Significant other cheated

[Resess82]

This will probably end up being a TLDR thing but I hope y’all will bear with me as I need to explain the situation. Before the start of March 2024 I trusted him blindly because he hadn’t ever given me a reason not to do so. Late February, I signed us up through a new cellular service in my name because both of us were either having device issues or service issues. When the devices were activated the servicer mixed up the numbers on the devices. So I had his and he had mine. Mine was working fine but turned out his wasn’t. So I had his phone that wasn’t working right.  I was at work and couldn’t get to a store to get it fixed. So while there I made use of it as well as I could. That was how I found out that he had been cheating on me and soliciting prostitutes. He seemed remorseful about it and said some woman messaged him on Facebook. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. That was until later when he accidentally texted me asking if I sold content. I work in a bakery and he tried to make up some BS about a particular cake that he knows I am not making because it is a seasonal item. Then he claimed someone gave him the number after he mentioned having back pain and he thought it was a masseuse. I didn’t buy that at all. So I got the number through my servicer and contacted the person to get the truth. After arguing I demanded to see the phone he was using. That’s when I found out that he was using a website to solicit them. The second one was literally half his age. The only upside to this was that he got banned from the website because the second prostitute reported him. Apparently users aren’t supposed to use numbers that are in someone else’s name and that got him banned. My current issue is that I don’t trust him at all now. We live in an apartment that has me as the primary lease holder and him as an occupant. (Another unrelated issue prevents him from qualifying as a lease holder.) The issue is that my hours at work have been cut and I can’t find another job due to medical issues right now to be able to afford to ask him to leave. He’s trying to act like things are ok or normal. For me things are not ok. I don’t want to talk to him about a future or the things we had once planned. I’m acting differently towards him now and he’s definitely noticing it. I’m kind of in between a rock and a hard place. How do I even start to move past this or at least bury it long enough to get my medical issue taken care of to be able to get additional work? 

[stillafool]

43 minutes ago, Resess82 said:

How do I even start to move past this or at least bury it long enough to get my medical issue taken care of to be able to get additional work? 

Pretend.  What else can you do but that if you won't leave.  Do you not have a friend or any relatives you could move with?  Can you kick him out and advertise for a roommate?  A shelter?

[Resess82]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Pretend.  What else can you do but that if you won't leave.  Do you not have a friend or any relatives you could move with?  Can you kick him out and advertise for a roommate?  A shelter?

I’ve thought of those things. Unfortunately, most of them aren’t an option. I’m pretty introverted, so I don’t have a lot of friends. The ones I do have either already have a house full or they have things going on in their own lives. I don’t really want to burden them with my issues. I only have one living family member that has a place I could stay and unfortunately they already have other family members living with them. Most of the shelters here are either full, require you to actually be homeless, or they are on a first come first serve night by night basis. Being as I’m not actually homeless or being physically abused I’d rather leave those for people who need them worse than I do. So perhaps you’re right, maybe I just need to pretend for the time being. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Resess82 said:

I found out that he had been cheating on me and soliciting prostitutes.

Ok, so there is “cheating” - in a, I had a few too many drinks with my coworkers and it just kind of happened way… And then, there is solicitation of sex workers. 

For me, there would be no justification or excuse that would allow me to figure the solicitation of sex workers by my partner. Although… he has tried to offer many different excuses. I would not be buying any of it. 

If it was me, I would be looking for a new roommate or another place to live if I could sublet the lease. Perhaps that’s my parents basement, or a friend’s spare bedroom… I don’t care, this relationship would be over and I would want him out.

The other GIANT red flag here is that he can’t qualify as a lease holder. Is that because he has bad credit? 

I wish you well, tough spot to find yourself. 

[BaileyB]

13 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

For me, there would be no justification or excuse that would allow me to figure forgive the solicitation of sex workers by my partner.

Autocorrect.

[d0nnivain]

Have him move.  Get a roommate.  

[Resess82]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Ok, so there is “cheating” - in a, I had a few too many drinks with my coworkers and it just kind of happened way… And then, there is solicitation of sex workers. 

For me, there would be no justification or excuse that would allow me to figure the solicitation of sex workers by my partner. Although… he has tried to offer many different excuses. I would not be buying any of it. 

If it was me, I would be looking for a new roommate or another place to live if I could sublet the lease. Perhaps that’s my parents basement, or a friend’s spare bedroom… I don’t care, this relationship would be over and I would want him out.

The other GIANT red flag here is that he can’t qualify as a lease holder. Is that because he has bad credit? 

I wish you well, tough spot to find yourself. 

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to sublet the apartment per my leasing agreement. I’m kind of stuck in the situation because if I leave I’m still responsible for the remaining balance on the lease which wouldn’t help me financially. Not failing to mention that I dont have a family member with room in their home for me to go to. My mother already has a full house since she has my sister living with her. As for your question, it’s his credit. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Resess82 said:

I’m kind of stuck in the situation because if I leave I’m still responsible for the remaining balance on the lease which wouldn’t help me financially.

Personally, I would be looking for a new roommate. I too am an introvert, I wouldn’t be thrilled with finding a new roommate - but as a temporary solution, I think it the best solution to your situation. 

[Resess82]

8 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Personally, I would be looking for a new roommate. I too am an introvert, I wouldn’t be thrilled with finding a new roommate - but as a temporary solution, I think it the best solution to your situation. 

I called my landlord today and I’m waiting on a call back from her. I’m pretty sure it’s going to require an eviction process to legally get him out due to the way the laws are written here. I don’t want to have this bite me in the ass so I want to do it the right way. I just hope she doesn’t tell me that I will have to be evicted too. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Resess82 said:

As for your question, it’s his credit. 

How old is he?  Does he have family?  I wouldn't touch him with a 10 ft pole, he'd have to go even if it meant I'd have to get a second job to pay the rent.

[Resess82]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

How old is he?  Does he have family?  I wouldn't touch him with a 10 ft pole, he'd have to go even if it meant I'd have to get a second job to pay the rent.

I mentioned medical issues in my post. Well, that medical issue is axillary nerve damage. I need to take time off work for it and a new employer wouldn’t want to hire me knowing that. A second job is off the table for the time being. So I contacted my landlord today after making this post. I’m going to try to get him out legally to be able to get a roommate and hopefully not get myself evicted in the process. 

[d0nnivain]

12 hours ago, Resess82 said:

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to sublet the apartment per my leasing agreement. 

The lease may say that but it's not true.  If you bring a new tenant to the landlord & the landlord approves, the new person can take over your lease.  The clause doesn't mean never.  It means that the landlord gets a say.  Remember the landlord cares about collecting the rent.  The landlord doesn't care who pays it.  The landlord would rather agree to a new tenant then hold you hostage &have to take you to court for non payment.  

[Resess82]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

The lease may say that but it's not true.  If you bring a new tenant to the landlord & the landlord approves, the new person can take over your lease.  The clause doesn't mean never.  It means that the landlord gets a say.  Remember the landlord cares about collecting the rent.  The landlord doesn't care who pays it.  The landlord would rather agree to a new tenant then hold you hostage &have to take you to court for non payment.  

 

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

The lease may say that but it's not true.  If you bring a new tenant to the landlord & the landlord approves, the new person can take over your lease.  The clause doesn't mean never.  It means that the landlord gets a say.  Remember the landlord cares about collecting the rent.  The landlord doesn't care who pays it.  The landlord would rather agree to a new tenant then hold you hostage &have to take you to court for non payment.  

What you’re talking about isn’t subletting which is what the other person was talking about. Per definition of subletting, that is when you rent a room or the entire apartment to someone who is not on the lease for a set period of time. What you’re talking about is a lease takeover or lease assignment which I can’t do because then I wouldn’t have a place to live myself. I can’t afford to break the lease or have someone take it over to move otherwise there wouldn’t be an issue for me. 

[d0nnivain]

You said this place was too expensive.  If you can get out of this, can you get something cheaper that you can afford?  Can you get a roommate?  I'm trying to help you find some practical solutions since you said you can't get a PT job to help pay bills.  

[Resess82]

8 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You said this place was too expensive.  If you can get out of this, can you get something cheaper that you can afford?  Can you get a roommate?  I'm trying to help you find some practical solutions since you said you can't get a PT job to help pay bills.  

I’ve already contacted the landlord to see about getting him out to be able to get a roommate but it’s likely going to be Monday before she calls back.  It’s not so much that the place is expensive because it’s not. It’s the fact that my hours at work have been cut and I’m going to have to take a medical leave soon. I do have some money saved up for that but I wasn’t expecting him to go and hire prostitutes for me to want him to leave. So I don’t have as much as I would need to have saved up to be able to pay my bills for about two months on my own. I’m going to get a roommate though at least for the time being. 

[d0nnivain]

I don't know where you live but sometimes if you are on medical leave you can apply for a medical benefit / disability pay.  In my state it's under unemployment.  Some places have paid family leave.  

Good luck