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do you guys think I was wrong for texting the other woman?


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LuvOhLove

So, I texted a girl for the second time and told her to stop texting my boyfriend only because I felt like she was looking for closure with my boyfriend . I originally texted her and told her about me two weeks ago. She didn’t know about me until then. They have been talking and interacting for months. I found out through multiple messages that they had sex, she’s been to his home, they have gone on walks after work, They have gone on a breakfast date, they have kissed, he has told her he likes her and likes creating memories and moments with her, he was planning a “special” date for the two of them etc etc (They work together on a overnight shift/job) So all of this was happening 

after work, in the morning and over texts. I found out all of this by going through his phone and so when I first saw their messages I texted her and told her that I was the girl he was currently living with and asked her to tell me what was going on with them. She never responded. So I texted her from my phone and asked the same thing, still, no response. A week goes by, I heard nothing. Until this morning today, I saw a bunch of messages from her coming into his phone. She was texting my boyfriend again almost as if she wanted closure. It seemed as if she was giving him a response to a conversation they had earlier at work, in person. She was saying things like she can’t and won’t keep talking to him, it was a nice experience, that she does like him but she claims she has “morals” and would feel guilty if she continued to talk and mess around with him. So,

I’m assuming my boyfriend was still making advances at her. I think even after he knew she found out about me when I texted her the first time he continued to flirt and try to convince her to stay around. I know this because yesterday morning after work, my boyfriend invited her over his house to come and cuddle with him. This was in all in the messages she sent. That’s why she was saying she didn’t feel right about doing those things anymore because she claims that because she now knows about me that she’s not that kind of person that she wouldn’t participate in things like that and I also read in the text that she stopped kissing him, letting him hold her hand and touch her etc all the things they did together after work she put a pause to it but it seems as though my boyfriend didn’t let that stop him from pursuing her. So I politely texted her from my phone again and told her that since she didn’t want to respond to me, that she can stop texting my boyfriend. I told her that no one cares about her closure and I told her to focus on her child. She mentioned her son often in the messages. She would often text him and tell him that she had  go home first after work before hanging with him to drop her son off at daycare and that she would meet back up with him. She also sometimes told him that  she made arrangements with her mother to drop him off and they were good to hang out straight off work. She never had times to see him on the weekends.  I don’t feel like I was wrong. She blocked me and him but that’s fine with me.

 

My boyfriend hasn’t had any messages from her since yesterday. So she hasn’t unblocked him and he hasn’t attempted to reach out to her any other way so I believe he wasn’t that much into her.

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happyhorizons

How does it make you feel that your BF made “advances” on her in the first place? I get why you are irritated with her but what about your BF? He doesn’t seem innocent in this.

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BaileyB
52 minutes ago, LuvOhLove said:

I’m assuming my boyfriend was still making advances at her. I think even after he knew she found out about me when I texted her the first time he continued to flirt and try to convince her to stay around. I know this because yesterday morning after work, my boyfriend invited her over his house to come and cuddle with him.

Is this a sincere question - was I wrong to contact the other woman?

Girl, your problem isn’t the other woman. Your problem is your unfaithful boyfriend

 

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Gebidozo

What does this have to do with the other woman? Your boyfriend is a cheater. That’s your problem. 

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stillafool

It sounds like your boyfriend really likes this girl and is looking to drop you for her.  You do not live with him why did you tell her you do?  Why didn't you take this up with your boyfriend  rather than bother this girl.  It isn't her fault that your boyfriend is chasing after her.  She seems to be trying to back off but he won't let her.  What did he say about you contacting his other girl?

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basil67

What conversations did you have with your boyfriend?   Yes, you may have gotten rid of this woman, but what about the next one he finds?

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Lotsgoingon

Sending messages to the other woman is just a sign of you wimping out and avoiding the reality. Your bf is the problem. Why don't you confront him or dump him?

You're occupying a very disempowered position to blame the other woman. And to your bf, that only shows deep desperation on your part. He can flirt and cheat and you'll make excuses and blame the other person, the one who does NOT owe you anything. So expect more cheating and flirting from bf if you continue down this path. 

 

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ExpatInItaly

You realize you are asking the wrong question here, right?

The question should be "How do I move on from my cheating ex-boyfriend?"

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LuvOhLove
On 6/9/2024 at 10:25 AM, stillafool said:

It sounds like your boyfriend really likes this girl and is looking to drop you for her.  You do not live with him why did you tell her you do?  Why didn't you take this up with your boyfriend  rather than bother this girl.  It isn't her fault that your boyfriend is chasing after her.  She seems to be trying to back off but he won't let her.  What did he say about you contacting his other girl?

Personally I feel like the woman is wrong because although now she has told him to back off, it seems like she was still considering fooling around with him because why didn’t she just reply to me? She said all that to him about doing the right thing and having morals etc etc etc but she could  have responded to me if she felt that way. I get she paused on all

the things they were doing when I first originally texted her but what frustrates me is, why did she ignore me? As a woman confronting another woman, we could have talked it out.

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basil67
2 hours ago, LuvOhLove said:

Personally I feel like the woman is wrong because although now she has told him to back off, it seems like she was still considering fooling around with him because why didn’t she just reply to me? She said all that to him about doing the right thing and having morals etc etc etc but she could  have responded to me if she felt that way. I get she paused on all

the things they were doing when I first originally texted her but what frustrates me is, why did she ignore me? As a woman confronting another woman, we could have talked it out.

She ignores you because she has no interest in talking with you.   

You're wasting your time worrying about what she's doing when your boyfriend is the one you should be talking to

 

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stillafool
7 hours ago, LuvOhLove said:

the things they were doing when I first originally texted her but what frustrates me is, why did she ignore me? As a woman confronting another woman, we could have talked it out.

I agree with Basil, because she doesn't want to talk to you.  She feels like she doesn't owe you jack and your beef is with your cheating boyfriend.  I see you didn't say anything about confronting him about this and that's because you know he doesn't care so you hold the other girl accountable.   Are you even sure he's your boyfriend or someone you don't want to let go of?

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basil67
12 hours ago, LuvOhLove said:

As a woman confronting another woman, we could have talked it out.

Like discussing who gets your boyfriend?  I can't see that working well 😮

 

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Gebidozo
18 hours ago, LuvOhLove said:

As a woman confronting another woman, we could have talked it out.

Talked what out? This is between you and your unfaithful boyfriend, not between you and her.

Your boyfriend isn’t a thing, he’s a grown up man who should be held accountable for his actions. If he still wants that woman, let him go. If he doesn’t and he truly repents his infidelity, ask yourself whether you could forgive him and continue this relationship or break up with him.

In either case, leave that woman alone, she isn’t the problem.

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basil67
46 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Your boyfriend isn’t a thing, he’s a grown up man who should be held accountable for his actions.

Indeed.  Your plan of discussing this with her is like two roommates arguing who owns the refrigerator

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