Jump to content

Did he ever love or was he using me?


flow28

Recommended Posts

Have to let it out of my system. Been dating a guy (at least that's what I thought..) from an app for four and a half months. Initially everything was good, he was showing consistent interest and we went out a lot. Didn't immediately pressure me for sex. It seemed perfect. We had similar interests and passions, like an ideal match and he was different from any other guys I ever met. Then we started hanging out more at his place, had sex (it was the first time for me). He introduced me to his friends and at some point asked for a relationship, I agreed. He told me he uninstalled tinder and that he'd never felt so good with anyone before. From that point on I was sure we had the boyfriend and girlfriend titles. 

 

However, over the course of time he started being disrespectful and sometimes a bit mean - trying to subtly put me down so that I wouldn't be 'better' than him in some areas. Of course I ignored the red flags. He mentioned being open to a threesome early on but after I told him I hate it he never mentioned the topic again and apologized. What started to annoy me the most was that very often he had trips with his friends and wouldn't take me with him, making some excuses. It felt like I wasn't a priority. Then he mentioned he wants to travel to a small town by the seaside with his friends in the summer for 2 weeks and they'll be clubbing. He said he'd been travelling there for five years. I got pissed as I wanted to be included, especially after he mentioned clubbing and drinking which is a good occasion to cheat. Also, leaving me, his gf for 2 weeks? A no no for me. We began arguing a lot, mostly because I started.

 

Everything shattered yesterday when I texted him that he'd ignored my text for 2 days about in which town he was going to play a concert. He claimed he didn't notice my message and was very busy with work. Then I went on about how he doesn't treat me like a priority and constantly travels without me, ignored my text etc. I asked why he even needs a girlfriend if he treats me like this. I added he should compromise and either take me with him for that holiday or just not go. He disagreed and said we're not together, that I'm not his girlfriend and we're not officially a couple since we haven't had that talk and because I don't trust him at all. He said he felt I was controlling him and he doesn't like it, and that I always have pretences & don't care about him. He said we were not close enough and he felt uncomfortable that I treat this relationship as if we're already a boyfriend and girlfriend. He added a girlfriend wouldn't constantly start fights but then he said something horrible that absolutely destroyed me. After I said I felt he doesn't love me he replied it's too early for him to love yet. That's were I ended the chat because this is just so cruel. After around five months of dating where he himself wanted a 'relationship' he tells me it's too early for him to love? What the?? Did he really mean what he said or was he just very mad? I'm completely devastated so just need some words of sympathy rn...

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like he's not at the stage where he's able for the committments of a relationship but likes keeping a girl around with the pretence of a relationship to make him feel good, which is very selfish.

From the fact you said it was your first time with him Im guessing you're both quite young. It's going to hurt but I suggest you move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe at first he thought he wanted a relationship but after spending time with you he now realizes he won't be free to have the hot summer with his friends that he wants.  If he were in love with you he never would have said this:

1 hour ago, flow28 said:

he tells me it's too early for him to love?

He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.  Since you don't trust him at all this is for the best.  I hope you make your own summer plans with your friends so you can get over him and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Maybe at first he thought he wanted a relationship but after spending time with you he now realizes he won't be free to have the hot summer with his friends that he wants.  If he were in love with you he never would have said this:

He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.  Since you don't trust him at all this is for the best.  I hope you make your own summer plans with your friends so you can get over him and move on.

Yes, it sounds like he just wants to sleep around and have fun at the moment.

Unfortunately when you are young people often hurt eachother because they don't want a relationship but don't have the communication skills or the heart to say this yet.

You should probably end it and let him go rather than waiting around for him to change

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

you don't need to try and read between the lines or find some secret hidden meaning here, he literally is telling you the truth and you need to believe it.

this isn't boyfriend material and he doesn't care about your feelings.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...