I Fell for a Married Man Living Abroad

[CosmicGirl]

I'm so ashamed of my actions that I can't even tell my friends (except 2) 

We are in our early 40s. It started Sep 2023 when MM who tried to date me when we were 17 came to visit our country (he moved to the US over 20 yrs ago) We were only connected through FB and chatted maybe once or twice a year. I knew that he got married in Feb 2023 so I was shocked that he was flirting me. I decided to still see him since I was jobless, down and bored and knew that there was ZERO chance I would like him back. Unfortunately, during his 2 weeks in our country we became close and I fell emotionally. We hugged and held hands but no kissing.

I thought it was just a marriage for convenience since he said they haven't had sex and sleep in different beds (I know it's what most MM say). Also when he got engaged he messaged me and was shocked when I saw the photo because she looked much older and wasn't his type (knew his exes) He said appearances don't matter to him and that she won't use him for a green card, she won't cheat on her and owns her house. No mention of love. His mothers seems to be disapprove of the wife as well since he never takes her to his regular lunch or dinner dates with his parents.

When he got back abroad we continued communicating and then I started becoming jealous of his wife. He bought a ticket right away going back to our home country for April (one month) to see me. During that time we had several fights and drifted apart. One of the reasons was his wife was coming with him. I pressed him for weeks until he finally said that his wife paid for the ticket. He wasn't happy to admit that so I never brought it up again. 

He arrived April and upon landing, the wife went with her family in the North and he went with his family in the South (we live close) We spent almost every day together and brought me lots of gifts from the US. I promised him that I would make his stay in our home country really good/make him happy in appreciation for his effort to fly back to spend time with me. I drove him where he wanted, treated him to nice restaurants, always brought him small gifts (I take note when he mentions something he likes) I sincerely complimented him daily for how good he looks. I made sure he knew how much I appreciate him. I always praised and encouraged him. I'd always touch him (rub his neck or run my fingers through his hair) etc. 

In my mind, as long as there is no sexual contact, it's not a sin/affair. However on our second week together. I got weak and fell for his seduction and we had our first kiss. Since then we would always kiss and end our day with oral on him (which I haven't done in over a decade). I am firm on no sex but we did everything else. 

His Birthday was on Monday. I already asked him several times that I want us to be together on his birthday since that probably will never happen again. Saturday we were together until Sunday 3 am and I just assumed we would meet on Monday. Several days ago he said his plan was we'd have lunch or dinner with his Mom on his birthday.

Sunday I bought a cake for him (which was quite expensive) and additional gifts. When I got home and checked my messages he only had 2. Usually he messages me the whole day so I asked "Are you with your wife?" He replied that he brought his grandmother to the hospital so I felt guilty. I told him I was out the whole day and picked up the cake for him and my gifts. He said he will miss me when he goes back to the US. I asked him what are the plans for tomorrow (birthday) Then he said let's see each other THU. I was shocked and then I asked is he spending it with his wife until Wed, then he said she will be staying at their home in the South until Tue. Another shock for me because I thought the mother hated his wife and can't step foot in their house. I went ballistic on messenger/text because I felt so disrespected with my time and effort. I told him he hurt me so much I felt suicidal and that he will never talk or see me again and I will send over the cake I bought. He didn't even call me! He just messaged we'll meet WED then.

The pain in my heart was so much, I couldn't eat and sleep and had palpitations. I thought it wasn't a real marriage and they were just together because of finances but this proved it wasn't. I called two of my older friends (male and married) and they said just send over the cake and gifts on Monday and then cut it off. That's what I did and he did not even acknowledge it (it was received by his childhood nanny) I suspect it's not true that the wife is in the South and he is probably in the North.

I went to confession and the priest advised me to block him and cut all contact. My friends advised the same also. HOWEVER, in spite of the disrespect. I don't want our last memory together be as enemies. I still want to keep my promise that I will make his stay in our home country happy, treat him like a king. My friends and even the priest said I did enough, more than enough for him. I deactivated FB last night before I slept so I don't know if he sent a message already. I am tempted to check tomorrow when he said we are supposed to meet but my friend said to have some pride, dignity and self respect. He couldn't even take a few seconds to message me when I was distraught last Sunday. 

If I were to follow my heart, I would still meet him and spend his last week with him (he is leaving a next week) and make him so happy so our last memory would be good. It is bound to end since he is in the US and I'm in our home country. Our plan is he will visit me next year when I go to IL (he's from CA). But everyone says to cut him off NOW. I feel guilty that he came home to see me and I will ghost him on his last week (though he did disrespect me so I have a right to be mad) But then, there is also a possibility that I scared him off and he won't contact me anymore.

Can we ever be friends again after this? I've always chosen the right path and what is moral, but with him I just threw my values out the window. I am so ashamed but I still have feelings for him. I got so attached spending almost every day with him almost 24 hrs

[stillafool]

Your mistake was not verifying that he was indeed a married man in every way.  You wanted him so bad you ignored every red flag.  He knew this and ran with it until he got what he wanted from you.  Now you know it was all a lie.  I agree with your Priest and friend to pick up your dignity and block this cheater once and for all.  You still love him and want to be with him and that's why you want this extra week with someone else's husband.  Just stop it.  You know you are wrong so stop pursuing this woman's husband.  He's never going to be with you.

[CosmicGirl]

Yes and it was also a mistake for me to spend every day with him which got me so attached. I know that what he had ends once he leaves the country and we can't be together. It's just that I've known him since we were 17 yrs old and I hate that we will end up as enemies. I kept telling him that we are only friends but every time we are together he would seduce me and do sweet things. I was very vulnerable since I was depressed about being jobless and getting old and I had all the time to spend with him. I also felt young when we were together since we would reminisce about our teens.

Won't it be rude or immature of me to just block him without explanation? Although on my last text on Sunday I said he hurt me so much he will never talk to me or see me anymore, but I don't think he took it seriously. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, CosmicGirl said:

 I . went to confession and the priest advised me to block him and cut all contact. My friends advised the same also. HOWEVER, in spite of the disrespect. I don't want our last memory together be as enemies. I still want to keep my promise that I will make his stay in our home country happy, treat him like a king. My friends and even the priest said I did enough, more than enough for him. I deactivated FB last night before I slept so I don't know if he sent a message already. I am tempted to check tomorrow when he said we are supposed to meet but my friend said to have some pride, dignity and self respect. He couldn't even take a few seconds to message me when I was distraught last Sunday. 

. Our plan is he will visit me next year when I go to IL Can we ever be friends again after this? 

Sorry this is happening. Listen to your friends and clergymen. You're playing with fire and you know it. Please don't lie to yourself when you're already having sexual trysts with fellatio. Not sure why you don't see this as cheating. 

Please talk to trusted friends and family about filing voids in your life in healthier ways. 

[CosmicGirl]

I meant when we were spending time everyday, I didn't think we were cheating since we didn't have any sexual contact, but once we kissed, I knew it was already cheating. Every time we end our date with kissing or giving him oral I'd cry driving myself home because of the guilt, but when we're in the moment it felt good

I am in so much pain right now that I understand why some people commit suicide, because it's the only way for the pain to stop. I won't hurt myself but I wish this pain would end soon. Talking about it helps somehow but I only have few people I could talk to about it.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

Can we ever be friends again after this?

No.

If you were his wife, how would you feel if your husband had an inappropriate “friendship” with another woman? 

Whether they sleep in the same bed and have sex or not, this man is married to another woman. Full stop. This was a very inappropriate relationship the first day that you started secretly communicating with the man - you have been involved in an emotional affair that turned physical/sexual when he came to visit you. 

I read your posts and I think this is a whole lot of unnecessary drama. You have a story that you have created in your head in an attempt to justify the fact that you have chosen to engage in an inappropriate relationship with another woman’s husband. 

You have created a romantic fantasy about this relationship when in fact, this man has used you. Not without your consent, because you had many opportunities to make another decision and turn back - but you chose to proceed. This is another of those opportunities - don’t let him use you anymore. 
 

2 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

But everyone says to cut him off NOW.

Why are you choosing not listen to your priest and your friends?

In love, if we only listen to our heart and not our head we end up in messy situations like the one that you are in right now - with a broken heart. If it is a choice between the two, listen to your head. That’s what your priest and your friends are trying to encourage you to do - you would be wise to listen to them. 

Edited April 23 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

55 minutes ago, CosmicGirl said:

I meant when we were spending time everyday, I didn't think we were cheating since we didn't have any sexual contact, but once we kissed, I knew it was already cheating.

How could you not think it's not cheating to spend time everyday with someone's husband that you have a crush on?  I'm not buying it.  I agree he used you and I can't believe you still want to spend another week with him so he can use you some more.

[CosmicGirl]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

No.

If you were his wife, how would you feel if your husband had an inappropriate “friendship” with another woman? 

Whether they sleep in the same bed and have sex or not, this man is married to another woman. Full stop. This was a very inappropriate relationship the first day that you started secretly communicating with the man - you have been involved in an emotional affair that turned physical/sexual when he came to visit you. 

I read your posts and I think this is a whole lot of unnecessary drama. You have a story that you have created in your head in an attempt to justify the fact that you have chosen to engage in an inappropriate relationship with another woman’s husband. 

You have created a romantic fantasy about this relationship when in fact, this man has used you. Not without your consent, because you had many opportunities to make another decision and turn back - but you chose to proceed. This is another of those opportunities - don’t let him use you anymore. 
 

Why are you choosing not listen to your priest and your friends?

In love, if we only listen to our heart and not our head we end up in messy situations like the one that you are in right now - with a broken heart. If it is a choice between the two, listen to your head. That’s what your priest and your friends are trying to encourage you to do - you would be wise to listen to them. 

I meant be friends again like the way we used to be before I reciprocated his feelings. I really wish he didn't pursue me but I was also at fault because I made myself vulnerable  I honestly thought it wasn't a real marriage or just a marriage for convenience (finances/papers)

How did he use me? All the signs that a man is "in love" he checked (when we first met in Sep 2023)  I also felt it with the way he looked at me and wanted to be with me all time, do things for me, buy things I liked, took note of small details etc. That's why over time I also fell for him but I was still controlling myself that nothing physical happened. 

My Mom did ask if MM didn't have any other friends because I was seeing him almost every day. I am a homebody so my Mom was surprised that I was spending too much time with him. I told my Mom his friends and family had work on weekdays that's why I'm the only one available.

I did listen to my priest and friends that's why I haven't checked my phone Tue the whole day. Tomorrow is Wednesday, when he said we will see each other, and I admit I am tempted to check my phone if he has a message I feel really bad that things between us will end on a sour note and I am not happy about losing a friend I've known for more than half of my life. 

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

How could you not think it's not cheating to spend time everyday with someone's husband that you have a crush on?  I'm not buying it.  I agree he used you and I can't believe you still want to spend another week with him so he can use you some more.

I guess I was in denial, I justified that it wasn't cheating as long as there's no sexual contact. I have to clarify that he had a crush on me and asked me out when we were 17, but he wasn't my type. We were in touch all these years and he would send me a message every now and then but I would answer sparingly. He messaged in July 2023 letting me know that he is coming to our home country to visit his grandmother and wanted to meet me. He was already flirting with me and I never reciprocated because I wasn't really attracted to him. It changed when we spent time when he came home in Sep 2023.

My friend said the same that he used me. But how? I feel indebted to him because he made a way to see me again (got the ticket for Apr a week after coming home in Sep) That's time, effort, money, unpaid leaves etc that's why I told myself that I will really treat him like a king when he arrives. That's also the reason why I still want to spend his last week with him because I want to honor my word and really don't want our last memory to be bad.

Prior to this year, he would only come home every 4 or 5 yrs. What I found off was that his wife paid for the tickets. How he had his wife stay in the North while he stayed in the South (where we live close) is a puzzle to me. I do know that we have no future together and I just want to make the most of his time here. Even in the US we live in different states. 

Edited April 23 by CosmicGirl

[BaileyB]

35 minutes ago, CosmicGirl said:

I meant be friends again like the way we used to be before I reciprocated his feelings.

How would you feel if your husband maintained a friendship with the woman with whom he has previously cheated? Would you trust him if he was in continued contact with his former affair partner? 

Do you not see how disrespectful that is to his wife - to even suggest such a thing? Do you not appreciate how disrespectfully he has used you - why would you want to maintain a friendship with this man? 

When people show you who they truly are - believe them.

Edited April 23 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, CosmicGirl said:

We were in touch all these years and he would send me a message every now and then

So you knew he was married for years and was talking to him?  Why?

1 hour ago, CosmicGirl said:

He was already flirting with me and I never reciprocated because I wasn't really attracted to him.

You knew he was a married man why didn't you shut this down and go about your business?

1 hour ago, CosmicGirl said:

My friend said the same that he used me. But how?

For blowjobs and you were a willing participant while he never even returned the favor on you.

 

1 hour ago, CosmicGirl said:

I feel indebted to him because he made a way to see me again (got the ticket for Apr a week after coming home in Sep) That's time, effort, money, unpaid leaves etc that's why I told myself that I will really treat him like a king when he arrives.

Girl, that's nothing for a man who wants to see a woman to do.  For God's sake raise your standards.  And as you can see he really didn't come just to see you.  He wouldn't even spend his B-day with you after you rushed out to buy gifts and a cake.  Now you are still so desperate for him you still want to treat him like a king for the remainder of his stay.  Please find your self esteem and use it.   Going after a married man is a dead end.

[CosmicGirl]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

So you knew he was married for years and was talking to him?  Why?

You knew he was a married man why didn't you shut this down and go about your business?

For blowjobs and you were a willing participant while he never even returned the favor on you.

 

Girl, that's nothing for a man who wants to see a woman to do.  For God's sake raise your standards.  And as you can see he really didn't come just to see you.  He wouldn't even spend his B-day with you after you rushed out to buy gifts and a cake.  Now you are still so desperate for him you still want to treat him like a king for the remainder of his stay.  Please find your self esteem and use it.   Going after a married man is a dead end.

He only got married in Feb 2023 and in the previous years he would always tell me how much he likes me but I never reciprocated and kept the chats short. Looking back, he even messaged me on the day of his wedding. 

I really didn't think I would fall for him because all those years that I've known him, I was never attracted to him. I also thought it was just a marriage for convenience/papers. But when he came to visit in Sep 2023 and we spent time together, I fell emotionally.

He did want to return the favor but I refused. 

It's Wednesday morning here today, the day he said we will see each other and my heart really aches because I am tempted to check my messenger but I won't. I joined this group because I need to hear these things (the hard truth) and knock some sense in me. I really hate myself for falling for him  He is leaving next week so it really ends there. 

[CosmicGirl]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

How would you feel if your husband maintained a friendship with the woman with whom he has previously cheated? Would you trust him if he was in continued contact with his former affair partner? 

Do you not see how disrespectful that is to his wife - to even suggest such a thing? Do you not appreciate how disrespectfully he has used you - why would you want to maintain a friendship with this man? 

When people show you who they truly are - believe them.

It never crossed my mind that he used me. I felt the opposite, that I had to be good to him because of his effort to fly back and see me

But now it seems like he used his wife to pay for the tickets and he used me to entertain him while he is here.

[basil67]

16 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I don't want our last memory together be as enemies.

"Enemies" is a very strong word with strong emotions.  Perhaps "someone you used to know" would be a better way to end it?

[CosmicGirl]

52 minutes ago, basil67 said:

"Enemies" is a very strong word with strong emotions.  Perhaps "someone you used to know" would be a better way to end it?

Yes, I just don't want it to end on a bad note, us hating each other, but everyone is telling me to cut him off.

I think IF he is messaging me now asking to see me and I don't respond, that would be unforgivable for him. But there's also a possibility that I scared him off with how I got so mad on our last interaction on Sunday. He didn't respond anymore until the last time I checked my phone on Monday. It's Wednesday now (when we always go out) and my heart physically hurts (palpitations)

I don't want to check my phone because if he did message, I would be tempted to see him again and if he did not message, I would be so hurt by the rejection. I never wanted to be the OW. I really wish he didn't pursue me, this just ruined our friendship. It's a good thing he is based abroad because it's inevitable that what we had will end once he is back home.

Edited April 24 by CosmicGirl

[basil67]

44 minutes ago, CosmicGirl said:

Yes, I just don't want it to end on a bad note, us hating each other, but everyone is telling me to cut him off.

I think IF he is messaging me now asking to see me and I don't respond, that would be unforgivable for him. But there's also a possibility that I scared him off with how I got so mad on our last interaction on Sunday. He didn't respond anymore until the last time I checked my phone on Monday. It's Wednesday now (when we always go out) and my heart physically hurts (palpitations)

I don't want to check my phone because if he did message, I would be tempted to see him again and if he did not message, I would be so hurt by the rejection. I never wanted to be the OW. I really wish he didn't pursue me, this just ruined our friendship. It's a good thing he is based abroad because it's inevitable that what we had will end once he is back home.

If he, a MM, wouldn't understand why you've blocked him, then he's not someone worth worrying about.  Same goes if he can't understand why you got mad at him.  Only someone who has zero self awareness would not understand your need to back away.   And if he does have zero self awareness, then you're better off rid of him anyway.

The feelings you're having are really quite normal for heartbreak.  It's called heartbreak because it literally feels like your heart is breaking!  It's going to feel bad for a while, but I promise it will get better, but only after you start getting mad about being mislead.   One day at a time 

Edited April 24 by basil67

[CosmicGirl]

52 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If he, a MM, wouldn't understand why you've blocked him, then he's not someone worth worrying about.  Same goes if he can't understand why you got mad at him.  Only someone who has zero self awareness would not understand your need to back away.   And if he does have zero self awareness, then you're better off rid of him anyway.

The feelings you're having are really quite normal for heartbreak.  It's called heartbreak because it literally feels like your heart is breaking!  It's going to feel bad for a while, but I promise it will get better, but only after you start getting mad about being mislead.   One day at a time 

I hate myself because I should be totally mad at him and yet here I am pining for him. He didn't even acknowledge the cake and gifts I sent over at his home. The tables have turned because he used to be the one pining for me in September.

I repeatedly told him that we are just friends and yet he continued to pursue and seduce me until I fell for him. I wish he respected my request then this wouldn't have happened.

My heart is aching so bad and I am so uneasy. I don't know what to do at home. I am too depressed and feel sick to go out. It hurts more thinking that we are supposed to go out today. I promised to take him to this mall that was popular during our teen years. Tomorrow he is supposed to hang out at my house for the first time. But then again, I wouldn't know if he tried to contact me.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I repeatedly told him that we are just friends and yet he continued to pursue and seduce me until I fell for him. I wish he respected my request then this wouldn't have happened.

The reason why you find yourself in this situation is not because he pursued you… MM make advances on women everyday and it goes nowhere when the woman says “No.” I’m not saying this to be harsh, I just want you to learn from this. He can send all the flower and sweet messages that he wants - it was the fact that you had very weak boundaries that allowed this relationship to progress to this point. 

My suggestion for you today is to call a friend and go out to do something - try to get your mind of this man. Or sit and home and pine, whatever you need to do. Heartbreak hurts but it will pass… give it time. 

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I was never attracted to him.

If you were never attracted to him in the beginning and knew he got married, why didn't you ask to meet his wife if you just wanted to be friends?  Didn't it occur to you that it was inappropriate to be talking to her husband behind her back.  And, as his friend wouldn't you be happy for them and want to get to know her too?

8 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I never wanted to be the OW. I really wish he didn't pursue me, this just ruined our friendship.

You set yourself up to be the OW by not meeting his wife, as a friend, and not rejecting any advances he made.  

6 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I repeatedly told him that we are just friends and yet he continued to pursue and seduce me until I fell for him. I wish he respected my request then this wouldn't have happened

You both are to blame for this.  You for not creating boundaries and getting involved with a man you knew was married and him for cheating on his wife.  You talk about how much he cares for you; but has he ever said he is going to divorce his wife to be with you?

[CosmicGirl]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

The reason why you find yourself in this situation is not because he pursued you… MM make advances on women everyday and it goes nowhere when the woman says “No.” I’m not saying this to be harsh, I just want you to learn from this. He can send all the flower and sweet messages that he wants - it was the fact that you had very weak boundaries that allowed this relationship to progress to this point. 

My suggestion for you today is to call a friend and go out to do something - try to get your mind of this man. Or sit and home and pine, whatever you need to do. Heartbreak hurts but it will pass… give it time. 

I rejected his advances for so long but when he came home in Sep 2023, I was in a very vulnerable state and I admit that I was weak and fell for him towards the end of his stay (still we didn't have physical intimacy then). All my life, I tried to do what was right and held on to my morals/values. That is also one reason why I am so depressed because I compromised my morals/values for him. I really want to end this already.

MM and I had plans for Wed and Thu so I feel so much worse staying at home, but I feel so weak. I haven't had enough sleep and have no appetite. I am having palpitations and shortness of breath. I am scared because tomorrow my Mom will be out so I have no one for support. 

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

If you were never attracted to him in the beginning and knew he got married, why didn't you ask to meet his wife if you just wanted to be friends?  Didn't it occur to you that it was inappropriate to be talking to her husband behind her back.  And, as his friend wouldn't you be happy for them and want to get to know her too?

You set yourself up to be the OW by not meeting his wife, as a friend, and not rejecting any advances he made.  

You both are to blame for this.  You for not creating boundaries and getting involved with a man you knew was married and him for cheating on his wife.  You talk about how much he cares for you; but has he ever said he is going to divorce his wife to be with you?

He lives in the US and got married Feb 2023. We only started chatting regularly in Jul 2023 when he told me that he was coming to our home country in Sep 2023. He came home alone then. He came back in Apr 2024 but his wife stayed in the North and he stayed in the South. I also don't know why he doesn't introduce his wife to his friends and cousins here. I'm not sure if it's because of their age gap, that's why we all thought it was just a marriage for convenience/finances. He is very inconsistent with his stories and actions and I don't want any of that anymore. I really did try to reject his advances but I was very vulnerable, even up to now, I am even more vulnerable.

Re divorce, I was shocked in Sep 2023 when he first came home and told me how he has been in love with me since we were 17 and he never stopped wanting me. I do think there's some truth to it since he was consistent in communicating with me all these years. I just never gave him the chance. I told him we can't be together because he is married and he said he will divorce her. I told him not to divorce. I found it off that he was newly married and already talking about divorce. I don't believe he will do it though.

There really is no future with us even if he were single. I told him I absolutely do not want to live in CA where he is based. I know what we had has an expiration date - as soon as he leaves our home country. I'm sorry I keep on repeating that I wish it didn't have to end on a bad note. I wish we just had a great time together the whole time he was here until he left, so it's just good memories. 

[stillafool]

27 minutes ago, CosmicGirl said:

He lives in the US and got married Feb 2023. We only started chatting regularly in Jul 2023 when he told me that he was coming to our home country in Sep 2023.

Okay, but none of this is a reason to not ask to meet his wife especially if you only thought of him as a friend.  I can't imagine chatting regularly with a MM and not asking about or wanting to get to know his wife.   Especially if he said he was coming to my country and wanted to meet me.  Common sense says it's inappropriate.

[mark clemson]

One way to look at all this is that you've turned a fling with an old acquaintance into some huge thing in your mind.

Consider switching your focus to finding a single partner (and DON'T compare that partner to him). Presumably you'll find he starts to fade into the background one a new relationship starts to be established. Then you won't care "how he feels about whether you followed up with plans to meet him again but platonically" or whatever this future plan is.

I think all of this just isn't the big deal you're making out of due to the emotional connection, etc. Walking away rather than continuing to subject yourself to the "emotional drama" seems like the straightforward thing to do.

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

He didn't even acknowledge the cake and gifts I sent over at his home.

I am surprised you expect him to acknowledge this.

How on earth would he explain to his wife who sent him cake and gifts? She either knows about it and he's painted you as some crazy lady who is in love with him,  or he immediately trashed all of it to hide it from his wife or anyone who might tell her that her husband received a nice cake a gifts from some mystery lady. 

5 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I also don't know why he doesn't introduce his wife to his friends and cousins here

You have to stop believing everything he tells you. There is every chance they have met her. 

18 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I had to be good to him because of his effort to fly back and see me

I say this gently, but you surely realize this trip likely was never specifically to see you. He and his wife both came, and she paid. It was probably a trip they planned together to see their respective families anyway, but he played it up like he was coming for you. 

5 hours ago, CosmicGirl said:

I wish we just had a great time together the whole time he was here until he left, so it's just good memories.

Honestly, I think this is a blessing in disguise. I am not saying you deserve to be in pain, but I think you needed a serious wake-up call about who this man really is. Otherwise, you would have remained way too attached this clown and set yourself up for even more heartache later on. 

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

He and his wife both came, and she paid.

And this lie.  They are married, all money is theirs, but saying that he more than likely made the travel plans and paid for the tickets.  You need to wake up and see the truth.

[giotto]

When he realised you won't have sex with him, he dumped you. As simple as that. Men (and I'm a man) are pretty basic... 😀