Is she showing positive signs if interest and is it worth messaging her?

[fazersausy]

I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.

I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.

After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her.

At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few weeks ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022.

As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people. 

So around 2 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. A few weeks ago I posted a quote that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted yesterday.

I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure.
I was going to send her a message as I'm hoping she'll respond even though I'm not sure how she'd react, I was hoping she'd message me first but don't think she will and I want to tread very carefully with her as I don't really know where her mind is given what she's been through. I know I may be overthinking it but any advice would be appreciated, thanks

[basil67]

I suggest you ask to meet her for coffee.   But it's been 10 years since you were together, so both of you will have changed substantially due to life experiences and getting older so bear in mind that she's not the same woman you used to know.  And you won't be the same man.   

If the conversation flows easily, you could hint something about always having held a flame for her and see how she reacts.  

Edited April 4, 2024 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

Definitely go and meet her! See how things go but it would seem your life experiences have been similar in some respects that may be a good thing.

[ZA Dater]

Definitely go and meet her! See how things go but it would seem your life experiences have been similar in some respects that may be a good thing.

[Gaeta]

Absolutely ask her to meet over coffee. People change in 14 years, you need to get to know each other over again. 

There is no faux-pas or threading carefully, she will like to meet you or she won't. You need to know where her mind is. 

[ShyViolet]

Stop playing games like just adding her on social media, "liking" each other's posts but not saying anything.  Contact her directly, talk to her directly, and find out what she wants.  You have nothing to lose.

[Lotsgoingon]

I want to tread very carefully with her as I don't really know where her mind is given what she's been through.

What are you talking about? Asking someone out and saying hey, I'd like to meet for coffee or dinner is some traumatic event? Or an event that would push the other person off the edge. You don't know where her mind is? So what?! You want to ask her out, then ask her out. You will find where her mind is. There is no trauma involved her saying yes or no. 

 

[smackie9]

She knows you have feelings for her, that's why she's taken a pass on you over the years...truly she's not interested in you in that way. If she was she wouldn't have given any excuses, would have messaged you right away, have reached out, even would have suggested meeting up...but sadly for you no. It's time to let go. Things fizzled out years ago so there's nothing to rekindle. 

Edited April 9, 2024 by smackie9