I was moving on mentally, is she showing interest in me though?

[spaceman33]

A month or so ago I pretty much said to myself that she’s only being friendly and unless she makes any move nothing will happen between us. So I decided I will mentally move on. 

Went to a work party few weeks ago. She came up to me during it, I got nervous cause wasn’t expecting. But kept my cool. I forgot what happened after but our hands or arms touched by accident. She then asked me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I said no (cause I wasn’t). But damn, maybe she wanted me too? 

Had another party yesterday. I arrived didn’t enter the building and stayed outside for a bit hanging out with other people at my job. She came outside  and was like ___, you didn’t even come say hi to me! I didn’t even enter the building yet so I couldn’t say hi. But like I was thinking ok maybe she does like me? Did she come outside just to say that? 

But no flirting or anything after that from her. So again I felt like mixed messages per usual. And left feeling like an idiot again. 

I don’t flirt with her but I think she already knows I’m kind of introverted. 

[Foxhall]

2 hours ago, spaceman33 said:

I think she already knows I’m kind of introverted. 

No easy way Im afraid,

you need to be braver, 

forget about being introverted and start talking to her.

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, spaceman33 said:

But no flirting or anything after that from her. So again I felt like mixed messages per usual. And left feeling like an idiot again. 

 

Why would she flirt with you after that, when every time she has tried to be friendly or a little flirty with you, she has gotten zero back from you.  You just freeze up and don't reciprocate.  

It sounds like she might possibly be interested, but if you don't get over your anxiety and stop freezing up, she will lose interest very fast and move on.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, spaceman33 said:

She came outside  and was like ___, you didn’t even come say hi to me!

What did you say in response?

[spaceman33]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

What did you say in response?

I said what up or something. I was sitting at a table with a few other guys. 
 

at that moment I felt like ok she is attracted too me. Then the rest of the night kinda shattered that. 

[spaceman33]

10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Why would she flirt with you after that, when every time she has tried to be friendly or a little flirty with you, she has gotten zero back from you.  You just freeze up and don't reciprocate.  

It sounds like she might possibly be interested, but if you don't get over your anxiety and stop freezing up, she will lose interest very fast and move on.

She does get responses and friendliness back. Sometimes teasing her but not really flirting. 

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, spaceman33 said:

I said what up or something. I was sitting at a table with a few other guys. 
 

at that moment I felt like ok she is attracted too me. Then the rest of the night kinda shattered that. 

To be honest, if a person's greeting to me was nothing more than 'what up' I wouldn't bother with them again.     

[spaceman33]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

To be honest, if a person's greeting to me was nothing more than 'what up' I wouldn't bother with them again.     

I'm pretty sure I've greeted her like that before. But, what was I supposed to say in front of a bunch of guys there? 

She didn't seem mad or anything after, we spoke after just no flirting. 

Edited April 28, 2024 by spaceman33
more info

[glows]

So this is a colleague? Are you worried because you work together and gossip?

[spaceman33]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

So this is a colleague? Are you worried because you work together and gossip?

Yes it's a colleague. 

[glows]

Ok. My read on this is you’re feeling insecure and don’t want to look like a fool. Dont know if introverted has anything to do with this. That’s why you’re not putting yourself out there and being more open about your intentions.

I think working together also implicates things. Gossip amongst coworkers or what the guys say or talk about.

If you’re not 100% comfortable with the situation then don’t bother. Date outside the work place. Maybe seeing other women or meeting women using paid or reputable dating sites or joining a local meet up group is more useful than wondering what this female colleague thinks. I’d pay attention to your gut feelings. 

[spaceman33]

38 minutes ago, glows said:

Ok. My read on this is you’re feeling insecure and don’t want to look like a fool. Dont know if introverted has anything to do with this. That’s why you’re not putting yourself out there and being more open about your intentions.

I think working together also implicates things. Gossip amongst coworkers or what the guys say or talk about.

If you’re not 100% comfortable with the situation then don’t bother. Date outside the work place. Maybe seeing other women or meeting women using paid or reputable dating sites or joining a local meet up group is more useful than wondering what this female colleague thinks. I’d pay attention to your gut feelings. 

Yes I am insecure. I feel like if the opportunity is there here I have to atleast try. But I think she would be the one who has to make it obvious or give me something else to work with. 
 

 

[flitzanu]

3 minutes ago, spaceman33 said:

Yes I am insecure. I feel like if the opportunity is there here I have to atleast try. But I think she would be the one who has to make it obvious or give me something else to work with. 
 

 

that would be awesome if we lived in Perfectland when girls told us clearly that they want us to ask them out.

but that's not how it works.  you're going to have to take a chance and ask her out.  she's tried to engage convo with you twice now and you've just gone soft, and if you don't act fast you're going to lose any opportunity.

[spaceman33]

12 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

that would be awesome if we lived in Perfectland when girls told us clearly that they want us to ask them out.

but that's not how it works.  you're going to have to take a chance and ask her out.  she's tried to engage convo with you twice now and you've just gone soft, and if you don't act fast you're going to lose any opportunity.

I wasn’t sure what to do when she made the hand holding comment. And this other encounter I’m not sure what I should have done. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, spaceman33 said:

I wasn’t sure what to do when she made the hand holding comment. And this other encounter I’m not sure what I should have done. 

If you want to have a chance with her, you need to take chances.  

1. the hand holding comment:  You could have replied with "I would like to hold your hand"

2. if she came up to you and you were with some guys, you could have stood up, stepped a small distance away from the table and had a conversation with her

Yes, it know it comes with risk...and even as a woman I would take risks like this.  It doesn't always work out, but if you don't try, then you can't succeed.  Regarding taking risks, read up on the concept of resilience...it's the skill of being able to bounce back from something which doesn't go the way you want it to. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, spaceman33 said:

She didn't seem mad or anything after, we spoke after just no flirting.

But there was no flirting from you either, right? 

I am not sure why you expect her to always make the first move. You can do so, too. Unless you reciprocate in some way, you are giving the signal that you not interested. 

[spaceman33]

If I didn’t get mixed signals I feel prior I would feel more comfortable in approaching. Wouldn’t she try to make it easier for me to ask her out? 

[flitzanu]

On 4/28/2024 at 8:38 AM, spaceman33 said:

If I didn’t get mixed signals I feel prior I would feel more comfortable in approaching. Wouldn’t she try to make it easier for me to ask her out? 

what?  no, no one is going to "make it easy" for you, what do you think is on her mind?  she could be doing the exact same you're doing wondering why you aren't asking her out and why you don't like her or find her attractive.  

this is the point being made, someone has to make a move and it likely will never be her, she's tried to engage twice and you've done nothing.

[spaceman33]

3 hours ago, flitzanu said:

what?  no, no one is going to "make it easy" for you, what do you think is on her mind?  she could be doing the exact same you're doing wondering why you aren't asking her out and why you don't like her or find her attractive.  

this is the point being made, someone has to make a move and it likely will never be her, she's tried to engage twice and you've done nothing.

I did engage I guess just not in the best way. Was I supposed to hold hands with her or something? 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, spaceman33 said:

I did engage I guess just not in the best way. Was I supposed to hold hands with her or something? 

Yes.  And if that works, put your arm around her.  And if that works, kissing becomes an option

[spaceman33]

Honestly I think I messed up now. I can try to salvage it maybe. My mind is telling me she was just being friendly but the second interaction when she came outside to mention how I didn’t find her at the party to say hi to her made me think she’s romantically interested. 

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, spaceman33 said:

Honestly I think I messed up now. I can try to salvage it maybe. My mind is telling me she was just being friendly but the second interaction when she came outside to mention how I didn’t find her at the party to say hi to her made me think she’s romantically interested. 

Ask her on a date.  Her response will give you the answer

[spaceman33]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Ask her on a date.  Her response will give you the answer

I’m going to try flirting or something. I never go and show her attention or anything. So I might just try like showing her attention or something. 
 

she’s told me before that she missed me so I might just do the same and say something like that. Just something to show her that I do like her presence/her as a person. 

[FredEire]

On 4/27/2024 at 8:38 PM, spaceman33 said:

A month or so ago I pretty much said to myself that she’s only being friendly and unless she makes any move nothing will happen between us. So I decided I will mentally move on. 

Went to a work party few weeks ago. She came up to me during it, I got nervous cause wasn’t expecting. But kept my cool. I forgot what happened after but our hands or arms touched by accident. She then asked me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I said no (cause I wasn’t). But damn, maybe she wanted me too? 

Had another party yesterday. I arrived didn’t enter the building and stayed outside for a bit hanging out with other people at my job. She came outside  and was like ___, you didn’t even come say hi to me! I didn’t even enter the building yet so I couldn’t say hi. But like I was thinking ok maybe she does like me? Did she come outside just to say that? 

But no flirting or anything after that from her. So again I felt like mixed messages per usual. And left feeling like an idiot again. 

I don’t flirt with her but I think she already knows I’m kind of introverted. 

The fact she noticed you didn't say hi and it bothers her is a clear sign to me that she's into you.

As others have said, be brave and make a move, it's the only way to really find out where it could go.

It sounds like she thinks it's cute that you're introverted so don't worry about that. She will appreciate you stepping out of your comfort zone for her.

Edited April 30, 2024 by FredEire

[spaceman33]

She was cold towards me today. So I didn’t try to talk much.