Guy I'm dating is very cold

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

 it could be that OP’s BF is never jealous simply because he doesn’t care. It’s hard to say what it is exactly in this case. 

Wait...the OP hasn't said that she's behaving inappropriately with other men...so what is there for him to be jealous over?

If I was with a guy who showed his caring by being jealous even though I did nothing wrong, I'd kick him to the kerb

 

Edited March 31, 2024 by basil67

[Gaeta]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Small correction - not all men are wired like that. I, for example, am just the opposite: I need to share what I feel through conversation, I need verbal feedback to stay connected. My best friend is like that, too. My fiancée, on the other hand, prefers to deal with her problems on her own. When she feels bad, she doesn’t want to open up, she just needs silent support. I guess people, in general, are different in that respect.

But, do you share you're deepest feelings with someone you only started dating and their behavior is questionnable?

OP and this guy have not been dating long, they are not in an exclusive relationship, she questions some of his personality traits BUT he should share his deepest feelings to her?

AND please note: When she talks about feelings she never mentions the issue is what he feels for 'her'. She wants to know why he's never mad, impatient, jealous. Why should he be any of those feelings to start with! 

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Wait...the OP hasn't said that she's behaving inappropriately with other men...so what is there for him to be jealous over?

If I was with a guy who showed his caring by being jealous even though I did nothing wrong, I'd kick him to the kerb

 

Of course people have different boundaries here, but I’ve been told that some women find a little bit of jealousy charming. Maybe not even jealousy, but a bit of protective concern, expressed in a light, jocular way. Like, for example, when the GF goes out with friends, the BF might say something like, “You look so attractive and sexy today, be careful when guys start hitting on you!”. Maybe that’s what the OP means, if her BF never displays even the slightest bit of such concern, it could be because he simply doesn’t care.

[Gebidozo]

42 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But, do you share you're deepest feelings with someone you only started dating and their behavior is questionnable?

OP and this guy have not been dating long, they are not in an exclusive relationship, she questions some of his personality traits BUT he should share his deepest feelings to her?

AND please note: When she talks about feelings she never mentions the issue is what he feels for 'her'. She wants to know why he's never mad, impatient, jealous. Why should he be any of those feelings to start with! 

 

Yes, I can definitely see your point as well.

But this “masculinity” thing of his just rubs me the wrong way.

[This is the gayest thing I’ve ever typed, I think]

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

But this “masculinity” thing of his just rubs me the wrong way.

[This is the gayest thing I’ve ever typed, I think]

About what I said? You were right, I should not generalize. I think the younger generations (I'm 58) is better at communicating and sharing.

I think OP and this guy, both have a disorded definition of what is a relationship. The guy told her on their 3rd date he wants to go home and stick it in her..she laughed and said ok, now she wants to talk about feelings.

I don't think we're gonna see her again.

[Romanov]

I'll begin with saying that I know this will get the insecure misandrists and toxic feminists with their victim mentalities riled up here, because they conflate being masculine with forcing women to wash dishes or some other nonsensical extreme. As a result, I'll first define what I actually mean by being "masculine" here. To be masculine means to be purpose-driven, directional, certain, taking action and being grounded. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Being more masculine solves most of men's issues in dating because it goes straight to the root of most issues rather than simply addressing surface-layer aspects such as what to say or do. 

Women are wired to be lead and men are wired to lead for the most part and only some of this is mitigated due to social conditioning and progressive ideas which by the way are only recent relative to the fact of humans being around for the past 300,000 years. Most women do not like to admit this because of the cognitive dissonance society has created as a reaction to all the extreme cases where men have harmed women via rape, violence, etc. But this is not about addressing extremes, because the exception to the rule is not the rule. This is about normal, everyday men leading and taking charge and women being drawn to it. 

To be more masculine, you have to be the one who cares less about the "connecting" part in dating or a relationship. I'm not saying to not care at all, but to have a stronger sense of purpose than the woman you're with. A rough example is where instead of being 40% purpose and 60% connecting like the woman would be, you should be 40% connecting and 60% purpose. By all means, you should care about the woman you're seeing, but if you care to the point of foregoing your purpose or you allow her to dissuade you from it in favor of "being with her", then you're toast. There will be times when you have to risk pissing her off as a result in the short run, but in the long run this will be reciprocated back to you with her perceiving you as the leader. 

Don't listen to anyone tell you otherwise because it's a fairytale because this is how it's been since the beginning of humanity and what has stood the test of time despite all the extreme unhealthy cases. Every single couple that I knew of where the woman was the leader and the guy wasn't taking charge and was being indecisive, has ended and this has been my experience as well in the past, every time. Or things would start out with the guy being the leader but slowly with time, would start to look more and more at the woman to lead and then things got stale and eventually failed altogether. Many women who I've spoke with that have cheated on their man have told me about how they got fed up with coming home from work and still feeling as if they were at work having to make all the decisions. 

The most misleading dating advice for men from women has been advice where women wanted men to be more like them. Understanding, emotional, caring. The ugly truth is that women only enjoy those things from a man when it comes from a masculine, high-status behavior man. It's similar to the meme of a below average-looking man in front of a trailer home vs. the same man in front of a nice house with a nice car. Take a guess in which photo the man would look more attractive in. Anyways, material possessions are just surface layer stuff, they can be lost just as easily as they were gained. What's important is the behavior that led to that success.