20F Confused by 25M Boyfriend's Sudden Cold Shoulder - What did I do Wrong?

[chantryingherhardest]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20-year-old female (F20) and my boyfriend is a 25-year-old male (M25). We've been in a relationship for 3 months, dated for 3 months before that, and have known each other for 2 years as co-workers and friends.

Overall, our relationship has been going well. We have our disagreements, but nothing we haven't been able to get over. I'm happy in our relationship and I really love him. I feel like he loves me too. He treats me great, tells me he sees a future with me, and talks about us getting married and having kids. I've never really doubted how he feels about me.

However, this past week I've been feeling a bit insecure (not sure if that's the right word). It feels like he's not really interested in talking to me, but to be fair, he hasn't done anything specific to make me feel that way. I chalked it up to the fact that I'm starting my period in a couple of days and my hormones are making me feel a bit off, which isn't unusual for me, so I let it go.

That was until yesterday at work. Earlier in the day, everything was completely fine, but things changed during lunch. My boyfriend is a semi-pro football player and has recently changed teams. We were talking about it as he had his first match with his new team that evening. I asked him what the name of the team is, and he said, "No, I'm not gonna tell you," in a jokey way. I thought he was joking, so I told him I bet I could find out. He said, "Go ahead."

Since I knew where he trains, I just googled the training ground and found the associated team. I asked him, "Is it [Team Name]?" He said no instantly, then I said, "Really?" (the conversation is still light), and he said, "Lol no, it is actually." He asked me how I found it, and I explained, and everything seemed fine.

I then asked, "Why did you say no lol, why didn't you want me to know?" To which he replied (I can't remember word for word), "I don't want you in my business," or "I don't want people in my business." I said, "You don't want me in your business?" and he said, "It wasn't something to be repeated." I just said okay and went silent because what the f***? I'm here taking an interest in his life and in something that takes up a LOT of his time and his life, and he's making me feel bad for it. We don't really have a "my business is my business" type of relationship either, so I don't get it.

Anyways, we didn't speak for the rest of the day. When we were going home (different directions), I said I didn't think I should come over tomorrow (I go to his house every Friday), and he didn't even make eye contact. He just nodded, and when I said, "OK well I'm gonna get on my bus," again no eye contact, nothing. We didn't text the whole night, but I noticed he turned off his location. Now I'm just sitting here thinking, what have I done wrong to this man? And how do I handle it?

TL;DR: 20F with 25M, together for 3 months, known each other for 2 years. Everything was fine until yesterday at work. Asked him about his new football team, he jokingly refused to tell me. I found out the team name, and he got weirdly defensive, saying he doesn't want me in his business. We didn't speak the rest of the day, he ignored me, and turned off his location. Feeling confused and hurt.

[MsJayne]

Being as you're at the three month mark, and that time frame is notorious for being the mark where one half of a couple suddenly decides the other person is not for them, I'd say brace for a possible ending. I guess the other possibility is that he felt a little smothered by you hunting down his new team, though his reaction seems a bit unnecessary, it's odd that he didn't just tell you when you asked. The lack of eye contact when you doing your goodbyes is a bit of a worry, it usually means the other person is  miffed about something. Maybe just hang off initiating next contact, give him time to get over his huff and let him contact you when he's ready. 

[Gaeta]

What are those disagreements about in your 3 month relationship? We're not suppose to have disagreements to work on at 3 months dating.  And why did you activate each other's location? That's too much. So if l read  your story well you figured his team because you keep track of his location? My guess is your guy feels smothered. Especially he said he doesn't want you up in his business as if there is a history here.

Leave him alone for a while. You're not gonna get him back by annoying him. It's possible he realized this relationship is not for him. 

Edited July 5, 2024 by Gaeta

[stillafool]

Why did you tell him you didn't think you should come over Friday night as usual?