JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 If you were in a relationship with someone, would you never speak to them again? Serious vs not serious. Dumper vs dumpee.
slubberdegullion Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Depends on the context. As I've said before, I get along quite well with my two ex-wives. But there are others that I have no desire to see or hear from ever again. So I guess it all depends on the nature of the relationship.
Author JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I was kind of thinking in general, just about never speaking to former SOs again. I don't know how I feel about it or whose responsibility it is to break NC, at what point is it the right time, what makes it right to implement a lifetime NC, and why someone would want to do that.
brashgal Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I was dumped two months before the altar 25 years ago. About 5 years later he contacted me, his rebound marriage had ended in divorce and I was separated from my husband. After a couple conversations it was plain to me that I was better off without him, I executed NC and haven't seen or heard from him since (well, maybe a letter or two which I refused). I have thought about him occasionally and looked for him on the internet but his name is very common so I was never sure I had found him and didn't want to pay a fee (since I knew his birthdate, etc, etc). I'm curious to see what happened to him but not curious enough to actually contact him. Not sure what I would do if he contacted me.
Art_Critic Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I don't know why anyone would implement a forever NC.. Maybe they never get over you.. I'm on speaking terms with a lot of my ex's.. the ones that have moved on ie: married or whatever I'm not in contact with but others I am.. what is going on in your head JS ??
alphamale Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I'm on speaking terms with a lot of my ex's.. Not me A_C...I've never stayed in contact with any ex. What would be the point?
SmoochieFace Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I have only stayed in contact with the XW because of our son. All other Xs are *dead* to me. Permanent NC is the rule for them.
Art_Critic Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Not me A_C...I've never stayed in contact with any ex. What would be the point? Some we just email each other... never talk to one another any other way.. Nothing wrong with staying in touch with people that you shared a part of your life with.. My ex wife I keep in contact with only because of my step daughter.. B-days, Holidays stuff.. If both people want do do it then why not ?? Nothing negative can come of it ..
alphamale Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 If both people want do do it then why not ?? Nothing negative can come of it .. i disagree A_C...only bad can come of it. Would you want to date a woman who kept all her ex boyfriends as "freinds"??? Would not that make you jealous? would not you think "what's up here?" For me, once a romantic relationship is over, its over. Period.
Yamaha Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Alpha, Does that mean if you saw an ex you wouldn't even say hello? I think there is a difference between NC and rudeness. For me, once a romantic relationship is over, its over. Period.
Author JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I guess I was just thinking about all of my past significant relationships. I don't keep in touch with any of them. I had been keeping in touch with the one I cut off recently but I'm beginning to think the only reason he emails is to directly hurt me and I have no idea why. At this point I have no reason to ever speak to him again. My ex that I broke up with in the beginning of the year just never bothered to call or email at all. That was it, just one day he was done, with someone else never to speak to me again. I have no idea why, he keeps in touch with all of his other exs and he said he wanted to keep in touch (which I just assumed was a line anyway). He knows how much he hurt me but I think he just never really cared about any of it.I guess he's the one that really floors me. I just can't understand how anyone could be that cold. I dated someone a few years ago that we just eventually ran out of things to say. Neither of us were hurting from it. We don't speak anymore, no hard feelings. My college boyfriend, even though it was a mutual breakup (I think) I know he was really hurting (as was I) and I felt so bad about that. I never wanted to hurt him. It was years before we ran into each other and spoke again. We don't keep in touch. My high school boyfriend, I loved him and I don't know if he loved me. It didn't really matter to me because I know he cared about me. Eventually he went away to school and our relationship faded, we kept in touch and at some point when I was in college we just stopped speaking. No hard feelings. Again we don't speak any more. So I guess I have some intentional lifetime NCers and some non-intentional, some left on good terms and some on bad. I don't think I really understand why in almost all of the cases. That's whats going on in my head.
alphamale Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Alpha, Does that mean if you saw an ex you wouldn't even say hello? it depends YAMAHA....if I ran into an ex at a private party I would probably say hello or chat for a minute or two. If I ran into an ex in a public place I'd just blow her off.
Yamaha Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 it depends YAMAHA....if I ran into an ex at a private party I would probably say hello or chat for a minute or two. If I ran into an ex in a public place I'd just blow her off. I agree with your position. I would not go out of my way to speak to an ex but if I ran into one of them I would be polite ( this has happened and we were cordial ).
Author JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I would not go out of my way to speak to an ex but if I ran into one of them I would be polite ( this has happened and we were cordial ). Ditto...assuming I was not still hurting. I don't know what I would do in that situation, it hasn't happened to me yet.
bluetuesday Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 going into no contact determined to keep it up for ever is a sure sign you've got a long way to go in getting over that person. i've had no contact with my ex-fiance for 5 years - beginning the day after i moved out of our apartment. i didn't plan never to speak to him again, it just got to the point sometime during 'initial NC' when i couldn't actually be bothered to contact him any more. unless you share kids, maintaining contact is pointless. i've never stayed friends with an ex. what's the point? there's a whole world of future exs out there.
johan Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 For the time that I'm recovering and vulnerable, cutting off contact is normally critical. Past the point where I're recovered, getting in touch would be only to satisfy curiosity as to what they've made of themselves. Maybe once every few years. But to be honest, it's a little nerve wracking and not really worth it. It can be an invasion if they're with someone. I haven't stayed in touch with any ex. The other factor for me is I don't maintain friendships with women very well. My sweetheart is always my best friend while we're together, but other women start to get on my nerves pretty fast. Even exes.
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