Gebidozo Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 I’ll be blunt, I’m getting somewhat bad vibes from both you and this guy in this scenario. On one hand, you’ve just met the guy, yet you expect him to pay you for gas, buy you stuff right away, and complain about his financial difficulties instead of being supportive. Honestly, if I were in his situation, I’d probably give you “radio silence” as well. On the other hand, if I really liked a girl and was broke, I’d borrow money, donate blood, rob a bank, whatever, to make sure I can make at least such basic gestures as buying her a trinket from a store or not letting her drive to meet me every single time. It looks like you guys both need to step up here. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 3 hours ago, Gebidozo said: On one hand, you’ve just met the guy, yet you expect him to pay you for gas, buy you stuff right away, and complain about his financial difficulties instead of being supportive. Honestly, if I were in his situation, I’d probably give you “radio silence” as well. OP wrote about the money situation "He had no idea I felt this way. Never mentioned it and kept it to myself" I think the radio silence is because she stated (quite fairly!) that she's not prepared to do all of the driving Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 In reality he probably should not be dating in those circumstances but on the other hand the entire arrangements re travelling seems to be an over compromise on your part too. My suggestion in future is to not compromise so much, when I was dating I'd not date people who lived more than a certain distance away because the entire date would be impractical. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 This is obviously not a match. It sounds like you also got your hopes us way too much for someone you hadn't even met yet. Until you meet someone, you can't know if there is a real conneciton there that's worth exploring. Remember that next time and be mindful of getting too attached to the idea of a man before you meet offline. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 On 4/28/2024 at 6:33 AM, cnstx82 said: He had no idea I felt this way. Never mentioned it and kept it to myself. He claimed how much of a gentleman he was and how much he takes care of a woman....amongst other things. Buying a trinket is not taking care of a woman. Being protective and being there for you in an emergency is taking care of you. You may not have voiced that you wanted him to buy you a trinket, but the fact is you did and expected it, that's why you threw out hints. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 On 4/27/2024 at 7:57 PM, cnstx82 said: come to find out, he just moved back in with his parents after a relationship supposedly ended last month. This should be the title of this thread. This is the real issue here. Do you mean if he had money you would date a man 1 month out of a relationship? This man is a no-go. Tell him it was nice meeting him but you're not in the same place. I am surprised you are even considering this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author cnstx82 Posted April 29 Author Share Posted April 29 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: This should be the title of this thread. This is the real issue here. Do you mean if he had money you would date a man 1 month out of a relationship? This man is a no-go. Tell him it was nice meeting him but you're not in the same place. I am surprised you are even considering this. I knew he moved back to his hometown before we met, but I did not find out more of the details until we met in person. He said beforehand they were split up for a year. I made sure of this. In person, he admits though they had split up for a year he was still living there and how akward it was. Red flag to me and more apparent he wasn't honest when I did some detective work and they were still "together" around the holidays. Yeah I am pissed and see things for what they are now. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 OP I dated someone once that lived over an hour away. All our dates, he came to 90% of the way and he paid 90% of the time. Why am I saying this??? Because I don’t think his paying had anything to do with how great I was, how good looking, except I positively made him happy. It was honoring me as a woman and seeing HIMSELF as a man and what HE was capable of. This man you dated all these words mean nothing. A man who wants a woman to pay for her own food, gas, and does not give (just desserts thank you notes, asking her what she likes to do or he wants to take her) is not interested in her and no future in my mind. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 On 4/28/2024 at 9:57 AM, cnstx82 said: Hi! I met a really awesome man about a month ago. We hit it off immediately. He has many qualities I like and we finally met and spent time together this past weekend. I drove a good distance to see him. I had family I hadn’t seen in the area so I didn’t mind and I needed a road trip. It was a wonderful weekend. I did notice though on our date, he kept looking at his phone at what seemed to be his bank account. He passively mentioned he pays close attention to his “budget” and hearing that made me feel like I had to watch what I was getting to eat from the menu the two times he took me out. He did not offer to pay for my gas since I drove all the way in his direction. I also make candied pecans and he mentioned how much he loved them. I decided to bring him some, and he thanked me but said “how bad he felt” because he didn’t get me anything. When we went to cracker barrel for breakfast, in the shop he found something for his mom for “all she has done for him” and still didn’t get me even something as much as a $1 when i hinted at things in the store i liked. Come to find out, he just moved back in with his parents after a relationship supposedly ended last month. I didn’t find out until I met up with him that even after they broke up, he was still living with her. He just moved in with his parents a little over a month ago. He also mentions because of child support, alot of his money goes to that. I understand how that is being a mother myself. I also have rent and bills to pay. He doesn’t seem to be very motivated to get on his feet more and focuses on his truck it seems. He also says he is a “content” man which translates to me as a man in his position he doesn’t plan on doing better anytime soon financially. He is working on improving mentally and emotionally which is great but financially I am not convinced he wants more at this point. Also, his past girlfriend (according to him) left him because the “spark” was gone, he was on his game too much and she was providing the home (not sure if he paid bills or not). When I asked him about coming this way to see me, he says he could try but doesn’t have the funds to do much. I then tell him that with the money I spent to go see him on hotel and gas I had to watch my budget right now. Radio silence. I gave it a day and told him how I felt and that as much as I like him it’s not fair it all falls on me, that at minimum we should both be taking turns to see each other and maybe right now with his financial situation he should focus on that and wait to date. I have heard nothing but radio silence after him telling me how amazing I am, how he cannot wait to see me, spend time with me, how much he misses me, how amazing I am etc. Even his best friend gets on the phone to talk to me to introduce himself and says that i am a gem and he needs to treat me like gold. We connected so well…even us telling our friends and family. It was so promising. But now I feel invisible, non existent and there has been a shift since we saw each other and I told him I saw it and don’t understand what I did. Advice and thoughts are welcome. Thank you. I think he's gone quiet because I don't think he can meet you halfway. I don't think he has the funds. He's probably embarrassed. Where do I find women like yourself? Lol. I've never had a woman drive out to me on a date And it's usually me if it's a bit of a distance that goes to them. Plus I pay for the date. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author cnstx82 Posted April 30 Author Share Posted April 30 16 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: I think he's gone quiet because I don't think he can meet you halfway. I don't think he has the funds. He's probably embarrassed. Where do I find women like yourself? Lol. I've never had a woman drive out to me on a date And it's usually me if it's a bit of a distance that goes to them. Plus I pay for the date. I honestly lean towards this thought also. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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