askingquestions Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 I've been seeing my podiatrist for a number of years for issues related to damage to my feet from years of dancing. He moved to the other side of town a couple of years ago, and I travel about half an hour to his rooms. I'm 33, he's 50. I like him as a person, and we get along exceptionally well, but I've never really considered him romantically. We have great banter. He is quite handsome. There are a few things he has said recently that have made me think he may be interested in me, but I may be reading too much in to it. He is married, but very rarely talks about his wife. He has two kids in their late teens. In our most recent appointment, he asked where I lived, and if I lived alone. In another appointment I also felt that he was trying to scope out my relationship status. He also told me about his friends, where the husband had recently cheated on his wife, and this had consequently put him in a difficult position. I can't remember what I said, but he essentially said that he thought it was somewhat justified because his friend bankrolls his wife. He wasn't too concerned because he said his wife will easily find another husband. He once recommended that I bathe my feet in salt each night, and I mistakenly responded with something that was to the effect of "I can't always do that because sometimes I'm sleeping with someone else". He raised his eyebrows in a very suggestive way towards me. I felt a bit uncomfortable and I ignored it. He also playfully teases me a lot, but it's not mean, just for fun. For example, I'm a psychologist, and when we're chatting he'll interject with something like, "that's exactly what a psychologist would say!" I also went to a wedding recently and showed him a photo, and he said, "wow, is that you?", and then raised his eyebrows and made a suggestive face. I'm interested in everyone's opinion and how I should move forward. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author askingquestions Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 I've been seeing my podiatrist for a number of years for issues related to damage to my feet from years of dancing. He moved to the other side of town a couple of years ago, and I travel about half an hour to his rooms. I'm 33, he's 50. I like him as a person, and we get along exceptionally well, but I've never really considered him romantically. We have great banter. He is quite handsome. But he's married. There are a few things he has said recently that have made me think he may be interested in me, but I may be reading too much in to it. He is married, but very rarely talks about his wife. He has two kids in their late teens. In our most recent appointment, he asked where I lived, and if I lived alone. In another appointment I also felt that he was trying to scope out my relationship status. He also told me about his friends, where the husband had recently cheated on his wife, and this had consequently put him in a difficult position. I can't remember what I said, but he essentially said that he thought it was somewhat justified because his friend bankrolls his wife. He wasn't too concerned because he said his wife will easily find another husband. He once recommended that I bathe my feet in salt each night, and I mistakenly responded with something that was to the effect of "I can't always do that because sometimes I'm sleeping with someone else". He raised his eyebrows in a very suggestive way towards me. I felt a bit uncomfortable and I ignored it. He also playfully teases me a lot, but it's not mean, just for fun. For example, I'm a psychologist, and when we're chatting he'll interject with something like, "that's exactly what a psychologist would say!" I also went to a wedding recently and showed him a photo, and he said, "wow, is that you?", and then raised his eyebrows and made a suggestive face. I'm interested in everyone's opinion and how I should move forward. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
denwickdroylsden Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 I suspect he's a player who has hooks in the water all the time and is smart enough to play the long game with prospects like yourself. He's just waiting for you to come forward a little more and when you do. . . . 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 He's your married doctor & you are his patient. He may be flirting but it would be inappropriate on many levels for him to pursue anything with you. If you like unethical men by all means pursue an affair with married man so you can be his sidepiece while he's facing loss of his medical license & spending time on the unemployment line. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 It seems like you have a crush on him and want him to be interested. But he's not going to risk his profession or marriage for you. What you describe sounds like friendly banter. Please get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to local single interested men. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 I know 3 married Podiatrists. All 3 of their wives have beautiful feet . Do you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 12 hours ago, askingquestions said: how I should move forward. You shouldn't. He is married. End of. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 14 hours ago, askingquestions said: I'm a psychologist If you had a client who came into your office and shared a similar story, what would you advise this woman? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Why are you even asking this question? What benefit would you get out of "moving forward" in any way whatsoever? Unless you are actively looking for a path towards wrecking your life and losing all of your self respect? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author askingquestions Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 I'm not asking for permission to move forward with an affair. It's more that I need to know whether he interested because if he is, I may need to consider a new doc. This reminds of when a married 50-year-old accountant offered to do my tax return for free if I slept with him. It was tempting because I was struggling financially, but his wife was his secretary and it felt wrong. I also wasn't attracted to him. What made that situation easier was that he asked me explicitly. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 If all he’s doing are occasional playful remarks and a few slightly personal questions, if he hasn’t made you feel uncomfortable with the way he talks or touches you, why do you want to know whether he has interest or not? Suppose he has; if he behaves correctly and keeps his emotions at bay, what does it matter? You aren’t going to pursue anything with him, are you? He might just like you in a fatherly fashion, maybe he appreciates your beauty, likes you as a person without having any sexual interest in you. Not all older men lust after all younger women. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author askingquestions Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 I'll be honest - I am attracted to him, so there would probably be some satisfaction in knowing that he is attracted to me as well. But I couldn't sleep with him, because he's married. I do hope he doesn't like me in a fatherly fashion. That would be embarrassing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 So, this is mostly to satisfy your own ego. I would reflect on why his potential attraction to you is important. Are you lonely? Not having much luck with dating? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author askingquestions Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 Lol, that is true. Yep, I'm lonely. I have been on 40+ dates from the apps and have over 2500 matches who have swiped right, but nothing ever leads anywhere meaningful. Most guys are just looking for sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author askingquestions Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 To qualify, I would be interested in dating him if he were single. His age doesn't bother me - we get along really well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 4 hours ago, askingquestions said: It's more that I need to know whether he interested because if he is, I may need to consider a new doc. I doubt he’s interested, but he probably finds you attractive. This is a harmless crush you have and it will go away when you find someone suitable to start dating. If you find yourself “obsessing” over him, then yes sure get a new doctor. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: I doubt he’s interested, but he probably finds you attractive. This is a harmless crush you have and it will go away when you find someone suitable to start dating. If you find yourself “obsessing” over him, then yes sure get a new doctor. He obviously LIKES you and enjoys the idle banter with you and that is just his playful personality. I guess time will tell if it is anything more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Use those feet and walk away from this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 5 hours ago, askingquestions said: Lol, that is true. Yep, I'm lonely. I have been on 40+ dates from the apps and have over 2500 matches who have swiped right, but nothing ever leads anywhere meaningful. Most guys are just looking for sex. Don't let your loneliness lead you into an affair with a married man. That is not the way to go because you'll be in more pain that you've ever experienced in your life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Definitely get a new doctor. It's not because he may or may not be flirting with you - but because you are bothering to think about it and you are engaging in all this nonsense. If you had your boundaries in order this would not even be a topic for you. Whether he is "interested" in banging you or not, you would make your decision about whether this is a good situation for you to continue based on YOUR OWN experience and feelings about what is happening. Obviously from what you've written here, you are vulnerable and spending a lot of your time musing about what every gesture and move this podiatrist makes might possibly indicate. That is not a good space to be. Foot doctors are a dime a dozen so get a different one who has a professional demeanor. You don't need to be translating whether your married doctor is "interested." That's not a professional relationship. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 You know what to do.. get close to him and see what he does ? If he’s interested he would make move Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 11 hours ago, askingquestions said: It's more that I need to know whether he interested because if he is, I may need to consider a new doc. I don’t think that anyone but the man himself can tell you what his intentions are. If this is the reason for your post, in hindsight you could have stated that more clearly. Your initial post very much implied that you were wondering whether he was interested because you were possibly interested… Felt very much like you were laying the groundwork to justify the decision to have an affair worth this man. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 As a therapist, you know about transference and developing a crush on a nurturing figure. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 (edited) 10 hours ago, askingquestions said: To qualify, I would be interested in dating him if he were single. His age doesn't bother me - we get along really well. The fact that he’s married and flirting with a patient doesn’t turn you off the idea of possibly dating the man - if he was single? I mean, those are two boundaries that he doesn’t seem to show much respect for - right? Edited March 26 by BaileyB 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Not sure why you wouldn't just enjoy the flirting, such as it is, and be prepared to rebuff any serious advances since you're not interested in an affair. If you don't trust yourself to do that effectively, then I guess a stronger "boundary" would be to get a new podiatrist. However unless you expect him to suddenly try to kiss you or something similar, it honestly seems like overkill. Sometimes it's nice to have a doctor you actually like. (I've encountered some wierdo doctors and (just a few) literal crooks where I am.) Many, many people "flirt socially" so there is no way to effectively tell if he's "actually" interested. Also, your level of reciprocation in his interest/flirting is likely to be an effective tool in establishing the level of "interest" he should have on his side. With intelligent and socially skilled men, a bit of cold shoulder can work wonders when it comes to shutting down that sort of thing... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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