9Lives Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Hey yall, Me and my mm went out of town with his parents and little brother for two days. Yes. It was weird to a certain extent. I know some of you are thinking...where was his w....who care!!!! Of course I was loving every minute of it. Then he was like call my mom about something. I was like no. So he called her and she said she thought he was bring along a male friend not a woman even though she thought I was nice. I could tell she was uncomfortable at first and so was his daddy too. What do you guys think
newbby Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 wow! thats certainly a story i havent heard before. so he must be fairly serious about you.
Author 9Lives Posted December 30, 2005 Author Posted December 30, 2005 wow! thats certainly a story i havent heard before. so he must be fairly serious about you. Is that how you see it? I guess he really does. He lets me meet the important people in his life he says
mopar crazy Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Is that how you see it? I guess he really does. He lets me meet the important people in his life he says WOW! He must be pretty serious about you to meet his family and spend time w/ them. Do they not like his W or something? Seems to me they aren't too fond of his W if they were willing to accept you being there. Maybe I missed part of your story but has he filed for a D from his W? Are they still living 2gether? I'm very close w/ my inlaws. My H had an A during our separation/D. The exOW was the main reason why he wanted out of the M. Anyhow, I told his mom I was sure that b4 she left to go back home from visiting that H would bring the OW over to meet her. I honestly thought he would b/c of the things he said to her in love poems and letters. My mil said she would have to accept that H was involved w/ someone else but she wasn't going to like her. So, I have a feeling that MM's family isn't to fond of his W. If your MM isn't out of his M, or at least seriously trying, I hope he does soon. It seems he really cares for you.
DepressedWaiting Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 I don't think that in anyway means he cares about you more or is more serious about you. All that means is that he doesn't care what his parents think... or I should say... they are more easy going. He's an adult... if he's doing what he wants and he's happy... they stay out of it and mind their own business. My MM comes to lunch with me and my family all the time including my mother. My MM knows my family very well. My MM's family however doesn't live in the same state as he does so he rarely see's his family. The only family he has is his mother and father. But my cousion who is married with two news kids (babies)... he just had babies with his wife!... he was having an afafir with a women at work. My cousin told his mother about the affair and his mother even met his OW. My cousin ended up dumping the OW and ending it with her a few months later to say with his wife. I wouldn't relay on him having you meet his parents as anything big.
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Remember, what he is doing to his wife, disrespecting her, parading you around his family and kids says ALOT about who he is. If you're thinking sometime in the future he will dump his wife, have a happy life with you...Just remember this situation right now...What he has done to her, he can and probably will do to you. I hope you know what you're in for. Good luck and keep posting.
blind_otter Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 I have a funny story about that. Well, to me anyways. This guy I dated cheated on me often. I knew about it, but I didn't love him all that much and I cheated on him, too, so it was just an ugly relationship anyways. He always introduced the girls he cheated on me with to his mother, who always kept his secrets. I often wondered if the girls that hung out with him and his mom thought that it meant something. Honestly, all that it meant was that his mother was a weenie who was afraid of confrontation and she wouldn't say anything to him. Actually all it does mean is that he doesn't care what his family thinks of him. I mean, hell, wouldn't a clearer indication that he's getting serious mean that he's leaving his wife? Heh.
Art_Critic Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Actually all it does mean is that he doesn't care what his family thinks of him. I mean, hell, wouldn't a clearer indication that he's getting serious mean that he's leaving his wife? Heh. Word ..........
newbby Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 i suppose nobody, myself including should really be speculating on his feelings for you. that was my immediate reaction, i suppose i was just surprised because i could never imagine my relationship with exmm going that way. however, if it is an indication of his feelings for you, wouldnt now be a good time to ask for what you REALLY want and stand firm on it?
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Honestly, all that it meant was that his mother was a weenie who was afraid of confrontation and she wouldn't say anything to him. I agree. OR… It might also suggest an ambivalence (of sorts) within his family regarding the issue of infidelity. Perhaps mommy and daddy have (or had) a pretty dysfunctional relationship, too. If you consider the very real fact that most of us learn our relationship patterns by the example our parental role models set, it doesn't bode well if you're looking to invest in a relationship with someone who has the right foundation for remaining faithful. IF that's what you're looking for in a long-term relationship partner. Other than past or present behavior, one of the most important factors to consider when questioning your partner's propensity towards infidelity is to observe the attitude (or moral constructs) of his/her family and friends. A person is less likely to be so nonchalant about cheating if they know such behavior will result in consequential feelings of disappointment among those closest to them who they rely on for feedback and support. It doesn't matter how independent and free-thinking you are … everyone of us does care, to some degree, about what our family and peer groups think of us. If this man's family doesn't care about how he treats the women in his life, his wife doesn't know (or is ambivalent); his friends are all turning a blind eye; and even YOU are "okay" with it … then what does he stand to gain (or lose) by doing things any differently?
Sami_D Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Hey yall, Me and my mm went out of town with his parents and little brother for two days. Yes. It was weird to a certain extent. I know some of you are thinking...where was his w....who care!!!! Of course I was loving every minute of it. Then he was like call my mom about something. I was like no. So he called her and she said she thought he was bring along a male friend not a woman even though she thought I was nice. I could tell she was uncomfortable at first and so was his daddy too. What do you guys think 'call my mom' being your mom, or his mom..? I'm not sure what you're saying here. But anyway, I agree with others who say... be careful... the way he is treating his W now is indicative of how he may well treat you in future. And his disrespect for people's views is very poor. 1
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Well the way I took it was at face value. He is close to his mom and dad so I guess he wanted me to be around them with him so he took me there. I did not take it as "I am in". He has introduced me to all the important people in his life. I think that is very sweet of him. He does not have to make me feel important or acknowledge me in his life. He loves me. I feel as though he really does not respect his w. At this stage, I guess it is whatever. I dont think that just because he is not connecting with his w does not mean he would do me the same. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I am not worried about it. Like I said this man has been very good to me so I really can't walk in fear. We are both preparing to start a business together and he did pay for me to go to real estate school which I will be finish with in February. So He has invested some positive things into my life to make me a better woman. It is not all about him. This is what he told me today. just be patient with me as well. I have a lot on my mine and sometimes u drive me crazy with your ways . But you R the type of person I need I my life because u will keep me in line. So do what u do just get it under control . I was like whatever man. Anyway, I know that a man can be acting like he is going to leave and then change his mind. I told him that if he feels like this relationship has gone as far as it is going to go just let me know. I realize that this is a serious situation that can go either way at any time. But like I said, I have had growth. It is going to be okay either way it goes.
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 I don't think that in anyway means he cares about you more or is more serious about you. All that means is that he doesn't care what his parents think... or I should say... they are more easy going. He's an adult... if he's doing what he wants and he's happy... they stay out of it and mind their own business. My MM comes to lunch with me and my family all the time including my mother. My MM knows my family very well. My MM's family however doesn't live in the same state as he does so he rarely see's his family. The only family he has is his mother and father. I wouldn't relay on him having you meet his parents as anything big. I wouldnt say meeting his parents is a huge thing but I definately would not call it a small thing. Men who are married just dont go around introducing any old body to the parents. It just doesn't happen that way for most people. I just did not let it go to my head. that all. I do think that I mean more to him that just sex. We are pretty close.
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Remember, what he is doing to his wife, disrespecting her, parading you around his family and kids says ALOT about who he is. If you're thinking sometime in the future he will dump his wife, have a happy life with you...Just remember this situation right now...What he has done to her, he can and probably will do to you. I hope you know what you're in for. Good luck and keep posting. You should know from your own experiences that no all relationships are the same and they dont end the same and they dont play out the same....single or married. The chances are the same 50-50. Maybe he will, maybe he wont. My first husband cheated on his first wife but to my knowledge he did not cheat on me. All relationships are different. You learn from all of them.
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 I have a funny story about that. Well, to me anyways. This guy I dated cheated on me often. I knew about it, but I didn't love him all that much and I cheated on him, too, so it was just an ugly relationship anyways. He always introduced the girls he cheated on me with to his mother, who always kept his secrets. I often wondered if the girls that hung out with him and his mom thought that it meant something. Honestly, all that it meant was that his mother was a weenie who was afraid of confrontation and she wouldn't say anything to him. Actually all it does mean is that he doesn't care what his family thinks of him. I mean, hell, wouldn't a clearer indication that he's getting serious mean that he's leaving his wife? Heh. yeah you have point. In my mind, until he is out the door, it is not something for me to get my hopes up high about. Even if he leaves, it is the same thing. You just never know.
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 i suppose nobody, myself including should really be speculating on his feelings for you. that was my immediate reaction, i suppose i was just surprised because i could never imagine my relationship with exmm going that way. however, if it is an indication of his feelings for you, wouldnt now be a good time to ask for what you REALLY want and stand firm on it? Newbby, there is no confusion on what I want in his mind. If I dont get what I want after a while I will move on with my life. It will be his lost.
Author 9Lives Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 I agree. OR… It just means he wanted to share that part of his life with me and he did.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 But you R the type of person I need I my life because u will keep me in line. This is very telling! Particularly given the lackadaisical attitudes of those around him, and his failed attempts to shock and illicit some kind of reaction from his folks (and perhaps even his wife). Sort of helps to connect all the dots (at least for me). I hope you at least have the wherewithal to mentally "file" this one.
Author 9Lives Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 This is very telling! Particularly given the lackadaisical attitudes of those around him, and his failed attempts to shock and illicit some kind of reaction from his folks (and perhaps even his wife). Sort of helps to connect all the dots (at least for me). I hope you at least have the wherewithal to mentally "file" this one. What do you mean?
blind_otter Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 What do you mean? My guess is, if someone else "needs" another person the relationship is usually unhealthy and heading for disaster. You shouldn't need someone else to keep you in line - he should be able to do this on his own, and bring that to your relationship. Otherwise he's trying to use you to fulfill something inside himself that he senses is missing, and using another person to fill an internal void will always lead to heartache.
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 My guess is, if someone else "needs" another person the relationship is usually unhealthy and heading for disaster. You shouldn't need someone else to keep you in line - he should be able to do this on his own, and bring that to your relationship. Otherwise he's trying to use you to fulfill something inside himself that he senses is missing, and using another person to fill an internal void will always lead to heartache. Well maybe it meant I help him do what he is suppose to do. One thing I can tell you for sure is that we have been good to each other and for each other. Even if this man never leaves, I have had a great relationship with him. I have been to real estate school, he has brought me nice things, he has connected to my children well and they like him, he did not leave me hanging on the holidays, not one of them we are starting a business together. He met my family I have met his and his children He is there for me in a big way. I dont have any regrets regardless of the outcome. It has been all good for the majority of the relationship. He has put more than his d/ck to work here for me. I have required lots of time, attention, money, respect, and a possibility of a future together. I think I have met a very nice and generous man. I cant help he is not into his w. It is not my fault.
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I cant help he is not into his w. It is not my fault. No it isn't your fault, but you're part of the equation of why he doesn't WANT to put that work into his wife. He's done some nice things for you, why not be a GOOD friend to him and tell him to work things out at home. Go to marriage counselling. If you love him, you'd only want the best for him.
Author 9Lives Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 No it isn't your fault, but you're part of the equation of why he doesn't WANT to put that work into his wife. He's done some nice things for you, why not be a GOOD friend to him and tell him to work things out at home. Go to marriage counselling. If you love him, you'd only want the best for him. this is a good way to look at it. Maybe one day. right now, I am not ready for that.
brave13 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 9 llives..is he divorcing the W or even filed for divorce? If he hasnt filed i would atleast keep your heart behind a wall until he has made an effort to end the relationship with the W..but i have been dating a MM for 3 months the divorce will be final IF UNCONTESTED..in 2 months..i have made the decision to stick around bc i mean he needs someone there and I love him so if anything ill be a good friend to him..and i dont think needing someone to keep you in line is a bad thing..ive been doing that with bf's for years lol ..guys always need someone to keep them in line it just takes a confident woman to put them in their place..Ive also met my boyfriends family and all his extended family ..dinner at the grandmothers etc..he is just trying to move on with his life, so as you said all relationships are different..maybe he really does like you and he wants you to meet his parents and maybe youll get married and have 500 babies, or it could go the other way..without actually meeting the man thats the best i can do...but i would say just dont fall for this guy until you see the divorce papers!
Recommended Posts