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Trying to set a date with this guy I have been talking to but I can't understand his messages

marycc

By marycc
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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
Posted

I am trying to set a date with a guy and this is what I'm dealing with right now, on friday night.

we live 2 hours away from each other but I'll spend next week at his city, for work meetings. He asked me out first but it was around 1 month ago, when I told me I was gonna travel to the city where he works at.

Why do you think he's acting this way?

 

Me: btw, are we still meeting next week? 

 

Him: I'm interested in meeting you if you are as well :) I'll be in the office on monday and wednesday (the other days he works from home, 1h away from the city and he doesn't drive, uses public transport only). Is there a day that would work better for you? On monday, I can reorganize my schedule if needed 

 

Me: the ideal for me would be friday but wednesday would work as well. Since you'll be in the city on wednesday...

 

Him: ok, wednesday I'll be in the city for sure. But see if that is not an issue for you. I can try to go on friday. At what time would you be available?

 

Me: 6 PM

 

Him: ok. I get out of work at 6 but on friday I leave at 5.30 PM so that's the best day for me. But organize your schedule and confirm if it works for you. If it doesn't, we'll see an alternative 

 

Me: its ok! Friday sounds perfect!

 

Him: ok, I didn't express myself correctly. On wednesday I leave at 6 PM, that's why that's the best day for me, that's what I meant. Sorry, the brain fog is real

 

Me: oh ok. On wednesday I could only be with you for 2h or 3h because next day I have to wake up really early for work, but it's fine

 

Him: Ok, let me sleep on it, since I'm apparently brain dead and can't word a sentence worth jack 😭 I'll confirm tomorrow, ok? :)

 

Me: 🤣 ok, please confirm tomorrow as I have to plan my week :)

 

He didn't respond after this.

 

.....WTF?

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

He was very clear that was going to sleep because his brain needed a reboot.   How many days have passed since he was in contact with you?

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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
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Posted
9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He was very clear that was going to sleep because his brain needed a reboot.   How many days have passed since he was in contact with you?

We have just had this conversation. It happened 2 hours ago

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, marycc said:

We have just had this conversation. It happened 2 hours ago

So what was the outcome?

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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
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Posted
6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So what was the outcome?

He went to sleep... Just like I mentioned on my post, he said he needed to sleep and that he will confirm tomorrow (its past midnight where I live)

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, marycc said:

We have just had this conversation. It happened 2 hours ago

You finished your post with 'WTF'.   Aside from text being a poor method of trying to communicate, what exactly are you exasperated or confused about?

 

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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
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Posted
Just now, basil67 said:

You finished your post with 'WTF'.   Aside from text being a poor method of trying to communicate, what exactly are you exasperated or confused about?

 

It just sounds weird to me...

I wonder if he's waiting to meet with some other girl and waiting for her confirmation.

Or making me wait for his confirmation on purpose. Feels like I am not a priority to him... We are setting a date and he tells me he needs to sleep on it first? Maybe I am overreacting, I don't know anymore. This will be our first date, btw

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, marycc said:

he said he needed to sleep and that he will confirm tomorrow (its past midnight where I live)

Okay so what's the problem?  Wait until later in the day.  If it's midnight he's probably sleep like he said.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, marycc said:

It just sounds weird to me...

I wonder if he's waiting to meet with some other girl and waiting for her confirmation.

Or making me wait for his confirmation on purpose. Feels like I am not a priority to him... We are setting a date and he tells me he needs to sleep on it first? Maybe I am overreacting, I don't know anymore. This will be our first date, btw

Even if he is waiting for a confirmation from another girl what good is it doing you to pressure him to set a date?  He should be contacting you because he wants to see you and if not, that is your que to move on and forget about him, not chase him.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, marycc said:

It just sounds weird to me...

I wonder if he's waiting to meet with some other girl and waiting for her confirmation.

Or making me wait for his confirmation on purpose. Feels like I am not a priority to him... We are setting a date and he tells me he needs to sleep on it first? Maybe I am overreacting, I don't know anymore. This will be our first date, btw

He needs to sleep because his brain was tired and he was unable to function.  If he's too tired to be able to get plans straight, he's absolutely right to go to sleep and try again the next day.  

Aside from the poor communication, if it's so hard to get together for the time you're visiting, how do you think an actual relationship would work?    It all sounds like a waste of time to me

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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
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Posted (edited)

Well, this will be e a reminder that my mind/anxiety can really play tricks on me. He just replied and asked...."Why not meet both on wednesday and friday?" !!!!!! He Said that if we like each other company, he could make it both wednesday and friday

Edit: Now my mind is telling me that he couldn't reject me, because he's a people pleaser, and that's why he agreed to go on a date with me instead of saying he couldn't or didn't want to go. Please knock some sense into my head

Edited by marycc
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, marycc said:

Please knock some sense into my head

If you suffer from anxiety then why are you trying to date a man that lives 2 hours away and on top on that a man that doesn't drive? To me that's the part that makes no sense.

Stick to what's good for you meaning a man that is local, who you can see easily on weekdays, someone who can share the travelling back and forth, someone you will really get to know in person because of close proximity.

You also sound like a woman carrying a past hurt on her shoulders. The man is making all types of gymnastic to meet you and your head goes right away to - he must talk to someone else, relax. You can't control him and you can't control this situation. If he disappears then he disappears.

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted

Why do people keep making dates with people who live 2 hours away???  I literally don't understand.  Why make things so difficult?  So if you did hit it off with the person and want to date them longer term, it would be a 2 hour commute every time you see each other?  That is just ridiculous.  This all sounds like way more trouble than it's worth.

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Acacia98 Established Member

Acacia98

Posted
Posted

Based on the fact that I've interacted with people who do pretty much the same things, I think he probably has difficulty making decisions. Maybe he's just as anxious as you are. So relax, give him the benefit of the doubt, and get back to him with a confirmation.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Girl. Get a grip on your anxiety before you try to date. 

You're going to run yourself and any potential connection into the ground here. 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Why do people keep making dates with people who live 2 hours away???  I literally don't understand.  Why make things so difficult?  So if you did hit it off with the person and want to date them longer term, it would be a 2 hour commute every time you see each other?  That is just ridiculous.  This all sounds like way more trouble than it's worth.

Indeed. Have you already ascertained that there is fast and reliable public transport so that he can visit you?   If there is none, then tell him that the distance will make things too difficult

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