elisabeth160 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 K here's the deal. I've been friends with this guy for about 4 months. We hang out a lot and work @ the same place too. So I started having feelings for him and thought I made it completly obvious. He had broken up with his ex of a year and a half back in july, but was still friends with her. He had told a friend of mine that he had feelings for me but doubted it would go anywhere. So I had my hopes up about me and him.. Till a week ago when I found out he started going back out with his ex again. I was upset and told him everything. That I had started liking him and was unhappy about him dating her and had wanted to hook up with him. He asked why I didn't tell him sooner and that we can still hook up and swore he had no idea I liked him. Well we hung out a few days ago and his gf showed up. She was pissed I was there and told him to make me leave because she said eveyone knew I wanted to get with him, and how could he have me over knowing that. He wouldn't make me leave so she broke up with him. That night we hooked up for the first time. But we agreed it had to be a secret. The next day I asked if he was going to get back together with her and he said probably. And this weekend he's going to vegas with her and her family for New Years. I have feelings for him and wanna be with him sexually and in a relationship. What can\should I do? Would I be horrible for hooking up with him while he's with her?
newbby Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 well horrible to yourself, definetly! he said he is probably going to get back with her, right in your face like that, ughh. you want to be with him? why?
EMJ Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Here's what you said: -You work in the same place and " made it completly obvious" that you have feelings for him. -He only wants to be with you in "secret" -He's still dating his ex, even AFTER you hooked up with him -"The next day I asked if he was going to get back together with her and he said probably." -"This weekend he's going to vegas with her and her family for New Years." You have all the information you need right there. You are nothing to this man except as a "secret" outlet. It's so obvious that he couldn't care less for you or your feelings. He's being totally upfront and you are letting, almost asking, him to wipe his feet on you. I'ts almost painful to read. But you have created this situation and only you can change it. The worst part about the whole thing is that it is likely your entire work place knows all the details, and it does not reflect well on you. You won't make that mistake again is you decide to learn from this expericence. We all make mistakes. If you change your actions now, you have an opportunity to come out stronger and smarter than before. Here's some friendly advice that I shared with another woman in order to salvage what shreds are left of your dignity and not to let it EVER happen again and some info about how men's minds work: He has a girlfriend and another life. You need to get another life too, immediately. You are way too easy to get, no challenge at all. How can he miss you if you never go away? You need to pull WAY back, get a hobby, and start looking for another job, seriously, whatever it is that will keep you occupied and not constantly and immediately available to him. No man, including the one you want, finds this kind of behavior attractive. It's needy, dependent, clingy, weak, and a total drag. So stop it and get some self esteem if you want to ever hold any man's attention for reasons beyond sex. Pull yourself together, brush yourself off and keep moving ahead. It's hard at first, but will become a habit, force yourself to stay away from him. You can't win this one, it really is over. But may win the next one if you get yourself together.
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