She said she still loved me but needed to enjoy her youth on her own.

[Tinois]

Hello. I've already posted that but I didn't explain as much. It's going to be a long story but if you want tot help or just give advice, then feel free to comment or dm.

Me (M21) and my ex-girlfriend (F21) met at 16 and stayed together for 5 years.
We spent 2 years in highschool together and 3 years in long distance relationship.

A few weeks ago she told me she was plagued by doubts. That she felt she needed to seduce other people, that she wanted to enjoy her youth on her own because she was scared of missing something while being in a relationship.

We had a beautiful relationship, never argued, sane, no manipulation or something, just pure love.
And when she told me that, I understood because 2 years ago I broke up with her for the same reason. A month after the breakup I regretted it and came back to her, we talked, I apologized and we stayed together for 3 more years after that. So today, as it is her turn to feel these needs, I understand her.
To let her the time to do what she wants (basically try and seduce other guys, live a single student life for a while) I said that it would be better if we broke up. So we did. When we last saw each other, and talked about that, she cried a lot, she felt guilty but she also assured me she still loved me. She asked to kiss me, to hug me, she said she was scared of making a mistake and losing me, that she may want to stay with me in the end but was not sure at all for now. So I told her "take the time you need, and tell me whenever you know how you feel about us". We both agreed that it was not a goodbye forever but more something like "we stop our love for now, so we can be sure, and if life get us back together, so be it, if not, that was meant to happen." We also decided to still be in touch, once every 3-4 weeks, to know how the other is doing, so we continue to maintain a certain link between us, so our relationship does not die instantly.

It was 3 weeks ago, and I'm scared and heartbroken
Scared because I know there is a high chance she will understand that she needs to be alone to be happy (and be able to hook up freely with who she wants), scared because it might take months or years for her to know what's up in her heart. And scared because I know there is a high possibility of her just realizing she doens't love me anymore, or finding someone else.

And I'm heartbroken because I felt so happy with her. Because I wanted our story to continue, I wanted us to be happy and create good memories again and again.
I'm heartbroken because when we texted each other last week, I saw how happy she seemed without me. How easy the situation was for her. She cried and told me she loved me and asked me to kiss her, told me she was scared of losing me. But as of today, she's happy with it. And I don't understand how she can change her mind that fast.

Now I'm trying to focus on finishing my exams (hard as hell), exercizing and just miding my own business, meeting new people etc, but she is in my head all day. Everything remind me of her, and I can't stop thinking about how we lost something beautiful. I'm not going to wait for her my whole life, I'm going to live on my own, to evolve without her, but I still hope so hard that one day, she will realize she loves me and we will find each other again. In weeks, months, or years, but I hope that happend.

I'm lost. Between how she seemed upset at first and how easy she seems to live the situation now. I'm lost because she said she loved me but didn't want to stay with me. I'm lost because I don't want to stay in love for ever but I do hope she comes back. What the hell should I do.

[Gebidozo]

What’s happening to you has happened to pretty much everyone who’s ever been in a romantic relationship. When people get together at such a young age the chances of staying together forever are pretty slim. And the chances of staying together forever and being happy are even much slimmer.

You should let her go. She didn’t change her mind fast, she grew out of love, and probably also couldn’t get over you having broken up with her before. Whatever her reasons are, she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, she’s gone. You have to accept that this relationship is over. Try not to contact her, it will make things easier.

You haven’t lost something beautiful. That beautiful thing, you being together, loving each other, has happened, and no one can take it away from you. This will forever remain a part of your life growth. After some time has passed, you’ll reminisce this experience with fondness and gratitude.

You’re very young and you’ll fall in love again. Don’t wait for this girl, this won’t bring her back, and even if it does, it will never be the same again. Cherish your beautiful memories, say “thank you” to her, and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

You two have reached the end of your chapter together.

You started dating when you were very young, and you have both grown and changed. It's normal (but painful) that these relationships usually don't last a lifetime. One or both parties outgrow the relationship and it's time to move on. 

It will take time to process and heal, but when you do, you will likely see that she wasn't meant to be the love of your life. You have evolved into people who want different things, and there is someone else out there for you who will be a better match in the end. 

I would also not suggest you stay in touch right now. It will hurt you too much when the day comes that she meets another guy and you hear about it, all while having harboured hope that she would come back to you,. 

Edited June 17, 2024 by ExpatInItaly

[mark clemson]

Saying she "still loves you" is her either trying to soften the breakup a bit and/or appear nice. Nothing wrong with that, but don't let if fool you. If one person has genuinely made up their mind, it normally doesn't matter how the other one feels - won't change things.

Feeling heartbroken over things like this is fairly normal, particularly when you're young. But life's a marathon, not a sprint. Very likely once you're an adult, you'll just look back at this as "a nice girl I had a thing with for a while" and (TBH) not much more than that.