Johnathon Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 I have been thinking about it a lot and I don't think I want kids or to get married i just want to find someone and be with only her in a longterm relationship. What does everyone think about marriage and kids I just wanted to know everyones feelings on the topics? Any type of reply is welcome and happy new years >=)
JS17 Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 I posted on the same thing this morning except I have the exact opposite view. I want to get married and have kids but I might be too old or socially inept to do so. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting it or not wanting it as long as the person you're with feels the same way.
Touche Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Nothing wrong with that at all. Just be up front with people about it. Don't lead anyone on in to thinking you want something that you don't. Also, you just might change your mind about all that...just depends on what stage of life you're in...but in itself there's not a thing wrong with not wanting marriage and children.
Author Johnathon Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Yeah i talk to a lot of girls who when i say i don't want kids or to get married they treat me like I'm an assholl for some reason and act like whats wrong with me for not wanting that which got to me after so many times of hearing the same thing. I'm 27 by the way but I don't see marriage or kids in my future because its just too serious a leap to take in my opinion and theres way too many faults that could occur if it doesn't turn out how you want. I just want to get with someone and be with her and enjoy life and not have to worry about her divorcing me for my money or worrying about my kids 24/7 and try to enjoy mmy own life.
Lucasarts Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 hmm when a girl asks me about having kids i usually reply with a straighforward...no. i experienced having a "simulator" baby that would cry basically 6 hours of the night. being this was a graded school project educating teens about being a parent and to use protection during sex (which is a no brainer). I absolutely hated it, i woke up grouchy, i slept during school when i had this lil sh*t and b/c it was plastic and expressed no gratitude for my efforts of being a "good father" i recieved no joy from it. girls usually wrinkle their noses at me when i say no, but when i tell them why, they usually laugh at my suffering and then agree with me that that type of experience would turn them off as well. But there are a quite a few girls out there that dont want kids, and they are the ones you would think do.
Touche Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Lucas that was hilarious. You had me laughing. Things have come a long way since I was in high school. We basically had to do the same exercise but it was just with a raw egg. Had to take that damn egg wherever we went without breaking it. I cheated once and put it in my locker! I was so "proud" of myself when the last day of the experiment, I noticed I was one of a very few who still had our egg. So I proudly placed it on my desk like the few who had one remaining...and it rolled off and BROKE in front of everyone! ARGH! Anyway, Jonathon, there ARE girls out there who also don't want kids. Who cares what the other ones think. Having kids is a serious, personal choice and you should be admired for knowing what you want/don't want...not ridiculed.
brashgal Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Marriage may serve you for financial reasons (insurance, benefits, other protections under the law) - that would be the only reason I would marry if I was not having kids. I think it is good to recognize that you don't want children. Most people don't think seriously enough about it.
targetbag Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Well, I'd say the majority of people your age (which happens to be my age as well) are looking for marriage and children. Therefore, when you're on a first date with a woman or having a "getting to know you" conversation, a lot of women will be disappointed upon finding out you don't have the same aspirations. It's about finding someone you're compatible with. I mean, think about it. If you met a woman you liked a lot, and then she told you she can't wait to have a ring on her finger and a couple of babies, would your interest wane a little? Hey, just keep getting out there and meeting people, and I'm sure you'll find someone who thinks similarly to the way you do. Also, from your comment about not being sure you could count on a relationship working out, I suspect you may (or may not) have some trust issues. I'd advise you to take a step back and see if your motivation behind not wanting a family has anything to do with an inability to trust your partner. Maybe not...just a thought. Happy New Year to you too
Author Johnathon Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 I like kids there great but you can't turn back time if you screw up with them or decide kids arn't for you so I'd rahter not have any. Same thing with marriage guys can get screwed by girls if they meet the wrong ones i hear so I don't want to put myself in that position cause I know I won't do that to someone but I'm not everyone. I also do have trust issues somewhat because every marriage I've seen was great at first and then it went to hell plus my ex i was going to marry completly changed later and shocked me so i don't want to get married and have a girl change on me later and take me for my pants because she suddenly doesn't like me. Yeah I have some trust issues but I'm not letting them control me its my commen sense that is keeping me from doing any of that I am trying to prevent being stuck in a situation i can't turn back and fix later.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids after marrying!! Just let your s/o know cause most women want kids at some time and place in their life !! Good luck
morrigan Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I'm 30, happy with my life and have no desire to get married or have children. Feeling that way doesn't mean you can't have good relationships or find someone to be committed to long term. Be honest about what you want and look for someone with compatible views.
JayKay Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I've been with my live-in BF going on 6 years now and niether of us cares to get married or have kids. And no...we won't 'change our minds when we get older' as so many people predicted. Sheesh, we're pushing 40. If we don't know our own minds by now then I'd feel very sad for us! Go with your gut, OP. If marriage/kids ain't for you, don't force it. I never wanted the 2.5 kids, the minivan, the house in the suburbs, the soccer games or any of that stuff. It's just not me. You'll find someone who shares your values and lifestyle. Just be true to you.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 You will know when you are ready for marriage and kids!! I never thought i ever wanted to have a baby and i did at 25 and had her when i turned 26 ,and wouldn't take nothing for her at all!! I am glad i waited and was even surprized i wanted a kid !! She was planned and wanted !! Good LUCK
Lifestream Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I agree, live your life the way you want, you only have one shot at it. At the same time though, don't you think some of those reasons such as "a lot of work" or "they break things" is a bit of a cynical view?
ladyinwaiting Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I don't think you're at all unusual. I actually wish more men would be as honest. I do, however, think it's important that you be upfront with any woman in your life, cause otherwise you're headed for disaster. Before meeting the love of my life, I was ambivilent about children. I guess I'd figured that I would have some one day, although I never gave it a lot of thought. My man made it quite clear on about the third date that he didn't want kids. I appreciated his honesty. He feared I would walk away, but I was actually rather relieved, and over the years I've grown to know I don't really want kids ever. Our lifestyle is as valid as any other. Plus, we sponsor overseas kids, have rescued heaps of dogs from the pound, and give a massive chunk of our money to chairty, so any obligation I had to society is more than met. I know many couples who have kids, think they are wonderful, and wouldn't have done it any other way. I'm sure it can be wa wonderful thing. But then I look at those of our male friends who forced into having kids they didn't want by their women. Those couples struggle to pay the bills, fight all the time, and the reluctant fathers do nothing to help out at all and spend much of their time in the child free haven of our house, while their wives are bitter and resentful (with no good reason to be, given they wanted the kids and their husbands didn't!). Or I think about my older girlfriends who want kids but have spent years building a relationship only to find that their partners admit, too late, that they do not. There is no right or wrong lifestyle. But there are right and wrong actions. Provided you are honest with the people you date, and upfront about no marriage and no kids, than you're entitled to live life in the way that makes you happy. Life is too short to do otherwise!!
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