SadHatter Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Hi guys, Firstly - Merry Xmas and I wish a really wonderful and happy New Year to everyone! OK, here's the deal... My girlfriend of 10 months CONSTANTLY dumps me...pretty much every single argument we have I get dumped! It then goes on for 2/3 days, stupid games are played, i.e. not answering the phone etc. until she either apologises and promises it will never happen again, or I just apologise because I love her and miss her, sometimes even when I don't feel I was in the wrong. I am six years older than my girlfriend, not sure if that matters, I wouldn't say I am the most mature person in the World, but I can be very sensible and grown up when I need to be. I wouldn't say I am immature immature, but just like to have a laugh and be bubbly. Anyway, today we argued this morning, about trivialities, and she gets in a strop...I am falling out of love with you bla bla bla...same old same old...I said OK then and why is that...she said fed up of the way you treat me...even though everyone I know, including her friends, thinks I treat her really well! In fact, a couple of my mates' girlfriends have said she's really lucky to have me and they wished their bf's were more like me! So I said to her...here we go again, dump me then and she said Oh I already have don't worry about that and then proceeded to storm out of the house! I'm thinking...here we go again and Merry Xmas to you too! Especially at this time of year - you just don't need this do you?! I spent soooooo much money on her for Xmas, got myself in debt and my parents spent a lot on her too - she's been staying at mine the past two nights! I just can't believe the ungratefulness! Why does she dump me every time there's a slight argument? And she seems to be totally fine for up to 3/4 weeks and then this starts again, every time without fail...and she's convinced it is me and not her and that I treat her bad!
bluechocolate Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Why does she dump me every time there's a slight argument? Because she is immature & doesn't know how to talk through an issue. Also, it probably gives her a feeling of power in the relationship, like she's holding all the cards - she dumped you therefore the decision to start again is entirely in her hands. I'm surprised you keep putting up with this behaviour. I would take her at her word & end it - permanently. She's not ready for a serious relationship. 1
Author SadHatter Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 I have told her that it is immature and she just says..."You're immature and hardly one to talk...I am six years younger than you, what do you expect? And I'm fed up of you...I can't help that" Two weeks later she'll tell you, "I love you so much babe" and then two weeks later, "I am falling out of love with you, you drive me mad" You never know where you stand!!
bluechocolate Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 You never know where you stand!! Of course you do. You stand right where you put yourself. This girls does indeed sound immature and controlling - a lethal combination. ..."You're immature and hardly one to talk...I am six years younger than you, what do you expect? And I'm fed up of you...I can't help that" What she has shown you time & time again is that when she is upset over something she'll dump you. She won't work it through or try to talk about it a calm & adult manner. Do you two ever actually go over these arguments? Or is it just that she hauls herself off in a huff then comes back all sweetness & light as if nothing had happened? My guess is the latter. Exactly how old is this girl? She sounds like a stroppy young teenager stamping her feet on the stairs before slamming her bedroom door after wailing that everyone hates her & nobody understands. The ground work has been set. This is how she is going to be - continue at your peril.
Author SadHatter Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 Well, things have gone from bad to worse - although in a way I feel relieved at tonight's affairs. Well following this morning's debacle and subsequent postings on here, I wasn't really in a good mood anyway and was considering finishing this whole thing...and then tonight she rings me and asks me if I would like to go out for a drink and a meal with her and a couple of my friends (my best friend and his girlfriend) so I agree although I am going to talk to her about things at the end of the night...these are friends of mine who don't really like her and always tell me I could do better. So, we go for a pre-meal drink and just before my girlfriend arrives, I am with my best friend and his girlfriend. My best friend's girlfriend has just started a job with my girlfriend's cousin, and she says to me, "I was speaking to your girlfriend's cousin today at work and she said she heard you're a right w****r, so I put her straight about that!" Well, I couldn't believe it. For the last ten months, there have been incident's where my gf has rung me or I have rung her and her mates have shouted at me down the phone and called me all sorts and when I've asked her what the heck is going on, she's said they're just saying the truth. I say no, they're saying things that YOU have told them and it annoys me so much because I think why is she turning her friends and family (cousin) against me? Doesn't she want them to like me? So, I am now annoyed and we're onto the pre-meal drink. I go to the toilet and I am gone about 5 minutes...I come back to the table and my best mate says...where were you?! I said I saw an old friend...he laughs and says you haven't got any friends...but I know he is joking as best friends do..all tongue in cheek...we always take the mickey out of each other like that...she turns around, laughs and says...see he realises what I say...you have no mates - this is something she always jokes about and we've argued a lot over - she is really spiteful and says I have no friends even though I have a good few and they're what I consider true friends. I said at your age I had so many friends - people change as they get older - go to uni, get gf's, have jobs etc - you'll see when you reach my age. I basically now am very annoyed and she starts acting very arrogant..."Oh right...yeah whatever" etc. I said "I am sorry to embarass everyone, I really don't mean to...I've only had a pint so it isn't like I am drunk...I've just had enough...enough of you putting me down, of you saying I am useless, of your friends saying I am a w****r and a c**t - because of things YOU tell them - turning everyone against me, God knows why." I said - I'm sticking up for myself and she said, being very arrogant - "About time" and I really got annoyed now and said, "About time? Who the f**k do you think you are?" and she said..."*her name*" and I said, "Yep that is just about the kind of response I would expect from you...when you're grown up enough for an adult relationship, you'll realise what you had with me...now I am going for a beer with my friends, bye" and she just said, "Whatever" and walked out of the pub. My two friends were really pleased and said they were so proud of me and at last I had stuck up for myself. Earlier today my dad said he was disgusted for saying it but for the first time in his life he was ashamed of me and that hurt me so much...he said he was ashamed that I let a stupid girl, who is 6 years younger and still a teenager, mess me around. So I haven't heard from her for the rest of the night...it has been about 2/3 hours now...was I right? Am I a w****r? Maybe sometimes I am - isn't everyone - but tonight I realised I'd rather have no girlfriend and no friends (as she says) than someone who treats me like s**t just for the sake of saying I have a girlfriend and not being alone!
johan Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 You did the right thing. Don't second-guess yourself on this. I think it's hard when you get in a cycle of trying to earn a girl's love, when she sets you up for a trial over and over. The fact is, she should be trying just as hard to earn yours. You said you did a lot for her for Christmas. What did she do for you? And your dad was right to give you a hard time for it. You put up with it for too long. In fact, that kind of behavior shouldn't be tolerated at all.
bluechocolate Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Listen to your friends & your father & don't waste any more of your time on this girl. Don't even waste time thinking about her.
magda Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Good job on finally getting a clue. You did the right thing. I think you're right - hey, maybe you're a wanker at times, who knows - but that little girl is an imature little wench and you're better off without her in your life.
Author SadHatter Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 I went through a hard time with my ex-girlfriend...we were together for three years and she dumped me for her boss from work (she was 18, he was 32!). My dad said he's so ashamed of me because he was so proud of me for getting through that and for coming out of it with my head held high and with dignity - and now I am letting this girl who is 6 years younger walk all over me. For Xmas? I got her...about 10 dvd's, a £60 necklace, two computer games, a top, a belt...loads of little things too, cost me an arm and a leg...that was without her little brothers and sisters and her parents...does she care? I think not. My dad even said earlier today he had a bet with my mum how long it would take before she started arguing with me again now Xmas has gone...he said today and my mum said tomorrow...he said he is ashamed of me and disgusted that it has happened again as he predicted.
johan Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 For Xmas? I got her...about 10 dvd's, a £60 necklace, two computer games, a top, a belt...loads of little things too, cost me an arm and a leg...that was without her little brothers and sisters and her parents...does she care? I think not. I think you were trying to please her with all your gifts. My dad even said earlier today he had a bet with my mum how long it would take before she started arguing with me again now Xmas has gone...he said today and my mum said tomorrow...he said he is ashamed of me and disgusted that it has happened again as he predicted. Your dad seems awfully critical. Seems like he's had enough of her as well. Maybe he's thinking tough words will give you a lift up. Having my dad say something like that to me would make me feel worthless. On the other hand, there isn't much he can do about how you run your relationships.
Author SadHatter Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 I kinda disagree there mate...my dad is my best friend...and if he says something to me it sticks...he isn't saying it to be nasty or critical, he just says quite simply I can do so much better, that she is stupid and nowhere near on my wavelength, we have nothing in common - and that is besides the way she treats me. Don't get me wrong, I am not a daddy's boy, even though it probably sounds like it. It is just the last relationship that I mentioned, it got quite nasty, and my dad was always there for me and helped me through it all...from going for a beer with me to stop me calling my ex (who really wasn't interested and I see it now) to just being...well a dad. He just wants what is best for me...
dahlia Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Hi there. I totally feel for you. I was with a guy, my ex for 4 yrs. He didn't work, I supported him and in the end he treated me terribly. He was totally indifferent to me, criticized me and would laugh in my face. He walked out two mths ago and moved back in with his parents. I only heard from him once and he basically told me he is working as a bartender, has a girlfriend and many women chasing him and considers me a "friend" This guy devastated me. But what I didn't understand while he was still with me was that he was stringing me along, and when I would call him on it or get sad, he basically taunted me, called me names or ignored me. So when he left, I was even more crushed to realize that all the things I hoped were not true about him were. But my point here is that I, too, have a very close relationship with my father. He tells me, "why would you put up with a guy like that? You are beautiful, educated and everything that any man would want, and you for some reason want someone that treats you terribly and laughs in your face" And I think his words hit me the hardest. He didn't say this to criticize me, but he wants me to realize that life doesn't last forever and that I need to start caring about myself. Find someone who appreciates us and loves us and helps us. I never got a present from my ex for two yrs of the four that we were together. I just accepted all of that b/c I loved him. When my Dad said that I deserved more it just made me feel sad that I didn't obviously feel that I was good enough for that. My ex, who told me he has a new girlfriend and a job and plenty of money now, I'm sure is spending it on his new woman. That also reinforces that I meant nothing to him. So, after two mths, I suppose I am finally seeing that light that everyone else did. It doesn't mean that I don't cry everyday, b/c I do, but it means that I know I deserve better and that I feel sad that the old me didn't think she was worth more.
Author SadHatter Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Like you say..you deserve better - and so do I - we all do. I just wished I saw this before. I guess I did, I don't know why it took me until now to act - fear of being alone, insecurity over the way my last relationship broke up? I don't know. I just know I hate the fact she's made me feel so small and worthless...I know I am not a bad person. Thanks for listening to my story and good on you for moving on - you'll be so much happier in the long run.
Author SadHatter Posted December 30, 2005 Author Posted December 30, 2005 Well it's been two days now since we broke up... I received a call from her today - this morning - asking me to meet her to collect some things of mine that she had and so I could also get some money she owed me. So I met her, got the stuff, was only there for about 20 seconds, she just gave me the stuff and said, "Thanks...see you later" and off she went. I have to admit I am pretty surprised I haven't heard anything else from her. Usually by now she's ringing/texting me saying she misses me etc. Maybe this time she actually thinks it should be left and wants to leave it. Who knows? Tomorrow night will be strange though, New Years Eve and we'd planned to go out together - I still plan on going to the pub we were going to. Will be weird with her not being there and knowing she's out somewhere probably pulling people maybe doing even more! :confused:
greyhound Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Hi Sad Hatter. Just a passing thought. Can you go someplace else tonight rather than where you planned to go with the girlfriend?? it sounds like it could get quite dramatic? Perhpas you should go out on your own or with a couple of friends and just "party hearty". I too am facing the loss of a great love this New Years Eve which was always a very special night for us. I am going out with my brother, lol, to a place where i have only really been once and am planning on having a hell of a time. I wish you luck with the night and hope it works out. I guess i am trying to get you to do the unexpected. Giving you your "stuff" back has a sense of "finality" to it. Maybe you should take her up on her statement.
clandestinidad Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Well, I'm really sorry that she's hurting you like this. She sounds pretty evil and very mean-spirited. I am curious how old she is IMO, she reached a point where she no longer simply felt in control and better than you....she instead transformed into a god who was sick of associating with the lowly pathetic followers....in HER eyes of course. Before, she was content running you around, coming and going as she pleased, getting what she wanted from you. Then she decided that it wasnt any fun anymore, and got more enjoyment ripping you apart and running you into the ground. She enjoyed that for a short time, and now she views you as a tiny speck under her god-sized foot....to crush and walk away from without glancing back. She is an AWFUL person!! But dont worry, I am confident, as you should be too, that it WILL come back to her magnified Dont fret....you are the one who has a conscience, values/morals, and will be happy and do well in life. She on the other hand, will run herself into the ground....with no one there to care
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