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Bf wants to break up while I'm going through a hard time


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Posted

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year. We had our ups and downs but what bothered me the most is that he kept repeating his mistakes. Last Saturday I explained calmly why the things he did hurt me and how can he fix them. After that he gone cold on me.

Yesterday I called him and asked if he wanted to talk because I was worried about my mothers health. To give a little backstory my mom had cancer in 2019 which was very traumatic for me to go through and I almost lost her to suicide in 2020. Recently she's not been feeling good and her tests came back horrible. I wanted to talk to someone, my boyfriend being the first person. He told me he'll call me when he gets back from his friends, I said okay and waited for and hour. I sent him a message to ask him will we talk or should I just go to sleep ( I was sleepy because I cried the whole day) then he said wait half an hour more, I got mad and blocked him (immature I know) I just didn't want him to call me when I was asleep. 

The next day he got very angry at me for blocking him which I understand but I explained he should've told me right away that he'll be back very late and I shouldn't wait for him. Just to be clear many times when my boyfriend told me "I'll be there in 20 minutes" , 20 minutes turns into an hour and very often he forgets to call me even when he told me he would. He started telling me that I was just mad because he hung out with his friends which is not true, and this wasn't the first time he's accused me of being a terrible person. One time he accused me that I wanted him to die which was far ever from that. Then he said he can't put up with me no more and that he wants to break up. I tried explaining to him that these past few days have been hell for me because I'm worried about my mom and her health but he doesn't want to understand he kept accusing me.

I remember when his grandma got very sick, he at that time did something to hurt my feelings but I put that aside because it wasn't good timing. I left all my negative feelings aside and I've been there for him, always asked how his grandma was, how he was, offered help... I'm just devestated because he can't be understanding when I'm going through a similar thing. 

Not to play a perfect person here, in the past I had explosive reactions whenever he did something to hurt my feelings and I wasn't able to communicate in a healthy way. I fixed myself as much as I could but he kept repeating his mistakes without ever truly trying. 

I'm just so devestated that he's turning his back on me right now. I could barely recognise him like I never met him before. I don't know if I should say something or there's nothing left to say. Does anybody have advice?

Posted

This man doesn't want to be with you.  He wants to end the relationship.  I'm sorry that your Mom is sick, I'm going through the same thing right now, my Mom is sick and it's been hard.  But this is not a reason that this man "can't" break up with you.  The fact that this man has no interest in being there for you through your Mom's sickness should show you even more that he is not the man for you.  When a man shows you that he doesn't want to be with you, accept that completely and let him go.  Don't chase after him and beg him to stay.  Why would you disrespect yourself like that and put yourself in a position of desperation?  Why would you want someone in your life who has already shown you that they don't want you?  Let him go.

  • Like 4
Posted

I agree with ShyViolet, he's not that into you or he'd make you a priority especially when you're hurt and have been crying.  It sounds like he's tried to break up with you before maybe he's sick of your explosive reactions to things.  That will make a man tire of you quickly.

  • Like 3
Posted

your sick mom shouldn't be the motive for your boyfriend to communicate with you, period.

none of this sounds like your boyfriend actually cares about you at all.

  • Like 3
Posted

I am so sorry you are going through this and about your mom's health. 

Your boyfriend does not love you anymore, please let him go. You cannot force someone to care about you it has to come naturally and when it doesn't come naturally anymore it means the feelings are gone. I think he is a horrible man for leaving you alone in these difficult moments and being mean to you on top of that. Only a very selfish childish man would prefer his time with his buddies than being with his worried girlfriend. 

  • Like 2
Posted

Very sorry you are going through this. My view is, in life during sunny days people all want to be around but when it starts to figuratively rain and storm we then know how actually matters in life and who sticks around to help us weather the story. Sadly this man has basically abandoned you. If I were you focus on your mother now and ignore him and look at ending the relationship but end it on your terms.

  • Like 2
Posted
2 hours ago, orchid667 said:

I don't know if I should say something or there's nothing left to say.

This. 

It's time to move on, because it's clear he does not really want this relationship anymore. Unfortunately, we can't make someone care when they just don't. I am sorry you're going through all of this. 

Posted

I'm going to tell you this....you shouldn't have to teach a man how to love you. If he doesn't love you the way you expect to be loved, you end the relationship. Sounds like it's been a long time comin. Tough time or not, you could never depend on him because he doesn't care like he should. Can't force him to be or do what you want him to be or do. He just chooses not to, and that's all you need to know. To know he's not the one for you. The only one you can always depend on is yourself. 

  • Like 1
Posted

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.  I can't imagine how tough this is for you.

It's unfortunate timing, but this relationship is over.  If you're mad with him and feeling let down so often, you should be welcoming the fact that he wants to end it.  He's saved you the effort of having to do it yourself.   Now you can focus on your mother and what you need to do

Do you have any friends you can reach out to?

Posted

I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties time now. 

The man does not deserve any more moments from you. It's heart shattering when you think about it. We just have to keep telling ourselves to move on. Repeat it like a ritual.

Now you need to focus your mother and shower her with lots of love and attention. One day when you turn back, you will say to yourself "I am proud of myself"

Stay strong! 

 

 

  • Like 2
Posted

First, I am so sorry about your mom.  Second, your bf is a self centered a****** to be rocking the boat during this difficult time.  A decent person would not be acting this way while one is under such stress.  I was there as well, if you don't dump him then he will you.

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