can't help who u fall in love w/-my story of a MM

[lost2005]

I am completely in love with a MM. Here is my story and perhaps this may or may not help those who might be dealing with a MM or perhaps it might give you some comfort knowing that there is someone else out there who understands.

 

I met MM 1 month before he got married at work. I didn't know that he was going to marry this person who I was starting to become friends with from work as well. He got married to her and the 3 of us became friends. I actually became very close friends with her. After the first year of marriage, he made jokes about "getting together" to test the waters. I thought he was a relatively nice guy but all along I thought he's just my friends husband. We all hung out together and MM was very happy to see that his W actually found a friend who shared so many common interests since she didn’t have any friends. It was so uncanny how we were so much alike on the surface as the public would see but internally, we were completely different in our perspectives of the human heart as her husband had discovered after we began our A.

 

One evening, MM had asked to see if I wanted to hang out while the W was out of town (which was completely natural since we were just all friends). There was no denying that we had a very intense unspoken attraction as well as a strong admiration for each other on a professional level. However, I only considered him as a friend and had no intentions of anything more as he was "married" and off limits.

 

Sometimes, things happen unintentionally and in this instance, it was not planned at least on my part. We ended up together that evening to something so incredibly amazing we were both speechless. The next day or two was quite strange but in my moment of ethics, I told him that I was not ok with what had happened that I needed to either tell his W since she was my friend or he needed to. It was a scary week for both of us since we had no idea what or where to start.

 

Somehow, we got thru it and decided to keep it to ourselves as a one-time accident. Over time, this turned into a full-blown love affair while I was friends with his W for another 2 years. In continuing this relationship, I made up all the rules about the nature of the situation, the hope of no future, to be completely honest with each other in that if I felt it was hurting me, we would end it and he would as well etc, etc..

 

My friendship with his W ended as she had some fundamental issues as a friend where she always put me down and manipulated me to the point where she became possessive with me and had me alienate all my friends. It was kind of odd but she was very calculating and controlling (which is the internal part that is so different between us). We are no longer friends which was completely a separate issue altogether.

 

Regardless, MM continued to see me 2-3 times a week, we went out to nice romantic dinners and dates, made dinner and surprised me when I get home from work, surprised me with trips to the mountains, resorts, getaways...it was all surreal. MM takes care of me and saw me whenever he could and called me when he was away on business as he missed me and couldn’t stand not being with me. He was even there for me when my brother passed away. We've been together for about 5 of his 6-year marriage. With each time we are together, our love A has only gotten stronger and deeper in the way we feel about each other.

 

I’ve left him twice before as I kept reaching that point where I felt this was not working for me as I began to start thinking of future (which is what I told myself I would not do) although I was so completely in love with this man as he is was me. He came back both times as he just could not let me go and I've gone back both times as I could not let him go. We've never discussed a future but just held on to the present. We have no idea what our future holds so it was just never discussed and I have no desire to go down that road.

 

I can't tell you in words how happy I am when I am with him and I can feel how happy he is when he is with me. Our feelings for each other are so intense it hurts when he's not near. He doesn't have kids although his W wanted kids over 2 years ago and that his W would stop working. I'm not sure why they still don’t have kids altho I suspect that he's trying to make his marriage less complicated if it doesn't work out or even that he's trying to keep me and him alive. I'm not sure really but he knows that I will end our relationship if he does have children. That was another one of my rules. I could not hurt an innocent child.

 

Not too long ago, we had dinner and walking around an outside shopping mall. A small child out of nowhere ran up to him and said "daddy, daddy" and his mother was chasing him while the kid ran away laughing. It was just an odd incident. From this, it sparked a serious conversation when we got to the car. I asked him how he would feel if I ended up getting pregnant and he said " actually, I was just thinking of that the other night and (he looked at me really serious which kind of scared me) I would love to have a baby with you". I was so surprised that he would want to have that baby if I were pregnant and it was said without any fear on his part and perhaps it was something he was looking forward to. He did also say that perhaps if it were to happen in the beginning of our relationship, there would be some consideration since he was not at the place in life to have children in general but 5 years later, he would have that baby with me no doubt about it.

 

I miss him during the times he "has to be" with his W and do husbandly duties. However, he is there for me when I need him, I can always depend on him and he will bend over backwards in any capacity to take care of me. I never ask him for anything as I am very independent and prideful. Nonetheless, even though I never ask, he always takes care of everything for me.

 

He makes me feel safe, secure and those are the moments that have carried me through the hard times. I try not to think about his married life and what he must be doing as I have a very full life on my own. I continue to live my life and keep everything in perspective of this relationships reality. Just taking it for what it is and not having expectations of what it can be. Its taken a long time for me to mentally do this but I have to admit, it does hit me from time to time.

 

I've seen him recently on our last trip to this beautiful mansion he rented out on a lake in the mountains where he was in complete anguish and pain over the thought of not being able to be with me all the time. This was a result of a comment I made several months ago about how I would like to see him more so we can take our time to do other things but that I understood the nature of our situation.—it was just a brief comment I made in passing more than anything. He remembered and it must have hit him on our trip to the beautiful place we spent that weekend. I know he was just torn and it hurt me to see him as I’ve never seen him this way before in my presence. Perhaps he feels my sadness at times and reaches a point where he feels so helpless. He has said that I deserve someone who can love me, be with me to take care of me all the time, not only when he is able to. I know he tries to brush this feeling off time and time again because he doesn't want to lose me.

 

I would never ask MM to leave his marriage and there was a period where he was being careless and taking big risks to be with me at times or where he even said that she was going to throw him out. Altho we never discussed his marriage, I sensed hard times from the very beginning of their marriage. I had to do what was best for both of us and as of a month ago, I ended it with him and actually asked him to let me go. It hurt me so much to see him at such crossroads. After several long conversations, I became strong enough to agree with him in that I deserve so much more and that he needs to say the words I needed to hear to move on. I know saying the words that he didn't want me, that we had no future, etc. etc. was so hard for him to say. At the end, he said that it was out of love that he was agreeing to do what I asked and that our situation was complicated by his marriage but the way we felt about each other was so simple. He never said goodbye to me as we parted on the phone. I cried and cried for days in silence...alone as I've never shared my relationship with anyone.

 

I've been so heartbroken, I wake up crying and it takes every ounce of me to get up in the morning esp. this holiday season. All the other years when I was not with him for his birthdays (which is a week earlier than mine), Christmas, I thought I was ok. I guess like many others, it was the terms of which I agreed to in the beginning so I couldn't complain. I am still in love with this man and when we parted, I left thinking this was the end of us and the beginning of a new chapter in my life, he left me with this feeling that we would meet again. This relationship has been the happiest moment of my life and knowing that I had experienced such bliss when I was with him was enough to carry me through the sad days.

 

Whether anyone stays with a MM or not, remember that you can't help the people you fall in love with. I will never regret the most incredible experiences and memories I had with him. Most people go through life just numb and going thru the day to day but I know what it was like to be truly in love with someone and to be adored as I was by him.

 

Enjoy and take in every moment you have. Remember how you feel when you are with him and make every minute count. Don't think about what you don't have with this person.

 

I just felt the need to share this with those of you who might have been in similar situations.

 

I miss him so much…

[OldEurope]

Five years is a large part of your life. And "now" out of "love" he lets you go? His sense of responsibility is abysmal, his cowardice huge. Just why is he in his marriage IF, by your account, it is so uninspired and his desire for children is with you? For a marriage, that many years is not so long. What, exactly, was his ultimate issue in not choosing you?

[lost2005]

Honestly, I don't know what his ultimate issue was in not choosing me. I never really gave him an apportunity to make that decision as we never talked about it. We were so happy just being together all this time, we didn't want to ruin what we had. He never wanted to let me go, I just forced him to do that for me so I could walk away knowing that it was mutual (altho it never was--I just needed it that way)

 

For me, he would have to do make the choice on his own without me asking or inquiring about. I suspect that the last time we took our trip, he was at that crossroad where he felt he had to make a decision. I made the decision for him before he had any time to act. I guess I was in a way trying to minimize myself from hurt in case he did say he was either breaking up with me or choosing to stay in his marriage. The trigger for me was when he said "I have to make some presonal decisions" on that last trip. I have no idea what that meant...it could have gone either way and I never asked probably becuase I just didn't want to know the answer.

 

He did call me after the trip a week later and told me where he was at...that he couldn't make any promises (such as in 6 months he'd be free etc. etc...) He just didn't want me waiting around since he had no idea 1) what was going to happen in his marriage 2) it would not be fair for him to have me idle while I could have a chance of being with someone who made me happy. We left that conversation hanging in the air as neither one of us could come to any resolution about what we wanted to do.

 

After having a few days to think about it, he came back and said that he was being stupid and that he wanted to just have the things back to the way we were. I suspect that he knew I was going to leave. I told him he was right about me and that I deserve at the very least a chance at happiness with someone who would be there for me all the time. I forced him to to say the things I needed to hear so I can move on.

 

He was really good to me and he does care for me. I know this to be true. The part that is complicated for him which I know to be true is that they both have the same job, working for the same co. owned by his family member, I know his friends as I were friends with them too since the 3 of us hung out for many years, etc. There would be alot to change and it would devestate his professional life as well which has been a huge money maker for the last 5 years.

 

He has been planning to switch gears to a new job, new industry as this current one altho very profitable, you can't do it for too long as it burns you out. Also, I know that he hates the people he works with and for and all this can't change overnight. This is why he said that he could not make any promises. He just doesn't know how long something like this could take to get out of. Complicated..and because this is all so complicated, we just don't talk about it. I'm not quite sure if I could endure being around for all that. So...this hurt I feel now-like you wouldn't believe will heal and its better that I do it now than later.

[Sami_D]

I don't know... the way I read this... he was always ok from the start with being married to one woman, and being 'involved' with another. You never really complained or (said you) wanted more... then, when you said you didn't want it any longer... he said 'ok'.

 

Did you want more..? Did you really let him know that..? Did he ever wonder about that? Or did he just think his luck was in and that was how life was going to be forever (W and Mistress..?)

 

What does he say now..?

[lost2005]

This all just happened...it was never planned and over the course of our relationship, he started to discover that we shared such a rare connection. I know he started to feel this way but again you are right...I never said I wanted more or let him know how I felt and instead broke up with him becuase I didn't want to deal with the hurt. At the time, I just didn't want to hear the answers or anything related to his W, or his marriage...I just left all that behind and just enjoyed my time with him at that moment. He was not ok when I said I didn't want the relationship. I made him say ok and forced him to say it was ok becuase if he cared about me, he would let me go.I made him do it so that in my head, it was a mutual parting and not one sided. I guess that is how I needed to deal with any pain I might have caused if it were just me leaving.

 

He knew I never wanted to have the "serious conversations". I don't want to complicate what we had as I know its already complicated in his marriage becuase his job, friends, the W, everything is SO CONVULUTED. It really is almost incestuous if I were to explain it all to you.

 

I'm not sure if he was ok or not--we never really talked about that--surprise suprise. BUT, there were those brief but intense moments where he let me know in not so many words that he was not ok with our relationship with me just being the OW. I never pressed on any of that...for me, if any man wants to be with me, he has to have enough conviction and fight to bring me back. I have to know that he wants ME. If I were to press him on leaving his W and tell him, I will never know for sure will I?

 

I am certain that he has thought and wondered that life with me. He said that I'm the kind of person he would take home to meet his mother. (funny thing is that I already know his entire family). I think he's ok with the person he's married to as she's the person that is just "good enough" but then he met me right before he got married which changed everything in the course of our 5 years. He did say that at one point that he's not the kind of person who would stay in a marriage just becuase he felt guilty.

 

I haven't spoken to him since the first of december because I needed the space to rebuild my walls and get strong again. I feel a little bit better now and since I've finally be able to tell my story on this website, I feel even better. Just having an avenue to let it all out as I would never tell anyone I know for fear of hurting other people. I'm not that kind of person to be vindictive or to seek revenge. I can't handle confrontation so this is why I just left which is the way I usually handle matters of the heart when its too painful.

 

I don't think my conversation w/MM is quite over as I still have a few questions that I need answered IN PERSON. My decision to leave was on the phone so I guess I just need to see him to get confirmation its over. So, perhaps this is my way of letting him know how I feel and want after the fact without actually being confrontational. I've never gone after any guy before so this might be my first attempt to give an explanation on how I feel rather than just walking away and never contacting them again which is my usual MO. He at least deserves to know and get some closure as well as I know he's got some questions for me too. That is just being human.

 

I did contact him and left a message yesterday to call me back when he got a chance. We're going to talk tomorrow. I hope to be able to get my questions answered. sigh...

[Sami_D]

Well I'd like to hear what questions you asked him, and what response you got from them.

 

Just looking at your words here, I am not sure I can comment too much on what you 'should' do at the moment. I can't really hear the voice of what he thinks of your R, or his own marriage.

[beachrosie]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can completely understand the need to romanticize all that you shared...as it was very romantic. But perhaps he thought you didn't want anymore, and he was perfectly fine with that, as then he didn't have to hurt anyone...rather be pleasing.

 

Your friendship with his wife is interesting, as for me it was the other way around. I am curious to her controlling behavior, and why she was trying to isolate you. I think she might have been picking up unsaid signals from him and from you.

 

Recently my Friend/once lover/mm that tells me he is madly in love with me... now tells me his wife has dreams about me often, yet still doesn't know he and I were intimate.

 

Either way, you deserve everything and not a person that is married. You seem like you are a very intelligent articulate woman, and you deserve all that the world offers...not half of anything or anyone. Well, if you ask me. I feel that about anyone that thinks that they are satified in these type of relationships. Heck...I was one of them...and I am really trying to rationalize my way out. )

 

I wish you luck,and think you deserve more.

[mslovely97]

I am in the same situation. I have never ask him to choose me or his wife. I don't want him to be in that situation. He has kids by her and I don't want the kids growing up without out a father in their life. I don't want them to feel that dad doe love them. We have never made love, we have only kissed and thats about it. But the chemistry we have togerther is just phenomenal. We he is not by my side I feel totaly and completly lost. I have never felt this way about a man before. I have never loved a man like this before. People tell me that its just a phase and you will get over it. but I don't think so. I love him with all of my mind, my soul, and my spirit. If he tells me that he can't go through this anymore, I don't know what I what do. I know that in the end he will choose his wife over me and that scares me because I know that I will not be able to take the pain. These feelings that I have are very confusing, but one day I guess I will figure it the game of love out.

[newbby]

although it is really difficult to ask somebody to choose you over their wife, at the end of the day, if thats what you want, you need to take that risk. it is easier of course, to say, well i never asked him, so he never had that choice. you are gambling anyway though, you might aswell gather some courage and put yourself out there as an ALTERNATIVE option. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT WOMAN and then DONT settle for less. at least that way you KNOW and you can deal with the outcome.

[travellingman]

although it is really difficult to ask somebody to choose you over their wife, at the end of the day, if thats what you want, you need to take that risk.

 

A guy I'm friends with left his wife to marry his OW. He's a lot happier now than he was with #1.

[lost2005]

To answer the question about my friendship with the W...

 

We became friends BEFORE a few months before they got married. I had no idea it was to the MM I fell in love with. They kept all of that very quiet becuase they worked at the same job site as contractors. So, I knew she was getting married but I just never asked who and she never shared it with me until after the fact.

 

I considered her a good friend and from the beginning, becuase we had so many similarities, we became inseparable. We did everything together and thus the MM was very happy 1) now his wife actually had a friend since she doesn't have any 2) the one friend she kinda had who she saw about once a year, MM couldn't stand to hang around.

 

They even moved about 20 minutes away from where I live now and we continued to be even closer. Over the course of the 3 years I was friends with her, she began to become very possessive. I have many friends from all kinds of diff. groups who don't necessarily hang out with each other kind of thing. Since she was my close friend, I invited her out and each time, she would say something to the effect of why I should not be friends with that person. In my mind, you become friends w/ diff. people for diff. reasons. This is why I had so many groups of diff. friends. She didn't see it that way. Then it was a matter of why do I hang w/ these people who offer no benefit, don't add value, waste of your time and even to the point of getting a bit upset when I did go out with them.

 

Over time, I ended up just hanging out with her and MM. The 3 of us had alot of fun just hanging out. It was honestly alot of fun and I really did enjoy having all of them as friends. The thing about her is that she appears completely sweet and nice to your face but the minute you turn your back, she is saying this and that about them. This kind of thing started to bother me over time. She even started to call me W #2 in front of other people which started to bother me as well since we did spend so much time together. Yes, on the surface, we were very much alike in our professional lives and the way we handeled projects etc. but on the inside, we were so different.

 

I do believe that she knew her husband thought the world of me because 1) I was such a good friend to his W-I'm a very giving and generous person to everybody 2) fun to hang out with 3) someone he got along with. I'm pretty sure she knew he thought I was very attractive but being that she's very sure and secure with herself in her mind (she's intelligent and has a great head on her shoulders), this probably didn't bother her much. She was married to him, we all hung out together and she was very happy with me being her close friend.

 

What initiated our falling out was when time and time again, I got tired of her cutting down people and making others out to be so incompetent while she knew and could do everything. For her, everything is black and white...no grays...no exceptions. Without going into too much detail about the actual situation related to a car, she didn't allow for me to explain and dealt with me in a very childlike manner and cut me down to put me in my place kind of thing.

 

This happend again when I invited them to an organization my friend is the pres. of where I live. The W asked why I was going when I had no interest in the org.'s mission other than being there socially. It didn't matter if I had an interest in the org or not, it was for me to support my friend the pres. She basically said that I shouldn't be there since I had no real interest in what the org was doing while she on the other hand believed in the org's mission --it was a policital org.

 

She then asked if I were still going? What the heck was that...? I ended up not going, while she called me after the event about how fun it was and that my friend the pres. (who I contacted right before the event to make sure the W and MM were introduced to the people at the event) was such a gracious host....At that point, I felt I needed to speak to the W and confront her about her behavior, issues of the friendship etc. We played phone tag once or twice, then I just didn't bother calling and neither did she. I just didn't have the desire to be friends with someone who had 2 completely diff. sides, controlling, calculated...please do not misunderstand...on the whole, she has a good heart but sometimes, with hidden agendas. Thus the reason why she doesn't trust anyone, doesn't have ANY good friends, homebody. I know that when I came along and she latched on to me as a friend, the MM was REALLY HAPPY that his W finally found a friend.

 

After several months, the MM called and asked me to be the better person and call his W to be friends again. He said that she doesn't know how to be friend as she doesn't have much experience on being a friend. I declined as I didn't want any confrontation and it just wasn't worth it for me to put that kind of energy to make it ok for her.

 

This is just a small part of why we had a falling out but this should give you some idea. Her main thing was that I was only a friend to nobody else but her. All my time and energy was only with her. She didn't want me to have any other friends. She was completely happy when it was just me, her and MM. My world expands much more than just her.

 

Altho I do miss her friendship sometimes since we did have much fun, esp. now that I've had this love affair, I couldn't be that good friend as I once was or at least a trustworthy one.

 

I want to thank everybody for your thoughts. This has been so helpful for me to be able to share this as this has been one of the most difficult things I've had to hold secret for so long. To have been in love with someone and yet not been able to share it with my friends, family or anyone else for the past 5 years of my life. The fact that they have no idea what or who has been making me so happy or so sad has been extrememly difficult to bear for so long. Thank you all.

[goingforgold]

Lost - Your post has really touched something deep inside me, in a weird way i feel your pain. Reading your post has got me all emotional.

[lost2005]

Trust me when I say...it is that deep and it is very emotional as you feel and more.

 

We spoke the other day...another moment of such deep emotions, its difficult for me to write this so I will write it in parts over time since I'm having such a hard time thinking about it now.

 

He came over for an hour and within that hour, we still continue to have our internal struggles of coming to some REAL and HARD resolution we can agree to and live with.

 

I finally told him how I really felt about him and explained my reasons for never discussing or bringing up the topic of "US", what we want, where we are going. That being that I didn't want to know the answers even it was what I wanted or not and that I was only living in the now as this served as a reality check for me and kept me from thinking of a future.

 

I told him that I was IN LOVE with him for the first time in 5 years. I'm not sure when this happened exactly but that at some point, there was a shift and I found myself completely giving in to what we had. I explained how difficult this has been to bear for me and that I wasn't sure what hurts more...being with him knowing we don't have a future and hurting, or being without him and hurting.

 

His reply was that he loved me too and where we ended up was not expected, planned. However what he does know is that when he's with me, he can't make rational decisions about his personal life. He also knows that for some time, when we are together..he wants to be with me more and more, wants me nearer and nearer, wants "US" and he can't in the situation we are in. He said its complicated--and I KNOW its very complicated becuase:

 

1) he's been in the process of trying to figure out if he wants to leave his job that has left him completely burnt out

2) also considering leaving this job that has been such a money maker and what he will now do for a job even if its having a decent salary--what would his new career be?

3) my connection to his friends, family and former friendship with the W

4) my ties to the same professional community

 

Altho this part was unspoken, we both knew it to be very true. The money he would leave behind means nothing since he would be able to walk away with a nice settlement and both parties would be satisfied as they both started with nothing and worked very equally all 6 years.

 

He asked himself while I listened...here is someone I love, and here is someone I love more. Who do I envision myself to be as a human being? and I have to figure out what kind of person I envison myself being in the future??? He had all these questions for himself...

 

I asked him...not that I was asking for him to leave his W but what it was that kept him there. This is where he was insistent that he not discuss this with me. I asked why but he just didn't want to discuss this issue. He saw my confused look but I left it alone and let him be. I suspect from small comments I've made in passing over the years that I never wanted to come between him and his W and that I never wanted to talk about his marriage issues and that if he ever left, it would be all his doing without my involvement. I truly believe this is the reason why he was very stern about not discussing his W.

 

In addition to the complicated nature of "US", its even more convoluted in that since he works with his W now, if he changes his career, he would be able to leave perhaps a bit easily but then again, what would his new career be...if his W decides to stay in her job in which he can't ask her to leave since its her livlihood, how would everybody else take it since the W would still be working for his family...you see, its all mixed up from one thing to the next which feeds into the other...COMPLICATED.

 

He said that he has to figure himself out and that our parting is the best thing. He doesn't want to lead me on as he has no sense of timing, the future etc. etc. I completely understand and he doesn't want me to wait around for the what if. He's had someone who did that to him before his marriage and he remembers how that felt. He wants me to have the oppty to be happy even if it kills him to see me with someone else and while he is still trying to work it all out.

 

I sensed a tremendous amount of confusion and frustration on trying to sort it all thru in him, I was actually very sad not because we parted but because he faced such torment. I know feeling that way is extremely difficult for me as I've been there too but for a man who is facing an unhappy career and changing his status all at the same time factored in with the friends and family...is more than any person can bear. I felt so bad. I didn't know what to do other than to listen as he spoke outloud.

 

He once told me that he didn't care what people said and I called him out on that. I said that he does care what people say because its all a big consideration at this point on how he's going to make all this happen. He never said what he was actually planning as once again, he didn't want to give me hope, lead or wait.

 

This is all I can bear to write at this moment, I'll update you more later but for now, I have to let go and continue living my life. Remember that saying..."If you love someone set them free, If they come back it was meant to be".Anna Jovanovi...

 

There is so much love and so much sadness, I am just going to take ti day by day. Each day I wake up, it will begin to hurt less and less when one day, I'll wake up and say I'm actually ok again. New Year, New Beginning.

 

--I'm trying to remain positive.

[newbby]

why dont you ASK for what you want?

oh whoops,

i have problems with reading long posts, sorry!

so you asked him in a roundabout namby pamby sort of way.

look i am not being mean, but, it struck me that most of the ow who dont get what they want dont ask in any sort of confident, i believe i deserve it, kind of way.

it is almost as though you have a fear of asking or demanding what you really want, because then you may have to deal with the rejection.

well dont you think it is easier to deal with something definite?

[erika2610]

A guy I'm friends with left his wife to marry his OW. He's a lot happier now than he was with #1.

 

That's rare though. I've heard stories of MM leaving the W for the OW.. but most stories I've heard, they usually end up going back to the W.

[EMJ]

"Whether anyone stays with a MM or not, remember that you can't help the people you fall in love with." Is what you said.

 

I strongly disagree with that statement. It's a choice to decide that you love someone, a decision you make, and the actions you take to make it happen. Don't lie to yourself, it causes of so much unecessary self-inflicted pain.

 

You say "One evening, MM had asked to see if I wanted to hang out while the W was out of town (which was completely natural since we were just all friends)". No your weren't friends. Friends do not sneak around behind each other's back and make it easy to lie and cheat on them.

 

No wife would ever be comfortable with her husband "hanging out" with a single female while she is out of town. If you were such good friends with her why didn't you say "By the way, I'm hanging out with your husband while you are out of town." ? Because you accepted your role as the secondary woman and could not tell her the truth, even back then you made the decision to handle things that way.

 

5 years?? Where is your self esteem? You are wasting an awful lot of your precious youth on this fool. He's not that special, just pretty common. You have never given him a reason to change his behavior. You should also stop going on about your friendship with her. You have no friendship. Friends do not do this to each other, ever.

 

You are not innocent in this situation, you have constantly made these poor choices and mostly just hurt yourself. It's your life, you make it what it is.

 

It's 2006 a new year and new chance. Everyone has the opportunity to grow and change. Stop acting like a victim. You made these active choices, and you can make better choice's in the future if you start seeing things clearly and help yourself.

[lost2005]

When he asked to hang out, his W knew that he was going to hang out with me. He did tell her. No sneaking around behind her back at that time. She was also ok with him coming out with me several other times where for some reason she was out of town somewhere and I asked him to a town social event where it was planned that he would stay over at my parents house with me all before we even got together. We were really all just friends.

 

Yes, I have made some foolish and poor decisions. This is partly me not wanting to deal with myself as I've been so involved with handling so many other issues with family and career, the last thing I wanted to concentrate on was ME.

 

As time has gone by and having had the oppty to share and discuss my story with all of you, I know that leaving him was the only option so that I can start a new life without all this as he needs to as well. Its over between us and there will be a few conversations back and forth until we both get whatever it is out in the open..closure. However, for the most part, I've already started the process of moving on in my heart, started to accept that he is not the one for me as painful as it may be.

[EMJ]

Sometimes it takes laying it all out, even to strangers, so you can see in print what you might have been doing wrong and start to fix it.

 

The only mistake you could make at this point would be making excuses for yourself and him. If we never made mistakes, we would never grow and learn from them.

 

You know you want more from a relationship. Smart. You realize you can't get it from him. Smart. "I've already started the process of moving on in my heart, started to accept that he is not the one for me as painful as it may be." Really smart.

 

It's hard, hard, hard to share yourself with someone and then realize that you cannot get what you need from him and have to move on. But it's also SO smart. You won't likely have room for someone else while you still have him in your heart, but force yourself to get out there ASAP. After a while, you'll wonder why you spent so much time and emotion on him anyway. And once you start getting attention from someone new you really like this will all be just a bad memory. A phase you went through, a learning experience.