Considering M***

[Gomen]

I haven't heard from her yet. I'm still upset that she never apologized.

 

It was 2 months together, building in intensity. We were neighbors.

 

Then her ex BF proposed to her. Two weeks later, she told me a stupid lie and she brought him home. I hate liars! I also hate her ex BF because he is pro-terrorist anti-American. Really, REALLY hate that. I hated that she could love someone like that. Stupid girl. And she has a kid, whom I liked. And her ex is 17! I guess she started dating him when he was 15/16?? He's not fit to be a parent, inexperienced in life, no career, et c. She is stupid! What an irresponsible woman. I feel sorry for her son!

 

I keep thinking she'll realize how stupid she was, but she doesn't contact me.

 

It was pretty close for 2 months. Wednesday she fell asleep in my arms. We made out. She was uncomfortable to ****, but she wanted to watch me jerk off. I did it for her. Thursday, she brought him in and shut me out. I felt very hurt and used and angry. I think she is comfortable ****ing him and needed to be ****ed. She is very horny and has some hangups that I don't know or understand.

 

I pushed her BF that morning, as they left. I got his ID card. It was a desparate act and not a decision of sound mind. called the cops and reported a possible terrorist.

 

She ran from me. God that was awful. Her running away from me to his car, as if I'm the bad guy. He ran (coward). Not like I couldn't have chased and eaten him. Of course I could have! But I didn't.

 

I followed them to his house. He tried to lose me in his (dad's?) BMW 740il, but could not lose me in my honda civic. Of course I was not going to let him lose me if he tried. I didn't want to chase, but I wasn't going to let him beat me. I have my pride.

 

I have not seen M*** since. I moved back to stay with my wife. (My wife desparately wants to keep me. She knows she is second choice. But I don't feel like it. I don't desire her at all. I don't want to have sex.)

 

I sent M*** 3 letters. I have not heard from her yet. I miss her very much. I hate to admit it, but I f***ing cry at night. I wake up feeling like I'm being crushed! I went from 224 to 215 (not fat). It's been almost a month and I still want her. I'm sad that our christmas was ruined. She told me she'd have time for me. I spent Christmas with my wife. She watched me lament for M***. She hates that. I also got robbed on christmas. lost $4300 in stuff, including my favorite electric guitar, which is irreplaceable.

 

I tried to have sex with my wife, but I don't want to. It feels wrong. I feel wrong to be with her. I have dreams that I'm looking for M***. I don't know why, but I feel like M*** is right for me, even though she is a lying bitch. Maybe just because she's beautiful? I don't know. She *is* very, very beautiful, though.

 

I am hurt by what M*** did. She never apologized. I don't know how I could take that bitch back, but I want her still.

 

I want to say goodbye. I want her back. I want her to apologize. I apologized in writing and I will apologize to her again for what I did. It was a desparate act.

 

I've never felt so crazy for a woman before. She was the most beautiful woman ever to me. Kind of strange, I always thought that guys who said their GF/wife was the most beautiful girl in the world were bull****ting. Now I know how it feels! But unfortunately, I lost her.

 

Any tricks that I can do to get M***? I could propose, but I don't want marraige, so it would be kind of dishonest (I hate liars!). What should I do?

[blind_otter]

What should I do?

 

Accept the fact that your actions have irrepairably damaged what was left of the relationship. Honestly, from what you wrote you don't sound rational. I would be afraid of you, if I were her I would get a restraining order.

 

You should consider counseling. It sounds like you are obsessed.

[Yamaha]

Accept the fact that your actions have irrepairably damaged what was left of the relationship. Honestly, from what you wrote you don't sound rational. I would be afraid of you, if I were her I would get a restraining order.

 

You should consider counseling. It sounds like you are obsessed.

 

 

Ditto......Get some help.

[Gomen]

I am obsessed with her. So? Why do I need counseling?

 

I would also like to repair the relationship. Of course I regret my actions. I was desparate.

[Gomen]

I've waited a while. She doesn't have a restraining order on me. I want to talk to her and say goodbye. If I can, I will take her back.

[Gomen]

Accept the fact that your actions have irrepairably damaged what was left of the relationship. Honestly, from what you wrote you don't sound rational. I would be afraid of you, if I were her I would get a restraining order.

 

You should consider counseling. It sounds like you are obsessed.

 

It hurts to know that what I did destroyed the relationship. Is it not understandable to feel such strong emotions? I know what I did was wrong. I was irrational. Desparate. I am crazy for her.

[Gomen]

But she lied to me. She brought him home. Asked me not to come to her door that night. Said it was a serious discussion. (guess it took all night long).

 

I can wish that I had acted differently, but I cannot undo what I did.

 

Noone got hurt (physically). I still love her. I want to see her.

[blind_otter]

If your feelings are not reciprocated it's your responsibility to deal with your own emotions and not involve her. In any event give it some time and space so you know what you really want, for god's sake. Let her live her life, you can't control what she does or feels. You can only control yourself. So concentrate on that.

[Gomen]

True, otter, but she is trying to forget me. I tried to forget her but it is not easy.

 

Can't we say goodbye? I want to discuss about what happened between us. I want to apologize, I want to hear her apology. I don't know how to make the whole thing right or what to say because I am nervous. I won't do anything stupid again. I am not going to hurt her, of course. I won't try to touch her or anything.

 

I think we should talk about it. I would like to get 1 hour to talk with her. I am not sure what to do about it, and if I do get 1 hour, I want to do it right and not be nervous and stupid and say the wrong things or look like a fool or seem insincere.

[CaliGuy]

I am obsessed with her. So? Why do I need counseling?

 

I would also like to repair the relationship. Of course I regret my actions. I was desparate.

 

Obession is a bad, bad thing. You are co-dependent.

 

In your state of mind you will do much more harm than good trying to repair this relationship.

 

I second getting counseling. If you go to the Doctor when you have a cold, what makes you think you can fix your head on your own? I've been to counseling and it worked wonders. It will for you too.

 

What you're doing now is an indication of a serious behavioral problem that is nothing short of a cry for help.

[blind_otter]

I've had men do crazy drastic things with the justification that you just gave. "I just wanted to talk one more time".

 

Years ago a particular therapist told me that closure is a personal thing. You really don't need the other person to achieve it - you need to come to a place of acceptance for yourself. You can't make her talk to you. If she wants to she will approach you. Otherwise you need to content yourself with your own closure, and try to behave in an adult manner - regardless of the outcome. Nothing justifies crazy or drastic behavior.

[konfuzd]

You hate liars, yet you made the most sacred vows with a woman and you broke them. Think about how much it hurts to be pining over some woman you were with for 2 months while leaving your wife (of ? long) sitting at home pining for you, the man who falsly promised to be her one and only! Give your head a shake man! Think of how much you're hurting the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. I agree you should seek councilling for a number of issues. Not only for your obsessiveness with the OW, but in your selfishness and neglecting of your marriage vows!!

[newbby]

you cannot force her to apologise. you say you want to hear her apologise but what if she doesnt want to? to be very honest with you, if someone behaved the way you did with me after a two month relationship, i would not want to see them at all. learn from it, for the next relationship, and move on. what are you doing with your wife, when you dont love her at all?

[Gomen]

I told her. I told her I was ****ing other girls. I left her. I moved out. I would see her some weekends. I know she loves me. I was not straight with her about my feelings for M***, but the relationship was new. It was hard to assess things.

 

Our marraige is not like yours kof'd. I never wanted to marry her. We had reasons. 'nuff said. Judging doesn't do you or me any good.

[Gomen]

I've had men do crazy drastic things with the justification that you just gave. "I just wanted to talk one more time".

 

Years ago a particular therapist told me that closure is a personal thing. You really don't need the other person to achieve it - you need to come to a place of acceptance for yourself. You can't make her talk to you. If she wants to she will approach you. Otherwise you need to content yourself with your own closure, and try to behave in an adult manner - regardless of the outcome. Nothing justifies crazy or drastic behavior.

 

She'll go on thinking what she needs to think to live her life. Is it possible to have some influence to her so she would consider last words? I think it might be, but I don't wanna stalk her. I don't wanna look around for her. I know she won't come to me. I would feel better saying goodbye. Thinking about at least some good memories we had. Of course, I wanted so much more with her.

 

I also want to know how she felt, because I just want to know, you know? We were close to having something big. It should end because she's dissatisfied and tells me, or because she really doesn't want to get serious, or because I decide not to, and we should talk about it. So why did she ask me if I want to get serious? Was it a lie? Will I ever know?

 

Well, I have dreams that I'm looking for her and can't find her. She's gone! I wake up and feel sick. Knowing what I did. What she did. She shouldn't have done that. Neither should I. I feel like she did have feeling for me. Is it my own imagination? I don't think is. I want to know. If she's trying to forget me, then she should ask herself why. Is it because of the incident? I wonder...

[Gomen]

you cannot force her to apologise. you say you want to hear her apologise but what if she doesnt want to? to be very honest with you, if someone behaved the way you did with me after a two month relationship, i would not want to see them at all. learn from it, for the next relationship, and move on. what are you doing with your wife, when you dont love her at all?

I am with my wife because I cannot be in the same apartment that I fell in love with M*** in. I loved her and we have many memories there. She moved out. I moved out. We used to spend 3-4 hours a day together. I would spend time with her and her son. I would spend time playing music with her. We would kiss and talk for hours. It was so wonderful. I cannot be there because I will just feel sick and depressed, even worse than I am now.

 

My wife makes me feel better by telling me all nasty things about M***. How stupid she is, what a slut she is, how unethical she is, shallow, et c.

[Gomen]

And speaking of looking for someone in dreams...

 

I remember after my mom died. I'd have dreams that she was somewhere around. I'd wake up and she'd be gone and I'd have a sad feeling about that. Then I'd have dreams where she was completely gone. I would know that she's gone, but not where. It was a lonely feeling. She died of cancer when I was 16.

 

CaliGuy - I tried to send a message to you, but it is disabled. How can I find good counseling in N Cal?

[memes]

Gomen

 

this is not the first time you have posted about this.

 

And the replies have not really change, apart for being kinder.

 

Move one, get a life, learn to be happy within yourself before finding happiness with another woman

[konfuzd]

Our marraige is not like yours kof'd. I never wanted to marry her. We had reasons

 

Unless your vows were, "I promise to tolerate you until something better comes along" you are still a liar and are decieving your wife who obviously had other ideas of what your vows were. I'm sure no one had a gun against your head and made you put the ring on her finger. Marriage based on anything but love is a lie, so you are a hypocrite for saying you hate liars.

 

This other girl did the right thing by getting into a car with another man and running from you. That should have been your clue to back off, she doesn't want you, this is not a game of hard to get, it's a game of leave her alone.

[Gomen]

Same story, different questions.

 

I was happy when I was with M***. Very happy. I fell right in love quick. Before that, I was OK but lonely. I had my wife and I had sex with one other girl, but I was still lonely. I don't know why, but I was missing something for many years.

 

It's not that I'm not OK with myself. I am. I'm just lonely. I want to have sex and romance with a beautiful woman. It's something I feel is important in my life. Also, when I find someone who has unique qualities that I can appreciate, I do want to be with that person. I am thinking I should leave my wife, but I don't know for sure. I don't want to kiss her or have sex. I felt that I completely devoted my desire and energy to M*** and she didn't know it. I didn't completely explain myself to her. I know she is lonely and horny, too, and she is crazy in the same ways I am.

 

I think everyone is crazy in some ways. And lovers are crazy.

 

I want to tell her these things. I also want to apologize for what I did to her. I was wrong to expect her to understand me. I was wrong. I loved her and she didn't fully understand it and I expected too much. I know she wanted me, but I think she thought that she couldn't have me because I was married and not available. However, the truth is that I've been in an unfulfilling relationship for years with my wife. we "work it out," but it just isn't fun or exciting. Sick of jerking off and one night stands are only partially fulfilling.

 

I can move on. I'm going to a hypnotherapist on Monday. I hope it will help me release some attachment to this woman. I want to get rid of this feeling. Goddamn sterile, I feel doing this. f***.

[Gomen]

I want to apologize for what I did and explain myself. I feel that she would be willing to listen to me if she knew that is all that I wanted. Well, I want much more, but I won't tell her or pressure her. I know she wants to forget, and I don't want to bother her, so I think just one time to say goodbye is not a bad thing.

 

I don't know how to get this chance, though. I only think it is possible.

 

Why is it bad to do this?

[Becoming]

Regardless of how old you are physically, it sounds like you're still 16 longing for your lost mother. You suffered a terrible loss at that time in your life that I doubt you've gotten over.

 

I'm not trying to be judgmental in saying this, but you need help with your relationships with women. You're not loving them as persons in their own right; you're using them to fill up something you feel you're missing in yourself.

 

Find a good therapist and a blow-up doll and do everyone a favor in leaving all these women alone until you get help in figuring out why you're so emotionally volatile with a good counsellor.

[Gomen]

Hey dude....

 

You make rash conclusions and judgements based on two sentences I wrote and little or no self experience.

 

Typical ****-talker. Come to anywhere in N Cal and say that to my face. I'll meet you.

 

I'll help you do yourself a favor and learn why your having such a hard time being respectful of others. Free counseling. Just for you, becoming.

 

Othewise, YOU go find a f***ing blow up doll.

[blind_otter]

Hey dude....

 

You make rash conclusions and judgements based on two sentences I wrote and little or no self experience.

 

Typical ****-talker. Come to anywhere in N Cal and say that to my face. I'll meet you.

 

I'll help you do yourself a favor and learn why your having such a hard time being respectful of others. Free counseling. Just for you, becoming.

 

Othewise, YOU go find a f***ing blow up doll.

 

Dude, stop it. There was no aggression or attack written in Becoming's post. You read that in there and responded with a pretty frightening retort.

 

GET HELP.

 

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS WRONG BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

[Gomen]

I consider snide remarks about blow up dolls rude. Am I way off here? I really don't think so.

 

You ingorant fcks are probably just as frustrated as I am, but at least I'm honest about it. I'm just not feeling the "love" in the love shack online forums.