Mindblow397 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Hi everyone I’m kind of confused it’s nothing serious but I want your guys opinion here. Few hours ago I met a girl on a dating app I will write the exact same conversation what we discussed and I’m not sure why she thought like that. Me: Hey xyz (I won’t write her name here so I will write xyz) Me: How are you Xyz: Hi I am good How are you Me : I’m great dear just done with my iftar how about you what about you Xyz: Great!!! Same here Just had dinner Me That sounds amazing dear so tell me about your self , your life hobbies etc Xyz Sure I am living in Melbourne from last 8 years I work on healthcare services management I love cooking swimming reading books outings How about you Me: That’s nice 🙂 yes I saw your on profile what actually you do in the health care industry I work for a company and I’m also studying my masters degree in cyber security I live in Sydney besides that I do a lot of side hustle My hobbies are mostly astrophotography and aerial imaging, I use to dj but due to life commitments I hardly get time What type of books you read fiction or non fiction And what’s your horoscope Xyz Great!!! Well i work in as healthcare services manager… Both Sagittariu Me: That’s nice What’s your routine How do you start your day Xyz Currently I am on bed rest, I had an horrible accident 3 weeks ago and got 2 surgeries done so just on rest and not working Usually I work 8:30am to 4:30pm Me: I’m so sorry to hear that dear I really hope you feel better soon How it happened Xyz : Long story it was mishap at park and my whole face got fractured Xyz: Hows your Ramzaan going on Are you fasting Me: Oh my dear you will be alright soon just try rest as much as Xyz: I know i iwll be alright Me: Yes I’m fasting just finished my Sahri few moments ago how about you dear Xyz: But you looks like a emotionless person by the way of your talking and Not interested in communicating with you I hate men like you Materialistic Me: What Xyz: Very insensitive person This was the whole conversation than she unmatched me I’m not sure what did I done wrong here Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 You do know that dating apps are full of weirdos and she won't be the last you come across. I suggest you drop the 'dear'. You said nothing wrong 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 (edited) Yeah nothing really to get too worked up about. People communicate with all kinds of interest levels. It is normal to stop talking after a few messages. With that said your communication style does seem slightly creepy. You do probably need to stop calling them 'dear'. Just talk normally with them. Flirting is fine but it's better to do it in a way that would put a smile on their face than calling them 'dear' would. Edited March 24 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 (edited) Make a conversation feel as natural as possible. Don't make it seem like you are reading what to say from an online dating instruction manual. Edited March 24 by Sony12 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 (edited) Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone wants to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. Edited March 24 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone what's to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. A lot of times asking people to meet within the first couple messages can be just as much of a turnoff. Best to build a little bit of a repore with them first and then see if they are willing to exchange numbers. And if the phone conversation goes well then it's good to ask for a meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 That was painful to read, with neither of you having any interest in what the other was saying. Complete lack of conversational skills. When you ask a question and they answer, you should then ask a follow up question on something which you want to hear more about. And yes, this advice is for both of you. And definitely stop using the word Dear. It’s patronising 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 I felt like I was reading a manuscript with you referencing the leading lady as a 75 year old grandma (i.e. "dear"). You don't have to be William Shakespeare with your choice of words but this was rather robotic and a bit patriarchal and it rubbed her the wrong way. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 She tells you her face got smashed in and you start talking about Ramadan? Yeah kind of obtuse and insensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 I think her telling you about her smashed face was your cue to cut the conversation short/ not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 I agree that you overused the word "dear." Stop that. Wait until you meet somebody before you use terms of affection. All in all, her response was crass & uncalled for. She sounds unstable. I don't see anything materialistic about anything you said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindblow397 Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 Thank you guys for sharing your thoughts. Actually I didn’t write dear in terms of flirting, I write it in my daily life to all my friends and colleagues male and female but I never faced any kind of wrong impression. But anyway I’ll keep this in mind and some one said she told me about her accident which I responded and than when she asked about Ramadan I replied her about it. Anyway:) thank you guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindblow397 Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Rather than all this pointless chitchat and condescending "dear' stuff, try to establish if someone wants to meet. It seems like she lost interest in the conversation and viewed you as a timewaster. It looks desperate to ask them to meet on initial stage as I only started conversation and it ended Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 The only time you'd get away with "dear" is if you're a very old lady who's talking to a young woman 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 (edited) OP, is English your first language? I ask because in the local tongue where I live, calling someone "dear" in general conversation is not at all unusual. It sounds strage when translated into English, but in the local language it's not. There might simply be something lost in translation here if our OP isn't a mother-tongue speaker. Edited March 25 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 4 hours ago, Mindblow397 said: It looks desperate to ask them to meet on initial stage as I only started conversation and it ended It's not desperate but I personally would not meet up with a man within 2 minutes of starting conversing. Need a bit of rapport before jumping into a meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 (edited) Too many interview questions. Way too much. You sound like a bot. You say "amazing" after she tells you she just had dinner. Amazing? Really. She tells you of a painful accident and you quickly change to "you'll feel better." That's nonsense. It's NOT helpful to tell someone you don't know and whose condition you don't know or understand, that they will feel better. In real life, people suffer real injuries that do not easily heal. You want to say something, "so sorry. That must be so hard to not be mobile." Something like that. A mother tells a child who scraped their knee that they will feel better (and that's true). Adults don't tell stranger adults they will feel better after the stranger says they've undergone two surgeries and cannot work. Doing so actually makes them feel worse. Go out and meet the person. This conversation (even if she hadn't cut it) is a waste of time. OP, I'm imagining you're shy. Show this conversation to a woman (a sister or aunt) that you know. And ask them to comment on it. Edited March 25 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 Too many disconnected questions makes you sound like a robot or an interviewer. You ask ONE leading question, then follow up questions. You don't just jump to different topics without paying any real regard to her answers. Especially regarding what sounds like an extremely serious accident. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 As others have said the whole thing is just a bit weird. Too many interview style questions not enough personality. On her end telling you straight away about a serious accident and then suddenly losing the plot with you is seriously odd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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