Why does she keep coming back?

[BornUnderPunches97]

Hello.

There's a woman I've been chatting with on and off for over a month now.

To be brief, I'm constantly oscillating between being nice to being absolute inconsiderate, rude, vulgar to her.

She wanted to meet with me in person.

I stood her up at least three times in span of a month yet despite of that, she did not blocked me and still wants to meet up with me.

Why is she like this?

[Gebidozo]

Wrong question. 

The right question is, “Why are you like this?”

 

[BornUnderPunches97]

21 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Wrong question. 

The right question is, “Why are you like this?”

 

I wish I could answer this.

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

To be brief, I'm constantly oscillating between being nice to being absolute inconsiderate, rude, vulgar to her.

 

Huh?  Do you care to explain why you've been doing that?

[BornUnderPunches97]

7 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Huh?  Do you care to explain why you've been doing that?

I don't know myself to be honest.

I just have these massive spikes of contempt whey I get exposed to affection

[basil67]

Each of your posts is about the same thing.  The fact that you keep dating when you already know that you're going to be hateful and abusive suggests that you enjoy what you do.   Do you have other sadistic traits?  

 

Edited July 13, 2024 by basil67

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, BornUnderPunches97 said:

I don't know myself to be honest.

I just have these massive spikes of contempt whey I get exposed to affection

Then you're not ready to date, so you shouldn't have been talking to a woman at all in the context of potentially meeting up/dating.  What you need is to get into therapy. 

[ExpatInItaly]

She has zero self-respect and is desperate. 

[stillafool]

On 7/13/2024 at 5:52 AM, BornUnderPunches97 said:

I stood her up at least three times in span of a month yet despite of that, she did not blocked me and still wants to meet up with me.

Why is she like this?

I don't know why she's like that but you can be sure you'll never hear from her again if you block her, why haven't you blocked her yet?  Do you like the attention?

[Lauriebell82]

Yikes, you sound very much like a dismissive avoidant which is an attachment related issue. I have dated a few of those in my time as when I was younger I was more of an anxiously attached person. Now I am more secure. But it's unfortunate that anxious and avoidants attract each other into a relationship-then repel each other just as fast. It's called the anxious/avoidant trap. So most likely you are attracting anxious women and when you get triggered by them coming forward and distance yourself from them it causes THEM to get triggered and chase the hell out of you-causing you to run further away-and then they continue to chase you because they think they are doing something wrong! And the cycle just continues and continues and continues....

I agree it's probably a very good idea to get therapy for this issue or else you will continue this cycle in the dating world. I am a licensed therapist and specialize in attachment related issues, working with lots of clients with both anxious and avoidant related issues. They don't just "go away." It takes hard work to become more secure with yourself, and then be able to attract more healthy secure partners as a result. 

[Alpacalia]

Forget her. Why are you like this? Do you have a deep seated hate for other people and deep seated contempt for yourself? 

You should take a hard look at yourself and figure out why you feel the need to treat someone who has shown you kindness with such disrespect. Says more about you than it does about her. 

[MsJayne]

Never mind about her, you should be asking why you get your jollies being abusive. She probably has some self-esteem issues, otherwise she’d recognise that you’re missing a vital ingredient of humanity. If you’ve never reflected on your own unkind behaviour you’ll never understand other people, so why waste your time pondering other people’s motivations? Sounds like you have a damaged ego and it’s dictating who you are. 

[BornUnderPunches97]

On 7/14/2024 at 7:57 PM, stillafool said:

I don't know why she's like that but you can be sure you'll never hear from her again if you block her, why haven't you blocked her yet?  Do you like the attention?

I do like the attention