Roarz Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 So after apologizing for being an ass during the breakup, she IM's me and acts like nothing ever happened. After a couple of minutes of back and forth, I tell her that I'm not ready for us to talk again yet. I feel like I am emotionally over her, it's just that I don't know if I can ever forgive her for how she treated me. I don't want to be just friends and also I just don't think I could stand it after how I was treated. Anyway, after I say I don't want to talk to her yet, she says "Ok sorry" and that was that. Now a few days later she calls and leaves me a voice mail for a mutual friend's phone number. Of course I haven't responded and I have no desire to. What I want to know is why does she keep trying to contact me? She got what she wanted (to not be together anymore) so why can't she just respect this simple request? In the middle of the apology she said "This isn't leading up to us getting back together, so don't think that" so what more is there for us to talk about? I heard out her apology (which is a lot more than she deserves) and that should be that. She said she thought it was stupid to stop talking after all the time we've known each other, but I guess that's easy for her to say since she's the one who ended it and also kind of selfish imo. So she basically wants me to be her best friend again while leaving me hanging, never giving me what I want. I am thinking about sending a text message to ask her (a lot less nicely than the first time) to stop calling me. Is this a good idea or should I just stick to NC for a while and hope that gets the message through? I just really want to end this whole situation for good and she's not being very cooperative.
dahlia Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Hi. I don't know your particular circumstance--how long you were together, how long you've been broken up, but, I do know that my ex dumped me and called me after almost 6 wks. I was strong enough to not pick up. He left me lame messages, nothing of any consequence. Anyway, he called again last week, and I did answer. He basically told me he has a girlfriend, doesn't want to get back together, but wants to be friends. Somehow, I think he is lying. I know him very well, and he is the most arrogant, stubborn man alive. Why would your ex or mine call after they dumped us? I am wondering if they were fishing for us to crumble or beg for them? Anyhow, don't text her back. Don't bother telling her not to contact you anymore, just blow her off. But, if you do want her back, then maybe answer very few of her calls, be indifferent, and if she says the magic words, Sorry, want you back, I was wrong Well then you can go from there. That's how I feel. I still love my ex, but if he wants me back he is going to have to show it, not just call and talk about nonsense!!! That's only leading me to believe they have ulterior motives and maybe b/c they did the dumping and are stubborn that don't have the guts to say exactly what is on their minds
bendit Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 She is being abusive...She has no empathy for the hurt you feel. Would someone who cares about you as a person be doing stuff like this? Forget whether there is any love anymore. I have been through this and if I were to do it over I would NEVER take her call again (and from now on I won't). I would block her IMs I would delete or block her emails. She wont respect your boundaries. She is trying to eat her cake and have it too. I really hope you have the strength to go NC. If she gets through on a call hang up. Rude you say? As someone much smarter than me said, can you really be MEAN to a bully? regards and happy 06. ps: Dahlia, what they are looking for is validation. They tell you about the new GF to hurt you. Because it was your fault things didn't work out and messed up their plans. They also want you to get the old feelings for them stirred up again, which is why they are so sweet when they call and tell you how great their life is. This is simply a way for them to bask in the warm glow of your rekindled desire. If you do broach the subject of seeing him, he will of course say he can't possibly, he is with someone and it would be unfair to her. And he will feel so special for having two women desire him. He will also feel wonderful for staying faithful and rebuffing your advances. These people are abusive and far too often the hurt party tolerates the abuse under the guise of a budding friendship. Stop them in their tracks.
Leid Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Hi, sorry to hear that.. she sounds like she doesn't care much about your feelings. I'd stick to NC.. a new year is coming up. NC does wonders for driving a point all the way home HAPPY New year to you, Leid So after apologizing for being an ass during the breakup, she IM's me and acts like nothing ever happened. After a couple of minutes of back and forth, I tell her that I'm not ready for us to talk again yet. I feel like I am emotionally over her, it's just that I don't know if I can ever forgive her for how she treated me. I don't want to be just friends and also I just don't think I could stand it after how I was treated. Anyway, after I say I don't want to talk to her yet, she says "Ok sorry" and that was that. Now a few days later she calls and leaves me a voice mail for a mutual friend's phone number. Of course I haven't responded and I have no desire to. What I want to know is why does she keep trying to contact me? She got what she wanted (to not be together anymore) so why can't she just respect this simple request? In the middle of the apology she said "This isn't leading up to us getting back together, so don't think that" so what more is there for us to talk about? I heard out her apology (which is a lot more than she deserves) and that should be that. She said she thought it was stupid to stop talking after all the time we've known each other, but I guess that's easy for her to say since she's the one who ended it and also kind of selfish imo. So she basically wants me to be her best friend again while leaving me hanging, never giving me what I want. I am thinking about sending a text message to ask her (a lot less nicely than the first time) to stop calling me. Is this a good idea or should I just stick to NC for a while and hope that gets the message through? I just really want to end this whole situation for good and she's not being very cooperative.
Author Roarz Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Oh, lol, I just assumed everyone knew about the whole "read other posts by user" thing. Anyway, recap on it, although it probably will not change the general consensus of just ignore. She got to college first year, and suddenly decided that we "would never work out" although we had worked out for 2 years prior with no bad things leading up to this. Dated someone 1 week after me (who promptly dumped her over voice mail after 1 date). She also became a "party sorority girl". We tried the whole friends thing and the whole time (about 2 months) she would say such harsh things, like "So and so (the new guy) looks so cute in a cowboy hat" or "I got drunk and kissed someone last night". I had asked her to stop talking about such things at least 3-4 times and always forgave her (love makes a person stupid to their own needs I guess). Last straw was when she invited me to eat dinner and then she flagged down one of her friends and talked to them for no less than 10 minutes, completely ignoring me and never introducing me. I just got up and left and she had a fit about that and I told her why I got pissed off and what I got was the most stuck up response I've ever heard out of someone "I'm sorry I'm popular, get over it." So then I finally have the strength to do full NC (just because someone can only take so much) and a few weeks later she apologizes amd says that was "just a phase" and she's out of it and I say that if I ever do work her back into my life it's going to take a while. So from there you can just kind of work into this latest post. I kind of still want her back even after this and I have no idea way but I have the insight enough to finally know that she will just do the same thing over again so that's why I am trying so hard to do NC. All this bull**** casual chatshe keeps trying to force is making it harder than it should be, especially when I clearly said I didn't want any of it, at least not for a while. I wonder if a more nastily toned request for NC would finally make it stop, but then again I guess that just gives her what she wants, which is contact. So I suppose I will just stick to ignore mode. Only thing I can really control I guess is myself.
l13578920001 Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 You are her doormat, she needs to have you in her pocket to fell worthy. She tried to up grade you and that failed. Her ego has taken a hit. Now her heart has changed and wants you around. My belief is never be friends after a break up. Anybody that decided to try and upgrade does not desearve my frendship. Do not be angry at her, that shows you are still hurt, and she wins
riobikini Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Stop reacting to the behavior of others: i.e. she leaves a v-mail = you answer... you call her = she texts you.....you leave a v-mail = she calls you back, -and on and on and on..... Redundant trap using the fresh meat from a bleeding heart. STOP THE CONTACT COMPLETELY if you truly want no more of this relationship. It does not take a rocket scientist to block email and phone numbers. -Rio
confused45 Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Rio, You have great advice. Do you mind of me private messenging you for advice?
riobikini Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Dear Confused45: I am open to Private Messanging when you feel it's necessary. Anything you can post for open viewing by this board, tho, -helps someone who's going through difficulties. If you can post them, do so. If you cannot, I'll be happy to receive your Private Messages. (Smile) Take Care. -Rio
flakyapplepie Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Roarz, This is hard to admit but I've been that girl in your situation. In the end the guy I was with got fed up with the fact that I was a bottomless pit. 'd like to talk to you on AIM or through email.
Author Roarz Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Hey flaky, that sounds good...my email is [email protected]. Send me something when you get this
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