Why doesn't he call me?

[symbol]

My boyfriend of more than 7 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We've been living in different states for the last 2 years. He has not called me even once after the break up and there is no way for him to know how I am doing.

 

He broke up with me over the phone (and this really sucks). I told him that I wanted to see him one last time. He told me he would come visit me after Thanksgiving. I haven't heard a single word. Actually I don't know if he is still alive.

 

What should I think other than him being rude and selfish?

[salmagundi]

I wouldnt want to attempt a 'one size fits all" interpretation of his actions without knowing your ex or the circumstances of your relationship/breakup, but I can offer you one man's view.

 

If I have ever left someone and immediately broken all contact and (worse) done it over the phone, it would be because I knew beyond any doubt that I no longer wanted to be with the person but that I felt guilty about ending it and making the other person feel ****ty. It reeks of cowardice because, in my case, I would not want to see the other person because I wouldn't want to face what I inflicted on them, i just want them to go away and forget about me but I just dont want to deal with it. Of course, this is an immature way to end a relationship and something I would only do when I was younger. Also I have only done this (dropped somebody cold and walked away never looking back) with people I have not been with long (less than six months)

 

In your case I find it difficult to imagine that someone could end such a long relationship without a look back. Seems really immature and selfish. But he is probably doing you a favour. At least he knows how to definitively end a relationship, my ex sure as h*ll doesnt...

 

salmagundi

[konfuzd]

Sorry to hear about your break up, but unfortunately it is what it is. He has no obligation to help you get through this. No matter what you want, he decided that he no longer wants to continue the relationship.

 

I'm sure after 7 years, this is really hard on him too, and he probably wants to deal with it in his own way. That doesn't make him selfish, it makes him human. Yes, it is rude for anyone to say they are going to do something and not follow through with it, but under these circumstances, you can't expect him to be there for you when you need him. He now has other priorities to focus on, and you should do the same.

 

Be strong, and don't sit by the phone waiting for it to ring, it will only increase your anger and frustration. When (or if) he decides he wants to check up on you, he will in his own time, but expectations only lead to dissapointment. Time to move on.

[Kengne II]

My boyfriend of more than 7 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We've been living in different states for the last 2 years. He has not called me even once after the break up and there is no way for him to know how I am doing.

 

He broke up with me over the phone (and this really sucks). I told him that I wanted to see him one last time. He told me he would come visit me after Thanksgiving. I haven't heard a single word. Actually I don't know if he is still alive.

 

What should I think other than him being rude and selfish?

 

Hi Symbol,

 

I remember your story. LDR - both in school, working towards PhDs right?

 

Good.

 

So to answer your question.. I don't think he is intentionally being rude, or doesn't care about you anymore... but he is doing what he needs to do to move on - NC - and in the same time helping YOU to move on - via NC.

 

So many people come on here and wail over how their exs keep on contacting them, and how oh how do they do NC?

 

Your ex has been doing it for you.

You may not be thanking him now, but you will be thanking him him later on down the road when you are healed.

 

Yes - even though you were together 7 yrs... don't rely on the past to predict his actions towards you now. People are notoriously flakey & unpredictable.

 

Hope this helped.

 

K.

[symbol]

Hi Symbol,

 

I remember your story. LDR - both in school, working towards PhDs right?

 

 

Hi Kengne. You remember my story right. Thank you for the reply.

 

I know that I am kind of lucky that I can maintain NC pretty easily. But I am quite sure that he hasn't the slighest idea about NC and how it helps one to move on. I really cannot think that positive and believe that he is doing this for my good.

 

I am so much heart-broken! I think the break up itself does't hurt me that much now but what hurts me is that he hasn't called me even once. Now I speculate about why he is not calling all the time and this takes so much of my energy.

 

I sometimes wonder if there is someone else. I don't know how I would feel if he told me that there was another woman - I might feel a little relieved to know the truth. I believe there are some things he has not told me, I don't know what they might be though. Anyways, I think I need closure. This break up shouldn't have occurred over the phone...

 

It hurts very much...

[symbol]

If I have ever left someone and immediately broken all contact and (worse) done it over the phone, it would be because I knew beyond any doubt that I no longer wanted to be with the person but that I felt guilty about ending it and making the other person feel ****ty. It reeks of cowardice because, in my case, I would not want to see the other person because I wouldn't want to face what I inflicted on them, i just want them to go away and forget about me but I just dont want to deal with it. Of course, this is an immature way to end a relationship and something I would only do when I was younger. Also I have only done this (dropped somebody cold and walked away never looking back) with people I have not been with long (less than six months)

salmagundi

 

Salmagundi, thanks a lot for your reply. I think you are right in that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I agree that it is very immature of him acting like this. I feel that he doesn't respect our history...