much anymore, he might be looking for more. Affairs are never casual, but that doesn't mean they are SERIOUS. You have been married almost 3 times longer than the average marriage, which is lasts about 10 years, or so I've read. Maybe the excitement and interest is gone? Maybe your children are grown and he does not feel any more value in the marriage? Or maybe he's just a selfish SOB who has never treated you well? Either way you need to take care of yourself. Do you want to stay in your marriage or not? That's entirely up to you. It just seems silly to throw away the longest relationship of life over an affair. That sort of trivial event seems minimal when compared to 28 years. If they were mostly good years. Good Luck no matter what you decide.
Sami_D Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 What's the point of messing up your marriage more than it already is..? What good will come of it, ultimately? I say forget this other man until you've worked out what you want to do with your marriage.
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