cherrie498 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 If you havent noticed I typically post when I am at wits end....thanks in advance for all your help! think I am really reading this time to start "new" I have realized more now than ever how truly screwed up me falling for & feeling like I am in love with a MM really is. I have dated him for 3 years ....3 freaking years I have listened to him tell me how much he loves me & how we are gonna do this that & the other. We have attempted to live together & he always goes home swearing it is for the children. In the begining I believed this, being a single mother I almost admired that his role of a father ment so much!!! WHAT CRAP! Over the past year we have had very trying times to put in mildly.....we went NC, I moved 3 freaking states away leaving my home, friends & family, he of course panics confesses his love & swears how all is better, I feeling like I "love" him come running home, only to find out a week later- AFTER my job transfered me to HIS hometown, I pack up my stuff & come home- we find out that his W is preg, so of course back home he goes, we go NC, couple weeks pass & here he comes, we have tried having an A since then the past month or so.....DOESNT WORK We spend time together & he is constantly saying that he thinks of how successsfull we could be together, how he seen this house for us, how he wants this & or that. I try my best to take it as it is, JUST WORDS but that is hard & why should I have to do that??? Put limitations on my expectations just so HE doesnt disappoint me. Of course the feelings come & we fight pretty much daily. Today he pretty much told me that he isnt leaving his house, that it is either he has me 1/2 of the time or his kids 1/2 of the time & he picks the kids.....WHAT CRAP! who can just take your kids,,,,,NO ONE!!! & if that is the case if he is so worried about not being a "full time" father than why risk it by having an A with me??? I know & have known that this R is just ****!! but after the harsh words he said today just prove what I mean to him... He also asked me why he would leave. Sooo true why would he?? He has the best of both world....Has a W that tolerates him having a OW & a OW who tolerates him having a W. How I have fooled myself!!! He has came, gone & done whatever it is he has wanted to & I have fooled myself into thinking 1. that I had control of things & 2 that it was "true love & different"
BUTAFLY Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 read my post...you think your different ...it will help put. I truly feel for you ... All those dreams and empty promises... he never once intended on making true. It sucks.!!!! and he goes home to his W and your left with grief and anger. I know I know
Author cherrie498 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I did read your post earlier & it made me realize that as much as I want my relationship to be diff its not, we are diff people, diff words but all & all the same situation....very good post when I first read it I thought I need to print that out & keep it with me & read it when the weakness hits. He although married & not true to his word is a good person that is something that I do believe. He is not truthful, even to himself....I believe that he believes what he is saying WHEN he is saying it. He has lied to me, his W, everyone & only hurt everyone including himself. It just hurts now to know that I have put in so much time & thought trying to wait on it or find a way to make it easier & that just isnt the key. I can do & do & do & in the end nothing....He loves me.....wow! sickens me!
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Cherrie... when the words don't match with the actions.. then go with the actions. Every time he's done that to you, you listened to the words... and you know he's let you down every time that was the case. You did it all because you wanted to be loved... and he said all the right things. Funny how people (men?) can always seem to find the words that someone wants to hear... But now he's telling you he's not leaving..? Is that how it is..?
DepressedWaiting Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 This reminds me of an episode I saw on the Dr.Phil show. Has anyone here seen that episode? Does his wife even threaten to divorce him over this at all? How many times has he gone back and forth?
Author cherrie498 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Our A has been going on for 3 years MM rented a house once for a couple of months-1st attempt the he lived in a extended stay hotel for about a month & 1/2- 2nd attampt then he moved into my house twice for total time about 6 months & he also stayed with his family for a couple days here & there through out. She always say this is the LAST time!! : ) we both do!!! ha Not sure what it is that makes us both given in & be so minuplated my his ways....
DepressedWaiting Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 This really is a worst case senerio NIGHTMARE. I could NEVER in a million years allow this. I mean... a man who is clearly torn between two women. He really doesn't know what womens he wants and is yo-yo-ing back and forth, yuck. I could never allow a MM to move in with me unless he was fully divorced. Not even if he has filed for divorce and divorce is in progress. Not even after he was fully divorced. I wouldn't allow him to move in with me until several months has passed after divorcing. I actually doubt I would ever want to live with any man. I'll definitely never get married. I need my space... I just need a man who is commited to me and only me... I don't need or want any man living with me. But if my man was torn betwen two women... that would change how I feel completely towards him. Why doesn't he divorce? Is he using financial excuses as the reason? I mean for a man to move in with you and co-habit with you... and then run back to his wife and then back to you. It's disgusting!
newbby Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 well, he sounds like a true cakeman. i think if i were in the situation, where his wife knew, and didnt mind, and i felt that he actually loved me, i would be quite happy with it. what are your reasons for being dissatisfied with the relationship. is it expectations or is it something else?
DepressedWaiting Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Happy with it? What!!?? He is jumping back and forth between his wife and her. What is there to be happy with? This is the worst case senerior ever. His wife doesn't care and won't divorce him. He basically has a wife who allows him to cheat on her. How lucky is he. This man is bouncing between two women. YUCK. This is the worst case senerio in my book. Awful and totally unacceptable.
newbby Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 yes dw, i understand that this is how you feel. i was expressing how i would feel and wondering how cherrie would feel after taking away the expectations she had of the relationship. thats all.
Author cherrie498 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 He use every excuse he can come up with for staying at home-financial & his children being the top 2. The W as well as the rest of his family all very much aware that exsist. when he 1st went back he was upfront w/her telling both me & her that he is there for his children. We have broken up a couple time since & although I know she knows that I am still around I dont know the circumstances of their relationship right now....dont care. As long as he is living at home I am finished & chances of him ever leaving slim to none!!! newby: this relationship has brought nothing but disappointment. to feel love & have it stand in front of you confirming your feelings & then jumping in the car & driving home to his W....SICKENING!!! kids, $$$ whatever....anyone can make ANYTHING happen if the WANT it to!!!
DepressedWaiting Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Seems the two most popular excuses are: 1. I have kids. ... if they don't have kids it's: 2. I can't afford divorce due to financial reasons. Both such complete BS it's sickening. How convenient for these men. If those two excuses didn't exist what lame thing would they come up with then? "I broke my finger and can't sign the divorce document"?
Touche Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 How about "my wife is depressed and might hurt herself?"
Author cherrie498 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 HOW TRUE!!! the kids are their main focus when expected to leave My question is why arent they at home spending the time with their precious C instead of persuing A?!?! & the $$ hello A arent cheap! but yet they cant leave b/c those kids!! BS
Recommended Posts