Am I insecure?

[LoveSickUser101]

Is it controlling if I don’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend helping other girls in the gym when they need help? Or am I thinking too much of it.

[basil67]

It's not controlling to feel uncomfortable.  It's only controlling if you tell him that he can't do it.  

That said, I've never seen girls in the gym needing help...or asking for help from guys in the gym.  What's going on here?  Is he staff?

[glows]

It’s not a bad thing acknowledging you’re insecure. The next thing you do is address why you’re feeling that way which is what you’re doing. Have you told him how you feel? I also want to know if he’s staff or if he’s offering his services to various women.

[LoveSickUser101]

9 minutes ago, glows said:

It’s not a bad thing acknowledging you’re insecure. The next thing you do is address why you’re feeling that way which is what you’re doing. Have you told him how you feel? I also want to know if he’s staff or if he’s offering his services to various women.

Yes I have told him how I felt and he has said that he will always help someone who needs it and that it is nothing more nor nothing less. I may have overreacted in the moment which I did apologize for.

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, LoveSickUser101 said:

Yes I have told him how I felt and he has said that he will always help someone who needs it and that it is nothing more nor nothing less. I may have overreacted in the moment which I did apologize for.

But how does it come about that he's helping these women?   Does he also help men in the gym?  

Is he staff?

[LoveSickUser101]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

But how does it come about that he's helping these women?   Does he also help men in the gym?  

Is he staff?

He is not a worker, but he helps the men in the gym.

[glows]

He seems like a kind person but perhaps goes out of his way that is unusual and unlike others. Maybe he is an expert at working out or runs his own business or maybe he is a fitness trainer by trade(but not staff)? This could be a major passion of his and might turn into a business opp or career change if not already.

I’m curious why you had that initial instinct feeling suspicious or annoyed. Has he ever given you reason to suspect his actions/words?

Edited April 28, 2024 by glows

[Gebidozo]

10 hours ago, LoveSickUser101 said:

He is not a worker, but he helps the men in the gym.

I don’t understand. Do those men and women ask him for help? Is it his job to help them? If so, then yes, you’re being unreasonable and controlling. It’s just work and he isn’t interested in those women sexually.

Or does he volunteer to help men and women without them asking for help? Then it’s just… weirdMaybe you could ask him to stop helping the women if that bothers you so much.

[d0nnivain]

Does he help other people in life too?  If he's always showing women how to use equipment or using these interactions to chat them up I can see where it would bother you.   If it's a one time thing & the subject is solely the gym equipment, calm down but if he's commenting on form which is really an excuse to observe a woman's body & he's flirtatious about it that is a slippery slope. 

[smackie9]

It seems to me he's a regular, spends a lot of time there and everyone knows him. This is his social network, his hobby. He's not doing anything sexual, he's just working out, is good at it , people notice, and will obviously ask him for advice, etc. He's probably friendly, funny and out going. His focus is working out not the women at the gym. Now I can see it if he's flirting, hitting on, eyeing up these women, asking them out, yes that would be an issue.

I used to go to the gym, and the staff does jack crap unless you pay for help/training. That can be like 30+ buck an hour. Why not get it for free from a buffy patron that's there most days. I believe he feels he's doing something good by volunteering/help others out. 

Edited May 7, 2024 by smackie9