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This girl is giving off weird vibes


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kooltk1

So I met this girl at a bar randomly through a friend of mine. The friend introduced us i said hello and introduced myself. I could tell she was shy right away. I tried to make myself known. By sitting at the same table as her and involving myself in conversations and eventually it worked. We started talking a little bit. I got my friends snapchat and then I asked the girl for hers so she gave it to me. So we are drinking having a fun time and start playing some music on the jukebox. She asks me if I can take her home. I said of course I can. She starts getting a little handsy with me just holding my hand and touching my leg with hers. I do it back. I take her home we snapchat nothing really else happens. I snapchat her and ask her whats shes looking for like relatinship wise. Told her im not about hookup culture. She says eventually a realtionship and tells me about 2 months ago she went through a bad breakup abd wont be ready for a relationship for a while. Next day she mentions she's gonna go back to the bar so she send me a snapchat of her at the bar so I get ready and in 45 minutes or so I go there. Same thing happens  she gets handsy we listen to mysic shes a little drunk. she asks me for a ride to home I give her one. The next day it snowed alot. I offered her a ride to her car and helped her clean off her vehicle. She thanked me atleast 3 times. I said no problem. We keep snapchatting I mention taking her out to dinner and she doesn't say no. I dont actually remember what she said but it wasn't no specifically. About a week goes by we are talking a little I tell her hey let's go out Saturday to the bar. She said maybe. Well she ended up going out. So I was at the bar and she came there to see me this time. So I buy her a couple drinks. We are playing music like the last few times. I notice she can't stop looking at me. I mention it to her. She says shut up. (It's one of her things she says to me) then she lightly punches me in the arm so I dramatically say ow that hurts so she kissed my arm and was feeling it a little not much. But the kissing of the arm is what kind of got me. Because she did it again and then kissed my arm about 6 times that time. Just little kisses. I mentioned to her that i like her. She said she liked me too. I put her number in my phone and she calls me so I have her number. I added her on Facebook. I said i dont her to feel pressured and i want her to feel comfortable and she says i know you do its okay. So it's about 1 am and I take her home. Next day I driver to her car. She's a very dry texted like mostly pictures of her eyes or what she's doing. It's hard to get a conversation out of her. What should I do? Does this chick like me or not? She takes a while to respond alot and no reason is given for the long delay or anything. I also don't ask really. Help!! 

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basil67

Lots of physical touching and not much to say?  Wants to be alone in your car?   My bet is she's trying for a hookup.  She probably wants some casual fun before she's ready to settle back into a new relationship with someone. 

You said you're not into hookup culture, so probably best to let this fade....unless of course she changes and starts to show she's interested in being a girlfriend.

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kooltk1
Posted (edited)

She doesn't get touchy until she's been drinking and she's already told me she's shy. And I just take her home that's it. Nothing else happens. She doesn't really flirt or anything. Also I asked her if I could take her out for dinner next week. She said maybe

Edited by kooltk1
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Most of your interactions so far has mainly just been at the bar. Having someone to go drinking with might be all she is really looking for. Until you two actually have real dates I wouldn't think too much of this. Continue to hang out with her but until you two actually go out on real dates continue to look for other options.

Edited by Sony12
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kooltk1

I dont want to appear to be desperate or anything. But I'd like some answers you know? I don't want to bombard her with crap making it seem like I'm controlling or anything I just overthink s*** alot!

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8 minutes ago, kooltk1 said:

I dont want to appear to be desperate or anything. But I'd like some answers you know? I don't want to bombard her with crap making it seem like I'm controlling or anything I just overthink s*** alot!

 

There aren't any real red flags yet as you two do seem to be good friends. Ask her out to do something outside of the bar scene one more time. If she gets flaky again about it stop looking at her as a potential love interest and just be her friend.

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kooltk1
Posted (edited)

I also did just ask her that monday. Oh her friend from out of town that used to be her room mate is coming to visit her with her boyfriend and they are gonna stay there for a couple days. Wondering if I'll be the talk of the stay haha. She is really nice but her response times can be minutes to hours with no reason like hey sorry I was doing this or whatever.  So none of this is strange to anyone?

Edited by kooltk1
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5 minutes ago, kooltk1 said:

I also did just ask her that monday. Oh her friend from out of town that used to be her room mate is coming to visit her with her boyfriend and they are gonna stay there for a couple days. Wondering if I'll be the talk of the stay haha. She is really nice but her response times can be minutes to hours with no reason like hey sorry I was doing this or whatever.  So none of this is strange to anyone?

Response times like that usually often means they will respond quickly if they don't have anything better to do at the moment.

She's not treating you like someone she is real hung up on so you shouldn't treat her like you are that hung up on her. Just continue to be her friend at the bar until she agrees to be more than that.

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2 minutes ago, kooltk1 said:

So match her energy basically 

Yep. Until she seems to be interested in being more than hang out buddies at the bar treat her the same.

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basil67
2 hours ago, kooltk1 said:

She doesn't get touchy until she's been drinking and she's already told me she's shy. And I just take her home that's it. Nothing else happens. She doesn't really flirt or anything. Also I asked her if I could take her out for dinner next week. She said maybe

I'd lay money she'd drunk and horny and she's bluntly trying her luck with you.   And shy girls don't go getting handsy and kissy

 If you want a hookup, she's an option.  If you want a girlfriend, she's already told you that she's not ready for a relationship.

Of course, I am not suggesting that you sleep with her when she's been drinking.

 

Edited by basil67
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FredEire
9 hours ago, kooltk1 said:

So I met this girl at a bar randomly through a friend of mine. The friend introduced us i said hello and introduced myself. I could tell she was shy right away. I tried to make myself known. By sitting at the same table as her and involving myself in conversations and eventually it worked. We started talking a little bit. I got my friends snapchat and then I asked the girl for hers so she gave it to me. So we are drinking having a fun time and start playing some music on the jukebox. She asks me if I can take her home. I said of course I can. She starts getting a little handsy with me just holding my hand and touching my leg with hers. I do it back. I take her home we snapchat nothing really else happens. I snapchat her and ask her whats shes looking for like relatinship wise. Told her im not about hookup culture. She says eventually a realtionship and tells me about 2 months ago she went through a bad breakup abd wont be ready for a relationship for a while. Next day she mentions she's gonna go back to the bar so she send me a snapchat of her at the bar so I get ready and in 45 minutes or so I go there. Same thing happens  she gets handsy we listen to mysic shes a little drunk. she asks me for a ride to home I give her one. The next day it snowed alot. I offered her a ride to her car and helped her clean off her vehicle. She thanked me atleast 3 times. I said no problem. We keep snapchatting I mention taking her out to dinner and she doesn't say no. I dont actually remember what she said but it wasn't no specifically. About a week goes by we are talking a little I tell her hey let's go out Saturday to the bar. She said maybe. Well she ended up going out. So I was at the bar and she came there to see me this time. So I buy her a couple drinks. We are playing music like the last few times. I notice she can't stop looking at me. I mention it to her. She says shut up. (It's one of her things she says to me) then she lightly punches me in the arm so I dramatically say ow that hurts so she kissed my arm and was feeling it a little not much. But the kissing of the arm is what kind of got me. Because she did it again and then kissed my arm about 6 times that time. Just little kisses. I mentioned to her that i like her. She said she liked me too. I put her number in my phone and she calls me so I have her number. I added her on Facebook. I said i dont her to feel pressured and i want her to feel comfortable and she says i know you do its okay. So it's about 1 am and I take her home. Next day I driver to her car. She's a very dry texted like mostly pictures of her eyes or what she's doing. It's hard to get a conversation out of her. What should I do? Does this chick like me or not? She takes a while to respond alot and no reason is given for the long delay or anything. I also don't ask really. Help!! 

People just out of a bad breakup are often trouble. She sounds flirty but doesn't seem to be showing any more interest than that, it's likely she's just craving a bit of care and attention after the breakup but may not really want more than that. You're getting weird vibes for a reason.

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BreakOnThrough

Back off, it will drive her crazy, she'll show her hand and then you'll have whatever answer you are looking for.

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stillafool
10 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'd lay money she'd drunk and horny and she's bluntly trying her luck with you.   And shy girls don't go getting handsy and kissy

 If you want a hookup, she's an option.  If you want a girlfriend, she's already told you that she's not ready for a relationship.

Of course, I am not suggesting that you sleep with her when she's been drinking.

 

I'm a woman and I agree with the above.  She is  basically just trying to get laid and is wondering why you aren't making a move in that direction.  She isn't shy nor are her actions.  TBH, she doesn't sound very much like girlfriend material, nor is she trying to.

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Alpacalia

Why don't you try reading your own posts to see if there might be a little bit of contradiction, or even some mixed messages?  Because that's what she'll be doing, if she's trying to work out what you want.  And it doesn't look like the two of you have worked out what either wants, never mind each other.

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smackie9

She's trying to build up sexual tension by teasing, being playful because it's fun and she feels desired, likes the chase...your best bet is to be a little aloof and take your time with this. 

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kooltk1

So she's just using me to get over her ex essentially. Look I'm a nice guy open the door for you, ask if your doing okay if you look a little down. So pursue this to the end of getting in her pants?? I don't feel comfortable doing that. I mean I will eventually do something I don't think to that extent

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kooltk1

Also she is not flirty in any other way except for in the bar. Like at all. The closest thing to "flirting" she's done is make a comment about my non girlish figure when I said I was going to workout my girlish figure

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FredEire
7 minutes ago, kooltk1 said:

So she's just using me to get over her ex essentially. Look I'm a nice guy open the door for you, ask if your doing okay if you look a little down. So pursue this to the end of getting in her pants?? I don't feel comfortable doing that. I mean I will eventually do something I don't think to that extent

I think if someone is recently jilted usually the best outcome is a quick thrill, and I agree it seems that's the most she is looking for. A relationship can be affected by her feeling for her ex and her anger at him may eventually be taken out on you.

On the other hand angry sex can be some of the best sex, but yeah not much of a choice I know if you really like this girl and are looking for something more serious with her. The difference in what both of you may want as well may clash and end up putting her off pursuing anything.

So at the end of the day you have to work out what it is you want and act on it.

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kooltk1

I mean I went through a nasty divorce so hate sex maybe the best thing for me as well. I do have a lot of pent up anger. I should just go with it 

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kooltk1

Okay I already told her I wasn't into hookup culture. She never said she wasn't into it just that she wasn't gonna be ready for a relationship for a while. Mind ypu this was after the first night of her being handsy. No dick grabbing. Just holding hands and touching our legs together. Really that's her saying let's f***? Or atleast make a move. What if I get denied?

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basil67

You might tell her that you're not into hookup culture, but that doesn't mean she won't try it on.   If you want to get laid but don't want a knockback, next time she does this, just make one move a step further.  If she's keen, she'll take the next step and you take the step after that and so on.

But given that you're not into hookup culture and she's not ready for a relationship, why even bother?  You could just stop calling her

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Alpacalia

How do you know you want a relationship with her after just meeting her in a bar?

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Alpacalia

Oh. She's coooollllllllll. Well why not go out with her one -on one, not at the bar? She seems pretty open and has a huge crush on you too since she's very handsy like.

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