coasting Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Happy New Year ALL! I have to say this is my first time here, but I think it is a great site where others help others get through their problems together. So now I come to you looking for all the advise or help I can get. I was in a live in situation for 3 years with a guy that I absolutely love to pieces.We met at the hospital where we both work. He is a security guard and I am a unit assistant in the emergency room. There had been a lot of arguing over the past 9 months because I felt it had to be his way or no way. The arguing was not to the point where we were not intimate, or could not do things together. I came home from work on November 19, 2005 to find most of his things gone and a note on the table reading, "Sorry it had to be this way, but it seems to be what you wanted. We both are not happy and I don't know what else to do." Of coursr I was devasted and in shock. Over the course of the next few days I was able to locate as to where he was staying. Not who he was staying but where he was. I figured he maybe needed time to sort things out as his mom was really sick for the past four months, and in the nursing home literally dying. I would go up everyday to be with her for a bit, as well take wonderful care of his two children from a previous marriage, so that he could go up. I have to admit I did push him wquite a bit because I felt he wasn't spending enough time with her, knowing she was dying.(she did pass on yesterday) after the break up I did contact him and let him know that I would still see his mother on a regular basis as well as his sister, and I thank god that I was there whne she passed on. anyway two weeks after the move out I learned he had moved in with a woman from the Admitting department at the hospital. I did confront him with an email, and all's he could say was "please do not talk about this at work!" Now all of my friends are at work and they are my support team, and they all tell me he's not worth it, you deserve so much better. And that there is no way his new relationship will survive because he literally went fron 1 bed to another. My problem is I want him back!
slubberdegullion Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Yes, your friends will be telling you that he's not worth it and all the rest because they mean well. But they're not seeing the situation from inside, and besides, it's a bit of a back-handed slap in the face: it's like they're saying, "What were you thinking?" but all after-the-fact. No one came to you in the beginning to say that maybe it wasn't the best choice. Armchair quarterbacking at it's finest. But to the point: Confronting him at work is wrong, wrong, wrong. Secondly, he has just lost his mum, and whether his relationship with her was a positive or negative one, the loss of a parent is a seminal event in a person's life. Thirdly, he's having to manage his career plus his kids from a previous marriage, and may be also dealing with some issues from his ex. Are you starting to get the picture? Now, I think that his choice to move in with that other woman right away was a bad decision, but it's possible (not likely, but possible) that their relationship is platonic and he's sleeping on the couch or the second bedroom or whatever while he sorts out the cluster of flaming balls he has in the air. So cut the guy a little slack, and cut yourself some too. Let him know, gently (face-to-face if possible, and out of earshot of your support staff) that you are willing to talk about whatever issues he may be facing at the moment, and then back off. It will have to be up to him to initiate the approach after that, which is as it should be. Good luck.
Author coasting Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Thank you Slubberdegullian for your feedback: It appears to be I forgot to say this confrontation was not in work it was via emails at home. And I know he i going through alot as I have been with him for the past three years, trying to do what I can for him. He was very appreciative that i was not going to close his mother out of my life, and I did give that choice tellling him I would stay away from her if that was his wishes, and he replied they were not his wishes, As foar as a platonic relationship, it is not as this woman has actually made it a point for word to get to me a work that they haad been dating for a bit.
slubberdegullion Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 OK, thanks, obviously I misunderstood. It seems that you have done all you really can do, at least as far as I can tell. Maybe it would be best to go NC (no contact) with him for, say, a month, then maybe reconnect to see if you and he can salvage your relationship. I wish you luck.
Author coasting Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Thank you again, And I agree after all of the services for his mom. I will definitely let it go and hope, and pray for his return. In the mean time I have put in a transfer request for a different shift as well as a different job, just so I do not have to face the two of them everyday. I honestly think that is the toughest part. You are wonderful, thank you!
slubberdegullion Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 awww, shucks, ma'am, t'weren't nuthin...
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