Why would she end things so suddenly due to a misunderstanding?

[DeadManWalking]

Hello

[DeadManWalking]

Apologies to mods here for that other post, this is my first time posting to a forum like this, unfortunately reddit doesn’t allow new accounts to post anything. This isn’t as extensive of a relationship as most of the posts on here. I was dating someone for a couple of months, we agreed to be exclusive with one another and she told me she was prepared to stay with me long term. I was ecstatic, she was everything I was looking for in a woman. I treated her like a queen in the 2 months we were dating. She was constantly saying she wasn’t good enough or attractive enough for me, but I would always reassure her she was beautiful.
 

This was seemingly going to be my first relationship at 24 years old (she’s 22), I struggle to open up to people, so even though looks wise I’m not bad, no one really gets to see my actual personality besides close friends and family, and I just never had the self confidence to put myself out there. She dealt with similar issues too, anxiety problems etc., we were extremely alike or so it seemed. What hurts is I actually told this to her, that I had trust issues, and I started to open up and show my real self (she liked the real me), and she was cool with it, said she wouldn’t ever judge me and that I wouldn’t have to worry about her breaking things off for petty reasons because she is really down to earth (obvious lie). She talked about me meeting her parents and friends, I guess to make it actually official.
 

Everything was going perfectly until last Wednesday, when I managed to lose my wallet. We facetimed later and I let her know this and I suggested if she wants (and only if she wants to) she can pay for it and I will send her the money through Venmo, since my new card didn’t come in the mail yet. So after this she tells me, kinda annoyed, “I don’t use Venmo, I don’t trust it”. So I’m like, alright, lets go to a park instead, no money involved. We start talking about some other stuff but I can sense something is off, and she just hangs up for no reason, saying her phone died. I text her goodnight and what not, and the next day I just pull out some cash for the date and I figured I’d tell her lets go with our original plans, I’ll just pay in cash. So I message her this and I realize, she literally blocked me on everything, with no explanation whatsoever.

 

I was very confused and a bit hurt by this, I thought either her parents were very strict and forced her to end things, or her self-doubt made her give up (may have been a factor and she took the first excuse to end things). I just let it be, until she called me Saturday night multiple times, I picked up on the third try and said hello a couple times to silence, where she then hung up after 20 seconds. Me being naïve as hell, I thought she wanted to clarify stuff but didn’t have the guts to? Well maybe that was the truth…

Anyways, I remembered I had a second instagram account I made years back, so I reached out to her on there to try and let her know I’m not angry and we can work things out (a stupid move really, I should’ve waited for her to reach out to me). And I asked what was going on, I was confused and concerned, and I just wanted to know why this happened. So she tells me it’s all because I asked her for money (which I never did), and that the man should be paying for the dates every single time. What’s even more messed up is she asked to chip in on one of the dates and I refused with the same rhetoric so she should have known I don’t operate like that either. So I apologize, tell her it’s a misunderstanding, I didn’t mean it that way at all. I ask if she could call me, so I could clarify with my words. But she refused and just says “you’re a great guy and I wish you luck in life, but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.” So I try to clarify through text instead, and I’m saying we dont have to end it because of something like this, she just responds with an ok. After that I just got fed up and blocked her on there like she did to me.

 

I just don’t get it, why would you talk about starting something serious with me and then just end things for something so small and petty. At least I know now I WAS too good for her. And just to clarify, there’s no way in hell this girl was dating other guys. She was literally getting driven by her mom to every date because she was supposedly scared to show me her car, I think it was probably due to some serious anxiety issues she mentioned? She opened up a bit and had some bad experiences with past guys she was with cheated on, insulted, taken advantage of (in a non sexual manner), but I likely don’t know the whole truth. Maybe that’s the whole thing, she can’t separate me from these dudes from the past, so now a simple mistake was thought to be malicious.

She might have some mood disorder too, early on before the first date, I said we may be better off canceling because the weather was supposed to be crappy, and during that conversation my phone ACTUALLY died, and she must have taken it as I did that on purpose and she ghosted me all day Saturday until she called me with a long winded excuse and an apology later that night. Not to mention she was seriously sex obsessed and would bring it up unprompted multiple times. 
 

Everyone I know seems to think she’s gonna try to come back, because they all think I’m out of her league, and she will realize that I was serious with her and not using her. But who knows if her maturity level is even that high. I fell in love with her personality first and foremost, but I thought she was cute too. Unfortunately she showed her true colors, these would have flared up one day eventually anyway so I may have dodged a bullet by this happening so early on before I could really get attached. If she does come back, I can use some advice on how to handle it. I could also use some reassurance, please tell me this isnt how all relationships go, I thought I did everything right, was such a gentleman to her and I got this in return. 

Edited April 16, 2024 by DeadManWalking
Further clarification

[Gebidozo]

This isn’t how all relationships go.

I don’t think you did everything right. You shouldn’t have ever started dating a woman who thinks the man should pay for everything. To clarify, I think it’s cool that the man pays for everything. I just think it’s not cool when the woman thinks he must do that. This is a serious red flag for me.

That she got mad and blocked you not even because you didn’t pay for a date, but because you suggested she pays first and you give her the money back (!) is even worse, that’s just crazy.

If she expresses the desire to come back, explain to her that you prefer to be treated like a human being and an equal partner, not like a walking ATM that conveniently churns out cash to pay for your dates. Then go no contact with her.

 

[Alpacalia]

I think her comment "I don't trust Venmo" was a way for her to indirectly communicate that she doesn't trust you (she had trust issues).

I honestly think she's got some internal hangups and she's projecting onto you. It's not your fault. Asking her ONCE to  pay for something was completely reasonable and she got paranoid about it. 

[DeadManWalking]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

This isn’t how all relationships go.

I don’t think you did everything right. You shouldn’t have ever started dating a woman who thinks the man should pay for everything. To clarify, I think it’s cool that the man pays for everything. I just think it’s not cool when the woman thinks he must do that. This is a serious red flag for me.

That she got mad and blocked you not even because you didn’t pay for a date, but because you suggested she pays first and you give her the money back (!) is even worse, that’s just crazy.

If she expresses the desire to come back, explain to her that you prefer to be treated like a human being and an equal partner, not like a walking ATM that conveniently churns out cash to pay for your dates. Then go no contact with her.

 

Thank you for the response. After thinking about it you’re definitely correct, I ignored all the red flags she gave off because I liked her too much too fast, I should’ve stayed level headed and logical. She didn’t give off that vibe at all until now, she seemed very non-materialistic and was willing to chip in on some dates, but for all I know she may have been testing me. It hurts but I’m happy something like this happened now instead of months down the line where it would’ve been much harder to handle.

[DeadManWalking]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I think her comment "I don't trust Venmo" was a way for her to indirectly communicate that she doesn't trust you (she had trust issues).

I honestly think she's got some internal hangups and she's projecting onto you. It's not your fault. Asking her ONCE to  pay for something was completely reasonable and she got paranoid about it. 

Yeah she obviously has some internal battles going on. She had bad experiences a number of times in the past, I figured if I reassured her that I wasn’t like those guys I could get through to her and earn her trust, but I learned my lesson instead. I’m sorry she had to go through those experiences, but I don’t appreciate her trying to drag me down with her. 

[ShyViolet]

This girl has some serious issues and sounds crazy.  She has displayed many red flags and bizarre behavior.  You have ignored multiple red flags which was poor judgment on your part.  If she comes back, you don't take her back and you keep this woman out of your life.  

[DeadManWalking]

23 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

This girl has some serious issues and sounds crazy.  She has displayed many red flags and bizarre behavior.  You have ignored multiple red flags which was poor judgment on your part.  If she comes back, you don't take her back and you keep this woman out of your life.  

Thanks for the response, now that I’ve had a couple of days to reflect I realized I was essentially too ready to enter my first relationship, if you understand what I mean. I was so excited to get to experience what all my friends have over the past few years thar I ignored every warning and bad sign. At least I’ve learned some valuable life lessons for myself and whatever my future holds. I’m just happy we never really got too intimate during the time we were dating because who knows what could have happened, me losing my wallet was likely a blessing in disguise considering if all went well I would’ve still been dating her. I wish this girl the best, and I hope she gets the help she needs. I appreciate the fact that at least I was able to get my feet wet in the dating world but I’m not looking back now. 

Edited April 18, 2024 by DeadManWalking

[basil67]

She said that she had a number of bad experiences in the past, but would those experiences be considered bad by the average person?  
I’d lay money that she will add you to the list of ‘bad experiences’ on the grounds that you tried to scam her. 
While it’s not uncommon to have a handful of really bad experiences, be wary of those who have far more than normal 

[DeadManWalking]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She said that she had a number of bad experiences in the past, but would those experiences be considered bad by the average person?  
I’d lay money that she will add you to the list of ‘bad experiences’ on the grounds that you tried to scam her. 
While it’s not uncommon to have a handful of really bad experiences, be wary of those who have far more than normal 

Thanks, I hope that wouldn’t be the case but it’s a definite possibility. I guess it’s like that one saying, “if everyone around you is an problem, maybe you are the problem instead”. I even thought of that possibility myself when she told me of like 5 different bad experiences (3 were relationships, one of which she never really shared with me, and 2 were bad dating experiences) , but I ignored the logic. I’ve dodged a bigger bullet than I thought if that IS the case, especially with how I wanted to wait regarding any intimacy between us, which wasn’t the case on her part.

[ExpatInItaly]

Leave this unhinged woman in your past. 

I realize you were excited to finally have a girlfriend, but you need to do a better job looking out for yourself and paying closer attention to the red flags. 

[d0nnivain]

She's a gold digger. She never really liked you.  She liked your money.  Thank heavens you only wasted  2 months with her. 

"Perfect" relationships take time.  The 1st time you do anything it's never perfect.  Since this was your 1st relationship you got caught up in the whirlwind but when falling in love it's best to be cautious.  Have fun & open up but make sure the other person has earned your trust.