gordon_gc Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Am i doing the right thing ? Isn't it the question everyone keep asking him/herself around this forum ? That is the question I am asking myself at the moment. Let's keep story short: - I have been w/ a girl for 13 months. - She broke up 1 1/2 months ago because she neeeded space, felt suffocated. - For a month after we broke up, I kept contact with her, did a lot of mistakes, said a lots of silly things to try to get her back. - Last 10 days, I decided to shut down all communication and apply strict NC. - During that time, she tried to contact me 8 times. - For Xmas, I got in touch with her again to send my wishes. She replied back pretty much instantly. - 24h later (last night), she called me 3 times. This time, I answered. We talked for half an hour about random stuffs. What we have done, How we have been, work, sport. Nothing about our relationship or anything frustrating. She told me her work isn't that great but at least, she is safe there. She told me she is sad and felt apaprt from a lot of things regarding her friends. Indeed, her best friend is moving down to Sydney in 3 weeks time. She also told me she feels like she is different from all the other friends she has (In some way, she feels lonely). She also told me she had to make a decision about what she would do with her apartment...probably moving in with a random since her best friend is going away. She also have a friend she could go with but her friend is into drugs too much and she doesn't want to get involved with this. My point is, I know, she, in some ways, feels lonely and will feel even more lonely. In any ways, I do not want to be the spare wheels from which she will get a social support until she is building a new network of friends. But I also know that she will be in a weak position and most importantly a time of change in which I have my chance to show what I am now and what we can be. Moving in together? I would consider it even though I know it would be going really fast. What do you think I should do ? Do some more NC and risk her to find the affection she will need somewhere else ? Or stick around for a bit by staying in touch ? I know she is not a bad person. She is just one of these girls who thought she could proove to herself she can be independant. (I know she is, she didin't need to proove it to me). She wanted to live the big life but now realise the big life doesn't really worth it.
ciara12step Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 i know how u feel about if u keep NC on too long , youre afraid they'll go to someone else .. i mean , seriously what can we do if they go to someone else ? nothin much really .. as u hear on this board, NC is a way to heal yourself and not try to get someone back .. but hey u never know .. i would just try to limit the communication to a minimum .. NC is always best .. but it is soooooooo difficult .. i cant even go a day and a half without contact .. crazy huh ? NC tho, is the slightest chance u got .. i wish we can all snap our fingers and our Significant others, would just come to us .. ahh in a fantasy world . 1
bluechocolate Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 She needs space, then give it to her. No doubt she knows how you feel. By continuing contact with you & not addressing wether she wants to rekindle the relationship I think she is being selfish & uncaring about YOUR feelings. Tell her once more that what you want is to start again. One day you may be able to be just friends, but not now. Tell her that you don't want to hear from her just for a chit-chat - you'll initiate the just friends chit-chat talk when YOU'RE ready to do so. In the meantime get on with your life as if you're single.
Author gordon_gc Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Ok, let's take one for the team !!!! I might be wrong and I might be doing the worst mistake ever but I gonna get into a real life experience and test the effect of contacting and flirting with her. We will see how things go !!! Alright, you guys already know she called. The next day, she texted me about some flowers she saw in a park that reminded her our trip to France. I played it easy and told her to send me a picture of it and a random question about the flower. 1h later, she replied but totally unexpected, she sent me a picture of her and her friend with a lame flirty text "look at these flowers, arent they more beautiful?". I haven't replied yet but intend to do so today. I told you guys, I gonna flirt, probably crash and burn. My intention is to reconnect to an emotional level (girls work that way). I believe that love she lost can still be found if I manage to reconnect that emotional level...no hassle, no boyfriend trying to give advices (we love to do that). Allow her to dream, to desire an emotional reconnection. I will give her the power, the space she needs and wants. I'll take the control. I am actually trying to have a state of mind in which I think she is the one chasing me and not me. I am staying strong. It makes things easier for me... Am i doing a mistake ??? Probably ? Probably not ? At least, my experience might help others.
Author gordon_gc Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 By the way, I heard someone saying to me something quite extreme that is supposed to help. Whatever the LOVE you might have for someone, the best thing to do is to have sex with 10 new women and then look back at the girl again and see if you love her still. I don't agree with the concept of having sex but a more interesting concept to apply is to try to meet 10 new girls, chat with them, enjoy the time with them. Do not compare, just take them for what they are. After meeting these 10 girls, look back at your girl. By this time, you might be ready to move on or at least, you will have gain your confidence back !!!
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