Still hopeful of a second chance

[Jey Dey Dey]

Even if I think she's a bitch. I found this last night on another post, if you go on the posts you'll see and the link where it came from. It's really good advice:

 

You can feel them pulling away. You can see it. They may have even said it straight out, "I'm leaving you." Often this sets off a number of emotional alarm clocks at their highest volume and intensity. Few times in life is it easier to panic. Few times in life is it more important you don't.

 

It feels like a disaster doesn't it? Well you've watched disaster movies. You know how it goes. The ones who panic die off early in the movie. They are small part actors and you never remember their names. The one's who keep their heads in the crisis tend to walk out of the flaming building with the other most attractive character on their arm. If you want to win them back you must make a decision now to either panic and most likely lose your goal before you get close to it or to get in your brain, utilize your anxiety, depression, anger, and loneliness. And while you're at it don't forget to utilize rather than suffer all that pain you've been given.

 

Chances are you're getting a lot of conflicting advice from folks. It all boils down to fish or cut bait. The advice I give to win a love back starts with the same advice as for letting go.

 

Let go.

 

Romance, love, sex, it's always a dance. It's all back and forward, back and forward. When your love pulls back, then back again and you are still moving forward, it's no longer a dance, it's a chase. And what do people do when we chase after their affection? They run.

 

I imagine your love is prepared for the chase to continue, and if I'm right it makes them feel guilty. How often does guilt buy love and attraction? Not often. I've never seen it. Have you?

 

If anything will work at all it is to let go. Not let go and sit home and suffer, but let go and go have a blast every day. This may sound impossible. But if your love is strong enough, if your goal of winning them back is compelling enough; you can do anything you have to do. Letting go and having a blast strengthens your position several ways.

 

It surprises them. They have taken your suffering for granted. They assume it. That's the person they're dumping. Who the hell is this person having so much fun? Curiosity is compelling. You get happy and relaxed with this and it hits them like a bucket of cold water that they don't know you quite as well as they thought they did.

We're all sexier and more attractive when we're having a blast than when we're depressed. It's far more compelling than making them responsible for our happiness.

When they see beyond a shadow of a doubt you're no longer chasing after their affection they can quit running and make their decision based on what they want instead of the chase they're running from.

We often take each other for granted. Part of the reason you've stopped taking them for granted right now is they've pulled back. The water in the well really is running dry. If your love will come back it will be after "they" realize all that's missing from life without you. They can't know what that is till you've pulled back as well.

Impatience is your enemy. It compells you to take action out of fear and we know that causes more mistakes and bigger mistakes. Generally impatience cannot be just pressed down, it creeps out and peeps out when you least expect it. Impatience is just that little voice inside your head that tells you, you can't be happy until you know your love is glad to be back. There's only one thing that really squashes impatience - making yourself go have so much fun every day that your brain has to go, "well, duuuuh, guess I can be happy right now and continue taking strategic actions towards my goal." A former Boss of mine had a standard rule for submitting loan applications, "Don't hurry up to get a turn down." If it's important, you must focus more on getting it right than doing it in a hurry.

 

I promise you , you're far more likely to win them back the more you enjoy this process and the less you suffer it. If you think that's impossible, think again. The most successful people on earth choose to enjoy challenges rather than be swamped by them. You must only make a decision now whether or not this goal is important enough for you to use your head or unimportant enough for you to allow your compulsions to defeat you. It's up to you.

 

I've seen this advice bring couples back together after restraining orders have been issued and clients have been arrested for breaking them. I don't guarantee it to work everytime and it works better than anything else. And if it doesn't work to win them back, in the process you've been strengthened and prepared to let go for good far more comfortably than you are right now.

 

Your fear is that if you let go you'll lose them. In fact you're more likely to lose them if you don't.

 

By the way I know taking this advice is a lot more challenging than giving it because I've done both.

 

Whoever you are, my prayer and my faith are with you. This is a helluva a "bump" on life's road, but you're stronger than you realize and you will be alright. If it's terribly important to you and you really work at this recipe you'll do quite a bit better than alright.

 

I was talking to a girl the other day that was following a recipe for grief. Her rule was that she was not promiscuious. It's a good rule. She felt like a relationship really had to be serious before she put out. Only under the influence of starry nights and a glass of something bubbly she'd put out and then decide it must be serious, this must be the one since she did in fact put out. This now caused her to treat the poor guy like "hey, we're destiny" and he would run from her speed and consequently her relationships were ending in disaster before they ever started. I suggested she change her rule. I suggested her new rule be that if she really liked and respected the guy and visa versa; if there was chemistry and they were safe.... then it was okay to have sex without this having to be "her soulmate." Either that or cut out mixing starry nights, bubbly and attractive men.

 

Many will disagree and yet she seems far, far happier for the change.

 

For some there is the added problem of your love thinking they're in love with someone else. That's about as hard a romantic bump in life as there is. You hate your rival. And yet, many times I've seen the other person be the key that puts your relationship back together. HOW??? Simple, while you've got alarm clocks going off like crazy the one you love is in the flush of infatuation. Infatuation is not love. Looks like it, feels like it, but it isn't love. Love is when you look at someone and say "I know all their faults and even if they never change a thing - I love them enough to stay." A person who's infatuated isn't qualified to make that statement. Not that it stops them or stops them from believing it. It's just good to know.

 

When you utilize your alarm clocks and make yourself have so much fun you can be patient.... now they have time alone with the new Mr. or Miss wonderful. Infatuation moves into the stage of disillusionment. They wonder what they saw in the new one in the first place. If at the same time they see you're not chasing them they can far more easily find themselves thinking "Why the new one isn't as good as the other one, am I being an idiot here or what?"

 

One girl told me, "But I can't have fun while I'm picturing them together!" Good point. Quit picturing things that hurt. Have three things you love to think about and three things you love to do in mind and handy at all times. When the picture starts, treat it like an alarm clock telling you to "Right now this very minute, think and do something else fun!" The first few times will be a little difficult, after that it's easier.

 

Finally, last but not least ask yourself these hard questions. Do I really love this person? Really? Do I love them enough to let them go? Do I love them enough to let go and have fun today and tomorrow and the days after that? Or is my love so selfish that I can only be happy if they're here serving my emotional needs no matter how much they may not want to right now?

 

Feeling like you're losing someone you love can be rough. It demands hard questions be answered. Serious decisions must be made. You're stronger than you realize. You can do whatever you need do to make your life healthier and happier if you choose to. Give it some thought, time and prayer and then choose.

[Mr.P]

Hi again,

 

I kept up the no contact, and she didn't contact me either.

 

Some friends of mine asked me to help them work behind the bar on Saturday night where one of my ex's friends was having her 21st birthday party.

 

It was a chaotic night where we didn't get much chance to have a break, although we thought it was unfair for everyone else to get drunk, so we did as well whilst working! (Not drunk, just merry lol)

 

My ex was there, I did have very short conversations with her but had to run off to serve other people (JDD - perfect!)

 

I could see her for most of the night talking to one of my friends who was sat at the end of the bar, they were both having a laugh.

 

She would often come and see me at the bar asking me to keep hold of her handbag behind the bar / go get her handbag for her, probably just to make conversation whilst serving/talking/flirting with other girls. She also said again "Love you!" in her friendly way as I took her bag off her.

 

As I'm not a very good barman (I've done the occasional shift behind a bar but I wouldn't describe myself as competent) I poured a pint for someone and set it down on the bar, took money off them, came back and saw that it had settled being mostly head lol. I asked if he'd like a flake with that and topped it up with an extra half pint of lager lol. My ex was stood next to him and said to me "I want a flake!". I had to run to other end of bar then to serve someone else.

 

Shortly after when there was a quiet moment and I was having a drink myself, she came up to the other end of the bar called me over and stretched her arms out wanting to hold hands over the bar. I did so asking her what's up and she said again she really wanted a flake. I told her I didn't have any (was just a joke from before!). She started giving me the puppy dog look, so I did the same back but kept it short, let go and walked off to serve someone else.

 

As the night ended, her parents came to pick her up. I hadn't seen them since we split up in July. I didn't know what their reaction towards me would be after the issue with the bf she went with after me and the problems that arose between us all. Anyway I decided just to jump straight in to conversation with them with a big smile on my face, shook hands with her dad and her mum came up to me and gave me a big hug. I was expecting nothing more than a hello and brief conversation but hey that's a bonus, parents still like me!

 

As she was leaving she came up to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I did the same back.

 

Once we had kicked everyone out, locked up and went home, one of my friends I was working with said in the car "How bad was she flirting with you tonight", I said nah she wasn't, where he said "I saw you both at the bar together and she told you she loved you!". My friend who was sat at the end of the bar jumped in and said "Will you sort her out she's being talking about you all night to me". I was going to ask what she was saying but decided to wait until he's sober lol.

 

So that's where I'm up to, I still need to find out what she was saying to my friend. She knows he is a very good friend of mine and will obviously tell me what she was saying. Should I maybe try for her? Or carry on with no contact?

 

The wrong course of action here may be a make or break !!

 

I'd also like to add to keep JDD happy, yes I did get chatting to one girl who I have met twice before and she gave me her number. I haven't called her yet though!

[salmagundi]

Regardless of what you decide to do, it sounds like you have it more together now. Before gettting your hopes up too much just realize there are lots of reasons she could be getting all warm with you suddenly. Maybe she wants to make sure you're still on the backburner. Keep it cool and keep making her do all the work. Don't go getting clingy and emotional all of a sudden!

 

good luck

salmagundi

[Spleen]

Ooo well that's interesting. I think it was good that you ignored her a few times during that evening, and didn't give in to her request for a flake. Good move. But when she asked you to hold and fetch her bag whenever she demanded it, you should have told her to hold it herself like every other girl in the bar. You sent her mixed signals by being her little coat-check boy, while still trying to play it cool by ignoring her other demands. You've gotta be consistent, put her in her place. The entire night she used you for little favors so she could show off to her friends that she knew someone behind the bar and she could get the hook up. It was only when she wanted something from you that she started acting sweet and flirtatious, then as soon as she got what she wanted (her bag, etc.), she went right back to her friends. Notice she was always the one to call you over, or ask for favors, and you would go right over and comply, aside from the drink request. Next time, stay where you are and tell her to come to you.

 

I do wonder what it is she said about you to your friend, though. Keep carrying on the no contact until you find out what she was saying, but I'm guessing it was either idle talk designed to get back to you or just friendly compliments. If it was anything more, then it's because you're ignoring her and that's good, so keep it up. If she calls you up, don't answer, no matter what. If she texts you, don't respond. Remember, you have a life beyond her. Don't give in.

 

How long has it been since the other girl gave you her number? If it's been a week, give her a call and ask her to the movies. Hang out, be seen with her in public. Have a good time, even if it's just as friends. Just give it a shot.

[skeptik224]

Hey, Mr.P. Although my story is different than yours, my ex did the same thing. She spent an hour with my best friend talking about me...how much she loved me, missed me and still wanted to date me. (although she wants to do it while dating others) She said a lot of great things about me. When my ex and I talked after that, I asked her if what she said was true. She said definately. She said that she told her knowing darn well that my friend would tell me everything. I still don't know why she couldn't just tell me that stuff. Anyway, although you may love what she told your friend, it might not make any difference in the end. I replay their conversation in my mind still and that was 2 months ago. Just be careful and don't jump ahead of yourself. I'm glad you got another girls' number. I'm not saying totally give up on your ex but take it slow....

[Mr.P]

Thanks guys, your responses are starting to make my situation sound a bit more positive!

 

I'm not going to contact her until I find out from my friend what it was that she was saying to him, I won't see him until Thursday night at the earliest but the suspense of not knowing in the meantime is killing me!!

[salmagundi]

Hey mr. P.

 

This thread got a lot more interesting wants you got your balls back that night at the bar. So keep posting cause we all want to be wrong. Anyway, I would listen to what Spleen is saying, I mean myself? I'm encouraged. But more because of how you're handling things now than because of what she may or may not do. Why? because even if she is just messing with you you at least have the proper mindset to take with you the next time around. I talk like I've got my balls on nice and tight, eh? Not really but its an evolution we're both making...

 

Anyway, Skeptiks post made me chuckle because you know what MY sort of ex said to an good mutual friend of ours after we broke up? That she thought she was "passing up the man of her life." Thats right. Sounds like this kind of ex (easily the most common type here at LS) always says that kind of sh*t. Might mean something (skeptik, you no longer seems to be holding your breath...) and it might not ( in my case I'm still not sure...)so I second Skeptik. Dont get your hopes up at all. Expect nothing but by all means treat this as an experiment to see if you can play this right and see what happens, I guess.

 

anyway, tells us what happens

 

salmagundi

[Mr.P]

Hey Sal,

 

Things may not be as good as they seem, a friend of mine invited her out tomorrow night with us but she can't make it as her bf is coming up to see her..

 

Great...

 

It's a kick in the swingers for me, will find out tomorrow what she said about me to my friend on Saturday night though. I wonder if he will live by his word and come and see her tomorrow....

 

I still feel really bad at the moment, I guess I got my hopes up unnecessarily!

 

Back to No Contact for now I think. This sucks

[salmagundi]

Ahhh...Sh*t. it was ever thus...

 

 

listen, Mr. p. I just had tell me she needs space because she isn't ready to be in a relationship with me but always wants to be around me because we get along so great but when we are around each other she wants me too much but she cant be in a relationship with me but she always wants to be around me because we get along so great but then when shes around me she cant control her desire for me but doesnt want to be in a relationship with me and doesnt want to confuse me by sending me mixed messages..and...did I say we're taking some space? Again?

 

So it gets worse. Have you ever heard the expression "**** eating grin" ? Jack Nicholson has the quintessential **** eating grin, esp. in One Flew Over teh Cuckoos nest. Anyway, I'm sporting one right now because I just dont know what to do except smile like I just ate a mouthful of sh*t... Maybe you need to put one on too.

 

And go NC.

 

good luck,

 

rOn

[salmagundi]

That second sentence is supposed to read "I just had my ex tell me..." sorry, should start prufereeding mie teksts

[salmagundi]

Oh ****, I blew my cover!

 

rOn (salmagundi)

[Mr.P]

Straight after my quick post on the 24th, she called me and after answering I couldn't resist, I just had to talk to her. I wasn't strong enough to tell her I'd call her back. Anyway, I told her I was looking at taking a job in another country where she said "No! You can't go! I'll cry if you go!". I asked why she would cry and she said "Because I'll miss you!". I said I'd probably go over there for a holiday first to see what it's like and she said she wanted to go with me, to check out where "one of her best mates" was going to go.

 

Most people on LS would say it's there in black and white after that - "Best mates" and nothing will ever progress from that.

 

BUT..

 

After we split up in July and overcoming the initial break up process, I didn't tell her I loved her until November where she said "I won't be dating you in the near future, but I never say never". Since then I haven't told her I love her again.

 

After all the flirting on Saturday, holding hands, and chatting to my friend about me, I get the impression she is waiting for me to say it again before she will decide whether to reconcile.

 

I do want to tell her I still love her, but I'm wondering whether it's best to tell her before her bf visits, or after. BTW It's tomorrow he visits, not today, my mistake!

 

Besides, what would her bf think if he knew she was going on holiday with her ex? Just the two of them?! And what if he knew she was flirting and holding hands with me too?!?!

[Mr.P]

Great...

 

My friend can't remember what she was saying to him! He remembers her talking about her new bf though.

 

I will probably have a chat with her next week about last Saturday and see what her intentions are, from her point of view.

[Mr.P]

Hey all,

 

A friend of mine invited my ex to join us all on a night out on Friday just gone. We booked a coach to take us all there (about 20 miles away) so we could all drink. She said she couldn't make it because her bf was coming to see her and they were going to a party. That upset me, to the extent where I had trouble sleeping that night.

 

Anyway, I was tempted to txt her telling her how she missed such a good night, but as I was about to press send, I decided to press cancel instead. Didn't matter what her reply was, it would only hurt me.

 

Today when I was with friends having a pint, she turned up with her new bf. My first thoughts were "Have I really been replaced by that?!", he had ridiculous hair, didn't look very attractive and had the largest nostrils I have ever seen lol.

 

I kept this to myself of course but even my friends commented on how he wasn't much of a good looker.

 

When they both turned up she came over to introduce him, but with a serious lack of enthusiasm. In my opinion she did not look happy. I asked her afterwards if she was ok and she said "yes, just tired". Isn't this the classic excuse of "I really don't want this?" I may just be assuming what I want to think and they are probably both happy with each other, but whilst I was there, they did not touch each other (no holding hands or arms round each other) and didn't really speak to each other much.

 

I told her she missed a good night on Friday to make conversation, she said her night was really bad and she wished she came with us instead.

 

I really got the impression that she was with him, but didn't want to be. He was very quiet and didn't talk much. When he did it was very quietly to her.

 

I left shortly afterwards because I was starting to get upset seeing what I had been replaced with. I really want her back so much, just seeing her and having friendly conversation, making her laugh when she looked down, I had to get away in the end. He goes home later today and I don't know what I should do now.

 

Should I approach her asking why she was so down, just being a friend to her, maybe comment on how she did not look happy with him? And should I tell her how she was flirting and holding hands with me whilst he wasn't around and that is basically cheating? When she asked me out for lunch? All signs in my eyes suggest that she's with him to fill a gap in her life at present. Maybe she thinks I'm over her and so has tried to find someone else, and this someone doesn't really fit her personality the way I did.

 

Obviously I'm not saying I'm perfect, he may be a very nice thoughtful caring person, but from the impression I got, they're not for each other.

 

What should I do !?!?

[salmagundi]

I'm sure your impression of their relationship is correct. If they were newly in love I'm sure it would be more obvious. And I'm sure the new bf would not want to hear her say her night with him was boring and she wished she had gone out with the ex instead! But thats his problem. As to you, I think you should let this relationship of theirs live or die of its own accord. It will probably die. But just because she doesnt want to be with him (he is OBVIOUSLY playing the rebouund chump) doesnt mean she wants back with you either. We all know that the first relationship after a significant breakup is usually doomed. Their usually relationships of convenience; we get involved with the whoever is close at hand and tolerable just to fill the void of our breakup. I mean, this is what the rebound is. She will keep him around until she cant stand him any longer or until someone else comes along for whom she feels genuine attraction (and not just neediness) whichever comes first.

 

COuld that somebody be you again? Maybe but you would be a fool to live your life waiting for it. Move on. See if you cant meet somebody else for a fresh start before she even has the chance to come back. You've read enough posts here at LS to know that a fresh relationship has 100 times the chance of success that a second chance has, right? And in order to make a new relationship with an old gf, you will need to be moved on anyway. Otherwise you're just going to recreate the old relationship...and it died, remember. If you go back to the old relationship it will almost certainly end for the same old reasons.

 

Move on and if she comes back, great. And if you find someone else, even better.

 

 

salmagundi

[Mr.P]

Nice perception Sal, I have often wondered if this and the previous bf before me were just to fill an empty space, which surely now must make her realise what we had was so great compared to what she has had since.

 

I remember when we were first together, she was always wanting to hold hands with me wherever we went even for a short walk, there was none of this today.

 

She has always said she will never regret going out with me, and even met me one night saying "I was talking to my friend about memories, and she said memories fade away and die. That got me upset because what we had I hope I will never forget, Please don't forget about me". That really touched me but I was still fuming over our break up when she said that. I just gave her a hug, kissed her on her forehead and said I won't because she kept me going through my rough patch last year.

 

I'm waiting for my friends who I was with to come online so I can ask them what they thought about them, they both said the same as I did. But about her appearing happy with him, I haven't talked about that to them yet.

 

A new relationship with her will never be the same as the old relationship. Firstly I have with the support of my friends and family, left the job that caused so many problems and set up my own business, I don't drink as much, I've learnt new skills, become more active running a lot and playing 5 a side. My brother is also getting married and his wife to be is expecting. This has also made me realise how much I want what he has. I won't mention it to my ex as she will definitely run a mile lol, although we have talked about both previously, but we're both too young for that.

 

So yes from a personal view, I have changed a lot, the changes I wanted to make I have now done.

 

I still pray every day for us to get back together, everything but this that I have prayed for has come true. I guess it's a lot of work for God to change her heart!

[Spleen]

Yeah, good post, Sal. Also, if she does happen to come running back, you need to remember to be cool, not to appear over-eager or too willing to jump back into anything. Be a little standoffish and skeptical, act like you don't really want a relationship with her as much right now. She has to prove to you that she really wants to be with you and is not just using you. But in the meantime, yes, get out there, hang out with other girls so you can talk to her or at least drop hints about how interesting you find your new female friend(s), how attractive they are, etc. Just don't overdo it. It'd be even better if you can get other girls, friends of hers or yours, to say what a wonderful guy you are to her, or within earshot of her. If she hears stuff like that, she'll want to be the one you talk about that way.

[Mr.P]

Hi Spleen,

 

We would have to take it slow IF we got back together. I am also trying to meet new girls but that is proving difficult lol

 

My friends girlfriend was told last night what happened yesterday, she just said "Well it's obvious she loves someone else" looking at me lol.

 

I know I can't approach her on it though, even though she has needed encouragement in the past, I'd have such a guilty conscience if she broke up with him to get back with me after I had spoken to her. That's if she would do in the first place lol.

 

Guess I just have to play the waiting game, whilst looking for other girls too.

[jerbear]

Guess I just have to play the waiting game, whilst looking for other girls too.

 

Honestly, playing the waiting game actually hurts your next relationship. You have to be ready for the next one and not when it gets intimate you call (or think) of your ex...

 

The next relationship maybe the one for you, if you wait; you might wait for awhile only to either pass on the current one or use the next few as rebounders.

[Mr.P]

I think I've just killed any chance of us getting back together, if there ever was one in the first place.

 

She txt me this morning and she said she was at home sick. Being the soft guy that I am I offered to go out and get her something, she said she would be ok and that I was a babe for offering.

 

A few more txts back and forth and then she called me, we were chatting for a few minutes where she said she was going to see her new bf soon, and said that he stayed with her weekend just gone. I let her talk for a few more minutes once the conversation changed but told her I had to go.

 

I can only really open up through words and not verbally so I txt her saying that it hurts me when she talks about her new bf and that she was not the easiest girl to get over and have no feelings for.

 

Waiting on a reply now..............

[Mr.P]

She replied saying aww dont be so silly! Me and xxxxxxx are never going to work, he lives too far away.

 

I replied to tell her just as long as she knew how I felt, and told her how she was sending me mixed signals with all the flirting. She apologised saying she didn't realise. I told her that I wasn't the only one that noticed, now she says she is truly sorry, and wants to know who also noticed.

 

She hasn't said that there is no hope for us, but she hasn't let me believe there isn't.

 

What do I do now !?

[Mr.P]

Now I'm on a downer,

 

She called in tears on the phone to me saying how can I possibly accuse her of flirting with me when I gave a friend of mine a kiss in March whilst we were all in the pub. Nothing passionate of course but she saw it.

 

And she's right, how can I ?

 

Man I've screwed this second chance up..........

[salmagundi]

No mr. P. She's not right. thats all bs. You called her on her f**king with your head and after she thinks about it she gets feeling guilty and then spouts this crap about how toying with the ex is no different than kiss she give some guy a freakin year ago? She's rationalizing. But it surely must be over by now...right? At any rate, stiffen up a bit. Tell her you're not there to talk about her fu**ing new bf, you could care less. Tell her to call when she has something to say that you want to hear, otherwise, have a nice life with the new guy and stay the h*ll out of yours. Until you do she'll just keep you there on the backburner which she is OBVIOUSLY doing.

 

She's using you man, time to get clear of her

 

[damn, I wish I was capable of this kind of steely, manful resolve when it came to my fu*king ex ]

 

salmagundi

[Mr.P]

Hi Sal,

 

Thanks for your reply, I really needed to hear from someone about this.

 

First off, I was the one that gave a girl friend of mine a kiss, hot her giving a guy friend of hers one.

 

I can completely see why she has gone off the rails over it, I am just so annoyed with myself that I had to go and push things further when we were actually progressing.

 

I apologised but she said I shouldn't apologise. Instead she congratulated me on losing her forever, she said she thought we were getting somewhere and how wrong she was.

 

Needless to say there is no hope for anything now, although I still want there to be. I haven't heard from her since I said I didn't want to lose her forever.

 

I don't know if she will ever speak to me again.

[salmagundi]

Mr. P.

 

dont beat yourself up over this. You didnt necessarily foreclose on the possibility of getting back together again...but you certainly cut off getting led on anymore. Nothing to do but feel like sh*t for awhile then find someone new.

 

She's being petty and vindictive with you. Maybe calling her on her flirtiness wasnt the height of playa finesse but jeesus, she has a boyfriend. Have you no right to know what she is playing at? You didnt freak out on her, did you? You were reasonable about it, right?

 

Fact is, if she was really so bothered about you she WOULDN"T be messing you around like this. I mean, look at the position she seems happy to keep you in. She bangs this other guy and keeps you on the side to add zest to her lovelife. Sure, my ex has been sending me heavy mixed signals too, adn doesnt know what she wants but I do know she isnt seeing anyone else and I do know that when she is, it'll be over, she wont keep coming around.

 

Your ex is playing a full on game with you and you called her on it and I think that is good. I think you have nothing to feel bad about. I think she is trying to convince herself that SHE hasnothing to feel bad about but I dont think it'll work. But you dont need to care anymore. However, I know damn well you will be back here within the week to talk about her latest phone call/email/text whatever. I mean, if you're worried the game is over for her...I doubt it, dont worry about that.

 

Definitely time to move on.

 

salmagundi