Altaira Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 He worked the Saturday before Christimas Day, and on Christmas day (he told me weeks in advance he wanted to relax because he works weekends) was with a friend watching football and didn't contact me until the day after Christmas (with "his usual I thought of you, I Miss you, I love you, etc), no mention of presents. He gave presents to his family not friends. Looks like we won't be together New Years Eve either. Should I break up with him? I'll have the final decision, of course. Just getting feedback. Mind you he lives about 30 miles away and has to drive sometimes 1 hour with traffic to me and then back to his place because I don't drive. LN(numbers), I'm especially interested in your responses because this is a continuation of another thread about the guy not calling after meeting (turns out he didn't get the message/s).
curiousnycgirl Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 If you are willing to end your relationship based on missing Christmas and New Years - then so be it. I recognize that at the moment you are upset/hurt over this specific issue - but you don't say anything else about your relationship, so it is hard to really weigh in.
tulle Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 oh girl i feel for u i been there and i know that a girl gets what she asks for...so if u dont slowly start planting ideas he may not get it however there are some things... if uve been together only a few months...he may not see it as serious as u do ..u have to wait..if on ur second xmas he doesnt raise the issue i think ud better..cos i know it hurts like billy oh when u feel left out theyre no better when they grow up ..u have to show and teach them oh so gently ..theyre not sensitive and they are not mindreaders never tell em what to do ...they hate that..never treat them like ur their mother...its always got to be made out like its their idea i know i know girls what it sounds like....but they are different from us and theyre all we got! and look at the emotional stuff and the rambling they have to put up from us.... good luck ...xxx
Author Altaira Posted December 30, 2005 Author Posted December 30, 2005 Curious, most other things about him are wonderful. He's very generous with words of affection and a well mannered and sexy bf. Tulle, if it's true he doesn't see it as serious, then there shouldn't be any sex is how I see it. And I'm confused because he always says he loves me, very much. Thanks for the input :-)
Walk Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 How long have you two been dating? I didn't spend Christmas or new years with any of my past LTR's the first year we were together. In my case, we'd only started dating approximately 2 to 4 months prior to the holidays. Didn't get gifts from one, but did get a small ($20?) gift from another that I'd been dating (seriously) for 4 months. The past bf's had called me on or directly after Christmas, but we didn't get together the day of, or day after. Depending on how long the two of you have been serioulsy dating... which saying love you, and having sex, I would hope would be more then two months... I would say you need to chill out some about this. If you had made you wishes crystal clear prior to the holiday on how you wished the day to go, and then he ditched you, I could see getting upset. But I didn't get the impression you had made your wishes known to him. I think leaving someone over this is a little selfish. I don't know the full details of your relationship, so maybe you have other problems and concerns I'm not aware of. However, some people do not take the holidays seriously, and don't consider it any different from any other day. I've never included a bf in my holiday plans (except for a small gift before or after Christmas) until we'd been dating at least a year.
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Walk, thanks for your input, to answer your questions 1) We are not "dating" (I thought dating meant going out with different people nonexclusively?), we are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, which he pursued and wanted even before I did. We were bf/gf starting November of this year but we've talked since February. 2) I'm glad to have read your different perspective on things, because the feedback I'm mostly getting is that if he cared about me, he would want to spend the holidays with me over his friend, who at this point I don't even know if it's a woman or man.
pippen_2k Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 You have only been dating since November, so I dont feel there is a need to spend the holidays together. Id prolly feel a little freaked out if a girl ive been dating for that amount of time, EXPECTED me to spend the holidays with her. Thats just my opinion.
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 I just said that we are NOT dating . . . we are boyfriend, girlfriend, in a relationship. If he expects sex, which he does a lot, then I have a right to either expect to share holidays or get a present. He expected and received a birthday present from me, for example. Also: I did not expect him to share the holidays with me necessarily, but wanted him to want to spend it with me OVER a friend. If it's family, that's fine, but it was a FRIEND. Another worry is the gender of this "friend" which is still unknown to me. Do you get it now? I don't care if you would be freaked out, I'm talking about my bf, not you. After my rant about the holidays, he acted like nothing was wrong and would tell me he loves me very much . . . doesn't sound freaked out to me!
pippen_2k Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Dont get bitchy with me young miss. If you come to a public forum expect to hear things you dont wanna hear sometimes. I was just giving my view on your situation. If you dont like it, go elsewhere Oh and Happy New year
Mary3 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 You are * dating * him. You are in a relationship and going on dates. You either " go out on a date with someone " or you are dating someone specific . Get it ?
Israfil Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 If he expects sex, which he does a lot, then I have a right to either expect to share holidays or get a present. You know what you are when you expect things of monetary value for sex, right?
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Pippen, oh sorry, hehe. Happy New Year's
gfto Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 It's difficult to weigh in on this without more specifics. Terms like "dating" and "relationship" are rather vague, at least to me. How did you two meet? You've been "talking" since February? What does that mean? Did you meet online? How long did you "date" before you became "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Having said all that, it does strike me as strange that he didn't want to spend any time with you at Christmas, given that HE is the one who wanted to be exlusive back in November, if I understood you correctly.
bluechocolate Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 The most important questions is: Did you tell him you wanted to see him over the holidays? If not, then you're expecting him to read your mind (you have used that word a lot). If you are b/friend & g/friend then you should be able to communicate a lot better than this. Another worry is the gender of this "friend" which is still unknown to me. Why on earth haven't you asked him?! You say: I just said that we are NOT dating . . . we are boyfriend, girlfriend, in a relationship. Yet you give the impression that you can't even talk to the guy.
Mary3 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 I would consider you both f*** buddies because he is not telling you Merry Xmas, didn't give you a gift, has some * friend * that you don't know the gender of and he left his *gift* for you in the form of a DNA deposit in your body cavity. You also do not communicate well. Don't expect alot because it won't happen. He is sexing you and thats about all you have here.
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 And you know this for sure, how? (this is a rhetorical question). Sounds like you WANT me to think I'm being used. Just cause you were used and/or boyfriendless, don't let that make you so bitchy.
Mary3 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Because F*** Buddies = FWB. Friends with Benefits. He expects a piece of poontang and you give it to him. And in return , you expect a present for giving him sex. After you have been giving it up for him , you NOW wonder why you didn't get a present. Keep your pants zipped and don't give it to him and watch how he just dissapears. This is conveinance sex. He will move on eventually.
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 So now you're a psychic and can predict his next move? This forum is for advice, not fake psychic predictions. 1
Mary3 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Actually I do have telepathic abilities but the subject matter here is your sleeping buddy whom you call your boyfriend. You are sleeping with him and want a present. You didn't get one. You are not happy. Its pretty simple .
Author Altaira Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 I have precognition myself. And I predict you will suffer even more datelessness and boyfriendless as a result of the bad karma you commit. I don't know for a fact I didn't get a present, I only assumed I didn't. Now, move on, you pathetic jealous troll.
Mary3 Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Wow ,first of all your precognition is *off *because I get plenty of dates. Secondly, as for not having a steady boyfriend its by *choice* and by careful selection that I don't just pick any one off the street and have sex with them and want a present....you know what I mean ? I dont just choose anyone who will be * the one *...The right one will come on someday and thats when I will know. Thirdly , you came on this board saying you didnt get a present . Now you have changed your mind and think you might get one . That would be nice if you do get one. However its Dec 31, 2005......Shouldn't he give it to you by now ? Pathetic Jealous Troll.? No , I have been coming on here for awhile now. Jealous of what ? You ? No ? Pity for your sex buddy for liking someone like you who is very mean and wishes bad karma. I NEVER wish bad karma on someone because Karma itself will take care of those who deserve it. I don't deserve bad karma because I told you the truth based on what you said. If anything Karma will reverse on you. I pick up off you that you are bitter and are trying to make others feel bad. I don't wish that for you. I wish you will see the truth for what it is. We could say Oh, don't worry UPS is probrobly running behind with the delivery of your present . I can tell you what you want to hear. Just like he is doing. But still I pick up that you are acting like a biotch big time. We don't usually keep talking to people like that here. I am not the only one that has told you you are being a bit bitchy. Lighten up and I will try to help you or leave the boards to find the advice elsewhere that you want to hear. I will give you the truth.
Touche Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Totally agree with Mary on this...what you've got is a f*** Buddy. I've dated guys like this in the past. My mother used to call them "locker room boys." To them, women were good for one thing and one thing only. And they'd say what they needed to to keep them on the line for them. They prefer the company of other "boys." This type does not look at women as friendship material. They don't hang out with their girlfriends usually. They don't have much in the way of any meaningful conversations. They're not easy to talk to about anything serious. Any of this sound familiar? I used to RUN from these types.
Author Altaira Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Your opinion differs from most of the responses on here, not only in terms of interpretation but also TONE. I may have been bitchy briefly and apologized to someone way nicer than you, but you are a bitch period, big difference. I've dealt with "women" like you before, mean spirited and rude, usually in denial about their attitude, deny it all you want. And, no I didn't choose just anyone. I chose my boyfriend because not only did he pursue me like crazy, but he's gorgeous and is very successful. So you get plenty of dates, but noone to commit enough to being a boyfriend? PATHETIC. Don't worry, maybe you'll find someone to love you someday, despite your sorry self. My boyfriend tells me I'm exceptionally beautiful, and a nice person, so smart, and unique. :-) That's why he loves me very much. I'm through with reading your drivel. Have to go, my boyfriend wants me. *grin* To everyone else who responded, thanks for the input, Have a great New Year's Eve.
Touche Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Touche, how nice. Why do you say "how nice?" Don't you see any similarity? Just because he's succesful and good-looking you'll settle for someone who places you last? Wow. To me it didn't matter how good-looking or succesful the guy was, if I wasn't NUMBER ONE, forget it. I wanted a good-looking successful guy who made me his queen...not one who came around when he wanted pvssy...and guess what? I got one! If he snaps his fingers you go running, right? Not me, honey! I'm just curious...but if he loves you so much and pursues you all the time as you told Mary, then why isn't he with you on the holidays???? I don't get it? Now, you're making this inconsiderate user out to be the perfect boyfriend...whaaa????
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