Author Mr.P Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 Thanks for your replies. It didn't work out with her last one bcos of the distance, and the fact that rich mummy and daddy have paid for him to get through life. He has no idea about the real world, whatever he wanted, he got. She didn't like his attitude in that respect. She txt me on Saturday morning asking how Friday night went, and that she was going shopping, after a few txts back and forth she asked if I would go with her, which I said I would. She picked me up half an hour later and we went out. We were gone for about 4 hours and we were getting on great, we were even holding hands on the way home. She has also asked me if I would go away to visit her new university for when she starts in September for the day, as neither of her parents can take the time off work. I have agreed to go next week, she has always enjoyed my company and I hope that spending the day with her will help her to reconcile. I saw her briefly yesterday as well, where one of my friends said afterwards "she definitely wants you". All her txts now have "xxxxx" at the end of them instead of the "x" she sent when we were apart lol I'm not saying we are getting together, I'm not saying all my eggs are in one basket or that I am not going to settle for anyone else, but things are on the up at the moment!
destination_unknown Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 :) Sounds promising!!! Just keep being relaxed and enjoying each others company like you are - let her come to you!
Author Mr.P Posted April 1, 2006 Author Posted April 1, 2006 Things still going well, bit more progress yesterday. We're in daily contact now and have been for a few weeks. I hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks so I suggested we go for lunch yesterday. She had an early finish and she thought it would be better just to grab something from the shop and throw it in the oven at her place. Even better lol We sat and watched a film after that and started to get pretty close. She asked me if I could give her a back massage (was always a sure sign of us getting back together in the past). So I did and afterwards we were getting comfy on the couch, but I had to go, after 4 hours of being there lol. There was no kissing, cuddling, caressing or anything as I didn't want to push it too far too soon, but it was surprising that she asked me to rub her down lol. She's out with friends tonight, and I am with mine and by coincidence we are both going to the same place, so my fingers are crossed!
destination_unknown Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Good luck mr. p - excited to hear how tonight goes!
Author Mr.P Posted April 2, 2006 Author Posted April 2, 2006 Thanks Dest. I met up with her and her 2 friends last night, wasn't expecting her to pay much attention to me as she was with her friends and I was with my 2 friends. Nothing happened last night, but she didn't run a mile when I started caressing her ass when giving her a hug when she was leaving lol. She's got a lot of work on at the moment and it's difficult to get her to come out or do anything! We shall see
notmakingsense Posted April 2, 2006 Posted April 2, 2006 Mr P -- you are in "the friend zone." I really wish you had anther girl to focus your attention on... you will drop her like a hot potato when that happens.
Author Mr.P Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 Ok now I'm annoyed. One of my friends gf's said to my ex on Saturday night "be nice to him or I'll shoot you"... And now she's just told me I may have got the wrong idea on Friday, and she feels like she's always fighting a losing battle. We sit and watch a film on Friday, she had no problems with me using her as a pillow and asked me to give her a massage. And now this. I (stupidly, hindsight yet again) told her I still loved her and she said "this isn't what I need right now, it's too much" She's going through a stressful time with work, and she's currently off sick. I'm going to give her some space now, just so annoyed that my friends gf may have screwed this up for me. It may not have anything to do with what she said but....... so Bring on all the "I told you so", but the blame is all on me, not her.
J dub Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Ok now I'm annoyed. One of my friends gf's said to my ex on Saturday night "be nice to him or I'll shoot you"... And now she's just told me I may have got the wrong idea on Friday, and she feels like she's always fighting a losing battle. We sit and watch a film on Friday, she had no problems with me using her as a pillow and asked me to give her a massage. And now this. I (stupidly, hindsight yet again) told her I still loved her and she said "this isn't what I need right now, it's too much" She's going through a stressful time with work, and she's currently off sick. I'm going to give her some space now, just so annoyed that my friends gf may have screwed this up for me. It may not have anything to do with what she said but....... so Bring on all the "I told you so", but the blame is all on me, not her. Oh dear... Mr. P....after being around this site for long enough now to understand the dynamics of ending relationships, the smart and not-so-smart moves to make in order to better your odds of a better chance...WHY would you allow yourself to lay down and let her walk all over you a hundred thousand times? This doesnt make ANY woman want a man, it makes her think "Gee he is such a nice guy"...wait for it...wait for ....nope, thats it. No, "I want to be with him," or "maybe we'll work out" nonsense. Dude! You are being a TOTAL pushover, even to US! What with your, dont blame her, blame me? Am I the only female here who is like, ummmm....hello? Youre making excuses for her and YOURE NOT EVEN WITH HER! I understand youre hurting, believe me. Really. Let me tell you something though, ok? I have dated men like you before. And it NEVER works in their favor. Wanna know why? Because its too easy. Bottom line. Too easy. There's no excitements of "what if" and "will he?" and "whats he thinking?" because you eliminate all that mystery by following her around like a lost puppy (sorry bro but you totally are), by being all cutesy with her and analyzing her "xxxx" in her texts. Mystery is key...mystery should be your friend. YOU DONT WANT TO BE IN THE FRIEND ZONE, not with someone you love! And you literally held out your hands and let the cuffs be slapped on you with all your sappiness and letting her get her way with everything! Youre totally guilty of being a TOO nice guy!!!!! Why is this so difficult for people to see in themselves? Maybe its because I am a female and I can smell it from miles away, but someone has GOT to let you in a the little secret that is: You will never get her back by being the nice fella. That doesnt mean you are the mean one, either. BUT DONT BE THE NICE ONE FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD! I'm sorry, I know this is probably going to come across real harsh but here's the brutal reality: Everyone in this thread was all "good goin dude" and "heres a pat on the back for your nice efforts" (well, the most recent ones anyway, the ones back from the beginning of the thread were right on the money but you refused to listen...shame) when it should have been more along the lines of "DROP THE DOORMAT ACT OR YOURE GOING TO GET DROPPED LIKE A HOTCAKE!" Ugh...I wish I had read this one earlier...ugh ugh ugh... I'm sorry I really feel for you, there are ways to ensure yourself of a doormat-free lifestyle but...your window of opportunity has closed as far as this girl is concerned. You need to move on, I'm sorry. And stop taking all the freakin blame - this is WHY youre too "nicey nice", because youre too willing to take the bullets for her!!!!! STOP IT!!!!
CaliGuy Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 Again, I highly suggest: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A Glover "How to be a Man (who successfully attracts women)" - David DeAngelo Please read the material objectively. You'll see how to break out of being a nice guy and be balanced. Nice guys finish last. Jerks finish last. Balanced men win it all and find true love and happiness. Learn how to be balanced, for your own good.
Author Mr.P Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 I probably needed that from J Dub !! And CaliGuy, you're guides make so much sense it is unbelievable how us "dumped" ones go about things. Anyway, we hadn't spoken since Monday, no calls emails or txts, and I went out to meet up with my friend and her friends who was celebrating her birthday. Just by pure coincidence, I saw my ex in the bar we were in. She was with a group of her friends, and after 2 minutes of me and my friends walking in, most of her friends left to go elsewhere but she stayed with one friend. I was in a position where ignoring her would just be wrong, so I made brief conversation with her just to acknowledge her presence and went over to meet the rest of us that was out. Within a few minutes she followed us over and started talking to us, even my friends' ex who said she was going to kill her lol. They kissed and made up so that's all water under the bridge. Then, again by pure luck, the girl who I met at the wedding turned up. This was brilliant! I sat next to her and started talking to her, then I had a tap on my shoulder, I looked around and my ex was leaning over me with something to say. I had no idea what it was because it was too loud in there, so I turned back to talk to the other girl again, then about 30 seconds later another tap on the shoulder, ex again, still had no idea what she was saying, turned back......... another tap........... "I'm going now, bye"... huh?? "Ok cya tomorrow". I knew then how jealous she was at the fact I was talking to another girl. First thing this morning, I saw one of the lads I was out with last night, and he said he had to drag my ex off me saying to her "Leave him alone he's going to get her again tonight!" When I saw my ex a bit later on today, we were chatting like we had never fallen out (this always happens though lol). After what she said last week though, and having spoken to many friends about it, and also taking the advice on here, another chance is not going to be an option. I have no choice but to look for someone else now.
Author Mr.P Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 She called me on Tuesday, just for a general chat as we hadn't spoken since the night I met her at a bar. It was ok, kept her laughing, and we didn't speak then until Saturday where we were both at an event for the weekend. She came over to say hi and we had a brief chat, and later on in the day I could see her getting quite friendly with someone, even went and bought him a drink. I knew then that the party we were at that night she was going to get someone, so obviously I was on a downer then, but I had to go as I organised it for the event. As the night got under way, the guy she was with in the afternoon seemed to have developed eyes for someone else. I was dancing away with several girl friends and whenever I glanced over at her she would glance at me too. She then found someone and straight away they started kissing. This infuriated me as it was a friend of mine (he didn't know about us though as he wasn't around when we were together). I let them get on with it, and later on he came over to me and said another friend of mine had suggested he speaks to me about it, and what would I think if they were to get together. I told him I wasn't going to fall out with him as he didn't know, but I would fall out with her, to the extent that I would go and find a new sport/hobby so there would be no risk of me seeing her again. He said he wouldn't want me to leave because of him, and in the friendliest possible way I just told him to let his conscience be his guide but I would still stand by what I said. Next day, one of my friends said to me that she only did that to get back at me. But why? What had I done? Dancing with friends? All day yesterday she kept looking round at me but I completely ignored her. I avoided speaking to people where she was, and now she has got the hint that I don't want to speak to her. I want to give her an ultimatum though, I know she still has strong feelings for me by the way she let us get so close, and by how jealous she gets when I am with any other girls. I would still like to get back together with her, I don't know what it is I have to do to make her realise that we should give it another go, because I have changed dramatically and the problems I had are no longer there, BUT, I can't be friends with her anymore as I can't put myself through this pain anymore. I don't know how to let her know this, but until I decide how to best approach her, CaliGuy's guide to second chances will be stuck to, and it will be thereafter until she tells me she wants to give us another go.
CaliGuy Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 She playing games with you. The best way to win is to not play them in return. Never let her see you sweat, my friend. And truly, if she wants you, she will make it clear. Until then, you've got it right. Go about your business and ignore her.
Chinook Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 I'm sorry but I'm going to sound harsh here (and probably not make any friends either). I'm new to the board. I just joined yesterday and I've just spent a while reading through this thread. I really really do not understand why you haven't cut this girl out of your life. Have you read back over the thread...? We're talking NINE months here of this lady walking you backwards and forwards over your pain relating to her. I know I don't know you but if she hasn't taken you back now and she hasn't let you know by now... it is NEVER going to happen. I'm sorry but if she wanted you - by now, she would have let you know and be working towards a goal of achieving that. What's more... please, have some dignity and hang in there and cut her out of your life. I know it's hard but jeesh... NINE months you could have been WELL OVER her by now and talking about some other sweet girl who loves you for being a nice guy. take it easy
Author Mr.P Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 CaliGuy, I've finally come to accept that she is playing games with me now, I denied it all along as I honestly believed she could not be capable of doing things like that to me as she was always such a nice girl. Chinook, Thanks for taking the time to read the entire thread, I did re read the thread a few weeks ago to remind myself what has happened, I had high hopes as we were getting on so much better. But now I can't put myself through this pain anymore. She will miss me without a doubt, she has always said she did when we broke up and I refused to have anything to do with her, maybe it will make her realise what she has lost, maybe it won't, but I will try and get over her and find someone else, no matter how jealous she gets. Unless she tells me she wants me back I won't have anything to do with her.
Chinook Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Hey Mr P You know, I don't think, if it's worth anything that what your ex does is actually intentional. Consciously, I doubt that she realises she is playing games. For example, I don't think she's sitting there thinking how miserable she can make you. But, on the other side of the coin, she doesn't also love you outright. If she did, there would be no discussion - there would be no problems. Someone who loves you and is into you would ensure that you know that on a regular basis... irrespective of whether you see each other alot or not. I think maintaining the 'no contact' rule for you primarily, is important but also it will help to heal her and remove her confusion too. She may miss you initially but I wouldn't count upon it. In addition to that, you need to heal and work out for yourself what you want, what future you need for you. You need to try and put this long path of heartache behind you now.
riobikini Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Mr P, Chinook brought a fresh, nearly 'outside' view to your situation, as she is new to the board. But you responded in the same way as you have everyone who has appeared the least bit 'negative' towards your circumstances. I know you are desperately seeking a second chance, but there is such a thing as a time to let it go. 'True Romantic Hero Complex' is a sad way to live your life. As Chinook pointed out, it's been nine long months...you could have had children with someone else, by now. Also, peering over your long thread, I have noticed that those whom you interpret to sound encouraging, or seem to offer some vague hope in getting your ex back, are the posters you cling to most. You are simply searching for a kind of 'enabler' who supports your decision to continue pursuing this girl. You are simply lost in unreality and going round and round in circles, chasing this very bad case of false hope. Your thread is very descriptive (of course, in a second-hand way) of how this girl is responding to any second chance hope...and it's not working. At all. Wake up!!! Get on with your life! Stop looking back! Stop hoping for something, -that, if you even had it back- would be nothing like before, and greater chances are, would disintegrate right before your eyes within a short period, and be a total waste of time. Start living, -because what you're doing now, is only existing. In misery, I might add. All said in kindness, though. Take care. -Rio
pippen_2k Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 This is still going on Mr.P? Ouch dude. No one deserves to be feeling like this for 9 months.
dr strangelove Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Mr P. Wow I mean you have everything lined up and then you choke.. Thank your stars you are not in a position of someone like me, who doesnt even know where his ex is, or how to contact her except by email. In fact lol ha ha har har this forces me into a position of NC. It also makes situations like yours, pure childs play. I would had back and doing my laundry by now. But understand its because I have had to deal with worse. Im a bit confused that the same country that gave birth to mr.suave himself, James bond, has so many confused male suitors. However in saying that I have to remember im part welsh.. hmm wonder what part. Look at this fabulous diary you have created. It also is like a roadmap for what to do and not to do with this woman. Grab a tea, a bit of crumpet. Reread your posts, that is where the answer lies. Remember this, if you are ever worried about pushing her further away from acting indifferent.. think of it this way. Your at zero ok.. nil. You cant lose anything anyways. But you could probably gain something Sure she is playing games.. and yet so are you. Everything is a game. It kills me guys like u this place is full of them... I guarrentee she will be calling you again soon, if you just take a break from her. In the meantime grab a james bond book, learn to be a bit more suave. I love that purse thing.. you should have said Coat check is a dollar. "I want a flake" I would have said thats nice I want a f===. Maybe be a bit more.. how do u say over there..Cheeky?
Author Mr.P Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Isn't it strange how love turns to hate? She's now dating a friend of mine. She met him at a party we were at and again showed no signs of concern that I was there to see her throw her tongue down his throat. He was advised by another friend of mine what has happened between us over the last 18 months as he didn't know, and he came and had a chat with me asking what I thought. Obviously I told him I wasn't happy about it, but I wasn't going to fall out with him over it, but I would not have anything to do with her again because she is a nasty piece of work. I have fallen out with him but he doesn't know that, there's the whole rule of etiquette as far as friends' ex girlfriends go - you don't go there. (Edited to mention that u knew about this already on page 6 lol) 3 weeks passed of NC and I was starting to feel much better about the fact I haven't heard from her, I don't want to. Then I saw her at a party on Saturday with new bf in tow. I ignored her all night and said nothing to her, neither of us had any interest in making eye contact with each other. Still tore me apart of course. I found out last night that she hasn't tried to contact me because I had a go at him.... wtf?? I didn't have a bad word to say about him !! Even shook his hand at the end when he spoke to me!! It doesn't bother me at all that I haven't heard from her, but the reason behind it does... It's BS and makes me look like a bad person. All measures to avoid her are in place, and believe me I am moving on and not going back now!! Friends is not an option AT ALL, first she broke my heart and dated someone I hate, she apologised profusely and I forgave her. She said I meant much more to her than I thought. Now she's dating a friend of mine... I really don't mean anything to you do I ?? Where's the respect there !? Sorry just having a rant now.... Yes all you LS'ers were right all along! (But you all knew that anyway lol) I need glasses for my hindsight as I still couldn't see the right path, but can now. Thanks to all for their input, I'll take your advice now
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