Tri-City Sam Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 (edited) I am 70 and have been dating a gal for about 3 months, and have gotten fairly committed. She has been a widow for about 12 years, and dated a number of times, some just 1-3 dates, some longer. She remains friends with all these and regularly communicates with them via text, phone, etc. A little bit of a rub, because they've contacted her several times during dates - and she brings them up frequently. But past is past, and I can deal with that. The real issue is a long term friend that she is very close too - he's gay. However, they have traveled together - and stayed in the same room during those trips - and say they just "act like an old married couple". She says nothing intimate - just friends. However, he's coming up to visit her and will be staying at her place. I haven't said anything negative about it, but she says she gets "a bad vibe" when she talks about him. Yes, it makes me uncomfortable - that kind of relationship is foreign to me. Am I way off base in feeling uncomfortable? Edited April 12 by Tri-City Sam Quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 You feel how you feel. However, she's social. Nothing you do or say is going to make her change her ways. You have 3 choices: 1. Deal with it / get over it. 2. Break up with her 3. Suffer in silence & when you seethe enough your relationship will be destroyed I don't recommend # 3. If you really feel that you can't tolerate her extroverted friendliness, she may not be the woman for you. Sorry. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 This is how she is and you have to either accept it completely, or end the relationship. She is a very social person, likes to stay in touch with exes and male friends. She's not going to change that for you. So now you have a decision to make, are you able to accept this or will it bother you too much to continue this relationship? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 He's gay, so spending time with him would be no different to her spending time/travelling with a dear female friend. What actually worries you about this? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 OP, I’m one of the most fiercely jealous and possessive males I know, but even I don’t have any problem with my lady having gay friends. Many women have close gay friends. It’s a great way to experience friendship with a person of the opposite gender while having a nearly 100% security that nothing romantic will ever happen. If you’re thinking “Oh, but he’s a dude, what if he suddenly turns straight and makes a move at her” or some such, you should know that the chances of that happening are pretty much equal to those of one of her female friends suddenly turning bisexual. In fact, maybe the chances of a gay dude inexplicably “straightening” are even lower than of a straight woman actively exploring her bi-curiosity, who knows. You wouldn’t be against your SO hanging with a female friend, going to bathe with her together naked in hot springs, maybe occasionally napping in the same bed, and so on, right? If not, then relax, a gay friend is at least as safe😊 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 When you really start liking someone you get jealous of everyone one around them on different levels. It doesn't have to be romantic jealousy, but the closeness can make you feel left out because you don't want them to be sharing that with anyone but you. It's totally normal during the early stages. I say meet this chap, invite them out for dinner and see for yourself. You would certainly score big points with your lady that you are making an effort to accept her friend right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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