How Do I Get Him To Trust Me..i Am Not A Cheater

[cj_gal]

OK...I recently posted on a guy I have been seeing and he called me before Christmas and said he needed space..He called me the next day and asked what I was doing..we chitchatted and I had to go..I texted him a Merry Christmas and heard nothing back..I wrote him a letter on Christmas and it said so much that I never got to say in person...And that I would give him space and let him contact me when he was ready

 

Well yesterday out of the blue...after almost a week of no contact..he called me after work and wanted to know what I was doing..we chatted and I told him I would call him after he was off work..I had a meeting with a friend..a guy..and that is all it is..We had dinner and talked about all this..His g/f of 5 years just left him a month ago and with what I was going through we both needed to talk..

 

Well during dinner I didn't hear my phone ring..5 missed calls..from the other guy who wanted space...saying "where are you" and "why aren't you answering the phone"..When I did call him, my friend took me right home so I could go see him..when I got there he was fine.Around 12:30 he wanted to go to a party..I was tired and just wanted to be with him..he got mad and started accusing me of cheating and doing stuff with this guy..He just went off the wall..

 

One thing I don't do is cheat..never have never will...because "I" have been cheated on alot.I couldn't get it through his head..We both left crying and he said to give him time to cool down..He had a horrible breakup about 7 months ago and she cheated on him terribly..He finally calmed down enough last night and said he did trust me and that we could still see each other..

 

My question is ..to all you guys...How do I get him to get over this feeling of being cheated on..I want to stay with this guy and he feels the same..but I want him to trust me..I took my guy friends out of my phone..but I don't know what else I can do to get him to trust me..please help me out..thanks for reading

[Cecelius]

He sounds like a wack job -- you've been "seeing" him? To me that means you were not exclusive (at least when a girl tells me she is seeing someone, I assume she is fair game) so what is his issue?

[mattea]

jeez, it just sounds to me like he's scared which is normal after being betrayed. plus, whether you call it "seeing someone" or something else, it sounds like you both want exclusivity.

 

the trust thing is his issue to deal with. i know you don't want him to distrust you, and you are doing everything in your power to help ease his fears. ultimately, he has to overcome them himself, though. it might take time for him to trust you. how long have you been together?

 

also i just want to suggest this: i think it might not be such a good thing for you to feel you need to delete your guy friends out of your phone. are you planning on discontinuing your friendships with men? if not, i think you need to have them out in the open and ask your boyfriend to accept that you have male friends from the start. otherwise he might feel you are hiding these friendships for some reason and distrust you more. i made these types of mistakes with a past boyfriend who also had difficulty trusting and it wasn't pretty.

 

your guy was crying and saying he needed time to cool down. it sounds like he was triggered by these past betrayals and emotions came up that weren't necessarily rational or based in the present with you. this happens to us all, i think. a good thing is that he knew he needed to cool down - maybe he can step back from the situation and realize he's not reacting to anything you've done but to the past?

 

think about whether you want it to be ok in your relationship for each of you to have friends of the opposite sex. i have good friends who are male and the new guy i am seeing seems to accept this well. he has female friends too. do i get a little afraid/intimidated by his female friends after having been cheated on in my last THREE relationships? yes, but i'm trying to stay in the present with this guy and not assume that because other people betrayed me he will. i don't want to be controlling! but whether i attempt to control his friendships or not doesn't have anything to do with whether he ends up being capable of betraying me. anyway, i have completely platonic and rewarding friendships with men, why shouldn't he have the same with women?

[newbby]

you should not take your guy friends off your phone.

you were not the guilty one, therefore you have nothing to prove. reassure him, yes, but prove you cant do. only time will prove that, and he will work through this in his own time, whatever you do or dont do. you can have compassion and understand his feelings, but you cant take them away.

[cj_gal]

thank you so much for the great advice...we have only known each other for a month..but I felt a connection with him the first time we met..It really hurts that he doesn't trust me..I tried to talk to him yesterday..his roommate told me to come over to try to get him up..he passed out on the floor from drinking..He said he was depressed and a mess.I drove 35 miles to have them not let me in..Another guy buzzed me in and they had the stereo up and wouldn't answer the door or phone.

 

I just feel that if I had went with him that night to the party ..this wouldn't have happened..He wanted to go and I was so tired..He called after I hadn't heard from him in a week and I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulder..I was just exhausted after that..That is when we fought and he called me cheater..I have never ever fought with a b/f before..I felt horrible..I cried all the way home..He finally answered thephone when we were on the road going our separate ways and said he trusted me and I could still see him.

 

I texted him this morning and said"I know you won't answer this,but I miss you"..nothing! I am on my way to a party,by myself..my good friend and a guy asked me to go..I said I'll follow you..I just want this to work out.

 

It's really hard because we both work at the same store and I went in to quit today and the manager said you are too good and time heals all...He works overnight restocking and I work mornings..plus I work a second job and college full time...I also just finished modeling and am shooting a composite and portfolio soon..I just feel that he is so jealous and he shouldn't be..He is awesome...funny ...sexy..and a great lover...He just is so messed up..I really need this party..I don't drink..but tonight i am going to get s**tcanned as the say..Maybe it will dull the pain for a night..

[cj_gal]

He is 2 weeks old...and his name is Jakes California Soul...he is a Yorkie...I 'll get him in 6 weeks..I need him..Unconditional love..what a beautiful thing..Oh yeah I called my bf this morning and he did talk ..I said we need to talk about this tonight and he said..mind you this is 830 in the AM...I've been drinking,i'm tired and going to bed and he hung up...I called and left a voicemail and said "I am tired of crying and it is officially over"..one of my guy friends when I told him the story said (and this guy is a player...bad) he's either stupid or he really likes you ...and it sounds like both..Made me smile..

 

Happy New Years everyone...