Still hopeful of a second chance

[Mr.P]

Well it's now been 5 - 6 months since my girlfriend finished with me. You may remember my story about her shacking up with another guy 6 days after she finished with me which as you can imagine, was just the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

 

Limited contact was applied, would have been full NC but she was in a bit of a mess and wanted me as a shoulder for all the wrong she has done, saying she couldn't see the forest through the trees etc etc, but she still wanted to be with the new guy (where I then turned my back on her again). I told her I didn't want to know her whilst she was seeing him, once she had finished with him I would talk to her again.

 

Anyway, last month she finally saw the light and dumped him, she even called me to tell me bearing in mind we hadn't spoken for ages, I was really happy now I could talk to her again (not talking to her was for my sake not hers) and a short while after we went for lunch a few times, and when I suggested maybe catching a movie that night she then assured me that she would not be dating me in the near future. She never says never but just not right now. It was a bit of a blow but I remained hopeful after that.

 

She was planning on having a party at a club were we are both members but the date she wanted clashed with a Christmas carols and mince pies night. This wasn't on the calendar for then but it's always been the Wednesday before Christmas when it is held. She saw her arse over that as her party would bring in much more money etc etc and I told her that it has always been the case, it's there for the enjoyment of the members and not for making money. After that she said she was going to get away from it all for a while, friends is not what we needed and she wasn't going to be around until next year.

 

This caught me by surprise, I text her straight after that and I didn't hear from her, I didn't hear from her at all and I didn't try and contact her (maybe give her space to clear her head). She spoke to a friend of mine on the 17th saying she was going on another adventure holiday over Christmas and wouldn't be here, I was told by him so I just sent a text saying I had just been told and wished her lots of fun and a Merry Christmas. She did text back saying she had just arrived and it was v. hot there, and a Merry Christmas x x x wish back.

 

Christmas Day came so I text her again with another Christmas wish, she replied saying she was having a great time, made loads of good mates and started talking about one in particular. So my suspiscion starts here.

 

That was playing on my mind until the day she was due back (yesterday) so I text again asking her to give me a call and tell me how it went.

 

She was quick to text back saying it went good and she has a new fella (what a kick in the groin) but he lives about 300 miles away, lives with 4 very pretty girls at College and she is not hopeful for any future for them. (Made it sound like it was just a holiday romance)

 

Last night was a sleepless night for me, couldn't sleep thinking about her. I really want her back, even after 6 months my feelings haven't changed for her and I would do do absolutely anything to get her back.

 

It's her birthday tomorrow and New Years Eve the day after, I'm not sure how I should approach her for both.

 

Any suggestions? I'm expecting the usual "Stick with NC so you can find someone else" but this doesn't work, I've met several new girls since who have shown an interest in me but I'm really not interested in them. They were nice too. There's only one girl I'd like to be with!

 

Thanks for reading!

[Mr.P]

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

It was her birthday today so I called and wished her a happy birthday, just a short casual chat really. I don't know what to do now.

 

Thnks

[notmakingsense]

Mr. P,

 

How can you possibly be hopeful for a second (or is it third?) chance with this woman -- she obviously doesn't care very much for you. She dumped you once, then more or less dismissed you again. Your suspicions are right -- she's focusing on finding fun with other men.

 

Can't you see how this has put you back to square one with your feelings? You need to embark on another no-contact journey -- and this time, stick with it. I'm sure there are other women out there who will treat you far better. You need to get past your addiction to this last one so that there is room in your heart for someone new.

 

If you haven't already, read No Foolin's post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

Best of luck.

[CaliGuy]

Agreed. Stick with NC. The more you text her or contact her or be there for her the more she'll see you as some schmuck who is her lean on guy, someone to make her feel better about herself and in the process destroy you as a person.

 

Very selfish.

 

Get with NC, heal up and move on. This girl is nothing but trouble.

[Mr.P]

This would actually be a fourth chance, but a second chance in my eyes as the problems I had with life in general are now no longer there. I asked her to bear with me whilst I was going through a rough patch and she tried but just couldn't do it. That bits a long story.

 

I guess you're right... She enjoys telling me about her new bf and when she is going to see him next etc and it's made me realise I am a complete fool.

 

I'm not going to contact her again, I know I've said that before but I'll make it a resolution, along with my 10 others.

 

I still want her back though, just hope in her case "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

[Mr.P]

We have been sending txts back and forth for over a week now since we went out for a meal with friends (see my post currently of page 2 of the Dating forum for update there).

 

She said last night how much she has missed this casual banter we always used to have with each other and how she hopes we won't stop being friends again.

 

She said once before that she just wants to be friends, but by that she wanted to see if I would stray away which of course I didn't and I continued to pursue her, like I still am now.

 

She has been initiating contact with me a lot too, with no mention of her new bf who she hasn't seen since before new year (he lives about 400 miles away)

 

I'll be seeing her on Friday night, she's coming out with me and my friends. Just joining us for a night in the pub for the first time since we split. We have mutual friends.

 

Any suggestions on what to do / say? I'm expecting to get shouted at by some people on here after this lol, but I'm willing to take the risk to get her back.

[CaliGuy]

She's playing you like a fiddle and in the interim you haven't healed nor are you in shape see anyone else.

 

Don't you see what you're doing here with "NC Lite" as Rio put it? You are still clinging to hope and she's still telling you no. She's flat out said it "Let's just be friends." She wants you around on a string that she can pull whenever she needs emotional support but as far as anything else, she's not interested.

 

And she'll never respect you as long as you're always "there for her" and as long as you keep in contact. Honestly my friend if I were you I'd stick with NC and stop replying to her emails. You will never find the right person for you when you're still stuck on someone who has made it clear they're not interested in anything other than an emotional shoulder.

[notmakingsense]

I would either stay away, or show up to the pub with a date who is knowledgeable about your situation and won't get hurt by what I am recommending.

 

Look at it this way.... if you REALLY want her back (which I think is a total waste by the way), then a well known game is to make her think you are unavailable and/or not as interested as before. I hate games myself, but this works with immature women like the one you are dealing with. There is no risk to you! After all, she just wants you as a friend. There are only a few outcomes of this tactic:

 

a. She gets pissed that you are with someone else -- in which case you know she wants you and you can drive her to a decision.

 

b. She doesn't care at all -- in which case, you are just out with friends -- and you know FOR SURE that you have no chance.

 

 

As for me -- I'd stay as far away as possible from this woman. We already know you can't "just be a friend." But if you are hell-bent in trying for her anyway, then do something more than just showing up. That's just being a wussy. (no offense -- I'm just trying to give you a virtual shaking-up! lol)

[Jey dey dey]

She said she only wants to be friends, so if you date someone else it can't be considered straying.

 

She's been playing games and keeping you on the back burner. She steps out into the guy world and when it doesn't work she calls you up because she knows you'll be there. Every time she does this she is testing you. People want what they can't have, they like a challenge. I'm going through the same thing with a boyfriend of 4 years who left me for another whore. I was his first girlfriend so I kinda sorta understood he needed time and space. It seems that when he gets into a fight with her or she does something he doens't like (at a bar, saw three guys she'd ****ed) he calls me and stupid me listens. Advices. Than he goes into how he misses me, how he's confused, how he's unhappy, how he wished I'd be home waiting for him to walk in through the door, he said he loved me, missed me and that I would be his wife.

 

Today he told me he would mail my jewelry, he asked about my day but acted kinda cold. I asked if he would be sending it all and that I rather pick it up so it doesn't get lost, he said he had sold some of it. This was all I needed. I told him that was the lowest thing you could have done. He said yes it was, that he was scum. He has changed for the worst. So I told him to keep it and that I was done. He called back and said he would give me money for it, that he didn't want me to be mad at him. I told him this was it, never to call me again.

 

So that so called friendship we had established (about 5 mos since we broke up, i was weak at the beginning, stronger now, friendship started about a month ago) is over. I know he didn't want that but tough ****. Now I want him to feel even more miserable, be forced to see who he is really with and that he's stuck (she's 34, i'm 24, and he's 26, she is a whore, can't have kids, and all they do is go to bars, he used to tell me how fake she is, vindictive, dramatic etc) and that the second chance he dangled in front me doesn't exist. Now I will see what happens. The guy I knew would take life into his hands, would dump the bitch, and talk to me honestly form the hear.

 

Sorry to spill my guts but listen, don't show up at that party. Or if you do, show up late and let one of your friends ask why you were late. Tell them you were dropping off some girl you're seeing. She's expecting you to always be there, so don't be. Do what is against your nature. I hate playing games but if you want to win the game you have to play it. Don't call her, don't text her, don't even open her emails, make it seem like you're happy with your life, you have things going on and now she's part of your past. When she calls you on it, be frank and ask her what does she expect. She has dated, so you are now, she has made it clear she only wants to be friends, so respond that you are ok with being friends with her. However, now that you're single you want to go and meet people, who knows maybe you'll meet some great girl if you haven't already.

 

Say that and nothing else. People talk long enough they tell you the truth in between their words. Let her do all the talking. Seem stand offish. If she gets mad, let her get mad, don't get scared that you'll lose her if you think you have her in those five minutes of conversation. Let her think it's real. Change the subject, ask her a question about work or something else. Let the though of you with another girl simmer in her head. Hang up fast, don't be on the phone with her for more than 15 mins or less. Don't call her, or text her. Don't tell her or let her think that you'll do away with your new way of thinking simply because in that 5 min conversation she asked you to come back. She has to simmer. If her feelings are real and she really wants to be with you she will prove it. She'll be calling you, you'll act bussy, unavailable, talk to her for 3-5mins before saying you have to go, or making your cell phone ring. Always be nice, pleasant, make a joke, make her laugh. Don't say much about your life or feelings. When this has gone on for a week, let her call you, don't initiate this. When she calls act reserved but interested. She starts talking about givi Ang it another try, you ask her why.

 

Pretend to be thinking about it, ask her if she really wants it. Say that you don't know but can you meet up that night, like right after you get off the phone. When you meet don't bring flowers, bring yourself, but hide a small one, just one in your pocket. When you meet up make sure you look good, and smell great. Smile when you see her but only than. Talk to her and eventually give in. Have a wonderful night/dinner/talk/ etc and at the end of the night give her the flower. Keep the meeting short though, you don't want to over do it. And don't sleep with her that same night, make her wait. Second thought forget the flower.

 

Okay so that's my guideline follow it if you'd like.

[Mr.P]

Thanks for your replies,

 

When she said she just wanted to be friends last time, she wanted to see if I was genuine and commited to me and her being together, which I was. She wanted to see if I would live up to my word, or give up and find someone else.

 

I will try and get another girl friend of mine who she doesn't know to come out with me when I see her, see what her reaction would be.

 

She called me today to ask what the cheapest way for her to go and see her new bf would be (I work for a travel agent) which threw me for six, but she also wanted me to go with her.. now that confused me !!

[salmagundi]

Don't be confused because the situation is not confusing. She is all over dating other men. She doesn't care what you think about it. She doesn't even respect you enough to not tell you about her exploits. She honestly believes that you're weakwilled enough to actually want to go on this trip if it means being with her...and her boyfriend. And worst of all...she has already referred to you as...thats right..."friends." Somebody else correct me if I'm wrong but when you're ex uses "you", "her" and "friends" in the same sentence she means you are never in a thousand years getting back together.

You're just nice to have around. The more so because you're so willing and compliant.

 

I dont want to sound harsh...but honestly friend...nothing she is doing is good. Nothing she is saying is encouraging. Nothing I read here makes me think this woman has an ounce of respect for you or how you feel. I dunno why you dont shut her right out of your life. If nothing else it will make her respect you more. But thats not important. You should shut this woman out so you can walk away respecting yourself...

 

This sh*t is hard. I know, I want my ex back too. But she doesnt act like yours AT ALL. If she did I would take my own advice right quick...

 

 

best of luck,

 

salmagundi

[Mr.P]

I'm an eternal optimist. I know I shouldn't be but I've always had high hopes of us reconciling since we split. She said in November she wasn't going to date me in the near future, but she never says never. I jump at any chance to see her / be with her, just like today. She sent me a message asking if I wanted to go for lunch with her, so I agreed.

 

It went well, lots of laughing and joking over a quick bite to eat, a couple of flirtacious comments from her (she did the same yesterday when she phoned me), and even a "love you!" (this wasn't meant in a "I love you" kind of way, but last time she started saying that when we had split we were back together within a couple of weeks). Spirits were rasied at this point, but she did talk about her new bf briefly, that was probably my fault as I was talking about her holiday where she met him. She still wants to go and see him but she can't afford flights or to drive there.

 

We're both out tonight, we'll be seeing each other amongst friends, I won't say anything to her tonight, but I'm tempted to invite her round over the weekend and have a sit down chat with her, open up to her and maybe she will do the same.

 

What do you think? Good move? Bad move?

 

I know you all think I should just stop all contact with her but I can't do that. I honestly believe she doesn't know she is playing mind games and has no intention of hurting me, she's not that kind of girl.

 

Anyway, I'll see her tonight and, will just take it easy and see how we go.

[Spleen]

Bad move. You have to stop agreeing to all of her terms. She calls you, you immediately answer. She wants you to do her a favor and you're there for her. You jump at any chance to be with her and she knows this. You're in the "friend zone." The nice guy in the friend zone will never get the girl. He'll just sit back and watch as the girl dates every jerk that comes along, which is exactly what you're doing. True, maybe she doesn't know she's playing mind games, but it is her nature, it's just psychologically how it works, and you need to understand this.

 

If you were to back off a bit, as suggested by everyone else here, you would begin to understand. You turn the tables, you want her to be the one who jumps at every chance to be with you, not the other way around.

 

Next time she calls, don't answer. Call her back the next day, casually, like "Oh, sorry I missed your call, I was busy doing _______. What's up?" Chat for 5 minutes, act semi-disinterested and preoccupied and ALWAYS be the one to end the call first. After 5-10 minutes, say something like "Anyways, I've gotta go for now, but I'll call you later, k?" And later on, don't call...wait another couple days. Don't respond to her texts, until she's sent you 3 or 4, then send back a quick "hey, got your texts, busy atm, i'll call you later" or something along those lines. And so on.

 

Be aloof. Be a challenge. Girls want what they can't have, just like you want what you can't have. Don't be available. Re-read what Jey dey dey suggested and do it. It's your only chance, or you'll really blow this one and she will never, ever respect you. You'll always be the fallback guy she uses (subconsciously) to make herself feel better until the next jerk comes along.

[Spleen]

Bad move. You have to stop agreeing to all of her terms. She calls you, you immediately answer. She wants you to do her a favor and you're there for her. You jump at any chance to be with her and she knows this. You're in the "friend zone." The nice guy in the friend zone will never get the girl. He'll just sit back and watch as the girl dates every jerk that comes along, which is exactly what you're doing. True, maybe she doesn't know she's playing mind games, but it is her nature, she IS that kind of girl. You refuse to see it. It's just psychologically how most human beings work, and you need to understand this.

 

If you were to back off a bit, as suggested by everyone else here, you would begin to understand. You turn the tables, you want her to be the one who jumps at every chance to be with you, not the other way around.

 

Next time she calls, don't answer. Call her back the next day, casually, like "Oh, sorry I missed your call, I was busy doing _______. What's up?" Chat for 5 minutes, act semi-disinterested and preoccupied and ALWAYS be the one to end the call first. After 5-10 minutes, say something like "Anyways, I've gotta go for now, but I'll call you later, k?" And later on, don't call...wait another couple days. Don't respond to her texts, until she's sent you 3 or 4, then send back a quick "hey, got your texts, busy atm, i'll call you later" or something along those lines. And so on.

 

Be aloof. Be a challenge. Girls want what they can't have, just like you want what you can't have. Don't be available. Re-read what Jey dey dey suggested and DO it. Seriously, it's your only chance, or you'll really blow this one and she will never, ever respect you. You'll always be the fallback guy she uses (subconsciously) to make herself feel better until the next jerk comes along, and she can talk to you about all those encounters because you're such a great friend.

[notmakingsense]

Well said Spleen.

 

Mr. P -- you have absolutely nothing to loose by taking Spleen's advice. In fact, you have only things to gain -- like more respect from this woman, and hopefully the mindset that will open your eyes to other (and better) opportunities.

[CaliGuy]

The more you pine after someone and cling to them for dear life, the more you push them away from you. I'm living proof. Listen to Spleen and the others. They speak the truth.

[Mr.P]

Yeh you guys are right, and JDD's post is inspiring to get her back, but the only thing preventing me from saying things along the lines of "sorry, busy now, I'll call you back later" is that that was what I'd tell her all the time whilst we were dating (when I was all stressed out through a really bad job) and it really got to her as I wouldn't speak to her for an entire day, maybe longer.

 

She felt like I didn't have time for her and I didn't care about her, which was not true but in her eyes it was the way she saw it, which I can agree must have been pretty bad for her. I'm trying to show her that those problems are no longer there (work, stress, alcohol etc) and by saying that, I'm concerned it may make her think nothing has changed at all, thus driving her away.

 

Thanks for all your help so far

[LN8840K]

wow man, hey no offense because we have all been where you're at but

 

please pick the answer that best describes you

 

( a ) have no self respect

( b ) you're a masochist

( c ) it's some kind of kinky turn on for you to hear about who she's banging

 

not only do you get to hear about who she's banging now, she's inviting you along to meet him ..... she is clowning you my friend.

 

I'm on day 13 of no contact and it hurts like hell, but it can't be half the pain I would be feeling if I were you.

 

I would not waste my time trying to be with her any longer, relationship or friends, she is not even close to being a good person and she has absolutly

no consideration for you as a person with feelings

 

 

peace out my friend

[salmagundi]

I second LN88...until you get over whatever it is that makes you think this situation you are in with her is preferable to telling this woman to take her new man-toy and get the f*ck out of your life you wont have enough visible self-respect to have a chance with any other woman on earth worth having either.

 

salmagundi

[Spleen]

I feel so bad for guys...or girls, who manage to get themselves into these kinds of situations. Ask yourself why it is you want this girl and only this girl so badly. Does she make a good friend and companion? Does she have desirable qualities that you look for in a partner, i.e., is she supportive of you, genuine and honest, loyal? Or is it the fact that it drives you crazy that she isn't yours?

 

From the sound of it, she doesn't seem like a very good friend. She's inconsiderate of your feelings in that she tells you all about her new boyfriends, knowing you still have feelings for her. The idea that she even shacked up with some guy 6 days after breaking up with you, well that is pretty indicative of the reason she broke up with you... she was most likely already talking with the guy and knew she was going to hook up with him as soon as she dumped you. Seems a little bit shady.

She's selfish in that she strings you along because she knows you're so readily available to do whatever she wishes. It's so obvious to us all here that you are being used.

And understandably, when you're in the situation you're in, you're blinded to the reality of it all.

 

You say you'd do anything to get her back... well, you've got to be patient and not give in. Girls don't want to date a pushover. Even if she does seem upset that you're not there for her anymore, it's showing her that you cannot be pushed around and that you do have a life, an interesting one at that, which is more intriguing to a girl than a guy who sits and waits for her to call the shots.

 

Even if she eventually stopped calling and broke off contact with you, it would be time well spent apart to clear your heads, and down the line if you decided to contact each other again you'd have a better chance at rekindling any kind of relationship. Not only that, but it'd be one less person taking advantage of your nice personality and it'd give you an opportunity to meet someone who really cares about you and wants to be with you. Keep busy, focus on yourself a little more, not in a selfish way, but center in on your talents, become really good at something and be proud of yourself, try new hobbies, you'll gain more self respect. ^^ Hope things work out for you.

[Mr.P]

Thanks for all your replies,

 

I went out with her tonight. We were with my/our friends (the friends she lost through dating the person she dumped me for). She did talk to my/our friends about her new bf, which some people picked up on straight away that he was quite well off financially (rich mummy and daddy) and they saw their arses over. I don't know if it was jealousy or whatever but apparently gave her a hard time over it.

 

Someone broke her wing mirror on her car whilst she was parked at the pub. I fixed it for her and she gave me a couple of hugs saying "thank you very much" etc.

 

I asked if she would take me home, she obliged. She was also very flustered over something which eventually she told me it was because one of my/our friends gave her a hard time over the rich new bf she was dating.

 

I asked (I know I shouldn't) if she wanted to come in for tea/coffee etc and she refused saying she had to get home, no hug / kiss / anything, just a goodbye.

 

I kind of followed JDD's suggestions tonight. I didn't really talking to her, was talking about other girls I'd met recently and was basically immersed in conversation with the other people I was with.

 

LN88, I am none of those suggestions you have made, in my eyes she truly is the perfect girl for me, I have met other girls since and none of them come close to her, I guess that is why I am so determined to get her back. I think I need to tell her how much she is hurting me telling me about her new bf, asking me out with him as well.

 

BTW, they have only seen each other for 10 days. They met on an adventure holiday in December and he lives 400 miles away. She cannot afford to see him, and he won't come and see her. She has saved up a lot of money over the last year, it would be horrible if she wasted it on seeing him when I get the impression he does not want to travel to see her considering he is so rich.

 

Spleen, she was already talking with the guy who she dumped me for. I only have myself to blame for that. I was stressed out and at times nasty to her, and she wanted a shoulder to cry on. There he was, and things developed from there.

 

I know I have to keep her at arms length, but it is just so frustrating!! In my eyes she is "dating" someone who she hasn't seen since her holiday and he has so far shown no signs of interest in seeing her (despite his wealth), and she can't afford to see him. That is not what she wants!! She likes to have attention, I know that much from dating her.

 

Spleen, again thanks for your kind comments. I really am at a loss. I really want to open up to her before I have to walk away from her. It's so difficult.

 

I pray to God every night and day that things will work out between us. So far, the first couple of things I prayed for have happened, if we reconcile it really will make the happiest man on the planet. And I'd do anything in return.

[Jey Dey Dey]

Whats the point of this post if you are going to ignore everything that is said and do what you were going to do anyways? Yeah, she said you were never available, bussy, you didn't care blah blah blah soo come up with another one like, hey I have to go, hey I'm going out, talk to you later. You didn't say call you later but talk to you later.

 

Another thing, from a girls perspective, sometimes we want to break up but don't have a good solid reason so we pile all your faults/mistakes even if we never or rarely thought about them. Maybe she just wanted to date but said it was because you were never there.

 

Anyways, unless you want to lose her forever STOP. Why did you have lunch? Next time say NO. It's easy to say but yeah it hurts when the line is dead, that's why you hang up first. She's got some nerve calling you asking you for the cheapest way to see her guy, WTF, I don't care if I'm the freaking pilot, I'd tell him there isn't or pretend another call is coming in and I have to go. I'd really want to say, are you serious? **** off. But that would just let him know that it bothered me and that I still cared. Do the opposite. It's head games she's playing. You don't give her enough credit. She said that for your reaction and if you even hinted at being okay with going with her you're def. a loser. I want my ex back too and I would give anything to spend time with him but not at the expense of my self respect, dignity, and pride.

 

You keep doing what you are doing and you will def. lose her. I don't want something that I can have whenever I want. And no matter how ****ty the dating scene is or how bored I am, why would I want the guy waiting in the wings, my floor mat, too easy. When something is easy you do it, get over it, and forget about it. When something is hard you try and try and try, you like the challenge, and you try until you get it. She dumped you and dated some guy 6 days later, If I wanted space I wouldn't be dating so fast. I need at least a month unless I had someone already in mind. If I loved the guy but he just wasn't cutting it but it was still a LTR and I loved him I would def. need lots of space to think it over and process...all that history/memories and the thought that I may have made a mistake....You had years together, that's your advantage, she remembers but she really doesn't have to if you are always there. Once you are out of the picture, she sees you with someone, knows you're going out and having a good time and she can't remember the last time she spoke to you she's going to be remembering. Thinking about the good ol days. Right now she doesn't have to because you are still there.

 

She knows what she's doing. Females are experts at head games, guys just don't have the time and don't see the point. So, she def. sees you as a friend, talking about her bf's and asking you travel advice, that's mean, so YOU DEF. show up with another girl. I don't care if you have to pay someone. Show up with them and make sure they're hot. She wants to play the friends game, play it. You might be thinking that if you did that you would lose her. First of all you don't have her to begin with, either she will not care because she is def. over you or she will be hurt, shocked, and rethinking her strategy. And for the love of God please do the NC for as long as you can, she dumped you so why would you call, you have not reason to. It's hard, I know, but it has to be done. Turn your cell off, or on silent. Stay away from the phone if you are at home. And if she calls why you're home turn on the stereo, have a good jam on not some sad break up song, or your song but something fun. Sounds silly but put yourself in her shoes.

 

Her shoes:

I broke up with this guy, I dated a couple of people but I'm confused because I don't know if I want him or not. I don't have to really think hard about it though because I can call him whenever I want and I can see him whenever I want. Plus I know I'm not going to lose him because it's not like he's going out, he won't meet someone like that, and besides every time we talk I know he wants me. I don't really have the maturity to sit and think, really think about what I want and since he's in no rush to move on, I'll just do what I want.

 

So listen to what everyone is saying, NC for as long as you can, go for 30 days (u shouldn't be calling her, there is no reason, you have moved on) and see what happens. Either nothing because she is over you or you realize she is a piece of psychotic **** (like others have said in a nicer way) and you've moved on. After 30 days, for 30 more, play it by ear and whenever she does call keep it really short 5-7 mins, no info about yourself or life or feelings and no talk of us. ALSO you must actually go out and have fun, creative, spend time with family/friends you ignored while you were in your love bubble, or bust your ass at work. Don't be thinking about the day that you'll get back together again, how it will be, what you will say, don't think about what she's doing, who she's doing, train your mind.

[Jey Dey Dey]

I feel for you. The same exact thing happened to me. He starting seeing someone while I was working, going to the gym, and yeah I was bitchy. It hurt when I found out, I couldn't control my voice, body, tears, it was something I had never gone through, felt, didn't even think it was possible to lose control like that. I do love him, he is such a good, caring, kind, noble, hard working, loving man and I don't want any one else but him. I've changed and I want to show him, love him right. I will be the best girl friend ever and it's a shame if it doesn't end up being him but some guy I'll meet later. I was his first everything and I know after four years he has to go do his messing around. I did mine before I met him, started young I guess, and yeah it's kinda late in the game for him to be doing it but I have no choice. Last time we were together he asked if he could smell my hair, kissed me so tenderly, said I was a good kisser, that he learned from the best. We ended up having sex but this time it was different, it was more like love making. In the middle of it, I said something, and than he said, I am you husband. At the end he asked me what this was, if I was going to be okay, so I gave him my hand, shook his hand in friend ship. He bought it up to his lips and kissed it, I said Ciao and turned to get out of the car like nothing but he called me back and told me to kiss him. I kissed him twice and told him to be safe. Oh and he also got really pissed when he found out I kissed this guy from my old job, he told me to tell him that if he saw him he would beat the **** out of him. He was mad at me too but I told him the guy kissed me and besides my friend and I agreed he was a boy, we were going to find me a man. Teeheeee.

 

Anyways. I get it, you want her and only her, others may not see why but you do. When you were talking about other girls she should've reacted in some way or another. Don't go pouring your soul out and saying she's hurting you because that would just show that you want her. It will push her far far away. It's not like this is the last time you will see her or speak to her, you're playing the game remember? If you play it right you'll get results, so it won't be the last time. So what if she didn't kiss you good bye you should not have waited long enough to find out what she was going to do, short of jumping out and rolling out of the car when you got to your place you should've made your exit just like you were getting out of a cab.

 

How rich can he be and how into her can he be if he's not willing to come out and see her. Ten days didn't really make an impression on him or he's not really that rich, rich people don't talk about how rich they are to people they meet but don't really know. Guys who don't have much but want some ass talk a big game. Either way this is good news for you. He's too far away, ha ha, say she doens't get to go see him, she'll be over it in a few since it was only ten days. Say she spends the money she's saved, sees the guy, sees he's not what she thought, she's going to hate the fact she wasted her money and be bitter towards him. Don't help her get a ticket. Let her dumb ass figure it out.

 

Stand in front of the mirror and repeat. I'm done. I'm not going to call her, I'm not going to listen to her, I'm not going to see her, this is it. I have to get a hold of myself, I'm falling apart and that's not me. I'm the strong one, she's the weak one. And than follow through. See how long it goes before she calls you. I don't care don't call her back, don't answer her. Wait a week. When she finally does get a hold of you say that you met someone and you've been hanging out. She how she takes that and report it back. Keep it short, listen, don't talk. Don't show feelings, play it cool. If she asks to meet up say that you really can't but you'll talk to her later. And don't call. Let her call you.

[LN8840K]

If she is the perfect girl for you ....... I sure would not want to see what the not perfect girl would do to you ......

 

Obviously you enjoy pain so have fun my friend

[Mr.P]

Hey thanks to all for your replies, must have taken ages to write.

 

I WILL go along with your suggestions of not initiating contact with her, and if she calls I'll keep it short, if she texts / emails I'll wait a week before I reply.

 

Also have a problem were we both have similar interests, and I see her every Sunday at least. I'll be polite but try to avoid her.

 

This is going to be very difficult but I won't fail!! I WILL take your advice, I have nothing to lose!

 

JDD - Your "Her shoes" paragraph was excellent btw, and you're comments about her new bf reflect my opinion too, which is a bit of a lift.