queenie01 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I swear im such an idiot... my ex sends me a merry xmas email and what do i do i respond...but i kept it short, sweet and professional... then yesterday he approaches me in the gym and what do i do, i talk to him...for a long time too. He asked about my xmas, then asked if i was dating anyone, i asked him the same and we joked around a ton...some flirting was going on too. Needless to say i left there quite happy...and like an idiot i emailed him after the gym and he responded, both of us were complimenting each other etc.. then after a few emails he decides to stop responding. Then this morning i sent him a congrats email on his raise and his award and he emailed me back thanks and that he bought a new car last nite, it went back and forth for a bit, then he stopped responding. Whatever the case may be, i look like an a$$ right now because everytime he throws the line out, i take the bait. its so hard to move on and get over him because we work together so we are bound to cross paths. i have decided i need to leave 2005 without my ex, start 2006 out fresh. I just dont get why he has to resurface all the time...just leave me be!
Mz. Pixie Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 When you see him, go the other way. Quit responding to his e mails, he's just being nice anyway. If he wanted to get back together he would ask you back out and not be doing this.
Lonestar Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Some people, like your ex, like to keep their exes hooked, even when they don't want them anymore. So they remain friendly, because it's an ego boost to keep an ex pining over you forever. My ex does it to me. It makes me sick. As soon as I start to get him out of my head, he starts contacting me under the pretense of being nice. Go the f*ck away, ya know? I'll leave mine behind if you leave yours.
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I just dont get why he has to resurface all the time...just leave me be! Why are you blaming him for resurfacing?? Don't try to blame him for anything here..you made it difficult for yourself by breaking NC and responding to his crumbs. Not only did you just break it while trying to "get over" him, but you just let him know that you'll jump when he calls. In his eyes you're available. Easy conquest. So why does he have to treat you with respect when you reveal to him ..you're a sucker for his charms. Good going.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I realize i only have myself to blame. Well no more, i decided once and for all i am done with him... for 7 months i have allowed him to resurface and then im nice to him...and for what! Was he nice to me when he broke up with me out of the blue.. NO! I know you all probably think im an idiot for giving him the time of day once again but sometimes you just cant help it if you care about that person.
slubberdegullion Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 It doesn't make you an idiot. It makes you human. Welcome to the club.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Thanks that makes me feel a bit better. I think it would be easier if our exs would just leave us alone...they dont want to be with us so why try and make contact every month or so. We are trying to get on with our lives..without them! duh!
slubberdegullion Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Depends on the nature of the relationship. I have 2 ex-wives (I'm a slow learner, I guess) and we still keep in contact. Now, neither of them live anywhere close to me - one's a 5 hour drive away and the other is over 2,000 miles away - but we still keep in touch. Anyway, the point is that what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. It's not human or rational to just flush all those feelings that you shared with your ex down the drain, never to feel them again. After all, the relationship wasn't all bad; it's just that you and he aren't compatible. No harm in that. So don't be so hard on yourself. Relax. Have a cigar.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I suppose you are right... I dont know that i wold say him and i werent compatible..if you ask me we were too compatible..we were like 2 peas in a pod. He broke up with me because he said "something was missing" from our relationship... basically the intial rush/spark died off...the honeymoon phase and i think he thinks thats suppose to last forever...he has a lot to learn, then again he is young. Funny part is he obviously hasnt found whatever it is he is looking for considering he is still single 7 months later. We work together so we see each other a lot and most of the time he ignores me, he only talks to me about once a month and i think thats just to see if he still has my attention. Once he realizes he does, he stops talking to me.
JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Some people, like your ex, like to keep their exes hooked, even when they don't want them anymore. So they remain friendly, because it's an ego boost to keep an ex pining over you forever. My ex does it to me. It makes me sick. As soon as I start to get him out of my head, he starts contacting me under the pretense of being nice. Go the f*ck away, ya know? I'll leave mine behind if you leave yours. Ditto. This has become biweekly now, and he has a girlfriend! Being technologically inept it has taken me a while to figure out how to block him from emailing and calling but I did it. Queenie, I remember your story from over the summer and just reading what you have written I think is some major progress. Keep reminding yourself that he is now in your past and that it is a compulsion causing you to respond. Make yourself a deal that you will wait a week to return an email or phone call and chances are you won't want to after that time.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Yeah i dont think i am going to return an email to him at all...if i get one. My only concern is how do i ignore him when he approaches me in person in the gym..thats where the trouble always begins. i dont have it in me to be mean. All he does is pry for info...i should have told him i was dating someone.
JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 You don't have to be mean. You can be polite and cordial without divulging information about yourself. If he asks you something you don't want to answer just tell him you don't feel comfortable discussing it at the moment or change the subject.
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Yeah i dont think i am going to return an email to him at all...if i get one. My only concern is how do i ignore him when he approaches me in person in the gym..thats where the trouble always begins. i dont have it in me to be mean. All he does is pry for info...i should have told him i was dating someone. WTF! (sorry I am scratching my head to this question...did you really write HOW DO I IGNORE HIM? Uh, is he your master? What's this concern that you have about appearing mean to him? This guy has no problem disrespecting you and you are still puting him ahead of you...ok, it's simply. He comes over to you and you pick up your gear and walk away. Get it...he stinks, he has no regard for you. This is not being mean, this is redirecting your respect and putting you first. As for information, he's not the F**K-ing CIA. Mind his own business. You my dear are looking to be a doormat by laying yourself before him to walk on. Ask yourself sincerely does he respect me? It's a simple question but one we all to often ignore for the price of fake flattery.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Damn In Sync....i guess you just told me. I have to learn to be more of a bit@$ i guess. I thought about trying to avoid him by not going to the gym but then i am letting him win.. screw him. I need to just go about my business as if i dont care. But i am kicking myself in the a$$ for ever emailing him tuesday and wednesday..what an idiot i am... he so thinks hes in control again after that stupid stunt.
Jadey Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Damn In Sync....i guess you just told me. I have to learn to be more of a bit@$ i guess. I thought about trying to avoid him by not going to the gym but then i am letting him win.. screw him. I need to just go about my business as if i dont care. But i am kicking myself in the a$$ for ever emailing him tuesday and wednesday..what an idiot i am... he so thinks hes in control again after that stupid stunt. Don't not go to the gym just because of him!!!!! No way. That would just come across as bad. I'm the same, i probably should just tell me ex where to go. But it's soo much easier said than done isn't it! Queenie, did he email you first though?
slubberdegullion Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Look, queenie, kicking yourself in the a$$ may do wonders for the thighs, but other than that it accomplishes nothing. Take it as a lesson learned, and move on. nice thighs, though
Jadey Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 nice thighs, though LMAO, nice bit of humour added into here
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 well he emailed me first to wish me a merry xmas and i responded but very non personal. so on tuesday when we returned to work i went to the gym and he approached me and was talking my ear off..asking what im doing for new years, if im dating anyone, how my xmas was etc.. there was a lot of flirting going on..we both even showed each other our abs, nice huh? Then after i got back to my desk stupid me sent him an email telling him despite a few things hes looking pretty good... and he responded that im looking pretty good too and we joked around about who was going to get a six pack abs first. Then after awhile he just stopped responding... Then yesterday morning i sent him an email congratulating him on his raise and award and he responded and told me he got a new car and i asked what kind and he told me and said he loved it..i told him i was happy for him and it seemed like everythng was going right for him in his life and he said "well thanks but i dunno about everything, but most things" Anyways we emailed back and forth a bit then he just stopped responding as always... that seems to be his normal tactic.
Jadey Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 well he emailed me first to wish me a merry xmas and i responded but very non personal. so on tuesday when we returned to work i went to the gym and he approached me and was talking my ear off..asking what im doing for new years, if im dating anyone, how my xmas was etc.. there was a lot of flirting going on..we both even showed each other our abs, nice huh? Then after i got back to my desk stupid me sent him an email telling him despite a few things hes looking pretty good... and he responded that im looking pretty good too and we joked around about who was going to get a six pack abs first. Then after awhile he just stopped responding... Then yesterday morning i sent him an email congratulating him on his raise and award and he responded and told me he got a new car and i asked what kind and he told me and said he loved it..i told him i was happy for him and it seemed like everythng was going right for him in his life and he said "well thanks but i dunno about everything, but most things" Anyways we emailed back and forth a bit then he just stopped responding as always... that seems to be his normal tactic. Ok, first of all be proud that you didn't text him first. Honestly, that's something to look at and be proud of Me and you are in pretty much the same situation except i don't see my ex anywhere anymore. My ex text me a Merry Xmas which i responded to and i thought "Crap i shouldn't have done that" and i mentally beat myself up for abit. But here's how i see it now..If he mailed you first i don't personaly see anything wrong in mailing him back. As long as you aren't declaring your forever love, telling him you miss him, can't live with without him etc. You can still contact him and be polite, IMO. I know that everyone talks about NC being the only way, but i don't actualy agree. With some situation it is the only way, but there are clever ways to do things and still beable to have some contact. If you come across as you have moved on, are just being polite, he's hopefuly gonna kick himself thinking "she really has moved on and is just ebing polite" NC isn't always the answer IMHO. Sorry if that's confused you! Of course the flirting didn't do any favours, but that's in the past now don't beat yourself up about it you know?
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 yeah well im done..enough mistakes out of me this week. 2005 out with the old, in with the new.. he does not come with me into 2006. I have to do it, otherwise i will nevre get over him.
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Damn In Sync....i guess you just told me. I have to learn to be more of a bit@$ i guess. I thought about trying to avoid him by not going to the gym but then i am letting him win.. screw him. I need to just go about my business as if i dont care. But i am kicking myself in the a$$ for ever emailing him tuesday and wednesday..what an idiot i am... he so thinks hes in control again after that stupid stunt. NC IS THE ONLY WAY...Listening to any other nonsense is only going to keep you hooked on this dude's droppings. Do you not have enough confidence in yourself to think you deserve better. You are also not helping yourself any longer dwelling on what you did..you now realize, hopefully, all that ridiculous flirting with someone who already dumped you is meaningless. Period. Stop deluding yourself this man is going back to be a "couple" with you. He knows you and as far as he's concerned you will be like a bed warmer he'll keep on the side JUST IN CASE...things look a little cold in his bed down the road. And why the hell are you pumping up this guy's ego? Praising him for his raise?! WTF!! (There I go again) You need to stand in front of a mirror and say all those great things to yourself. Listen Miss Congeniality, you don't have to be liked by everybody. Sometimes it's a good thing to be selective about who you lavish all this niceness too. It means you are wise not throwing your pearls to swine!
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Thanks In Sync...you are 100% correct. I never should have pumped up his ego by complimenting him but whats done is done...all i can do now is move forward and not make the same mistakes again. I need to show up to that gym and flaunt my sh$$.. make him see what hes missing out on, then when he tries to talk to me, give him the cold shoulder. I have been way too nice all along, thats a major weakness of mine.
slubberdegullion Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 You don't need to do anything. Go to the gym if you want, whether he's there or not. Flaunt your sh$$ if you want, regardless of him. But do it because it is your wish, not because you want some payback.
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Thanks In Sync...you are 100% correct. I never should have pumped up his ego by complimenting him but whats done is done...all i can do now is move forward and not make the same mistakes again. I need to show up to that gym and flaunt my sh$$.. make him see what hes missing out on, then when he tries to talk to me, give him the cold shoulder. I have been way too nice all along, thats a major weakness of mine. Go to the gym, rock your body and rule your day! It's a New Year and Celebrate being You. Who cares about what he thinks. I'm not saying you must go out of your way and be mean but you needn't go out of your way to be a people-pleaser to get his approval. He's showed you his cards, and frankly he doesn't sound like a nice guy to complement the nice girl that you are. Think about you in this picture down the line..One day Mr. New Sportscar (...he did not buy a stationwagon..OK) is going to want to put a Little Fox next to him in it. Now You may be building ypur pipe dreams thinking "It's Me!" But are you so sure? And by being the people pleaser are you prepared for him hitting on another foxy girl he may start flirting with..who knows at the gym. You my dear want to be in a position where you are strong mentally and emotionally. The little interactions you are engagng in is too risky and inviting more hurt. Go to the gym, do your thang and move on..correction ..bounce merrily along.
Author queenie01 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Well the good news is that I am talking to a couple different guys. Wish i would have responded differently to him when he asked if i was dating someone... but i dont like to lie. I am not dating anyone specifically. I was dating someone but he moved : ( anyways you are once again right In Sync...thanks so much! Everything you said makes so much sense. I am going to go to the gym and do whatever the hell i want. If he tries to talk to me, i will wave back, thats it. I started working with a personal trainer a month ago and my body is starting to transform. I actually almost have a 6 pack and the ex noticed that yesterday..HA! Wait til March, i will be good and over him and looking good as ever. Im going to go into 2006 worrying about myself and bettering myself. No more worrying and thinking about him. I now finally truly realize I cant handle talking to him...everytime we speak I move 2 steps backwards.
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